Digirat - :OD

ND things i’m really hoping other people can relate to

“you touched my arm and now i have to cut it off”

“i blinked wrong. i have to do it again. again. again. again. again. okay that’s better.”

“sorry i didn’t quite catch that. sorry could you just- yeah. what? huh? no i didn’t get that- could you just write it down?”

directions just go in one ear and out the other

and god forbid i have to talk to anyone with an accent

“i didn’t listen to that song right. i have to do it again. again. again. again. again. okay, better.”

the r a g e when your plan/routine gets disrupted

“oh that leaf brushed my left hand? okay cool now i gotta brush it against my right hand in exactly the same way or else i’ll Die”

“this has to be symmetrical or i will gouge my eyes out because it feels BAD”

the exhaustion that sometimes follows talking about a special interest

getting overwhelmed talking about/interacting with your special interest

“what emotion is this?”

“this is the only song i can listen to and it brings me a genuine feeling of relief/release to hear it. i must loop it over and over until i suddenly hate it. i don’t know why.”

randomly finding yourself thinking/talking like a robot and having to consciously switch on emotions/empathy

or the other way around, if you get overwhelmed

“loud noises are fucking terrifying and i will cry if i get caught off guard by one”

“someone i don’t like/trust/know touched this thing and now i can’t until it’s been washed”

p a i n

where is the pain coming from? idk.

what’s itching??? where is that???

“wow that hurt! okay, i gotta do it again”

feel free to add on!!

Thinking about… wooden wiggly snake

Hiya :) you're valid if you still partially identify as human. You can like drinking a perfect coffee while also like running free through an open field. Human things are enjoyable just as animal things are enjoyable! :)

looking back on my childhood there are so many things that make so much sense from a nonhuman perspective. I have horrible memory, but I do know that I was absolutely convinced that I was adopted growing up. I never felt like I was a true part of the family that I belonged to. I never felt a sense of community with people.

now it’s obvious that this feeling arose from the fact that I’m not human, and that I am a changeling. I belong to another realm of existence.

there also comes my obsession with all things fantasy and fairy tales. One of the first books I ever got for myself was a huge collection of the grimms’ fairy tales. I especially loved animal stories. I identified with them so much, and it’s no wonder why.

there are a lot more examples of my behaviors being very off putting to humans, but I’m mainly focusing on my internal feelings in this post.

anyway I’m curious if any other nonhumans have had similar realizations about their childhoods.

relationships are so weird sometimes cause like, my friends were discussing how girls are hot and im just over here like “anyone wanna hear me recite stay calm from memory?”

I have bouts where I am semi-verbal. I've seen lots of people talk about how when you become semi/non-verbal, it's painful to talk. I don't experience pain with it though.

When I become less verbal, my lips feel like they're glued together. It's not in a scary way either. It's either in a heavy way, where it feels like it takes a great amount of force to open my mouth and say something, or it's in a peaceful/natural way, where I simply don't feel the need to talk anymore.

Usually, I also become less emotive too. I am usually super expressive, but it becomes like my entire face has been drained of the energy it needs to move as much. Most of the time, I can answer very basic responses such as one word answers, or small phrases that don't require thought (i.e. I don't know)

Sometimes I become semi-verbal when I become too overwhelmed. Other times, I become semi-verbal because I've been alone too long, I'm recharging, I'm deep inside my own head, or I've been hyperfocused on something.

What does it feel like for other people who become semi/non-verbal?

The appearance outwardly of my physical body is an illusion. I wish the fur, wings, fangs and whatnot could actually be seen. It's there, but the illusion, the veil, the glamour..

I think this is so interesting and now I really wanna hear more about the ways different people interact with animals. ​I have many pets and have always been a very animal-obsessed person so I wanted to add some thoughts.

Personally, I’ve have found that the neurodivergent people I know (myself included) tend to personify animals much more than is usual. For example, when I get a new animal it takes me a while to “become friends” with them. (Which is basically just us getting to know each other/getting into a routine.) But everyone I’ve met has always been very confused by that.

Another weird thing is I’m not super empathetic towards people, but with animals I’m hyperempathetic. And I’ve seen tons of other neurodivergent people express this online! It’s such a strange thing I love it!

the cool thing about working with animals is that I have one singular neurotypical colleague (as far as I know). and it’s become super obvious to me that the way autistic people relate to animals is fundamentally different to how allistics relate to animals. and the way people with ADHD relate to animals is fundamentally different to those without. 

(only one of my colleagues has Tourette’s and only two of us have OCD, so I don’t think that’s enough to make any grand sweeping statements). 

anyway. a real interaction between two of my colleagues today.

ADHD: Maggie won’t stop barking at me. I think she’s upset.

autistic: let me go talk to her. I can fix this. 

and that’s not uncommon? my autistic colleagues and I seem to talk to the animals to a much greater extent than anyone else. my ADHD colleagues and I seem to be the best at associating the correct name and breed and dietary requirements to the correct dog, which is weird, because I can’t do the same when it comes to humans.

I know that most people communicate with their animals but… it’s different in a way I can’t quite explain. the communication and connection seems so much deeper… I don’t know, it’s just wonderful. also, the fact that so many ND people work with me… that alone… indicates something. 

All would be well in the world if I just had my tail…

rats driving little rat cars