Latest Posts by distinguishedsaladphantom - Page 5

Ok but like husband Katsuki and y/n with kids. Story can be whatever you want, but GOD I just need this

hhhhheeeyyyyyy i got dadsuki papagou on lockdown for u

a part of me // katsuki bakugou

In my history class, we were debating about breast feeding and all the boys were like “ew gross women should go in the bathroom or not do that in public” and I never talk in that class, but I felt compelled to input my opinion so I said “men think the display of a woman’s body is good until it’s no longer for their pleasure” and everyone just shut their mouths and looked at me

I’ve never seen so many boys open their mouth to defend themselves and have nothing come out in my life.

Southern MC and their cast iron skillet -

MC standing over the kitchen sink with their hands clenching the edge of the counter: BOYS!

The boys come running, recognizing MC's angry voice.

Lucifer: What is it this time, MC?

MC, taking a deep breath through their nose before speaking: Which one a y'all dumber than dirt idiots did this?

The boys are silent, so MC reaches into the dirty water, pulls out their now rusted iron skillet, and turns toward them, pointing it at them with a scowl written on their face.

MC: Now, I ain't stupid. It wasn't me, so dont even try to go that route. I left each and every one a y'all a simple list of instructions on how to care for this here skillet before I left to purgatory hall for the weekend. So I'll ask again... who did it? If I dont get an answer, all y'all are gone deal with the consequences.

Belphie: Is this really such a big deal? It's just a skillet.

MC glares at him: It is a big deal. Do you understand how a cast IRON skillet is maintained? Obviously, none a y'all do. Ya can't treat it like a regular skillet. You can't soak it overnight 'cause it will RUST 'CAUSE ITS MADE OF IRON! It's a tedious task to scrub all the rust off and reseason it, and even then, it takes a while for the damned thing to become seasoned to my liking! Which one of ya did it?! I won't ask again.

They remained silent, as always joining forces at the worst of times.

MC: Fine! Since all y'all wanna stand there like the lights are on but ain't no one home, I reckon I'll have to take this into my own hands. *They activated all of the boys pacts* Sit!

The boys do as they are told, their pact marks burning brightly at the command, as MC pulls out their DDD and calls a certain demon butler.

Barbatos answers, a knowing tone in his voice: MC, what can I do for you?

MC: Barb, darlin', could you be a dear and bring as many cast iron skillets as you can to the House of Lamentation? The boys need a lesson on how to care for 'em, and I intend for them to remember it well. I'll come to the castle and make you and Diavolo a pie for the inconvenience.

Barbatos chuckles: It would be my pleasure.

MC: Thank you, darlin'. See ya soon.

MC ends the call and turns her attention back to the boys: Now, when Bard gets here, y'all are going to wash the skillets, dry them with a dish towel, heat them on the stove, grease them, and set them aside to cool. When I return from Dia's, I am going to check every last one of 'em, and if they ain't done right, you'll do 'em again, ya hear?

They all nodded, some of them wore scowls on their face, while others looked sullen for being scolded.

Barbatos arrived soon after with so many skillets that it was comical, like he was prepared for this to happen. It was obvious he was far too entertained by this turn of events. The look on the brothers' faces at the sheer amount was hilarious.

When MC left with the Butler, bringing their iron skillet with them to clean it in peace, it didn't take long for the boys to turn on each other and an all-out war to take place.

When MC returned some hours later with a couple dozen pies and their renewed skillet, they found the boys scattered about looking worn out along with the damage they had done during their arguing. Mc almost felt bad for them. They had, however, finished all the skillets to perfection.

They all learned a lesson they would never forget.

You don't fuck with a southerners cast iron skillet.

MC has been forced to wear a costume for one of Diavolo's events -

Mephistopheles, mocking them: Nice outfit, does it come in mens?

MC, who is so done, with an rbf: Oh, I think you come in men enough for all of us.

Everyone else:

*Mc minding their business and eating a popsicle*

Random Demon: Ay yo, baby, what that mouth do?

Mc, chuckles: Its about to hurt your fucking feelings if you dont back it up bitch.

Solomon: Are you okay?

MC: My body's check engine light has been on since i was 14. Please dont ask me that.

reading posts about snake husbandry got me thinking about demon husbandry... there's got to be a whole category of beauty and healthcare in the devildom in relation to their demon forms, right? quick-fire ideas

lotions designed for those body markings some of them have (e.g. lucifer's forehead diamond) to keep them looking bold

horn polish to keep them shiny and beautiful

varying softnesses of brushes or cloth for horn polishing, depending on preference (there is discourse as to whether brushes are too harsh for your horns and will actually strip them of their protective layer)

physical therapy designed for demons whose wings aren't shaped super well for flight

category of haute couture where designers make clothes where the holes for wings/tails/horns are integral to the whole design

whole category of fashion where the point is to put the demonic features in the spotlight and emphasise their beauty!!!!

spas that specialise in demons with scaly wings/tails, where they can take a nice soak to make the shed easier

different categories of scrubs, creams, etc. for wings and tails split into categories like "scaly type" "leathery type" (demons argue over how important it is to use your exact right type)

certain demons' wings need more care than others (e.g. diavolo's big leathery ones need a regular buff, while beel's fly wings are delicate enough that trying harsh cleaning methods would just damage them)

...demon horn care could be a little bit like horse hoof care

demons with feathered features moult at certain intervals and they get super crabby because of the pins

Jeff the killer general smut headcanons:

Jeff is definitely into knife play. I mean... I firmly believe that he would carve some stupid drawings on his act partner.

He's into bondage. Jeff tries to convince at least himself that he's strong enough and he's in control, due to the fact of his physical weakness and megalomania.

Jeff's also into self harm! Killer will fuck the brains out of himself until he'll shot blanks and have a biggest headache.

He has some bugs in his asshole. Due to being scared of Jane getting to him at night, he oftentimes sleeps outside the Slendermansion, wandering around.

Due to being generally unhygienic, as part of self-harm, he scratches his ulcers frequently and openly and likes them scratched by an act partner as well, especially if they're trying to fight him away.

He's also a junkie, and that makes his urge to scratch even more.

Jeff is a KILLER after all, so i guess his into a little chase, but because of his control complex he never goes to far. He already had a "bad" experience, his pray got away and he had to migrate. That was a lot of pain in his ass and Jeff's also lazy so he made a word for himself to control his "inner animalistic nature".

He likes to get high during or after the act, and it can cause him to do werider crap. For example, Jeff is hungry often, since he hasn't much money due to being an addict, so he might start to bite the act partner.

For Jeff, if there's a hole there's a goal: he doesn't have a preference for a partner's gender. However, keeping his past with male bullies in mind, he will probably be much more violent with male victims.

Hey, I've been reading your post for a while now andi absolutely love them. Before I got into OM I was already a big D&D person and love fantesty-romance novels. Although, that's besides the point. I was genuinely scared to ask this until I saw your headcanons, there so wholesome<3

But I was wondering if you could do a brothers + the others react to MC getting there period? I was planning on doing it on my own page but I'm a bit scared to publish my own stuff. Although, thank you if you do.

-H.M

Yeah, sure! As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I love writing all the comfort and fluff prompts. It’s like catnip to me lmao

This is gonna be pretty long, so I’m only gonna do the brothers.

Thanks for requesting!! I hope you like it :)

_______

MC is on their period

_______

You’ve been living in the House of Lamentation for a while now. You are, at this point, thoroughly and inextricably part of the family.

As a member of their family, your demons have no problem with helping you out. They can’t help but fawn over you a bit, as well—this wasn’t a familiar problem to them before meeting you, as none of them menstruate. Plus, any human condition of yours that highlights vulnerability and pain on your part makes them all get a tad protective.

In any case, they make sure to be helpful!

_______

Lucifer: responsibility -> rest

With your permission, Lucifer notes your cycle on the calendar he keeps on the kitchen wall. Tactfully, of course. It’s just a little red X in the corner of the box that marks the day you start until the day it ends. It ensures no one in the house forgets to be extra nice to you on those days. Plus, it serves as a way to remind you, in case it sneaks up on you.

In the week leading up to it, he checks up on your stock of human world products (and devildom ones too) for it. Painkillers, chocolate, tea, hygiene products, a heating pad, everything. If you’re running low, he will either take you to get more or take care of it himself, depending on how you’re feeling.

If you’re irregular, he takes extra care with tracking your cycle. Having records is important!

He takes you off the chore rotation while you’re bleeding. He wants you to rest. He will not make you expend your energy on chores while you’re in pain.

If you WANT to take some chores though, he understands and will let you, as long as you don’t make yourself suffer unnecessarily. He understands that some people cope worse with stress, illness, and/or pain when their routine is interrupted and they have no task to distract themself with. He would know! He’s one of them! So if you are too, he won’t force you to give up your tasks.

He does very strictly instruct you not to push yourself, however. You are to let him know immediately if you need to stop, so he or one of his brothers can help you out.

If you want somewhere quiet to hide, he’s got you. His study is a great spot for that! He won’t let anyone else in.

His room is another great spot for that, if you want a softer surface and dimmer lighting. You’re allowed to be in there without him if that ends up working out best (and he hopes you understand the level of trust in you he’s displaying by allowing that), but he has no problem with bringing his work out of the study and into his room if you want his company.

If he’s not on a time crunch, he won’t bother bringing any work with him though. Unless he has reason to expect you to feel guilty for taking up his time, in which case he will bring some and finish it in the room with you and then tell you he’s done for the day.

You end up lying on his bed with him, contorted in whatever weird position makes your cramps hurt the least. It’s the middle of the day, but for once Lucifer doesn’t seem to mind. He’s just lying next to you with his hand splayed over your uterus or lower back, applying light pressure and warmth to help the pain go away. Quietly talking to you about stuff that doesn’t matter.

There’s no concern for productivity. Nor for terrorizing his brothers into order. It seems the key for making Lucifer take a day to just relax is to request his company while you’re in pain.

See, Lucifer’s driving force is how much he loves his family. He will go to ANY lengths to keep them safe and happy. It’s his main priority. You’re part of his family now. You’re the youngest, even… and you’re in pain. So, he’s okay with pushing off the work Diavolo gives him for a day. For you, it’s worth it.

There’s no paperwork in any realm that he would prioritize over comforting you when you’re in pain. He hopes you feel all the love in that sentiment.

You know how huge a declaration that action is, because there is NO other way to get Lucifer to voluntarily lie around in the middle of the day.

_______

Mammon: devotion -> generosity

Mammon was the first one you went to for help during your very first period in the Devildom.

After a short, frantic conversation about what happened to you, why, and how you normally deal with this, he set you up in his room with some towels, a spare set of his own comfortably worn in clothes, and a movie as he rushed out to find some Devildom substitute for the hygiene products you’re used to. Just, SOMETHING to absorb the blood in the meantime before he can get you products from the human world!

He would have gone to the human world immediately, but he’s not allowed and he doesn’t have time to talk Lucifer into letting him up there yet!! You have NOTHING to work with right now, he’s gotta figure something out ASAP!

He didn’t even think about the amount of money he’s willing to spend, or how else he could be using it. He may not have been willing to tell you how much he cares for you at that point, but he has always come through for you when it matters. Even in the early days.

You find yourself contemplating Mammon’s contrasting demeanour while he’s out. This isn’t the first demonstration of his responsible mode that you’ve seen. It’s fascinating, the way he acts so careless and tsundere until someone needs him—at which point he drops that image like it’s nothing, revealing the softhearted and protective big brother he really is.

In those moments, you can see in his personality that he helped raise 5 little brothers (and one Lilith, though you don’t learn about her until later) and is actually pretty damn good at it. It’s clear that he loves you more than he’s willing to admit in those rare moments, when showing it genuinely matters.

Anyway. He came home with an assortment of items for you. No medicine yet because he doesn’t trust that Devildom painkillers won’t harm you, but he brought a BUNCH of snacks, and a collection of things that can be used to absorb the blood for now, until he can get Lucifer to let him go get the stuff you normally use from the human world. You can take your pick.

He even commissioned an enchanter to make you a custom heating pad, because he doesn’t trust the ones meant for demons to not burn your skin. He didn’t think about the price. Frankly, he doesn’t care. Maybe he’ll remember to complain about it to save face later. Maybe.

His main concern—making sure you’re okay—left no room to think of that in that moment. He waves off your concern about bloodstains on the stuff he lent you before he went out. Being reassuring in his usual irreverent way, saying something about how he’s a demon, and demons don’t tend to be squeamish about blood. Hell if he cares, he says.

While you’re in the bathroom washing up and dealing with the bleeding (with a SECOND set of Mammon’s worn-in, comfy clothes that he put in your hands before shoving you into the bathroom, not giving you a second to refuse), Mammon is texting Lucifer to find a way to get you proper period supplies from the human world.

When you come back to him, he tells you that you’ll have what you need before you go to bed, but in the meantime you should sit, because he’s putting on another movie.

He watches you shift around uncomfortably over the next few minutes. Cramps, you know. You’re not exactly comfortable sitting the way you are. Without a word, he pulls you to lie down with your head resting on his leg. He’s looking away from you, indistinctly mumbling something about “so lucky I’m lookin’ after ya” and “what would ya do without the great Mammon” and “MY human, damn it” as he carefully rubs tension out of your back.

“What was that?” You ask him.

“Shut up an’ watch the damn movie!” He splutters.

You stay like that until Lucifer shows up with your requested items. Pads, tampons, a menstrual cup, painkillers, whatever it is you asked for.

Later that night, as Mammon persists in rubbing your back as another movie plays, you find that your trust in him is stronger than it has ever been before. You understand exactly why Mammon is the best demon to be in charge of your well-being. Lucifer chose him for a reason, and it’s impossible to miss. Mammon is so damn caring under the tsundere façade.

You feel so loved. You ARE so loved. The pain fades away under the warmth of his hands. His lap makes a good pillow, and Mammon makes a great guardian.

(Every month after this, he leaves his door open for you in case you want a distraction from the pain. He’s ready with snacks and a movie. He’ll happily do this for you every time.)

_______

Levi: passion -> gentleness

Whatever it is that Levi notices first—be it the blood, the worse mood, the regular time spent with Mammon every month—he freaks out. He’s like “AAAAWTF WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING ARE YOU DYING???” Or like “oh noooo are you mad at me why are you randomly sad do you hate me now??” Or like “why can’t you reschedule with Mammon and do this time limited event with me, do you not wanna play with me anymore???”

Either way, bro is suffering.

Eventually, either you or one of his older brothers explains to him, and he feels bad. He didn’t mean to stress you out worse! Also, periods are real?? He thought it was just some creative plot point in the occasional anime! That’s crazy, why are humans built like that??

Anyway. Levi’s nothing if not passionate, and he’s gonna turn some of that passion towards finding ways to make you more comfortable.

He will find a way to order all the human world snacks you crave while you’re bleeding. He will be on the lookout for gifts, like games and merch and manga you’d want. He stockpiles them so he always has something ready to cheer you up when you need that.

He will even do his best to redirect the envy he feels towards Mammon and his established routine of movies and snacks in his room with you lying in his lap and getting free back rubs on the first day of your period each month. He wants that to be him, damn it! But he’s not gonna disrupt that for you.

He WILL claim hanging out with you on your day 2 though, AND will fill in every time if Mammon’s not available. The only thing that can beat out his shyness at the idea of having you using his lap as a pillow is the raging envy at knowing MAMMON gets to have that every month!

(Eventually, once you figure out that Levi wants to be invited so bad, you just invite him. It’s not like you don’t want him there! He’s very happy to sit next to you with your legs in his lap while he ignores Mammon’s stupid movie and plays a game on his phone. It’s nice to have two demon pillows. This one’s got built-in cooling!)

Levi understands not wanting to deal with lights and noise and craziness when you’re in pain. He will prevent any of his brothers from bringing any of that around you with all the determination and passion he brings to everything he cares about.

He is remarkably gentle, for someone who is usually so excitable. So considerate! You can see in the way he forces everyone to only argue over text, in the gentle movement of cool, nimble hands over sore calves and hips and ankles, in the presentation of snacks and gifts determinedly brought to you from the human world, how much he cares about you. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you.

_______

Satan: research -> comfort

The first order of business for nerd boy here is, of course, research. He is gathering information from all his relevant contacts—every human sorcerer and witch he knows, every demon with a pact-bonded menstruating human they care about AND the aforementioned human, every healer, medical researcher, librarian…

Yeah, he’s gonna end up knowing more about it than you do.

He comes back home after a few days, mumbling about human endocrine systems and nutrition and medical malpractice of menstruating patients and the mechanics of blood production and every phase of a menstrual cycle and how pain works on a chemical level. He’s got notebooks and everything. He’s got the whole history of menstruation since the beginning of humanity summarized in one of those notebooks.

… Maybe it’s a bit overkill. But you know how he gets when he’s curious, especially about something that hurts you! He’s gotta know everything!

So now he’s infodumping to you about every symptom you mention. If you’re the sort of person who finds that interesting and helpful, perfect! If you’re not… well, he won’t be offended if you get mad at him for effectively mansplaining your own body to you. Demon-splaining? Whatever, either way he will take that correction with grace and only tell you information you directly ask for. He’s learned enough about menstruation to be very sympathetic and patient while you’re in the middle of it. It seems awful to him, and he’s not about to make it worse!

He’s wise enough to know that he should ask before ACTING on any of that information though. He won’t try to optimize your nutrition or your painkillers or anything unless you ask him to. He knows that would be too far. He’s not prideful enough to override you like that, he’s not Lucifer.

If you get really angry when you bleed, he’s got you! He understands, he encourages you to yell and rant in front of him all you want. Throw around some destructive spellwork or just break stuff if you need to, he’s got a room for that. It’s all good!

Satan is so good with practical comfort. He’s big on venting for your health and sanity. He knows what buttons not to push, they’re obvious to him as wrath incarnate.

Of course, he’ll also give you hugs and drive off his crazy brothers if you need peace. He’ll bring you to the cats when you get sick of people. He’ll find you any answer you need. If your cycle is irregular or in any way atypical, there’s no better demon to have searching for answers for you—and he’d NEVER let no medical malpractice happen to you. Doctors are GOING to take you seriously, damn it!

To him, there’s no such thing as too much hassle to help someone he loves so much as he loves you.

_______

Asmo: luxury -> selflessness

As the Avatar of Lust, there’s no way Asmo doesn’t know the basics of how menstrual cycles work. No way. Even if demons don’t get them, it’s relevant to his whole domain.

Asmo’s got you. He’s gonna spoil the hell out of you. Massages with fancy oils, hot baths with magic muscle relaxant products added, masks to prevent any skin issues from fluctuating hormones, everything he can think of.

If anyone even tries to make you do anything you don’t want to, he will destroy them. This is a time for rest, he insists!

He relishes any opportunity to relax with you, have a self-care day, just chill and recharge together… but he’s prioritizing you. You get to see the rare responsible Asmo during this time! If you have non-negotiable responsibilities, he’s helping you. He wants you to get done faster!

He’s actually got a pretty great strategic mind when he’s incentivized to use it! He’s so efficient! Only because he wants you to be in his room relaxing as fast as possible, but it’s totally there!

At the end of it all, it’s completely possible that he forgets about spoiling himself too, just because he got so focused on trying to take as much of your pain away as possible. It’s wild that he doesn’t think he has any capacity for selflessness. Good thing you know better.

_______

Beel: perceptiveness -> caring

Beel smells the blood. Immediately. At first he’s concerned but minds his own business, trusting that Mammon’s taking care of you. But after you’ve pacted with him? Not anymore.

Beel becomes your warning system. He will notify you as soon as the hormonal shift starts to happen. Days before you even start bleeding.

You know it’s because he cares, and that he can’t avoid noticing the change in your scent whether he wants to or not. You choose not to think it’s weird.

He gets worried once he learns about what happens to you every month. His first priority is making sure he doesn’t eat everything that’s high in iron, folic acid, vitamin C and D, and omega-3s. All very good for you when you’re on your period. He makes sure that stuff remains available to you.

He invites you to exercise with him too, because he heard that can be helpful. He won’t STOP you from lifting if that’s what you want to do, but HE is choosing to focus on stretching and moderate cardio for now (stuff that should be more helpful for you) and if you want to join him, well… that’s what he’s doing. What do you mean he changed it on purpose? He just felt like yoga and a nice jog today! Don’t think about it too hard!

Beel is actually the best one to go to for massages. Sure, Asmo knows what feels good and he’s phenomenal at that. True. But Beel is the one who understands every muscle and tendon in a body, so if you want a full, functional reset, in which all the tension and soreness in you gets methodically, optimally pressed out, you go to Beel. It might not feel quite as nice—in fact it might hurt a fair bit—but it’ll be so effective. You will have no pain at all after. Plus, he’ll teach you stretches to prevent some of that tension coming back later, too. He’s so helpful.

_______

Belphie: laziness -> service

We all know Belphie is the number one advocate for rest. He will encourage you to sleep through as much of it as possible. Why would you want to be awake to experience pain? Screw that. He will actively keep you asleep as long as possible—unless you tell him in advance that there has to be limits so you don’t bleed on everything you’re touching. Even so, he doesn’t quite see the problem. He’s a demon, he’s not squeamish about blood. What biohazard?

But no, he’ll respect that. If he’s a lil shit about it, all you have to do is pull the “remember that time you killed me” card and he’ll do whatever you want lol

In the biggest twist of irony since The Incident, Belphie actually finds himself serving as your alarm clock. It has to be him, you see, because he insists on sleeping next to you. He wants to be there to ensure you sleep through the night, and don’t ever get woken up by cramps. So it’s gotta be him to wake you up when it’s absolutely necessary. Because you see, he does not trust anyone else to understand what’s absolutely necessary. Only someone who loves sleep as much as him gets it, he insists.

Belphie is nothing if not lazy. Obviously. But… he’s actually voluntarily doing work on your behalf?? He’s concealing bloodstains on your sheets from you so you don’t feel uncomfortable, and washing them for you. He isn’t even telling you about that, so he isn’t even getting any thanks for it! How very kind and un-demonic of him!

(Of course, he’s mostly doing it because he doesn’t want you to feel embarrassed and stop sleeping next to him while you’re on your period. He’s got selfish reasons. But… really, it’s not very selfish at all when you look at how that benefits you too. How could he be so surprised to hear that you think he can be kind and sweet when he wants to be? How’s he not seeing it??)

He may deny that he’s actually a sweetie, but you know the truth. When sloth incarnate is voluntarily doing secret chores for you, you KNOW he loves you. It might as well be spilling out of his soul, it’s so undeniable.

_______

You’re bleeding. It’s miserable. No one likes their period. It’s made much more bearable for you, however, now that you have this ridiculous family falling over themselves to make your life easier. All the pain, all the hormonal fuckery, all the bullshit your body puts you through is… well, actually quite tolerable when you’re loved this much.

I like to think that once MC has a pact with the brothers, their eyes turn the color of their respective sin whenever MC is indulging in that sin/using their power. I love the color coding but also how many scenarios or fics crop up from it in my brain.

Imagine Mammon is worried about his cooking not being good enough for you until he sees your eyes go red as you take your first bite.

Or Lucifer sees you being insulted by a demon and hesy worried you won't stand up for yourself, so he looks for the flash of green in your eyes.

Or Belphie makes a *questionable* noise while he stretches after waking up and barely catches the glint of pink before you turn away.

Rrrgh I love it

Good Morning RAD!

Diavolo (over the morning announcements): Good morning, everyone! I hope you're all having a pleasant start to the day. Today at lunch, some Devi Scouts will be stopping by to sell cookies, so be sure to be nice to them. Also, we have Satan and Mammon here to apologize for... the incident in the lab yesterday.

Satan (grabbing the mic): Good morning, demons of RAD. I just want to say, I deeply apologize... that you're all a bunch of weaklings! Honestly, what kind of demon can't handle a tiny explosion?

Mammon (yelling from the back): Yeah! It was a science class for crying out loud! Stop being such wimps and grow a pair!

Lucifer (trying to pull Satan away): Satan, that’s enough—

Satan (clutching the table): And to whoever ratted out Beel for eating the teacher’s lunch—Mammon and I are coming for you after school!

Mammon: Yeah, you made my baby brother get punished! We’re not lettin’ that slide!

Satan (as Lucifer drags him away): You can all burn in hell! Oh wait—you’re already there, you pathetic losers!

Diavolo (long pause): Well... that went well.

Lucifer: Diavolo, I think it’s safe to say... no more public apologies.

Diavolo: Agreed. I was so sure they'd behave this time, too. So sure...

Lucifer (sighing): I should’ve known better.

Headcanon that the demons and angels don't have that instinct when somethings wrong.

MC *feels the hairs on their arms stand up*: Somethings wrong

Solomon *feels a pit in his stomach*: I agree

Demons and Angels: What the fuck

*Something goes wrong*

The Demons and Angels: What the F U C K 🤯😱🤯

people keep trying to make "ladies and gentlemen" more inclusive.

I think we should go the other way around.

make more and more weird false dichotomies in greetings. "gamers and pianists". "oil painters and swordsmen". "vexillologists and entomologists". "chess masters and diamond artificers". "accountants and gendered individuals".

we need to be dropping shit into formal meetings to make people say "wait what? which one am I?"

Ben Drowned- Headcannons

Is around 19 years old

Games all day/night

Energy drink addicted (especially Monster)

Mostly wears sweatpants and shirts or hoodie

Has a green and black studded belt

Has stretched his ears to 20mm and his nose to 8mm

Also has a tongue piercing, and a conch

Has pierced Jeff

Is friends with Sally, Jeff, Toby, Clockwork

Is mostly eaten frozen foods…not even heating it up properly

Likes to play pranks (harmless)

A woman's place is on the battlefield

When it comes to the pact marks that line your body the brothers can't help but be entranced

If you find yourself relaxing with Asmo, he has a habit of coloring them in with makeup the intricate patterns practically glow with the shimmers in the eyeshadow.

Levi can't help but stare at them at his, he still can't believe that you'd liked him enough to have a permanent reminder on your body. But he can't lie he thinks it's beautiful.

Beel loves all of them his and his brother's, a enchanting reminder that you would stay, that you chose to stay with him. He'll follow you till the ends of the earth, please let that mark remind you that he loves you.

Belphie has trouble looking at his mark. He knows what he did too you how could you want a reminder of it? But when you grabbed his hand and let him trace the pattern, he couldn't help but blush.

Satan at first had a feeling that he wouldn't like the way his mark looked. Boy, was he wrong. The intricate pattern had him entrance and enchanted. Was this really for him? It's gorgeous.

Mammon can't lie he misses when his mark was the only one that Decorated your body. But it doesn't matter his was first! And well if you ask him, his is the most beautiful after all gold always did suit you the best.

A pack mark Lucifer used to scoff at the thought. But then he saw his. The way it wrapped around your form, the slight shimmer in the intricate Linework, it just looked right on you.

Obey Me! Brothers Accidentally Hurting MC

this is fun and this is silly and i like it!!!! TW: mentions of blood and injuries

Thanks so much for the love on my last post!!

Lucifer

Lucifer is yelling at his brothers (typical) but they are getting the lecture of a LIFETIME

hes yelling, scolding, the whole nine yards

you come out of your room to see what the comotion is about and stand behind him

he doesnt see you, and while waving his arms he accidentally smacks you with the back of his hand

immedietly grabs your face to see if your okay

yells at the brothers to go to their room

please tell him your fine, hes so worried

will be sweet for the rest of the week

flowers,dinner, alone time whatever you want

Mammon

Hes running away from Lucifer

probably running up his debts again

turns the corner at RAD and doesnt see you

immediately runs into you and sends you to the floor

grabs you before you can smack your head

the most guilty giving you a million apologies immedietly

grabbing your head and appendages to check for blood or brusies

"Im sorry! Im sorry! are you okay? you dont have one of those concussions do ya?"

when you tell him your fine he relaxes

until he hears Lucifer yelling again

He grabs you buy the arm, yanks you up, and starts running with you

Levi

(i saw this as a headcannon somewhere like this and ill link it if i find it but this is so accurate)

You wanted to see Levi so what do you do? go to his room to see what hes doing

You knock and give the passcode, but hear no response

you hear a loud game and some aggravated sounds]

inside, Levi is tired of this boss in his game. this is the millionth time hes played this and he can't get past! hes over it.

in anger, he chucks his controler at the door... the second you walk in and check on him

the controler hits the door frame and smacks you in the face, you cover your face and taking a few steps back

bro immediately screams

scrambling to get to you

thinks you've died

yells so bad everyone hears him screaming and comes out

"ive killed my player 2! i cant go on! im the worst, you must hate me now! your gonna have brain damage and its all my fault-"

Grab him by the shoulders and tell him you'll live and your not mad at him

Satan

(saw this in multiple hc,in different ways, ill link them if i see it, gonna roll with this)

Satan is PISSED

Mammon stole one of his rare books to sell online, and hes hot on his tail

hes got one of those books in his hands, and as mammon turns a corner he chucks one it at him

right in the way of the front door, that you open immediately... getting a book to the face as your carrying groceries in

grabs you before you fall to the floor

checking you for injuries

hes read up on human biology and is immedietly worried

he apologizes so quick and so many times

when you tell him your fine he turns to mammon and he runs

he makes sure your okay before booking to mammon to whoop him

Asmo

your helping him clean out his closet

Hes on a ladder reaching for his spring clothes when he slips and falls

when your right behind him.. about to grab that box from him...

yall fumble and he falls on top of you

"oh my! Darling are you okay?"

on the floor he grabs your face and checks your face for any pain

when he sees your blush he blushes too, grabing your cheek

"oh honey, us stuck in this situation seems like fate dont you?"

Beel

You and Beel are tasked with setting up dewcorations for Diavolos newest festival

Beel is running out of streamers so you think of handing him another roll will be so helpful!

you walk up behind him on the ladder

"hey! got another roll for yo-"

Beel, started, turns around and accidentally elbows you right in the eye

you stuble back, clutching your eye

he grabs you, immediately teary eyed. thinking youll hate him, that your afraid of him

it takes you and solomon telling him over and over that your fine

puts an ice pack on your eye and holds it there

at dinner, he offers you more food

"here, have this, you need to get your strength up"

Belphegor

hes set the perfect trap

when Lucifer walks through this door he will be hit with a bucket of devildom tree sap!

what he doesnt expect was you walking through the door before him

covered in sap and clearly upset he looks at you in shock

Worst case senario: unlocked

He gets chewed out by Lucifer first

But spends the rest of the night getting the sap out of your hair while watching movies and apologizing a million times

Makes beel go and get your favorite snacks and cuddles you all night

Falling asleep in one of the House of Lamentation's common rooms can be a gamble. At best, somebody kindly carries you back to your room and tucks you in. Or maybe they leave you where you were, but drape a jacket or blanket over you.

Sometimes they go overboard, and you wake up with too many blankets. It's sweltering hot and excessively heavy. You thought the brothers were just being supportive in a weird way until Mammon accidentally revealed everyone is trying to break the record of 23 blankets and three duvets.

Sometimes you wake up with a full manicure and facial in progress. Asmo likes the practice.

Sometimes you wake up wearing Lucifer's reading glasses or Mammon's sunglasses. The Anti-Lucifer League must have thought you make a good hiding spot.

Sometimes you wake up with fresh food next to you. Particularly if you fell asleep near mealtime. The strong smell of Devildom cuisine rouses you awake, and you catch Beel trying to tip-toe away.

Sometimes you find... offerings. Bottled tea, or sticker sheets, or a coin placed on your cheek. Levi started taking pictures and in thanks decided to make a shrine dedicated to his idol (you).

Sometimes they draw on your face. The first person to do so will leave a marker for anyone else who happens to feel creative. You've woken up with whiskers, a mustache, fake eyes drawn over your eyelids, money signs drawn on your eyelids, swirls and hearts, a goatee, a big unibrow, and you're pretty sure the twins are the culprits behind a game of tic-tac-toe.

Sometimes you get notes. Simple reminders, or a notice that Lucifer's left the house so please make sure to check that everyone's behaving when you wake up. Occasionally you wake up completely covered in post-its with silly messages.

Sometimes you get kisses. They leave no trace, unless their sender gets carried away and sticks around.

Spotting Beelzebub alone on a couch is a very dangerous trap that must be avoided at all costs.

He may appear to be minding his own business, sitting there innocently, scrolling his DDD. Maybe chewing on a mint. But make no mistake, this is a trap.

Should you choose to sit next to him, your fate is sealed. Beelzebub may put a hand around your shoulder or pull you towards his lap. He may just remain still. Yet every single time, Belphegor will appear. Very swiftly, very silently.

Belphegor will sit so close to you that he's practically on top of you and will proceed to squish you into his twin. He throws a leg over your knee, over Beelzebub's too, and lets his body go slack. Gravity takes care of the rest as he topples into you like a domino. He's heavy. Arms cover your head as you disappear from view.

Shout as you might, Beelzebub allows this to happen. With his hands on either side, there is no escape. You sink down and your cheek winds up pressed against his naval while Belphegor cozies in close, his breath flooding your nose. You can flail your lower legs until someone gets tired of the squirming and holds them down. The twins will cuddle you until they feel satisfied.

The Attic Club Sandwich shows no mercy.

For your consideration:

Lucifer and Mammon display nesting behaviors.

If MC takes a nap around the House, they'll wake up surrounded by a mound of blankets, pillows, and various random shirts and jackets from their closest.

They think, "Oh MC might get cold, I'll go get them a blanket." ... then another, and another, and another, and...

Then their bird-brains forget even doing it until MC wakes up or they need their clothes to go out somewhere.

Belphie has woken up in similar fabric piles before and it weirds him out that they keep doing that

I love the unhinged idea that if Mc is angry or dissapointed with the demons, that they would create a circle of salt around themselves and just stay in it

And no matter the immense combined powers that Diavolo, Barbatos, and the Brothers hold, they ain't getting past the salt circle no matter what they do

Salt is the most powerful thing in the Devildom, confirmed

follow-up to that first post that was initially meant to be in the same post but then it got way too late so i didn't finish it BUT here it is

(+ additional silliness that i decided to add in the meantime:)

I think it would be funny if sometimes the brothers exaggerated Mc’s humanness as an excuse to not do certain things, maybe it’s mainly mammon who does it but sometimes the others join in. Saying crap like

Mammon: No can do, we need to go water our human,

Demon:… what?

Asmo: water our human!!

Satan: humans need to drink 8 cups of water a day.

Belphie: And our human is to stupid to remember to drink 1 cup.

Mammon: exactly! We don’t want our human to DIE from dehydration.

when Mc finds out they’ve been doing this, mammon, beel, levi and mc had been caught outside of class, when confronted mammon shushes the person and beel wraps his arms around Mc’s head, covering their eyes and ears,

Mammon: the human has a migraine! Keep your voice down!

Demon: what why?-

Levi: BECAUSE. If humans heads start to hurt to much they explode!

Mammon: so we’re escorting them to the infirmary!

Demon:… do you guys have a hall pass?

Mammon: the great mammon doesn’t need a hall pass! And there’s no time for that! This is an emergency!

Once the demon leaves Mc is confused and speaks up,

Mc: guys who told you that..?? My head isn’t going to explode? Even though it feels like it is..

Mammon: oh eh- don’t worry about it,

Levi: we just say stuff like that to avoid situations lol,

Mc: …. I’m just gonna pretend you guys don’t do that.

I headcannon that devildom days are actually equivalent to two human world days so when MC gets there they just end up passing out randomly in the middle of the day till they eventually figure it out

Like you’ll be just casually playing on your phone in the living room when you start to get tired. You think it’s odd since technically it’s only midday. Until a few hours later your so tired you can barely get up so you just fall asleep.

Especially when it’s early in your stay into the devildom and it’s probably not safe to just fall asleep wherever you are in the middle of the day.

So you decide it’s just gonna be a scheduled nap time, so you have energy for the rest of the day.

I think the brothers would only figure out that you fall asleep in the middle of the day when they drag you with them somewhere.

Like if Mammon and Asmo decide to go to the mall after RAD. You know it’s during nap time but you go anyway. Until three hours later you’re so tired you can see it in your face. Mammon notices something’s wrong and asks you about it. You of course say you’re tired and that is usually nap time for you. Then something just clicks.

Mammons spent a lot of time in the human word, he knows how it’s different from his home. He knows human days are half as long as devildom days.

He obviously cuts the trip short and brings you back home, knowing Lucifer will chew him out if he kept you out any longer like that.

From that point on he let you sleep in his room so that your sleep schedule doesn’t get too messed up. Especially since you can’t just constantly stay up for two days straight. Of course he’d also let you sleep in your room if you wanted. And he would make sure to keep his brothers away (though he’s gonna deny it. The great mammon doesn’t care for humans! But he cares for this one)

Eventually the rest of the brothers find out once you start getting closer. Although he won’t admit it Lucifer is a little ashamed he forgot that humans need more sleep. Mostly since Solomon, aka the only other human, is already used to devildom days and can stay up for long periods of time.

Eventually you just start sneaking into their rooms when they’re gone and you need your midday nap. They probably don’t even notice you’re going into their rooms until one of them catches you asleep.

Don’t even get me started about Belphie😭 he would eat that up.

After you get close he’s definitely going to sleep with you. He would probably be a jerk about it too. Though don’t threaten him by saying you won’t nap with him, he will throw a fit till he gets what he wants.

Though with Belphie you’ll probably end up sleeping longer than intended. What would normally be a 6 hour nap to get you through the rest of the day could easily turn into 14 hours with Belphie.

Maybe it’s not entirely his fault though, his bed is the most comfortable (both the attic one and the one in his room) and he does naturally keep nightmares away.

I think it would be hilarious if after making a pact with a demon you strongly feel their sin for a short about of time. Why do I think it would be funny? Cause all I can imagine is Lucifer having to have a sit down with Mc every time they make a pact with one of his brothers. Like after mammon

Lucifer: what did you take.

Mc:…. Nothinggg…

Lucifer: I won’t repeat myself.

Mc, mumbling in shame: ….seventy thousand Grimm..-

Lucifer, slamming hands on table in disbelief: SEVENTY THOU-

After making a pact with Satan

Lucifer, rubbing his temples already: and… after your fellow classmate used your pencil without asking.. you did what?

Mc: broke their nose,

Lucifer: why?

Mc, suddenly shaking in rage: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I NOT THAT WAS MY FUCKING PENCIL!

After making a pact with belphie

Lucifer, shaking Mc: Mc wake up,

Mc: wuh- hhuh, what

Lucifer, annoyed: you’ve been asleep for the past 14 hours get up.

Can't stop thinking about the brothers calling MC "master" since that new teaser trailer came out. The game is called "One Master to Rule Them All." It's always been called that. This massive potential has been right in front of our eyes the whole time.

Lucifer, who only uses it in private when he's feeling particularly devilish. He wraps his arms around you, looks you right in the eye, and asks, "how does my master feel today, hmm?"

Mammon, who has an empty wallet and the urge to gamble: "Maaaster! Can I borrow some cash? I can, right? I'm your first, after all. I'll just take it from your wallet."

Leviathan, who wants to go to an anime collab cafe but is too anxious to go alone, so he begs you: "Please! Master! It's only open this week and I just have to collect all 24 limited edition cafe coasters! It'll be easier if we go together!"

Satan, who catches you when you stumble and jokingly asks, "are you okay, master?" He likes seeing the little sparks of wrath in your eyes that mirror his own.

Asmodeus, who thinks the word is hot and enjoys your reaction when he comes to steal you away from other people by saying "hey! I need to speak with my master. I'll be borrowing them for a while. I'm sure you don't mind."

Beelzebub, who hungrily stares at the food in the fridge with your name on it. He knows he needs to butter you up to have any chance of success: "Hey master, are you gonna eat that?"

Belphegor, who uses it at the most unexpected times. He texts the group chat, "does anyone know where our master is? I can't find them." It sets off a long chain of messages. "Master's not in their bedroom?" "Master? Haven't seen 'em." "Did you try yelling 'master!' and seeing if they respond?" "I saw master getting something to drink about an hour ago." "Master, are you reading our messages? I know you are." "I can't believe master is ignoring us." Several crying emoji are sent in quick succession.

Solomon and Barbatos, who witness the brothers doing this on occasion. Solomon turns to the latter and says, "You never call me your master. Want to give it a try?"

Barbatos looks at him with barely repressed revulsion. "I only have one master, and that is the Young Master. If you ever make such a joke again I will have you tried in court for lese-majeste."

What people think why i became a bookbinder: Oh she wants to explore her artistic horizon with those pretty leather bound books of hers. She even gives them out as gifts to her friends. It most likely helps her with anxiety or maybe she just wanted a more special costume made notebook.

Why I actually became a bookbinder: I just illegally downloaded and printed out several of my favourite fanfics and books and started binding them into books cuz I love reading them but looking at screens for too long gives me headaches.

i always mean it when i say i love you btw

WAIT. Wait wait WAIT.

poltergeists:

push things off tables

break delicate objects for fun

in general just enjoy moving and destroying stuff for pleasure I guess

make loud disturbing noises in the middle of the night

sometimes poke or bite people, depending on the myth

are invisible aka no one knows what they look like

poltergeists are just the ghosts of rambunctious housecats

DAMN I FORGOT ABOUT THIS..ITS NO WONDER HIS BROTHERS WORK SO HARD TO KEEP HIM CALM, DANG HE LITERALLY CAN DESTROY EVERYTHING

It is accurate to leviathan mythology tho dammmn

Love that for him tho lol