Everyone I Love And Have Broken Up With Or Left Are All The Fucking Same They Always Will Be They Will

It hurts less more and more everyday but I am still sad over you kinda. I miss you. Sometimes I want to unblock and go back to you but I know that wouldn’t ever happen and that’s okay.

I broke again today.

Well, not really broke. But currently I’m quietly crying.

I do miss you. I really do. I saw a video where it was two people who called each other mama and bunny and it just reminded me so much of you. It reminded me so fucking much of you.

I miss you more than anything. I know that we should go out separate ways and that we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives, but I miss you still. I hate that it ended the way it did. I don’t even know if we still would’ve been friends, I don’t know anything about what could’ve happened because it won’t. And that’s okay. I really don’t need you in my life anyways.

You make me really sad about myself sometimes. I wonder why you treated me the way you do, but also realize you were also facing a lot. Maybe this is the way it should’ve been, where we didn’t even interact with each other at all. I miss you. It feels like such a big piece of me is missing, but I know that the void gets filled more and more everyday.

You did leave me with a lot of things to deal with, but I don’t have to deal with them on my own. I’m getting out more. I got a job. I’m back in school, and am going to attend big school things like homecoming and prom without worrying about you or wishing you were there. I know you projected a lot of your insecurity on me. And I’m sorry that you had to do that.

I’m also sorry that I might’ve added onto your insecurities too. My messages to you were hateful. But I’m not going to block you and apologize. I still honestly believe you deserved to be brutally humbled. It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. And I still miss you. I miss you a lot, and sort of appreciate you reaching out. It meant you missed me, and that made me feel good for awhile. But I don’t need your validation anymore, you never really validated me anyways.

I gave my all to you, and while you didn’t give it back, I am glad that I was at least able to share my kindness. I am happy that i was kind enough to share my love with someone who I thought was nice. It means I’m a nice person, and you made me feel I wasn’t a lot of the time. But I only know that you were doing that because of your personal issues you took out on me. Maybe you just need to grow up.

I still miss you. I really do. And sometimes I wonder if I should’ve just stayed with you instead of breaking it off. But breaking it off is worth it. I will not hurt myself, I will not go to a mental hospital, I will not attempt nor commit suicide over you. I will handle this right this time. I am allowed to miss you and miss the happy memories we did share while also knowing that this was a good thing for me. I hate you a lot still, but the hatred lessens everyday, and I become neutral about you. I don’t know what I want to happen to you, but whatever it is, I hope it’s far away from me. I hope it never enters my life. Maybe one day we will talk again, and you’ll be better, and we can possibly become friends. But I don’t even want that, really.

I am still hurting, because I spent so much time with you in 7 months. But I was just fine before I met you, meaning I can be fine without you too. I know I can, and I have. Things will look up for me. And me missing you will lessen. Me wishing I could’ve shut up will be completely tarnished. You will not be in my brain anymore. You will then miss me again, you’ll regret what you have done, and I’ll be everything your brain consumes. And I’m glad for that. Just so I can let you know that I am much better without you.

I miss you. But I’m glad you aren’t here anymore.

I just feel there is no more genuineness. That you’re just staying because of familiarity and not because you actually love me.

I don’t feel close anymore. I feel we have just gotten so separated and I don’t know how to go forward with the feeling of being unloved or making you feel like you aren’t enough. I just don’t feel like im loved anymore. I feel so sad. What happened? Why do you not like me anymore? Why do you not want to be with me anymore? What did I do to our connection that made it like this? I’m sorry.

I still love you. I don’t want you to leave. But I feel you’re going to so I have braced myself for it by not being active much and being afraid and distant which has probably made you stop liking me. I can’t think of you actually loving me no more. We are so stagnant. What are we doing?

I hate this feeling and I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I just wish you loved me

I feel so alone and scared I can’t be an adult I just want to go back and restart it all

Please come back to me. Please.

I’m going to account to nothing my prime is up now I’m the ugliest fucking tranny in the entire world not even my own family or boyfriend or best friends see me as a male they’re just pretending Lol I can’t even blame them who fucking looks at me and says I’m a male I’m actually a fucking traumatized raped girl who’s sexual assault made them Fucking trans Oh my fod Lol I’m such a fucking stupid retard I Actually need to kill myself no wonder I was a fucking accident if I wasn’t an accident then my life wouldn’t be going this way but if fucking course God needed a FUCKINGN Jester Clown to laugh at and mock I am worse than fucking Lucifer I am Lucifer I am the fallen Angel from Heaven and that’s why God is being so fucking cruel to me I am Satan and I am getting ounishedplease god rip him out of me I don’t want to be the Devil anymore I want to be okay again and happy butiruin everything I swear Please God Jesus Or whoever If you’re listening please fucking kill me Please kill me I will pray I will worship I will go to church Wednesday and Sunday and Every OTHER FUCKING DAY oh my fod I’ll give up everything if it means Lucifer can get out of my body or if you just fucking Kill me Olease god I’m directly talking to you please listen to me please stop doing this I’m not strong I’m not a soldier I am a fucking weakling Human please stop doing this to me please it hurtsosb ad I will literally give up everything if it means that I can not be this way anymore please just fucking stop or kill me please Fucking Kill me or stop . Imso fucking sick of being like this please kill me. Please fucking kill me please just find a way to kill me I don’t want to do it myself I don’t want to hurt other people but since I already fucking do I might as well have everyone in this fucking house hear the gun go off and hear my bloodpainthee walls oh my god Olease just stop this I can’t be like this anymore I just want to be fucking Normal I want to be Hapoy I want to be aokay again I don’t want to be a fucking depressed worthless sack of shit oh my god please fucking kill me god kill me god fucking kill me god please god please Jesus fucking Kill me

Please fucking Kill memplease fucking Kill me I can’t take living like this anymore I’m shaky my heart hurts my ear is fucked up im sweating I feel nauseous fucking Kill me please make me have a fucking heart attack right now and kill me please fucking Kill me I want to scream it from my lungs oleasefucking kill me please god F stop fucking soiingthis go me please kill me

the fact that my mom is disappointed that I can just never seem to be happy despite everything is honestly something that makes me feel even worse about myself. It is gut wrenching being around her already, but having to part ways will be one of the last hardest things I’ll ever put myself through

I miss you so much im sorry that j was the way I was I’d change for you I promise I would please just let me back into your life I love you I miss you I’m sorry

I’m hurting both physically and mentally it feels like I’m back with Her I just want to be beautiful to you

I need someone to kill me