I Don’t Feel As Hurt As I Would’ve Back Then. I’m Still Just Upset Thinking About You Too Hard

My hands got soaked in blood from punching my legs so hard it re-opened my self harm from a couple of hours ago

I miss you so much im sorry that j was the way I was I’d change for you I promise I would please just let me back into your life I love you I miss you I’m sorry

I’m so repulsive to Everyone I know everyone would just love Me better if I had a cock nobody loves me for who I am they all want me to be someone I’m not and I can’t fucking change that I can take hormones and everything but it still won’t change the fact I won’t have a dick I wish I could fucking Die I am so unlovable and ugly to everyone I hate my self I hate myself so fucking much I wish I was a man I wish I was a fucking man I hate this so fucking much I hate my fucking body I hate my genitals I hate myself I hate myself I wish that I Could just be a fucking man

I thought things were going okay but I guess not. My friend just told me she feels guilty for talking to me ever since the whole incident happened last week and also my friend right now is acting fucking weird and makes me want to split on him really bad. He isn’t laughing or anything and says he’s tired but he’s acting weird and it’s pissing me off. It’d probably be better if I was just at home.

I just hope I stop feeling this way. I dont want to keep ruining my friendships. I don’t even know why she feels guilty. It’s not her fault im this way!!!! Stop being my friend out of fucking pity!!!!! Be my actual friend!!!!! Stop feeling sorry for me!!!!!!

Being a victim isn’t fucking fun and this shit messes with me every single day. I dont want you to feel bad for me. I just want you to talk to me like a normal person. It’s not my fault I am this way. I want you to see me past my flaws that make me act the way I do anyways. Yet you’re just paying extra attention and that fucking hurts. Please just talk to me normally. Stop being weird towards me.

All of this hurts

I’m literally at a point I don’t know what to do I have nobody I havefucking Novody I have nobody god help me god help me

Please fucking help me

I just feel so embarrassed about everything. I don’t know what to do. I hate when people give me this attention because it just makes me feel so helpless. But yet it’s something I complain about. I don’t fuckin know what I want. I don’t know what I want to choose, or what I want to happen, or anything. All I am is fucking confused and chaotic. I am struggling so fucking hard right now and I feel nothing but guilt and shame. I have no other outlet. I’m not trying to get people to feel awful for me or terrible or anything. I want to be left alone yet I want people to hear me and realize that I am fucking struggling man

I just want to go ghost. I want to leave everything behind and just be by myself for the rest of my life. Yet I can’t even fucking do that. I can’t do it. I need someone it seems. It seems i struggle with being by myself. Everything is just so fucking hard. I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of consistently going through these intense cycles of emotion. I’m tired of having breakdowns every month. I’m fucking sick of living this way but it just feels like there’s nothing I can do besides give up hope

I will be rid of the world. I will be erased, eradicates, removed, and forgotten about. Everything I’ve done would’ve been for nothing, but I think it is suitable karma for wasting other people’s times and dragging them along by the ankles through Hell. My creations will be destroyed, my legacy will not be enough to be withheld, and everyone can rest in peace knowing they don’t have to deal with it anymore. They can be at peace with themselves without having to adapt to my rapid mood swings and empty threats. Not anymore. It will be what I deserve

I’m proud of me because I’ve survived the days I thought I couldn’t

When I die nobody will be at my funeral