Eeeeeeismeee - E

3dblr is such a helpful community to have, or I can at least say this for myself.

I've learned so much about harm reduction from some of you, as well as what food i can make/e@t without going above my limit.

I know it's obviously a disorder and all of the other things that could be said as a fact, but also I firmly believe that without community, it would be so much worse. All of the acceptance, unwavering support in recovery when people want that, as well as not forcing anyone to do anything. A lot of people don't get that sort of freedom.

I think back at people who lived before the internet who had an 3d, some like; Karen Carpenter (who died from it), Jane Fonda, Sally Field, and even some of our older family members. I imagine it must've been even more isolating, plus absolutely less support and harm reductive information readily available.

While we aren't lucky, we do have eachother, and all of this other insight gifted to us by eachother. All of this proves to me just how important community and solidarity can be.

Mom and Grandma keep gossiping about her old classmates and how fat they've come apparently 😭

And now they're changing topics to how fat the young people look these days and no one's taking care anymore like what-

Their words, not mine

I should've worshipped her sooner

Maybe locking in starts with simply logging my calories on my app, instead of trying to pretend it didn't happen or "it wasn't that bad".

Yes, I binged, yes, I feel like a piece of shit but I can always draw the line.

I may gain weight today, but I can stay determined during the week and make a realistic plan for the weekend and actually stick to it.

I shouldn't deny my mistakes or wallow in self pity, but rather use them as a reminder what I am actually fighting for and what kind of behaviours even made me (partly) start doing this in the first place, and I can learn from my mistakes. Honestly I'm motivated to take on this week, even if I completely fucked up this weekend, or maybe especially because of that.

I'm in a love-hate relationship with my scars

feeling fatter than ever any oversized clothes but also being scared to wear anything else, because they're my only "safe outfits"

Now I WOULD definitely OMAD a bottle of wine

Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)

Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....

I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.

Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.

Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.

(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)

I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.

(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)

loser idiot binges instead of starving

I ate a banana today and it was huge. Seriously. Largest banana I've ever fucking seen I don't think it was real