I’d Like To Address The Whole “bottom/top” BS I’m Seeing In This Fandom And Other Fandoms With

I’d like to address the whole “bottom/top” BS I’m seeing in this fandom and other fandoms with m/m ships, as a gay man myself. And I’m going to do it in the only way I know how.

Here’s my husband and I. We’re the same in terms of body structure, and he’s only well-shaven because his job requires it, but he loves facial hair as much as I do. I love to cook and bake (I like making things that are pretty and taste good), and he loves to grill. I stay home with our child while he’s at work, and he takes care of our child in the mornings so I can sleep. We share the chores. He likes ripped jean jackets, and I like leather jackets and peacoats. We both like masculine and feminine jewelry. I cuss up a storm, and he only does so when he’s reached his limits. He likes high heels and nail polish, and I’ve once upon time worn skirts, dresses, and make up. We both burp, fart, scratch places we shouldn’t in public. We take turns spooning each other. I take care of the bills. We’re both fiercely protective.

Who’s top and who’s bottom?

Would it anger you if I told you differently than what you answered, and that you most likely sat there and determined based on heteronormative stereotypes? It doesn’t matter what we look like, or who we are – the bedroom is a different world. We don’t ascribe to the “who’s female and who’s male” mentality. Why does our level of masculinity or femininity determine our sex life? Why does it seem to determine the sex lives of m/m fictional couples? Hannibal Lecter being a bottom has nothing to do with him being an “alpha” male. It is not degrading for any man to be a bottom. ANY man. And the fact that so many people become enraged that someone writes a very masculine character as a bottom disgusts me. Men of all types like to bottom, and it’s mostly to due with pleasure. Shut the hell up and get over it. “But I prefer…” Listen. You can prefer certain kinks, you can prefer vanilla sex, you can prefer no penetration, or any sex of any kind (asexuals are awesome). But for god’s sake, stop fighting about tops and bottoms. It’s incredibly uncomfortable as a gay man to see these fights, and to feel such profound shame that people believe men like me or my husband would never ‘take it up the ass’ because of some stereotypical, heteronormative bullshit reasons. Read bottom Hannibal, don’t read bottom Hannibal. Don’t read top or bottom of whatever character. I don’t care. But just STOP looking at M/M relationships through hetero/cisgender goggles!