My Grandma Is Being Put Into A Hospice. I'm Not Ready To Lose Her 💔

Today was crunch day and was finished off with the first anxiety attack of the semester... heheh so much for a less stressful semester

Unfortunately, I actually studied a lot more than what is displayed (just didn't start the app). I'm incredibly stressed out. I'm not a writer by any means. Some people have math anxiety, but I swear I have essay anxiety. I had to write an "essay by example"... but that doesn't make sense to me. It was very unclear what was meant by "essay by example" so I tried a persuasive essay that highlighted individual examples to refute a really dumb prompt. Idk. I missed the first 1.5 weeks of the class and feel lost. She wouldn't extend the first draft due date for me by even a few hours. I turned in the most garbage essay of my life. I feel like I did the entire assignment wrong.

What I did today:

● finished the other half of a stats module

● made an initial discussion post

● replied to 2 discussion threads

● took a walk in nature with one of my doggos and my sister

● oriented myself for the composition class I joined late (syllabus, directions, assignments, expectations)

● read a couple example essays / instruction in the textbook I finally got

● wrote a 4 page essay that is absolute garbage

● anxiety attack

I've been thinking about the mums I most likely killed in my garden. I hope they come back in the spring.

Or the whole cheesecake 😂

i think some of you need to eat a slice of cheesecake and listen to ambient rain noises ten hours

I can actually read my notes for once!

Today I:

●went to a virtual comp class that was a total waste of time

●partially caught up on week 8 module videos for my stats class

●added the video content to my running review for the stats class

●went to a virtual 2 hour group meeting for that stats class (so unnecessarily long and dumb)

●took a practice quiz

●started some practice problems

●studied outside! (For a little bit- still quarantined so it was in my backyard and there's very little shade and the umbrella isn't big enough to accommodate sun movements)

Hahaha my aunt ended up coming over and a couple other things happened so I barely got through this list. At least I know what I'm doing tomorrow! Also, I had to sus through about 60 pages of content standards so oof

Today I am trying to get ahead with my classes. My classes started this past Wednesday and it is now Saturday. I feel very disorganized because my asynchronous classes have me completing modules, but not all of the due dates are posted. It's really hard to find a schedule, but I'm going to set that up today. Today I'm working on:

1) reading curriculum guidelines on online experiences

2) making my initial discussion post about it

3) finding an old algebra or geometry textbook in my basement to help me brainstorm ideas for the 5+ hours of related internet instruction I'll be creating for a class

4) setting up an outline of my first lesson plan

5) reading 2 short chapters for another class

6) watching a presentation

7) looking at a long term assignment

8) making another initial discussion post

*I'd work at my desk but my father currently has Netflix blaring and is snoring. I can still hear literally everything but this is the quietest room in the house. If I go near him I'm probably going to end up screaming at him about how impossible it is to work in this house. My state is currently in full shut down (no indoor dining, no libraries for studying, I'm not allowed on school campus, etc). I guess my room is as good as it gets.

If there's a loving, caring, and stable adult who wants to take in a child... why are you trashing this????? Is this a cultural thing????? I don't understand this. I knew one girl who was from Bolivia and her white parents adopted her and they kept her in soccer, threw her a lavish quinceanera, and kept her in other culturally appropriate things. These were the whitest people I've ever met, yet they did a wonderful job raising Hannah. It's possible to be culturally aware of how you are raising an adoptive child... idk why that's even a debate. Educate yourself. A great example is hair maintenance classes for white parents who adopt a little black girl. Her confidence is boosted by walking into whatever life throws at her if adults help her navigate her hair. I don't get why that's a problem. The list goes on. Disappointed that there's shade being thrown anywhere.

White couples that adopt non-white kids

I felt so unproductive, depressed, stressed, and distracted today. I'm overwhelmed. I dropped a stats class yesterday (first time ever doing that) because

1) I no longer want to minor in stats

2) I truly couldn't understand the lecturer

3) the course didn't closely follow a textbook.

It wasn't her accent, I had absolutely no issue with that, but her slides just didn't make any sense. There were no sample data or pictures or diagrams and even the formulas didn't make sense (instead of sub scripts she would just put random punctuation afterwards). I gave it a valid shot for two classes, but it was clear we weren't a good match. I'm now enrolled in a comp class (counts towards my degree), but I'm so incredibly anxious. Writing stresses me out so much. I also think that my university doesn't do a good job with their composition courses. I finally got a copy of the syllabus and textbook, and I'm going to be rereading and rewriting about essays I saw in 10th grade Accelerated English. I feel anxious even though I have already done this. I have a lot to improve on, which is painfully obvious, but it doesn't sound like this course will help me. Also, I'm now about 1.5 weeks behind in that course. I needed today to be productive, but my mother called and brought up some touchy stuff and I got all blown out. Anywho... here's what I got through (1/3 of what I needed to do)

• read ch. 1 for reading in the content areas

• read ch. 3 for reading in the content areas

• digested a pre-recorded presentation + took notes

• explored some cool vocabulary sites for teaching K-12 (mostly elementary if we're being honest) (it's very very important to teach literacy in all grades for all subjects but my university kind of drops the ball with high school / secondary ages)

• did 2 loads of wash

• actually put away my clothing

• saw my sis and it was a little cathartic to talk about how messed up my mom is and what we went through but also bothered me a lot

...And with that I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully tomorrow I feel a bit better and can get some more stuff done considering all the due dates coming up 🤞

Quando... avresti molto da dire ma a nessuno interessa la tua opinione...

😆😂🤦

Math tests with online school is no joke. Last semester I spent about 18 or so hours on a take home final. He said 20 hours would be a reasonable amount of time to spend on it. Bless your soul bruh cuz I was so mentally traumatized from that constant nonsense

Yesterday was a very long  day, and was made even longer by attempting to do a math test for a good 6 hours.