I Haven't Watched The Ep (yet) But Friendly Reminder That DID Is One Of The Most Misunderstood Disorders

The kind of posts I have seen on here since the last episode aired (and let’s be honest for a LONG while now) make wonder why some people still watch this show.

Like, if you hate the characters so much and every storyline that is being written, why bother watching? If it makes you so miserable, what’s the point?

There are so many fucked up things happening in this world, life is way too short to have a 60 minute procedural tv show make you feel so many negative emotions. It’s okay not to watch anymore if it no longer brings you joy.

oh Christ shut the fuck up with your holier than thou shit, pretending you're not just another toxic buddie shipper while parroting their favorite lies and bullshit at the same time. block shit you don't like and shut the FUCK up. y'all been showing your asses for literally years, being misogynistic and racist to every single female love interest that gets in your way and adding some violent homophobia for the actual queer rep, all because you fetishise straight men kissing. y'all are the ones posting child rape fics to the archive and to inboxes. y'all the ones harassing people because you're blocked. y'all the ones trying to dox people and fail because you're just that pathetic. I've been in this fandom from day one and there's a reason buddie shippers are infamous outside this fandom for toxic bigotry. shut the ENTIRE fuck up I'm so goddamn sick of y'all. I'm genuinely embarrassed to ever have BEEN one of you. entitled, pathetic, friendless trash, every single one of you.

Hey, so what is this supposed to accomplish?

To be clear, I DO block content I don't want to see. I DO filter for ships I don't usually want to regularly interact with. The point of the post I made was to address a pattern I was noticing with anti-Eddie and anti-Buddie sentiment that I had seen multiple BIPOC creators also talk about.

Now, to address some of your points because I feel like you are projecting SO MUCH onto me.

Misogyny. I never made a single comment on my feelings regarding any of the characters' canon past relationships, but since you seem so sure I hate them like every other Buddie shipper supposedly does, I will make my views of them quite clear. I like most of Eddie and Buck's previous girlfriends/wife. I really liked Shannon, Abby, Anna, and Taylor. The other past relationships that I don't actively like I'm pretty neutral about. There are various reasons why I didn't think those relationships would work out, and they didn't, but I don't hate any of their past partners. I think people are free to dislike their past relationships if they want, but misogyny directed towards them isn't okay.

Racism. Any and all racism targeted towards the characters and their actors is unacceptable, full stop. Any acts of racism that any of those actors themselves have engaged in or excused is also unacceptable, full stop. Both are true statements, and I find it really shitty that in response to a post where I was attempting to respectfully point out behaviors directed at a character, which I found may have had racial bias underpinning them, I got this kind of response. As a community, we should all be concerned about racism, queerphobia, ableism, etc. regardless of who it's coming from and regardless of who it's being done to.

Harassment/Threats/Innappropriate Behavior/Etc. To be very, very clear. None of the horrendous behaviors that you have described BuckTommy shippers receiving from Buddie shippers and/or anti-BuckTommy shippers is okay. I have never and will never defend anyone doing those things. Those are examples of behavior I was referring to when it comes to toxicity I would like to see weeded out of fandom spaces. From BOTH sides of the shipping discourse. I feel like I made that clear when I acknowledged that Buddie shippers can and do engage in toxicity and racism as well. Literally NO ONE is exempt from criticism.

Fetishization/Fetishizing Straight Men Kissing. Um. What. To be clear, I am queer. I read, write, listen to, and engage with content that is almost exclusively queer or made by someone who is. I am just as concerned and interested in queer rep as the next queer person. I also have just as much right as any other queer person to critique that rep if I am unsatisfied with it and think it could be improved upon. And you do, too. I am not saying there is NO issue of some folks fetishizing mlm relationships, but I do think this narrative is incredibly overblown and lacks nuance, but I digress. The specific comment about wanting two straight dudes to kiss is what I am particularly concerned about. Buck isn't straight. He was initially written and acted that way throughout the majority of the show, but he ISN'T. Plus, as someone who is themselves bisexual and relates a lot to his character, I always kinda headcanoned him to be as well. There is also no reason why we should assume Eddie can't be gay. Personally, I headcanon him as a repressed gay man. For many, many reasons. What I find very interesting is the way you throw that statement out there like that as if Tommy wasn't introduced into the show initially through "Hen Begins" as, presumably, a straight man. Of course, we learn later that he was repressing his feelings and had previously dated and been engaged to a woman before he accepted himself fully and started dating men. He is still a gay man despite his past experiences. And at the very beginning of the show, when we are introduced to Michael, we get the reveal that he is gay and had recently come out to his entire family, who he had hid this from for over a decade. The presumption of straightness/cisness until explicitly stated otherwise annoys me so much, so I wanted to address that point specifically.

I have absolutely no ill-will towards you, and I hope you receive this well. I am sorry it seems you have been on the receiving end of a lot of negativity in the fandom. I would like to encourage you to keep an open mind that not everyone online and in this space is a person that hates you or is acting in bad faith just because they diagree with you or have expressed a critical view about something you like. I wish you well.

Eddie’s pov of buck is Buck supporting him and caring for him and encouraging him. I’m soooooooooo

One thing I hope they write/have written into the show is Buck getting a bunch of tattoos as another coping mechanism he uses to deal with Eddie leaving. It's a realistic coping mechanism that also, in a way, doubles as a form of self-harm that isn't just him reverting back to being Buck 1.0 in Eddie's absence. Plus, tattoos are hot imo, and I want to see Eddie's reaction to them once he comes back to LA lol.

Also, Oliver has a bunch of tattoos already that they've had to put so much effort into covering up that it would just make the makeup and costuming department's job way easier if they write it in.

One thing I am really curious about if (when) Buddie goes canon, is how they are going to handle the "Telling Chrisopher" conversation.

Is Eddie going to decide to have a heart-to-heart with Chris before he ever confesses his feelings for Buck because he wants to make sure his son is okay with it/he has his blessing to date again? Or are Buck and Eddie doing to get together, and then they have to navigate the dilemma of when/how to tell Chris?

I think either option presents so many interesting possibilities. Given Eddie's track record with dating/how he has approached the dating conversation with Christopher in the past, the latter option seems more in line with what he has done previously but the former is not necessarily out of the question considering just how royally he fucked up with his last relationship. Sooo here are my thoughts about how each one could pan out.

Pre-realtionship heart-to-heart option:

Positive reaction— Chris is totally cool with it. He loves Buck, and maybe even at one point thought they were together or would be good together but never said anything (little bit of wishful thinking here on my part, but I am a sucker for Chris secretly wanting Buck to be his second dad). Maybe he even helps his dad plan out how he's gonna confess his feelings. I swear to God if Eddie goes for some kind of grand gesture I want to see Chris involved in some way. I will be reduced to tears if that happens. Probably the best outcome, definitely a better outcome than Eddie would expect.

Negative reaction— Chris freaks out. Not because he has a problem with his dad wanting to be with a man, but because Eddie has a terrible track record with dating– which Chris has already been very hurt by– and because it's Buck. His dad has a nasty habit of bringing another person into their family unit and ruining it when things seem to be going well and Chris has gotten used to them being in his life. Now it's someone Chris has a well-established, deeply meaningful bond with, and he will not let his father ruin that. Not an ideal reaction, but realistic given past discussions between Christopher and Eddie about his dating decisions. I could see the aftermath of this going one of two ways:

Prompts further discussion and reassurance from Eddie about why this time will be different– His past relationships had less to do with what Eddie himself wanted but what he thought Chris wanted or what he thought would be best for him (having a mom). He was pushing aside his own happiness and desires to become a version of himself that could be deemed a "good father" and a "proper man", at least by his parent's standards. But he doesn't want to do that anymore. He doesn't have to hold himself to someone else's standards to prove he can be a good father or man. He wants to be the best version of himself, to allow himself to experience the joy he has been denying for so long so that he can show up better for his son. Chris tentatively gives his dad permission to date Buck if he wants, but if he screws it up like he fears Eddie will, Chris will not forgive him for it.

Given Chris' reaction and his strong desire to fix his relationship with his son, he, once again, decides to prioritize what Chris wants. This might lead him to forgo dating altogether for a while or to try dating other people to get over his feelings for Buck (obviously, this doesn't work). To make matters worse, once they move back to LA (before or after this convo) they have to deal with the fact that Buck is going to be living with them for the foreseeable future until he's able to find a new apartment. Cue insufferable amounts of pining from both of them. At some point, Christopher is gonna realize that they are both crazy about each other and he's had about enough of the longing looks and his dad moping around. He'll finally give Eddie the go-ahead with a warning that he better not screw it up.

Post-relationship dilemma option:

Positive reaction– I imagine the convo would be quite similar to the one in the heart-to-heart option with some differences, such as a discussion about how long they have been together, why they didn't tell him sooner, what this means for their family, etc. I think it would be funny if Chris already knew or suspected bc they might have been oblivious to their own feelings, but literally no one else is.

Negative Reaction– Again, I think this would prompt a similar reaction to what would happen in the negative heart-to-heart scenario, with the first outcome being likely to occur. I don't think they would necessarily break up over this, but that they would give Chris some time and space before discussing the situation further and giving him as much reassurance as he needs that everything will be okay. I can see Buck being the person to approach him first to talk about it since he is usually the one Chris turns to when he's upset with Eddie. It could be a slow process, but eventually Chris is fine with it and is happy that his dad and Buck found happiness in each other.

Secret Third Option– They don't tell him, maybe he doesn't suspect a thing, he catches them together before they get a chance to say anything. Chris' reaction to this one could probably fit either of these potential neg/pos reactions and be further complicated by whether or not Buck and Eddie know that he saw them doing romantic coupley shit. I do think it would be hysterical for them not to notice him when he catches on; he'll starts dropping hints that he knows and waits for it to finally click that they aren't as secretive as they thought they were. They eventually catch on and admit they are in love and live happily ever after as a family.

Either way, all options lead to Buddie canon with a happy ending for all three of them because I said so.

Okay, but imagine this: Eddie feelings realization brought about through another lookalike/doppelganger storyline. I know this sounds out-there, but considering the whole Shannon/Kim storyline was an actual thing that existed in the show— and we know how much the writers love doing parallels and they've been doing some very fanfiction-esque stoylines with 8b— I don't think this is completely outside the realm of possibility so stay with me on this completely ridiculous stream of thought for a bit.

Now I was not and am still not really a fan of the whole Shannon/Kim doppelganger storyline but I think if they did it again in a very specific way with a Buck doppelganger it would be so interesting. With the Shannon/Kim doppelganger, the importance of it is for Eddie to finally get closure for himself. To say the things he never got a chance to say to her so he could move on from that relationship. I think a Buck doppelganger can also be used as a way for Eddie to say all the things he couldn't say to Buck before he left. Only, this doesn't serve the purpose of Eddie finding closure and moving on, but as a catalyst for him realizing the full extent of his feelings.

In the present day, Eddie finds himself back in his hometown— a place he tried so hard to run away from— to be there for his son. He built an entire life for himself back in LA and now he's gonna have to start all over again. So he puts himself out there, attempting to meet new people and make new friends. In the process, he ends up meeting a man who looks and sounds a little too much like his best friend. And he knows it's a bad idea; he has had to live with the reality of just how bad an idea this is for months following what happened with Kim. But he misses his best friend so bad. Sure, they talk and do video calls to stay in touch, but it's not the same. He's not there with him in El Paso being a consistent presence in his life, and he feels so lonely without that presence. So he befriends this Buck doppelganger. They hit it off and start to spend more and more time together, and eventually, either Eddie decides to come clean or Buck's doppelganger finds out about his resemblance to Eddie's best friend, prompting Eddie to explain the whole situation and apologize for lying.

Maybe at this point, his Buck had already gone through his 8x11 storyline. He's already been confronted with the idea that his feelings for Eddie aren't platonic, and he's doing everything to push that train of thought aside. He can't entertain the idea that he is in love with his straight best friend, as he likes to say. He needs to distance himself from whatever feelings might be there. Which also includes distancing himself from Eddie. He doesn't answer his calls as much, doesn't make an effort to reach out, finds other distractions so he has an excuse for why he wasn't available to talk, etc. And it's driving Eddie crazy. He's never felt so disconnected from Buck, and it's starting to have an effect on his ability to function at this point.

So when Eddie tells him all this and Buck's doppelganger asks him what he would say to him right now if he could, Eddie throws all caution to the wind.

He says all the things he's been wanting to say, even the things he didn't know he wanted to say. He tells him how sorry he is for leaving. That he knows how deep Buck's abandonment issues run and how painful it is to have another person in his life leave him. How much he would give to have been able to stay and spare him that hurt. Hell, the thought of asking Buck to leave with him had even crossed his mind more than once, but how could he ever ask that of him? Los Angeles was his home. The 118 were his family. He built a stable foundation for himself that he'd never had throughout most of his life. Eddie wasn't going to be the one to take a wrecking ball to that stable foundation. As much as Eddie would like to be, he isn't worthy of that kind of consideration. Who would throw their entire life away to be with him? He would never ask him to make that choice. Just as he knows Buck was never asking Eddie to make a choice between him and Chris. But Eddie felt like that was what he was doing at the time— making a choice between what he wanted and what was best for his son. A choice had to be made whether he liked it or not, and he would always choose his son. But, if pressed on it, he would have to admit that if the choice were between Buck and anyone else? Buck would win every single time. He would say that he missed him and he wanted him to be a constant in his life again, in both their lives again. That the distance being put between them, both literal and figurative, was killing him.

And as he's listening to this— to his newfound friend pouring his heart out to him like he's his best friend— Buck's doppelganger makes the realization that everyone else in their lives has, waits for Eddie to finish what he has to say, and says to him:

"Wow. You must really love him."

And that is the moment. Eddie hears those words, processes them, thinks about everything he just said, everything they had been through together, and realizes.

Oh.

That's what this thing between them has been. That's what all this heartache and loneliness and panic he's been experiencing in the last few weeks has been about.

"Yeah, I do."

And this realization does not just magically fix everything. It's a starting point. He still has to work through what happened with Chris, and this revelation may be a central point to helping him get there. Because it forces him to examine everything about his life up to this point. His relationship with Buck, his relationship with his family, his relationship with Shannon, his relationships with women and his sexuality in general, and his relationship with religion. And once he does all of that, he can make the decision to choose something different, for himself and for Chris. They can reconcile. They can move back to LA, back to their found family with the 118 and Buck. He can love his best friend and choose to make him a part of their family.

I also like the idea of doing a parallel between Shannon and Buck as love interests for Eddie because I do think their relationships share similarities despite all of their differences.

Despite the fact that I do absolutely think Eddie loved Shannon, I do not think he was ever really in love with her. He had a genuine care and love for her, yes, but so much of that care and love was tied up in her relationship to him as the mother of his child, not just as his wife. Her relationship with Eddie will always be a part of who he is, undoubtedly. She was a friend to him, someone he loved, the first person he was ever intimate with, his wife, and the mother of his son. She played so many important roles in his life, and she can be all of those things and still not be the love of his life, nor even someone he necessarily loved in a romantic sense at all. Because they were still just kids when they got together and had Chris. They were still trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted to do with their lives when they got pregnant and rushed into marriage and parenthood. All the decisions that followed that were messy and difficult and their relationship shifted completely overnight. Would they have ever gotten married if they didn't have Christopher? My guess is probably not, but we'll never know for sure. When Kim says to Eddie "I guess she was the love of your life," he doesn't say, "she was," he says, "I think she was." He knows he loved her, but he is unsure if she was ever "the one". In hindsight, I think he looks back on their relationship with rose-colored glasses a lot of the time. He talks about how they were together as if the glimpses we saw of them constantly fighting and leaving each other and avoiding big conversations never happened or weren't as prevalent. They did love each other, but they did not love each other in the ways that either one of them deserved.

Compare that with Eddie's relationship with Buck, and I would argue he has played all of these same roles in Eddie's life that Shannon did, but in a much more harmonious and stable way. He's also the only other character to take on all of these roles in Eddie's life to the extent that he does. They are best friends, they love each other, Buck has become a parental figure of sorts for Chris and would legally be his guardian if anything happened to Eddie, and he has a closeness with Eddie and has done things for him/with him that romantic partners often do. Despite their rocky beginning, they became fast and inseparable friends. They've had each other's backs through nearly every single trial and tribulation that they've faced for the past 7 years. Buck seamlessly fit into both Eddie and Chris' lives as well, all three of them spending so much quality time together. They have been mistaken for a couple before. Buck heard that Eddie was struggling with childcare for Chris and provided a solution without needing to be asked. He helped Eddie find a solution to accommodate Chris' disability when he wanted to try skateboarding. He fought like hell to try to keep Chris safe when the tsunami hit. Whenever they've had major accidents/NDE's in the line of work, they are always each other's primary concern. Eddie made the decision on his own to change his will to make Buck Christopher's legal guardian if anything happened to him, and he is unwavering in his conviction that he would be the only other person besides himself that would fight like hell to make sure Chris has everything he wants and needs. Which could mean nothing, but as a single dad, Eddie's main concern when it comes to dating and marriage has to be how it will affect his son; what kind of parent would the other person be to him? Buck was there for Chris when Eddie got shot. He was the first person Chris ran to when he was angry with Eddie. He was there for both of them when Eddie went through his breakdown. He was there for Eddie when Chris decided to leave. He offered to help Eddie find a new place to live in El Paso. He was present for nearly every showing of his place to find a subletter— this one is actually ridiculous, like there's no way those folks didn't think they were together. And the big one, he chose to give up his apartment to sublease Eddie's house so that Eddie could leave without worrying about expenses. The entire episode we see him struggle with and unintentionally sabotage Eddie's move. The last thing he wants is for another person to leave him, but he willingly and happily put what Eddie and Chris needed over what he wanted in the end. It is one of the most selfless and loving things he could do and he did it.

One of the key similarities that I've noticed between Eddie's relationships with Shannon and Buck is what they get into their most heated arguments about. In both of these relationships, the big fights that each pair has centers around the other person leaving and how that effects them and Chris. Yes, Buck ready has pre-established abandonment issues, but Eddie's issues with other people leaving really only come up in the context of his romantic partners and how them leaving will affect his son. For Eddie and Shannon, it was Eddie running away from his responsibilities as a husband and father twice by enlisting in the army and Shannon doing the same once he came back into their lives. When she attempts to re-enter their lives, the main point of contention is whether or not she'll even stay if Eddie allows her back in. Ultimately, she does decide to leave once she's back in their lives, if only temporarily, to find out who she is as a person independent of her role as a wife and mother when she realizes she's not ready, and I don't blame her for that. But then she dies and that loss is permanent. Eddie doesn't get closure until he meets Kim and gets to say how he feels. How hurt he is that Shannon left seemingly without any consideration for him. She left a note for their son, but left nothing for him and that is devastating. His first major fight with Buck is over the lawsuit. All three of them are forced into a situation where they cannot be in contact because of Buck's decisions, and their confrontation over it is one of the few times we see Eddie so visibly upset. It's not exactly a "leaving" situation per se, but the outcome is similar. Eddie cannot contact his best friend for help, with his own personal issues and with what's going on with Chris. They both miss him; it feels like he left them and Buck made the choice to put them in that position when he didn't have to. The second time they have a big fight, it's over Eddie leaving. More specifically, over Eddie's perceived lack of care about Buck's feelings on the matter. And I say perceived because he obviously does care, it does matter to him that he's leaving his best friend behind. But he can't fully acknowledge to what extent he does and he won't allow himself to because his feelings come secondary to what he thinks he needs to do as a father. I feel I should also note that despite Buck's abandonment issues, it is so telling how he acts in response to Eddie leaving vs how the rest of the 118 act. They all consider Eddie family just as much as Buck, but the degree to which he's crashing out over it would suggest to me that there's more to their relationship than they realize. The proposed scenario with the Buck doppelganger is meant to be the moment where he finally allows himself to be fully, completely honest with himself about what he feels, what he wouldn't say. And in the aftermath, he has to reckon with what that means for him, for Chris, and his relationship with Buck.

Another things of note when it comes to Eddie's relationships: Every time we see Eddie in a relationship with a woman, we often see him run away from it or sabotage the relationship when things start to get more serious. They never work out because there is always something wrong on his end. By contrast, Buck and Eddie are both actively struggling with Eddie leaving. Neither one of them wants him to leave and that is apparent with the shift we see in their behavior. Idk maybe we'll get a gay Eddie storyline. To me it seems like the most logical endpoint for his character. I mean, the guy literally said that he feels like he needs to "perform" when he's out on dates with women... Plus, Tommy did essentially imply that he clocked him in the most recent episode and if there's anyone I'm gonna trust to know he isn't straight, it's the openly gay man who also repressed his feelings for men for decades and almost married a woman.

Tldr; all this to say, Shannon was Eddie's first love and Buck will be his last.

Do I think any of this is actually gonna happen in the show? No, I highly doubt it. But it was a fun little thought experiment about how I think this scenario would play out. I know this is ridiculously long, so if you read to the end, thank you!

i need a sort of reverse 8x09 where when eddie gets back from texas, (maybe all figured out, or maybe not, but some kind of realisation happened there) buck is all ready to start searching for new apartments so he doesn’t crowd the diaz house (even though they definitely don’t see it that way) and eddie keeps finding increasingly ridiculous reasons for buck not to leave, and even starts sabotaging buck’s apartment viewing in order to get him to stay with him and chris.

seeing people get mad at fictional characters for handling their grief differently or trying to moralize it is so weird. especially when it happens with buddie. they both think they're losing their best friend, snd the most solid parts of their support system, and someone they might be in love with, even if they haven't completely figured it out yet. can we spare both of them some sympathy and empathy and stop acting like it's a competition in who's sadder about it? and yes, that includes extending sympathy and empathy towards eddie, too. eddie who’s leaving so much he’s grown to love and lean on behind. eddie who’s literally willingly stepping back into the wolf’s den with his own throat bared because that’s how selfless he is when it comes to his son. eddie who’s trying to power through all of it because he thinks he doesn’t have any other choice. i don’t know how to even try to explain it to anyone but his pain and fear are just as human as buck’s, just as big, just as fragile. if you can see all those complicated layers in buck’s behavior, because there are so many layers to it, you should be able to see them in the way eddie’s dealing with that whole situation, too. not just because he’s objectively in a more precarious position. but maybe just because he deserves it, too.

and if you can’t do that. well.

and actually if you are making people being upset about eddie's absence about like some sort of ship win then fundamentally you are misunderstanding why people are so upset. like, it's INSANE that eddie wasn't there. from just, a general point of view. the fact that a main character of SEVEN YEARS was left out. was not there with his family of SEVEN YEARS when someone deeply important to him died* is crazy and unjustifiable. like, it wasn't egregious because of the buck of it all. it was the fact that eddie should have been there with his family. i literally couldn't give a fuck if tommy was also there. whatever. but including him and not including eddie in a 118 main character death. eddie for whom the 118 is literally his family. who has worked with and loved and supported and been supported by and almost died with these people over and over for the past SEVEN YEARS. that's simply a terrible and absolutely unnecessary choice. and people are justified in being upset by that.

Literally Buck being Eddie’s biggest supporter is so important, Eddie feels so alone and isolated and like he’s on the outside right now, but he’s got Buck. No matter how far away he always has Buck like!!!!!!!!!!!!