I Just Want Them To Be Happy - Blog Posts

Realized today that apparently if a character wears green and their name is four letters that starts with an L, I just fuckin love them. Levi, Loki, Link. I don’t know if there are any more and at this point I’m afraid to find out.

id like to think that at some point in loki’s vast attempts at getting the loom to work he knew he would take a while so he just decided “fuck it” and him and mobius finally got their kiss

(please turn that into a fanfic im too lazy to write plus i suck ass at it)

I need some happy angst in my life right now so here’s Fives living and getting to find Echo.

Once again, posting things from my fic that I think appeal to a wider audience. Ever since I saw Echo was alive, I knew I needed Fives to have been there. It was a pleasure writing this version.

Again, sorry my usual followers, this is stuff in the fics. 

Today’s Sample: Fives learns what Rex discovers and comes along on the mission to rescue Echo.

The context: Fives lives and Ahsoka stays with the 501st. Also Ahsoka has super charged Force powers that cripple her if she uses them too much. She leads the mission to go get Echo. Also Fives and Crosshair one hundred percent got into a fight. (oh and Tup lives too)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

General Skywalker was serious as they explained what had happened.

“I’ll talk to the Council.” He said. “But we will be getting permission.”

Rex knew that meant they were going whether or not they got actual permission. For once, the General was acting as his old self again.

“Go and talk to Fives.” He said. “He’ll want to know.”

“Thank you, sir.” Rex said. 

General Skywalker patted Rex on the shoulder.

“I’ll let you know when we can leave.” He said. “And I’ll see if that Bad Batch can give us a hand.”

Rex and Ahsoka turned to leave before the General spoke again.

“Oh, and Rex?” He said. “I’ll need your- help later, okay?”

Rex repressed a sigh.

“Yes, sir.” He said.

“You’re only back a few days, and he’s making you stand watch during his little meetings with Padme?” Ahsoka asked once they were on the way to the barracks, shaking her head.

“It’s all right most of the time.” Rex said. “Just as long as General Kenobi’s not around.” 

Fives was waiting at the entrance of the barracks for them.

“Rex, Ahsoka.” He said as they approached. “Tup said you had something important to talk to me about?”

“Yes.” Rex said.

“We’ll go to my quarters to talk about it.” Ahsoka said.

Fives’ frown deepened, but he followed them to the small room Ahsoka stayed in.

“Take a seat.” Ahsoka said to Fives, gesturing to her cot. 

Fives did so, looking between them.

“Whatever it is, I didn’t do it, okay?” He said.

It was a weak attempt to diffuse the tension, Rex knew, and Fives’ grin slipped away as Ahsoka and Rex continued to look grim.

Rex gave the outline of the mission: that they suspected an algorithm that could predict Rex’s plans. 

“We found a live signal at the Separatist Cyber Center. From a being on Skako Minor.” Rex said. “When we asked who it was-” 

Rex took a deep breath. He hoped he wasn’t wrong in opening this wound.

“It said it was CT-1409.”

Fives’ eyes widened, his nostrils flared, and he stood immediately.

“When do we leave?” He demanded.

Rex and Ahsoka shared a look.

“Fives, we are going, and soon, but you have to consider that this may be a trap.” Ahsoka said.

“Of course it’s a trap!” Fives said. “They’re using our dead brother to try and lure us in! They have to pay for it!”

“Fives,” Rex said, unsure on how to respond to Fives’ reaction. “Echo could be alive.”

“He’s not.” Fives’ voice had dropped to a low growl. “He’s not. It’s a trick and they have to pay.” “Fives-”

Fives whirled on them, eyes wild.

“Don’t you think I would know if my brother was alive?” He yelled. “I saw him die! I felt it! Echo is dead!”

He stared at them, daring them to say differently. Tears were leaking down his face, unnoticed. 

“Just-just let me know when we leave.” He said.

He pushed past them and out the door.

“Ahsoka.” Rex said. “Can you- can you maybe feel Echo?” 

Ahsoka shook her head.

“But that doesn’t mean he’s for sure dead.” She said. “I couldn’t really feel Master Obi Wan when he was pretending to be that bounty hunter, and sometimes a person can change so much that you can’t recognize them in the Force.”

“I have to believe he’s alive.” Rex said quietly. “It has to be him.” 

"But if it's not?" Ahsoka asked.

"Then I say his name in remembrances again." Rex said. "And move on, like with every fallen brother."

It was a lie. If it was not Echo, Rex did not know if he could move on this time.

Fives shot again and again into the crowd of clankers. His face still throbbed from where Crosshair had landed his only decent punch from their fight earlier. Fives liked to think that the sniper had come off worse for wear from their scuffle. The idiot shouldn't have brought up leaving Echo behind. 

That was why this couldn't be Echo. It was a trap, through and through. Because if Echo was alive, that meant Fives had left his injured brother behind, left him for dead. Fives could have never done that. So Echo wasn't alive. It was just a fact.

Ahsoka led the group through the Techno Union's base. Rex was at Fives' side. The Captain had been high strung and moody this whole mission. He'd nearly attacked Crosshair too and would have if Ahsoka hadn't stopped him. 

Fives vaguely wondered how he'd been acting, if Rex was this bad. 

Fives was forced to admit, the Bad Batch was good. He wouldn't choose to take any of them on missions, as they were all pretentious shebs'e. Except the big one. Wrecker was all right, and was worth a squad of his own. 

He’s a bit like Hardcase Fives thought as he yanked a droid's head from its body and chucked it at another oncoming clanker. He never thought this much during missions. He had a laser focus, only deviating for a well timed joke.

"The signal is coming from in there." Tech said, pointing to a door.

He had been calling it Echo's signal until Fives had threatened to shove his datapad up his unmentionables. It wasn't Echo's signal. It was a trick.

"Open the door!" Rex ordered.

An ugly, amphibian like mug appeared on a screen next to the door.

Fives tuned out most of what Wat Tambor had to say and shot more clankers. 

"Your friend is dead." Fives managed to catch Wat Tambor's words over the blaster fire. 

He knew it.

"Liar!" Rex snarled.

Fives wanted to scream at Rex. He didn't know how the Captain would react to finding out that Tambor was telling the truth. Rex needed to let the delusion go.

"Fives!" 

Fives looked back to see an open door. Rex was beckoning to him. 

"You're with us!" He said.

Fives ducked in with Tech and Rex. Hunter looked back at them.

"I hope you find what you're looking for." He said.

The door closed behind them. They were in a dimly lit chamber with several control desks. The focus of the room seemed to be a strange- Fives couldn't think of any other word than casket.

"I don't like the look of this." Tech said as they moved slowly into the room.

He tapped at his datapad.

"I'm definitely picking up a lifeform in there."

"Signals can be faked." Fives said. 

No one responded. Rex was staring at the casket.

"I think I can get it open." Tech said.

He worked at the controls. Fives stood next to Rex, ready to pull him away from whatever trap was contained in the casket. 

The casket opened.

A body fell forward, hanging from a jungle of cords and wires.

For a horrifying moment Fives thought it was a corpse. Then he saw the flickering of the eyes.

It was alive.

Echo was alive.

Fives moved faster than Rex, ripping his helmet off and climbing up to where Echo was attached. An anguished noise he couldn't remember making echoed around the chamber. He pulled Echo down into his arms. 

"Echo!" Fives said.

Echo made no movement. His skin was freezing, even through Fives' armor and blacks. Fives clutched him harder into his chest.

"Ey'ika, wake up." He said. 

Hot tears were dripping off his nose onto Echo's back, melting the frost.

"Ey'ika, please." He begged. "We're here, we're here. You can wake up now."

He was openly crying now. He was vaguely aware of Rex giving Tech instructions, but he didn't care what the others did. Echo had to wake up. 

Then Echo began to speak.

"We-we have to get to the shuttle-" Echo mumbled. "To escape the Citadel."

Fives' already cracked heart broke into two.

"No! I'll go first."

"No, Echo." Fives said in a rush, rocking Echo back and forth. "No, you're not there."

"No, no!" Echo struggled weakly against Fives' grip.

"You're with me. It's Fives. I'm here." Fives babbled. 

"No!" Echo pushed against Fives one last time before falling back. "Fives?"

His eyes finally focused on Fives' face.

"You- you came back for me." He said.

A fresh wave of tears overcame Fives. He pressed their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry." Fives choked out. "I'm sorry."

Echo shifted against Fives' grip.

"Rex?" He asked.

Rex knelt next to them.

"Yeah, it's me." He said softly.

"What- what happened?" Echo asked. He pulled weakly away from Fives and looked around. "Where am I?"

"It's okay, Echo." Rex said. "You're safe now."

Fives wondered how Rex was staying so calm. How could he reassure Echo that it was okay? It wasn't okay. Didn't he see what they had done to Echo? And they were the ones who left him.

"Just sit tight trooper." Rex said. "You're going home."

He beckoned and suddenly Tech was with them. Fives instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around Echo.

"Fives." Rex said. "We gotta make sure he's okay." 

Fives swallowed. He felt if he let go of Echo, then his brother would suddenly disappear and Fives would find that it was a dream. He released Echo and gently positioned himself so that Tech could get a look, but kept one arm around Echo's shoulders.

Tech was surprisingly gentle as he checked Echo over. Even still, every so often Echo would shudder or flinch.

Fives took in Echo’s condition as Tech worked. Echo was so, so thin. He was ghostly pale and his now faded eyes were too large in his face. But the worst thing was what they had added. Metal studded the skin of his back, his stomach, his chest, his head. Wires were screwed into his left arm, and his right- Fives swallowed bile as he looked at the inhuman scomp they had replaced his right hand with. As far as Fives could tell, Echo’s legs were also mechanical. For a second, Fives was overwhelmed with how little of his brother was left. 

"Unfortunately there isn't much I can tell without a good scanner." Tech said after a moment. "As I suspected, most of the useful information will come from the data here."

He stood and handed Fives a canteen.

"He is dehydrated." Tech said. "Make sure he drinks."

Then he turned back to the controls and started tapping away.

Fives unscrewed the canteen and held it to Echo's lips. Echo grimaced and turned his head away.

"Come on, Ey'ika." Fives encouraged. "Just a little."

Echo opened his mouth and Fives poured a little of the water in, careful not to make his brother choke.

Echo drank slowly at first, and then hungrily. Both his hand and his robotic attachment came up to steady the canteen as he gulped.

"Slow down." Fives said.

Echo's eyes widened and he pushed away at the canteen. He only moved it a little bit, but it was enough space for him to hunch over and vomit the water over his and Fives' laps. It hadn't had time to warm in Echo's stomach and the cool, yellowish liquid soaked into Fives' blacks. 

"S-sorry." Echo mumbled, attempting to wipe at his mouth.

"It's okay." Fives soothed.

Echo stared at the canteen. His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed, his thirst evident.

"Hey Tech!" Fives said. "He threw up the water."

Tech glanced at them.

"His stomach's size has been reduced considerably." He said. "Only let him take sips every few minutes."

"You hear that, Echo?" Rex asked.

Echo nodded.

"Do you remember how you got here, Echo?" Rex asked after Echo had had a few sips.

Fives shot Rex a glare. Echo didn't need to be interrogated right now.

"No." Echo said softly. "I-I just remember trying- trying to get to the shuttle and then- and then-"

He clutched at his head with his hand. He was trembling under Fives' arm.

"That's all right, trooper." Rex said. "Just relax. Do you think you can stand?" 

Echo put his hand on Fives' shoulder, pressing down. He managed to get to his feet, but he swayed. He took a step but immediately lost balance. Fives caught him and helped him back down.

"It'll be fine." Fives said. "I'll carry him."

Rex nodded. He placed his hand on Echo's shoulder again for a moment before standing and taking a defensive position near the front of the room.

It wasn't long before Ahsoka came into the room.

“Things are almost under control out there.” She said. "How's it going in here?"

"I'm still trying to decrypt Echo's cerebral interface." Tech said promptly. "Until I do, we cannot disconnect him from this computer system."

She came forward and knelt in front of Echo. “Echo.” She called softly.

Echo, who had retreated into his own mind, started and looked up.

“Com-commander?” He stuttered. “What-what happened to you?”

Ahsoka gave a small laugh. Fives’ own smile disappeared when he saw the look on Echo’s face.

“How long have I been here?” Echo whispered.

“We can talk about that later.” Ahsoka said. “How do you feel?”

“I-” Echo swallowed. “I’ve been better, sir.”

Ahsoka glanced at Rex and Fives.

“He’s too weak to walk.” Rex supplied. “He’s very disoriented. Can’t remember how he got here.”

Ahsoka nodded.

“Have you called in the extraction squad?”

“I tried.” Rex said. “Signals are-patchy here. I don’t think I got through.”

Ahsoka grimaced.

“Well, we’ve been in worse binds.”

 The rest of the Batch had come into the room.

Fives ignored their reports and turned back to Echo. His brother was shivering and damp from the melting frost. All Fives could do was hold his brother close.

Echo seemed to fade in and out of reality. Occasionally he would jerk and whisper his number again. 

"I've got it!" Tech declared. "We can unplug him now."

Rex approached and Fives helped Echo turn around. Fives held him steady as Rex ripped the connections out. Echo jerked and gasped after each one. The last one sent him sprawling onto Fives' shoulder, coughing. He lay still for a second.

"Echo?" Fives asked.

He pushed Echo off of him and held him at arm's length. To his surprise, Echo was sitting upright by himself. When he looked into Fives' eyes, there was a light that wasn't there before. A smile touched his lips.

"I got a big headache." He declared.

Fives gave a laugh that verged on a sob. Echo was free.

Fives helped Echo up the Marauder's ramp, despite his brother's protests.

"I can walk, Fives."

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Fives replied. 

Echo's snort of laughter made Fives' heart swell.

Behind them Rex carried Ahsoka. Saving all of their shebs'e had put her firmly out of commission. 

Fives figured that spewing forth masses of lightning would take it out of anyone.

The battle alongside the Poletec had been going badly. Fives had had the traitorous thought of wishing they had a Jedi with real lightsabers. Ahsoka's electrostaffs had been useless against the tri-droids. Hunter and Rex had been making some progress on them, courtesy of Wrecker chucking them on top of the droids.

Then one had made the mistake of turning its sights on Crosshair and Echo. 

Fives had shouted, but Ahsoka had acted. Fives could still see in his mind her flinging her hands forward in a desperate attempt to stop the tri-droid from firing. Instead of an invisible push, a barrage of green bolts of electricity had sprung from her fingers. It had overwhelmed the tri-droid and it toppled over into its fellow, bringing them both down.

After they'd taken out the rest of the droids, they'd found Ahsoka unable to move, but able to curse loudly. Rex had carried her the entire way back.

Fives had been impressed, but Ahsoka seemed somewhat upset about it. General Skywalker had told stories about Dooku's ability to use lightning. Allegedly it was something only Sith could do.

Fives figured there was a first time for everything. Ahsoka was the furthest thing from a Sith one could get, at least according to Fives' limited understanding.

Echo stumbled and Fives quickly steadied him. 

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." Echo said. "Just a little tired."

"I suspect you are feeling more than 'a little tired.' Tech said. "The adrenaline that has kept you functioning the last several hours should be wearing off."

Fives had Echo sit on one of the Marauder's seats. Looking into his brother's eyes, Fives guessed Tech was right. Echo's eyelids were drooping.

On the other side of the ship, Rex was lifting Ahsoka onto one of the sleeping racks.

"Does this happen to you a lot?" Wrecker asked Ahsoka. "Cause this is the second time-"

Rex shot Wrecker a look, but Ahsoka laughed. 

"It's a recent development." She said. "Doesn't happen as often as it used to though."

"Here." Fives looked up to see Hunter holding out a set of blacks and a blanket.

"Thanks." Fives said, accepting them. 

He nudged Echo, who'd been staring into space. 

"Tech says he shouldn't eat anything right now." Hunter went on as Fives began helping Echo get the blacks on. "But he's getting nutrition and saline shots ready."

Fives nodded his thanks. Echo kept zoning out, making dressing him a little difficult. Finally Fives got Echo settled with the blanket wrapped tightly around him. Fives removed his own upper armor and put an arm around Echo. For the first time since they'd freed him from that casket, Echo stopped shivering.

It wasn't until the Marauder had taken off that Tech came by with several hypos.

"Echo." Fives said softly.

Echo blinked at Fives and then saw the needles. His eyes widened.

"No-" He croaked and jerked away from Tech. "No more, get away from me-"

"Echo!" Fives held his brother firm. "Echo, you're safe. These are going to help you."

Echo shook his head.

"No more." He said again. "No more."

"You will have to hold him." Tech said. "I will administer a sedative first."

"I'm not gonna hold him down!" Fives said. "Not like they did!"

Tech pushed at his goggles and frowned.

"Echo." Ahsoka said. "Be calm."

Fives could feel the power in her words. Echo stopped struggling. He meekly allowed Tech to roll up his sleeve and give him the first shot, though he was trembling. He flinched hard as the needle pierced his skin. Fives let out a breath as Echo's head fell onto his shoulder.

"Excellent." Tech said. 

He administered the other two shots. Fives tucked his brother in closer and settled down. 

The Batch migrated to the cockpit. Fives suspected they were uncomfortable with their ship so overtaken by strangers. There were a few minutes of indistinct conversation before the only sound on the ship was the hum of the engines.

Fives looked down at Echo. The shadows under his eyes were so dark. Fives wondered why. Wasn’t stasis like sleeping? He’d have to ask Kix when they returned. Maybe they just looked dark because of Echo’s ghostly skin. 

Clones didn't have much to lose in terms of body weight. They were slim, efficient machines. But Echo was skeletal. His bony shoulder dug painfully into Fives' side.

Fives suddenly became terrified for Echo. Did he meet the standards anymore? Could he do what was required of him as a soldier?

That thought made Fives even more sick to his stomach. Echo, if he wanted to live, had to become a soldier again. Looking down at him, Fives thought that he'd never seen anyone who looked less ready to go to war. Fives didn't want him to, either. He wanted Echo to have the chance to forget about what he'd been through. The war would make that impossible.

Echo twitched in his sleep and let out a soft groan. Fives didn't want to imagine what horrors lurked behind Echo's eyelids. 

"You're safe, Echo." Fives muttered. "I'm here."

Echo stilled again. Fives mentally prepared himself for a long trip. Echo would need him and Fives would be there. It wouldn't make up for the years he'd left Echo alone, but he would be there. 

He would not sleep. Not when there was the chance of waking and finding that Echo’s return was a dream.

Mando’a: 

shebs’e: asses

Ey’ika: Little Eyayah, Fives’ special nickname for Echo

Eyayah: Echo

And then later they fight about Echo going with the Bad Batch and it’s the last conversation they have before Fives takes a blaster bolt for Ahsoka after Rex’s chip activates. And then Fives nearly dies because they don’t have enough bacta. But then he recovers and bullies his way into the Bad Batch. And somehow I torture him less than in my other fic.

Okay, but imagine this: Eddie feelings realization brought about through another lookalike/doppelganger storyline. I know this sounds out-there, but considering the whole Shannon/Kim storyline was an actual thing that existed in the show— and we know how much the writers love doing parallels and they've been doing some very fanfiction-esque stoylines with 8b— I don't think this is completely outside the realm of possibility so stay with me on this completely ridiculous stream of thought for a bit.

Now I was not and am still not really a fan of the whole Shannon/Kim doppelganger storyline but I think if they did it again in a very specific way with a Buck doppelganger it would be so interesting. With the Shannon/Kim doppelganger, the importance of it is for Eddie to finally get closure for himself. To say the things he never got a chance to say to her so he could move on from that relationship. I think a Buck doppelganger can also be used as a way for Eddie to say all the things he couldn't say to Buck before he left. Only, this doesn't serve the purpose of Eddie finding closure and moving on, but as a catalyst for him realizing the full extent of his feelings.

In the present day, Eddie finds himself back in his hometown— a place he tried so hard to run away from— to be there for his son. He built an entire life for himself back in LA and now he's gonna have to start all over again. So he puts himself out there, attempting to meet new people and make new friends. In the process, he ends up meeting a man who looks and sounds a little too much like his best friend. And he knows it's a bad idea; he has had to live with the reality of just how bad an idea this is for months following what happened with Kim. But he misses his best friend so bad. Sure, they talk and do video calls to stay in touch, but it's not the same. He's not there with him in El Paso being a consistent presence in his life, and he feels so lonely without that presence. So he befriends this Buck doppelganger. They hit it off and start to spend more and more time together, and eventually, either Eddie decides to come clean or Buck's doppelganger finds out about his resemblance to Eddie's best friend, prompting Eddie to explain the whole situation and apologize for lying.

Maybe at this point, his Buck had already gone through his 8x11 storyline. He's already been confronted with the idea that his feelings for Eddie aren't platonic, and he's doing everything to push that train of thought aside. He can't entertain the idea that he is in love with his straight best friend, as he likes to say. He needs to distance himself from whatever feelings might be there. Which also includes distancing himself from Eddie. He doesn't answer his calls as much, doesn't make an effort to reach out, finds other distractions so he has an excuse for why he wasn't available to talk, etc. And it's driving Eddie crazy. He's never felt so disconnected from Buck, and it's starting to have an effect on his ability to function at this point.

So when Eddie tells him all this and Buck's doppelganger asks him what he would say to him right now if he could, Eddie throws all caution to the wind.

He says all the things he's been wanting to say, even the things he didn't know he wanted to say. He tells him how sorry he is for leaving. That he knows how deep Buck's abandonment issues run and how painful it is to have another person in his life leave him. How much he would give to have been able to stay and spare him that hurt. Hell, the thought of asking Buck to leave with him had even crossed his mind more than once, but how could he ever ask that of him? Los Angeles was his home. The 118 were his family. He built a stable foundation for himself that he'd never had throughout most of his life. Eddie wasn't going to be the one to take a wrecking ball to that stable foundation. As much as Eddie would like to be, he isn't worthy of that kind of consideration. Who would throw their entire life away to be with him? He would never ask him to make that choice. Just as he knows Buck was never asking Eddie to make a choice between him and Chris. But Eddie felt like that was what he was doing at the time— making a choice between what he wanted and what was best for his son. A choice had to be made whether he liked it or not, and he would always choose his son. But, if pressed on it, he would have to admit that if the choice were between Buck and anyone else? Buck would win every single time. He would say that he missed him and he wanted him to be a constant in his life again, in both their lives again. That the distance being put between them, both literal and figurative, was killing him.

And as he's listening to this— to his newfound friend pouring his heart out to him like he's his best friend— Buck's doppelganger makes the realization that everyone else in their lives has, waits for Eddie to finish what he has to say, and says to him:

"Wow. You must really love him."

And that is the moment. Eddie hears those words, processes them, thinks about everything he just said, everything they had been through together, and realizes.

Oh.

That's what this thing between them has been. That's what all this heartache and loneliness and panic he's been experiencing in the last few weeks has been about.

"Yeah, I do."

And this realization does not just magically fix everything. It's a starting point. He still has to work through what happened with Chris, and this revelation may be a central point to helping him get there. Because it forces him to examine everything about his life up to this point. His relationship with Buck, his relationship with his family, his relationship with Shannon, his relationships with women and his sexuality in general, and his relationship with religion. And once he does all of that, he can make the decision to choose something different, for himself and for Chris. They can reconcile. They can move back to LA, back to their found family with the 118 and Buck. He can love his best friend and choose to make him a part of their family.

I also like the idea of doing a parallel between Shannon and Buck as love interests for Eddie because I do think their relationships share similarities despite all of their differences.

Despite the fact that I do absolutely think Eddie loved Shannon, I do not think he was ever really in love with her. He had a genuine care and love for her, yes, but so much of that care and love was tied up in her relationship to him as the mother of his child, not just as his wife. Her relationship with Eddie will always be a part of who he is, undoubtedly. She was a friend to him, someone he loved, the first person he was ever intimate with, his wife, and the mother of his son. She played so many important roles in his life, and she can be all of those things and still not be the love of his life, nor even someone he necessarily loved in a romantic sense at all. Because they were still just kids when they got together and had Chris. They were still trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted to do with their lives when they got pregnant and rushed into marriage and parenthood. All the decisions that followed that were messy and difficult and their relationship shifted completely overnight. Would they have ever gotten married if they didn't have Christopher? My guess is probably not, but we'll never know for sure. When Kim says to Eddie "I guess she was the love of your life," he doesn't say, "she was," he says, "I think she was." He knows he loved her, but he is unsure if she was ever "the one". In hindsight, I think he looks back on their relationship with rose-colored glasses a lot of the time. He talks about how they were together as if the glimpses we saw of them constantly fighting and leaving each other and avoiding big conversations never happened or weren't as prevalent. They did love each other, but they did not love each other in the ways that either one of them deserved.

Compare that with Eddie's relationship with Buck, and I would argue he has played all of these same roles in Eddie's life that Shannon did, but in a much more harmonious and stable way. He's also the only other character to take on all of these roles in Eddie's life to the extent that he does. They are best friends, they love each other, Buck has become a parental figure of sorts for Chris and would legally be his guardian if anything happened to Eddie, and he has a closeness with Eddie and has done things for him/with him that romantic partners often do. Despite their rocky beginning, they became fast and inseparable friends. They've had each other's backs through nearly every single trial and tribulation that they've faced for the past 7 years. Buck seamlessly fit into both Eddie and Chris' lives as well, all three of them spending so much quality time together. They have been mistaken for a couple before. Buck heard that Eddie was struggling with childcare for Chris and provided a solution without needing to be asked. He helped Eddie find a solution to accommodate Chris' disability when he wanted to try skateboarding. He fought like hell to try to keep Chris safe when the tsunami hit. Whenever they've had major accidents/NDE's in the line of work, they are always each other's primary concern. Eddie made the decision on his own to change his will to make Buck Christopher's legal guardian if anything happened to him, and he is unwavering in his conviction that he would be the only other person besides himself that would fight like hell to make sure Chris has everything he wants and needs. Which could mean nothing, but as a single dad, Eddie's main concern when it comes to dating and marriage has to be how it will affect his son; what kind of parent would the other person be to him? Buck was there for Chris when Eddie got shot. He was the first person Chris ran to when he was angry with Eddie. He was there for both of them when Eddie went through his breakdown. He was there for Eddie when Chris decided to leave. He offered to help Eddie find a new place to live in El Paso. He was present for nearly every showing of his place to find a subletter— this one is actually ridiculous, like there's no way those folks didn't think they were together. And the big one, he chose to give up his apartment to sublease Eddie's house so that Eddie could leave without worrying about expenses. The entire episode we see him struggle with and unintentionally sabotage Eddie's move. The last thing he wants is for another person to leave him, but he willingly and happily put what Eddie and Chris needed over what he wanted in the end. It is one of the most selfless and loving things he could do and he did it.

One of the key similarities that I've noticed between Eddie's relationships with Shannon and Buck is what they get into their most heated arguments about. In both of these relationships, the big fights that each pair has centers around the other person leaving and how that effects them and Chris. Yes, Buck ready has pre-established abandonment issues, but Eddie's issues with other people leaving really only come up in the context of his romantic partners and how them leaving will affect his son. For Eddie and Shannon, it was Eddie running away from his responsibilities as a husband and father twice by enlisting in the army and Shannon doing the same once he came back into their lives. When she attempts to re-enter their lives, the main point of contention is whether or not she'll even stay if Eddie allows her back in. Ultimately, she does decide to leave once she's back in their lives, if only temporarily, to find out who she is as a person independent of her role as a wife and mother when she realizes she's not ready, and I don't blame her for that. But then she dies and that loss is permanent. Eddie doesn't get closure until he meets Kim and gets to say how he feels. How hurt he is that Shannon left seemingly without any consideration for him. She left a note for their son, but left nothing for him and that is devastating. His first major fight with Buck is over the lawsuit. All three of them are forced into a situation where they cannot be in contact because of Buck's decisions, and their confrontation over it is one of the few times we see Eddie so visibly upset. It's not exactly a "leaving" situation per se, but the outcome is similar. Eddie cannot contact his best friend for help, with his own personal issues and with what's going on with Chris. They both miss him; it feels like he left them and Buck made the choice to put them in that position when he didn't have to. The second time they have a big fight, it's over Eddie leaving. More specifically, over Eddie's perceived lack of care about Buck's feelings on the matter. And I say perceived because he obviously does care, it does matter to him that he's leaving his best friend behind. But he can't fully acknowledge to what extent he does and he won't allow himself to because his feelings come secondary to what he thinks he needs to do as a father. I feel I should also note that despite Buck's abandonment issues, it is so telling how he acts in response to Eddie leaving vs how the rest of the 118 act. They all consider Eddie family just as much as Buck, but the degree to which he's crashing out over it would suggest to me that there's more to their relationship than they realize. The proposed scenario with the Buck doppelganger is meant to be the moment where he finally allows himself to be fully, completely honest with himself about what he feels, what he wouldn't say. And in the aftermath, he has to reckon with what that means for him, for Chris, and his relationship with Buck.

Another things of note when it comes to Eddie's relationships: Every time we see Eddie in a relationship with a woman, we often see him run away from it or sabotage the relationship when things start to get more serious. They never work out because there is always something wrong on his end. By contrast, Buck and Eddie are both actively struggling with Eddie leaving. Neither one of them wants him to leave and that is apparent with the shift we see in their behavior. Idk maybe we'll get a gay Eddie storyline. To me it seems like the most logical endpoint for his character. I mean, the guy literally said that he feels like he needs to "perform" when he's out on dates with women... Plus, Tommy did essentially imply that he clocked him in the most recent episode and if there's anyone I'm gonna trust to know he isn't straight, it's the openly gay man who also repressed his feelings for men for decades and almost married a woman.

Tldr; all this to say, Shannon was Eddie's first love and Buck will be his last.

Do I think any of this is actually gonna happen in the show? No, I highly doubt it. But it was a fun little thought experiment about how I think this scenario would play out. I know this is ridiculously long, so if you read to the end, thank you!

projecting my thoughts onto my current hyperfixation don't mind me🫠😗( "house song" by searows on tt got me in the mood)