The Fact That I’m Not Diagnosed With Autism Fucking Sucks. Like, Many People Have Told Me They Think

My mom keeps trying to convince me that smut isn’t porn

Here’s my thought on the type of magical beings in bureau of magical things:

As we know, they exist. In the series they mention; trolls, tree nymphs, mermaids, gnomes, goblins, Minotaurs, ogres, pixies, dragons, and hobgoblins.

Now my theory is that these all fall into three categories

1: things that are sub categories of fairy/elf

2:things that are “accidents”

3: things that don’t exist

For group one these are things that are very similar to a fairy or an elf. For example pixies, and tree nymphs, gnomes

Group two are things that aren’t supposed to exist and happened through some magical accident. These would be like the minautaur, dragon and mermaids,

And group three would be creatures that are only mentioned as insults. It would be the same way we would use those as insults. If you call someone an ogre it’s an insult even though ogres don’t exist. Some of these would be ogres and trolls, goblins and hobgoblins

I hate having gender dysphoria.

I am a chatty person, I love talking. I am basically hyper verbal. But as soon as I get dysphoric I can’t talk. I hate the way my voice sounds so much. I don’t know how to fix that before going on t and I can’t stand it.

big mouth (probably)

Nick kroll: so then I’ll say this

Producer: ok

N: then I’ll say this

P:ok?

N:then I’ll say this like I’m angry

P: oh?

N: and then finally I’ll say this and we cut to the intro

P: were they’re budget cuts in this show?

I love complaining. Complaining is such a universal activity.

Early in the week, it’s Monday 🙄

Hungry, I haven’t eaten In AGES

Tired, I need a nap

The complaints just keep coming

I’ll complain about school, I’ll complain about classmates, I’ll complain about being trans, I’ll complain about being mentally ill.

I don’t actually want to fix anything I just LOVE to complain

“I could not stay right here for a bootty call” @grey-loves-dragons

I’m starting to realize I don’t actually dislike touch, I dislike that I can’t immediately stop being touched. Like I’m ok with hugs, but as soon as I’m done with hugs I need to be let go.

I told my Christian friends about me and my qpr and it didn’t go horribly. They didn’t even say it was just besties!!!!

Here’s a post by my best friend about what’s going on and if you want to help, report @darling for harrasment.

okay my side of the story

under the cut because i know most of you are sick of this (very understandably)

Darling messaged me a week or two ago and asked to help out in the community

after adding them as a mod they reiterated that they wanted to help as an admin so that they could edit guidelines. i was unsure about this but gave them my trust because they have experience modding.

i made a draft of a new pinned post and new rules in the autism mod community so that our mods could give their input. i was waiting for the original poll in the main community to be over before i posted it. in the mean time a they made their own draft of a pinned post. i liked some aspects of theirs but as the creator of the community assumed i would make the final say and pin the post. i made a new version of mine with some aspects of theirs (so that they would know their opinion was being listened to) and posted it in the mod community. they said they liked it.

the poll in the main community was over so i posted it. they got very mad at me for posting it and called me a tyrant. we started beefing in the autism mod community. i retaliated because from my perspective they were getting mad at me and attacking me for nothing. i didnt originally understand what they were upset about. after talking today it turns out the whole thing they were mad about was me “stealing” the post. i apologized and reiterated that i thought we had agreed to post it

i asked the mod community what they thought of all this and Darling banned every mod that disagreed with them

i then started to get rather upset because i felt they were power tripping and being uncooperative.

they banned my partner for sharing his opinion. and albeit i started to take it a little too personally

i made a poll asking the mods if they wanted darling to keep doing what they were doing. they deleted it and made their own. it’s at this point i removed the new mod because i didn’t want new mods brought into the middle of this

Darling and i talked it out in dms and came to a tentative stalemate after i heard their side of the story and i calmed down

then comes this after noon

Darling made a post asking people to consider blazing their post about their charity community

i acknowledged that it was a good community but that it went against guideline number 7

they proceeded to say that no one cares about the guidlines and that they don’t have to follow them

i disagreed

they got mad at me for suggesting that they’re post was against the guidelines

i, being very tired of this asked them to step down.

this didn’t go well and they started being hostile and threatening the community

as we are both admins i have no power to remove them to the community

i took the the Autism page because i thought if anyone could do anything it would be the wider community seeing what’s happened and making their own opinions. Darling has deleted every post i’ve made on the situation and banned every member who has spoken out in support of me

we have both reported the other for harassment. i suppose now we wait and see what happens

I hate:

How often I need to go to therapy

How my mom treats my mental health

How my mom reacts to my choice to set boundaries

How my mom reacts to my plan in the future

The fact that my mom doesn’t like me having in person friends because she needs to drive me

The fact that even my best friends mom sees my moms flaws

The fact that I can’t do what I’m supposed to for my age but my mom refuses to get me diagnosed with ASD so I don’t have any conformation

The fact that the only person who treats me like I’m enough is my best friend

My English teacher

That one bitch in all my classes

All the stupid things my mom yells at me for

The fact that my mom said “I worry about you but I worry about how much you’re missing school for this” in response to me explain that my therapist wants me to go back next week

In conclusion: I am burnt out and can’t distinguish emotions except being angry and missing my best friend. Everything else feels muted and hopeless