It's Not Like I Even Hate Her She's Cool I Think She's Awesome. I Hate This. I Hate Being Like This.

I have this strange yearning in my soul. Idk what it is or why I can't have it but I want it. I need it like the human body needs air and water. I'm starved, robbed, of it. It's hurting me, making me weak and pathetic. I want to carve my heart and make art with it to sooth my pain. I crave what I cannot have and I don't even know what it is.

Feelings and emotions are so abstract it feels like an illness to me. Only my emotions. I want them gone it would make life so much better. But I'd be so empty and dull. It's annoying. I want it dead, all of it, all of me. But not forever dead, just dead enough to reset. A reincarnation.

Someone make my brain normal pls

Low key thinking I'm not ready for any relationship other than one with a therapist at this point. I need to get my shit together but y'know I have friends a boyfriend and a bunch of complicated feelings plus the burning want of affection. KMS istg.

if you can’t eat a whole meal, eat half. you ate, that’s what is important.

if you can’t get out of bed, try and sit up instead of lying down. it’ll be better for your back and your blood pressure.

if you can’t shower or have a bath today, try and brush your teeth and clean your ears. it’ll keep you a little cleaner, and we often forget those areas. 

if you can’t get dressed today, change underwear and use some deoderant. it’ll leave you a little fresher until you have the strength to change fully.

and remember, i’m very proud of you. your best will look different every day, and that’s okay.

I think we're mutuals lol

Anyways the word I thought of was Ethereal.

@brontekotlcyan and I can't remember my other mutuals names help omfg 😭

Quick ! Think of a word you like ! 

Not necessarily your favorite word, it doesn’t even have to be a word you usually like ! Just a word that right now, at this moment, you look at and think “ooh what about this one”.

It can be a word you find funny, pretty, strange, pure, anything really ! You don’t need to tell me why you choose that word (though I’d love to know if you want to tell me), just give me a word ! 

(It’d be lovely if we made this into a chain but there’s no pressure <3)

oooh um MYTHIC

Yeah.

No pressure: @sleepinginmygrave @thespaceoddities @picklerab23 @hotdamnitsmoony @good-oldfashioned-lover-girl @her-midas-touch @daydream-of-a-wallflower @addsalwayssick @a-beautiful-fool @mxed-salad-greens @vintagetee13 @idk-what-to-put-here-123 and anyone else that wants to

I love this idea <3

thanks for being around, you're really cool as a matter of fact

Idk who you are but I appreciate this so much. Thank you anon <3

TW for idk depression or whatever.

I hate it. I hate all of it.

I crave connection, I grave love of all kinds, I want peace. I can't seem to have any of it. No matter how hard I try I can't feel romantic love, or even feel a real connection with people. The only time I get something close to that feeling is when I get attached to a piece of media.

I'm so alone but not in the sense that I don't have people in my life but in the sense that I don't have connection. It's like a prison and I can't escape it.

I feel like a monster in chains locked away in a deep dark pit of hell. Maybe I deserved it but I don't know. I just know that my emotions are so volatile that I hate it. I hate me. I hate everything about me, but I don't even know who me is. I hate the way my body is, more than just being trans but also because it's not what I want it to be. I hate my personality because I can't understand it. I hate myself because I don't understand it.

No mather how hard I try I always fall into something deeper then before. I hate it. I'm scared, tired, and fucking angry. So fucking scared and angry.

It's like a wild mutt that bites anything that comes near, threat or not.

I just want to stop. All of it. Just not exist. Not even die just, no existence. I shouldn't have been born, I shouldn't have survived my first attempt at 7, and I shouldn't be here. I should be gone. I shouldn't exist. I'm not built for anything that society sees and being human.

I want to go home. But what is home?

The worst part is I feel guilty for simply existing. Everything I do and feel and think is like a slap onto my mother's face. What's even worse is the fact a part of me still hates her.

It's horrible and I want it to end. I want it all to end. It's driving me crazy. I'm going fucking insane. It's a never ending cycle. It gets better and I think things are going okay and then one thing fucks it all up. Everything slams me down into the floor and I look like a fool. It's like the fucking universe wants me to continuously suffer.

I hate it when people tell me that it'll get better or when religious people try to tell me that I'm gods strongest soldier. I hate it when people tell me I'm strong and brave and all that bullshit. Cut the fucking crap, I know what I am. I'm a fucking shattered mess that's terrified and will cut anything without warning.

I'm mean. I'm scared. I'm tried. I'm bored. I'm empty. I'm nothing. I'm everything.

It's insanity. Just make it stop. Make it all stop. Please. I'm so tired. Let me disappear.

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈🌈

Uhmmm this is hard.

I like my hair and eyes, that's two.

I like how I protect people. That's three.

Uhmmm. Dawg this is hard 😭

I like how decent I am at keeping my mental health good ish? I also like how despite having ASPD I am a decent person I guess? That's five.

So yeah. Fun :)

I am Kelly, My family is in danger. They are trapped in a city in Gaza called Rafah. They fled there because my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and the only chemo treatment she could receive was there. Due to a militia that is increasingly taking over the country and bombing hospitals, all of the disabled, sick and elderly had to flea to Rafah to get medical treatment. Hundreds of thousands of Gaza people fled out of Rafah earlier this week after the militia overtook the Gaza military. My family was unable to flee because my grandmother is elderly and sick.

As of yesterday, my grandmother, disabled aunt, aunt who is sick with Malaria and my two teenage girl cousins were trapped at the top of an apartment building that has been overtaken by militia. They are helpless.

My aunts are sick and they have been injured. My two cousins are just children. Please help my family in one of two ways.

I'm sorry that happened to you and your family, but I don't know how to help. I'm a teenage kid in America, would reposting links to resources that are looking to help you all do something? If so what links could I use that are actually helping.

I am Dr. Imtithal, living in the besieged northern Gaza Strip. For 11 months, we have lost our lives. We have lost everything. I have lost my brother, my home, our money, our source of livelihood, my profession as a dentist, and all our memories. Our lives have become difficult. We cannot obtain the necessities of life, such as water, food, medicine, and shelter. We live a difficult life in a school as a shelter for us after we lost our home. We cannot obtain a clean life and we suffer from the spread of diseases. Every so often we are displaced. We cannot settle in a place because of the intensity of the bombing. I hope you can help me so that I can protect my family, which consists of 35 people, most of whom are children...

I don't know how to help, not can I because j have my own life issues to tend to but I will repost this so people can help.

I love my boyfriend, I really do. He's probably the healthiest relationship I've had in my life too, but I just.

I'm a very private, introverted, and closed off person. I like my alone time, I don't talk often unless you get me started on things, and I typically don't like people. Tbh I have a hard time being nice to people, including people I love and like.

My boyfriend is very clingy, which is okay, but I don't want him to feel like I'm gonna leave him or get all sad because I want some time alone. Like we're always on call and it's kind of bothering me? Not because it's him, but because I'm technically not having full alone time. I feel guilty because I know he's a very clingy and lovey person, but I really can't be on call with someone for days on end. I love him, but God I need my space.

That and I also am starting to miss being single, because I didn't have to worry about talking to people about my games which usually are romance/character oriented. I feel guilty play these games I have loved for years and use as comfort because I have a boyfriend. Idk.

Like I don't want to leave him but I also can't be surrounded and loved on 24/7. It's not even like we are always talking on call either, it's just the fact I'm not alone that is bothering me sometimes. It's also not all the time that I'm annoyed I'm not alone, more often then not I'm happy to be around him and everything but like when I'm doing my thing and he calls me I get agitated.

It kind of reminds me of when you're doing something and someone interrupts you and you love them but now you're very upset.

Also I want us to take it slow because I do have commitment issues and attachment issues and it kind of feels like we're rushing it at the same time. Like yes, one day in far future I'll marry him (maybe, idk how life will go) but like rn can we just vibe?

I'm also feeling guilty cuz I am in the ace scale (not sure what ace I am but I know I'm ace) and he's a very sexual person while I'm very like. I use it to cope, like a bad coping skill and to deal with stress. Sexual things are kind of something I have a love hate relationship with? Cuz due to trauma I'm a hypersexual and I hate it because I kind of don't want to have sex ever. I mean imagination and fictional stuff I'm all for but I am very neutral and sometimes against doing stuff irl. He even thought that he wasn't satisfying my needs because my ace ass hasn't done anything sexual and honestly didn't want to.

Idk. I personally don't think I'm ready for a relationship at all, honestly I don't think I really need one. I think I'm fine being single and having friends (even though I honestly only have my best friend and a few online friends), a relationship is kind of my last priority. I feel a little bad for that mindset but I'm also borderline poor and have sever health issues plus a lot of trauma I went through recently so like ... Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I still love my boyfriend and I don't plan on leaving him unless he fucks up or I quite literally cannot handle it, I'm just kind of upset or smt?

Maybe I'm just not use to someone being so clingy or so lovey and stuff this early on. It's not bad, he's very sweet and everything, I just don't know if I can handle it. I can barely handle myself. I think maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just built wrong or something. I adore him but also ugh relationship. Maybe I just need my alone time back and I'll be good? Idk lmao.

I think I just need to make sure we slow down and go at my pace and let him know that I need my alone time and that, as much as I love him, the relationship isn't my highest priority. He's still a priority just not the highest one. I'm number one. So yeah. Idk.