Look Up “pretty Boy” In The Dictionary And It’s LITERALLY HIM

i hate james wilson i hate his fuckass stance and his stupid gay face and his faggot hair and his big brown doe eyes i hate that prettyboy i want him dead

Being an ugly girl with a crush feels like being a sex offender

The most intimate experience I’ve ever had with another person has got to be when my friend and I drove around for over an hour and she just patiently listened to my rant about House MD and Hilson even tho she had never watched it and it also wasn’t the type of media she engaged in. And half way through the drive she started constructing a playlist specifically of songs that were so Hilson coded “for inspiration” and once there were a few songs on the playlist we started taking turns explaining what exactly in the song FELT Hilson coded and it’s the closest I’ve felt to being understood

My university does this thing called a “lavender graduation” which is just a small commencement ceremony for the queers on campus

And when I don’t socialize much I forget how visibly transgender and queer I am (even when I introduce myself as a cisgender woman)

Which led to me being really confused the past few days about why so many people, many who I didn’t know very well, either asked if I would be attending lavender graduation or they assumed I would be there and asked questions about the event

Like I know I have a mullet and glasses and a stupid sense of fashion but stop clocking me before I clock your shit with a car

https://www.tumblr.com/doomed-to-wanda/747617028751474688?source=share

Inspiration above

TW death, grief

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Five Funerals

They lose Fig first.

Comes with the territory when you're an archdevil - somebody's always looking to take your spot. "Don't worry about it," she says, opening a Planeshift to the recording studio. "It's just the usual rebellious fiends. Icythorz and Bolhondrus and the rest. I'll be back before you know it." She looks resplendent in black leather, the Unfaithable Bass slung across her back, riding the fiery Daymare surrounded in jagged red shards.

Adaine knows before everyone else, but can't believe the vision to be true until she learns that Ayda is gone, too. She scratched every memory of Fig out of her notes before starting over - it was too much pain to bear. The five of them know how it feels.

---5---

It's a few years before they take another hit. Another mission to the Mountains of Chaos, another world-ending calamity to be stopped because Who Else Is Going To Save The World? A small misstep, a miscalculation (six where there should be five, they're only five now) and suddenly the routine becomes deadly.

Riz takes the fall. "It's easier this way," he says, in his last moments. "I'll still see you." And he does. Agent Gukgak Jr., now, with some extra responsibility. But he still comes by. Sometimes. Every so often. Often enough.

---4---

Kristen is next. Only one thing could bring down the most gifted cleric of the age - sacrificing herself for her friends. Third time's the charm when it comes to death, it turns out.

Gorgug is the most hopeful that she'll come back, that she'll find a way again, like in the Nightmare Forest. But Adaine knows this is the end. Even Arthur Aguefort agrees. He quotes Alanis Morissette at her funeral. The followers of Cassandra pull out all the stops.

Adaine, Fabian, and Gorgug have their own ceremony at Ashgrove, next to the Gukgak family plot. It's quiet. Bucky cries into Ragh's shoulder. Aelwyn, Jawbone, and Gertie collect flowers. Tracker stays for a few minutes to say goodbye.

---3---

They quit adventuring after Kristen's funeral. And they don't lose anyone else for a long time. Riz still visits, every few years. They talk about the good old days, how silly it was that Baron was so terrifying when at the end of the day it was an honest conversation that finally did him in. There's rumours that Kristen has ascended to goddesshood herself - Adaine doesn't buy it. She's not the type to be revered.

They come out of retirement for the only reason they would - to bring back one of their own. They finally found Fig's soul, trapped in a ruby in the darkest levels of the Abyss. They can't ask anyone to come with them - it's too dangerous, it's too personal. It's missions like this that kill people.

And when it's all over, when Adaine carries Fabian's burnt, unconscious body back to Morded Manor, they have another funeral to plan.

Gorbag and Roz have already passed, and Wilma and Digby are too old to make preparations, so it falls to Jawbone to organize it. He knows they don't want a lot of fanfare. It's at Ashgrove again, just Adaine and Fabian and the Thistlesprings, and Aelwyn and Ragh. Sandra-Lynn is back in Solace - she sends Adaine a heartfelt text saying she appreciates the invitation, but she can't bring herself to come.

Riz doesn't show for the ceremony - he's desperately scouring the heavenly realms, trying to make sure Gorgug ended up somewhere he wasn't afraid of. Orcish heaven doesn't have him, he reports, and neither does Cassandra.

If he's trapped in the Abyss with Fig, at least they have each other.

---2---

Adaine sees Fabian's death the night of Gorgug's funeral. She needs to prepare, she tells herself. She knows it's going to be hard. She needs all the time she can get, and she needs to know which goodbye will be their last.

They grow old together. Not romantically, although some speculate. Fabian becomes a multiclass advisor at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Adaine works in Bastion City as an archivist, with occasional trips to Fallinel for Oracle services. They go for vacations sometimes, but never for too long. The memories find them no matter where they go. Sometimes Adaine wishes she could be Ayda, scrape off the old wounds and start fresh. Arthur talks about her sometimes. She's never had the same spark as that one lifetime, he says.

Adaine watches the wrinkles grow beside Fabian's eye, watches his hair turn grey, watches the Future of Dance become its Mentor. He trades his Battlesheet for a cane-sword, then a regular cane. He takes to wearing the Gregorian necktie to classes, no matter how much it clashes with his outfit. They both wonder how many of their own teachers lost party members.

Adaine holds Fabian's wrinkled hand on his deathbed, in his old room at Seacaster Manor. He grins, flashes the same perfect teeth as on the first day of Freshman Year. "Bet you didn't see this one coming, did you?"

"I did," she whispers, tears streaming down her young elven face. "I knew it would end like this. But I always hoped it would last forever."

They're the last words he hears.

It's not the first funeral Adaine organizes. All the Bad Kids held one for Buddy Dawn, back in high school. She and Fabian worked together on the services for Jawbone, Ragh, and Chungledown Bim - who finally caught up to Fabian in both of their old ages. It is the first funeral she has to organize alone.

Some of Fabian's students attend. Arthur Aguefort gives a short speech, and a few students hear the story of Kalvaxus' return for the first time. Adaine sits with Aelwyn in the front row, a few seats down from Hallariel. Gilear records the service to show Telemaine later. Riz is somewhere deep undercover - he maybe hasn't even heard yet.

She always knew she'd be the last. She didn't expect it to hurt so much.

---1---

Adaine stumbles through a few years before she finds herself again. They pass so fast without a mortal lifespan to hold up against them. She drifts between Fallinel and Bastion City for the most part, with occasional return trips to Elmville. Aelwyn always has a place for her to stay. Seacaster Manor was turned into a dormitory for Aguefort students who needed a place to study, or sleep, or stay away from home for a while. Tracker converted Morded Manor into a temple/bed-and-breakfast for worshipers of Galicaea. Strongtower Luxury Apartments was demolished soon after Fabian started teaching at Aguefort. It seems like everything is different now.

Adaine visits Leviathan once, on a whim. The Compass Points hasn't changed a bit. On a chance meeting in the stacks, Ayda looks at her with a spark of familiarity.

"Adaine Abernant?"

"Yes... you remember me?"

Ayda shakes her head. "There are mentions of you in my journals. I leave journals for when I regenerate-"

"I know. I remember."

Ayda looks intrigued. "I wrote that you were a great wizard, and a good friend. I hear from other sources that you are the Elven Oracle. Perhaps you can shed some light on why the pages around yours are torn to shreds or redacted to the point of unreadability?"

Adaine places a gentle hand on Ayda's shoulder. "I don't know if you'd want that. You lost someone you cared about, so much that you thought it was better to forget her than to bear the pain of losing her."

Ayda considers this. "Is it better to forget?" she asks. "Would you give up the memories of those you lost, in order to keep a logical mind?"

"No. Not for anything."

"Then we should talk."

Adaine smiles. "I'd like that."

---2---

*end

Thanks for reading all the way through! I wrote most of this at 2am and the conclusion the next morning. Please take a reblog to share with your friends or drop a like to let me know you enjoyed - or hated - the story!

Ask me anything about it, please, I love discussing these kinds of theories!!!

MOVING QUICKLY IS NOT A VIRTUE a zine by me for me. but u can see it too

Reblogged one of those dumb good luck posts yesterday and then got an email 30 minutes later saying that I was selected by my professors to go to a writing conference for free (and it costs minimum 875$ to go)

So now I’m not gonna skip shit like this I am superstitious now

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

Ok ok so yes angst that builds over the course of the narrative and ends with A and B fucking absolutely NASTY is fun and all but consider:

The arc *starts* with A and B fucking nasty once or maybe even a few times (because what else would be a better inciting incident?) and it catches the reader off guard bc isn’t this supposed to be angst? What’s the plot? Is this just self indulgent smut (which is still fine but not what the reader was expecting)

Bc A is happy about it, thrilled even. Feelings have been acted on, things are looking up…even tho they went from 0 to 100 with B it feels normal.

B on the other hand, is a disaster. Repression with a side of pride and a dash of comphet for good measure. It wasn’t until they were literally in bed with A (or a closet, or the back seat of a car) that they even considered A to be an option. At least consciously.

THATS where you get the angst, babie! The angst and the new build up comes in the same way. Arguing, distance, confusion, manipulation…but instead of it being “will they, won’t they” it’s “will they ever again” which is just so DELICIOUS!!!!

Like every time their fingers brush or there’s lingering eye contact or an absentminded comment is made it is colored even worse because THEY’VE ALREADY DONE SOMETHING! SOMETHING HAS ALREADY HAPPENED! A and B both know there’s something there because they broke the bed (or the closet door, or the car seat) so of course they wouldn’t be rejected…right?

And of course after thousands upon thousands of words of angst and slow burn and self destructive behavior they fuck nasty AGAIN but they don’t pull away from each other after

Fic over! Boom! Done! Give me your wallet!

get you a 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 who e

E…..ats the word of the lord. Consumes it from their they/them mouthussy