Hey Can We Get A Fucking Round Of Applause?

you say it's my villain era and what you mean is that when you were six you panicked about wearing the right thing to kindergarten, what you mean is that in middle school nobody was eating, what you mean is that you spent high school prepping for college and college prepping for adulthood and adulthood fucking lost in the system.

what you mean is that you've been good. you were a good team player. you would have never considered yourself perfectionist - those are people more popular, prettier, more successful - but you carry any flaw like a secret in you, terrified someone will desert you for the simple reality of your personhood.

if you were good you could be loved. you could be loved if you were selfless and thoughtful and caring. if you bent over for every person, if you went above-and-beyond, it would absolve you of who you actually were. deep down, how horrible that you had needs. that you had boundaries, that you had desires. you learned young that you cannot afford to cut people out of your life - you would have nothing left. it is better to live in the service of others, to supplicate. to worship. you weren't exceptional, you had to make up for it in some way. to prove to others you were worthy.

if they need you, it's the same thing as loving you. if you are always-there, always-listening, always-friendly, you are filling a role. you have a purpose. you are living correctly.

villain era, you repeat. you mean: yesterday you finally told a man no. for hours afterwards, you couldn't control your heartbeat. you mean: you've been saying positive affirmations on repeat, trying to teach yourself any new thing about how self care is necessary. you mean: three weeks ago, due to a scheduling conflict, you finally told a coworker that no, you couldn't do them a "quick favor". you have felt bad about that ever since. sure, it would have made you work late and it would have been extra stress - but you feel bad about it nevertheless.

you tell your therapist you have been leaning into evil. she asks what that means. when you tell her: sometimes i prioritize my own needs, she doesn't find it funny. she looks at you a long time.

"and that's evil?" she clarifies.

"well," you say. "feels evil to me."

Life Update: Balances & Sister-in-Law

Dear dearest friends,

I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to the people who helped me this past month, about my situation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.❤️❤️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

A lot of you may not know me, but I really appreciate the sweet messages and encouragement that I received. And to some I deeply apologize if I do not respond, to those who become kinda hostile to me towards the situation. Thank you for the reblogs/repost and tagging your friends in spreading my post. Thank you very much. And I am glad that I made friends with most of you as well. You are a life’s blessing 💝💝🙏🙏

I hope everyone is doing alright, despite the world facing the crisis because of Covid-19. Sadly, I am one of those who is greatly affected. Even got infected but I survived. A lost a stable job several months ago and my savings has been drained. I was a working student before in Japan(paying for my tuition & supporting my family), went back home to my homecountry. Because life has been sad to me upon my stay there. Got a job, but the company decided to do retrenchment several months ago, and I was one of the unfortunate employees.

It’s been a month since I posted my letter: Reaching out to you  And like 2 weeks since my second letter: Notice of Eviction & Rescue Thank you for those who helped me. And for the people who is new to this new Letter of mine, please if you have the time. I hope you understand. I know some of you followed me, and as promised I will give update. I have been semi-active in tumblr for these past 2 weeks. Because luckily I was able to get a part-time job but it is only for 2 weeks, until 1st week of March. I worked like 16 hours a day, it is an underpaid job $15. If I work like 8 hours I get a pay of like $7-8/day. In my country you are not paid by hour but by day. Most of the employers though because of cost cutting is not following the standard guidelines of pay stated by our government. And no insurances/benefits. It is better than no job at all, it helps me sustain our daily needs - human & cat food.  I currently live alone. With a dog and many adopted stray cats. Can’t live them dying in the streets. And they are my Furry family. They help me cope with my depression and all.🐱🐶

With the help of everyone’s donation a month has passed I was able to pay for my August 2020 rent. And upon receiving the Notice of Eviction Last Month, I was able to pay the balance from September 2020 to February of this year. Below is the Acknowledgement of Rental Payment, and notarized by the owner.

(Some information is blurred out for privacy, thank you for understanding).

Another update regarding my Electricity Bill I got a new one like 2 weeks ago stating my latest balance. My deepest gratitude for those who donated last time as I was able to pay a partial amount of $250. This is the new latest balance that I need to settle. Sadly, despite the partial payment. I do not have electricity at home now for 3 days now. My kind neighbor lets me connect to their line temporarily. I needed to settle a balance of $1,150(depending on the exchange rate) 😿😿

For the Water Bill, I was able to settle a partial balance of $175 and signed a promisory note. But also needs to be settled soon. As of the moment the amount that needs to be settled is $680(depending on the exchange rate).

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As for my cat Blackie, he is back under my care now and his legs are healed. Thank goodness.🙏🙏 his previous photo(injured photo), is on my first Letter.

I also have a new adopted Cat, and brought him/her home. Still a kitten I will upload the photo on my KoFi. I also uploaded a family of black stray cats that I usually feed at night.

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I am also continuing my every 2 weeks session for my counseling & therapy. I also have to had a major haircut, due to hairloss caused by my extreme pulling - Trichotillomania & stress. I already have a bald spots so it needs to be cut. Goodbye Long Hair - I am loosing my self-confidence. I will just upload the photos on my KoFi. I am also continuing my job applications nonstop, I got interviews but nobody is still calling back to me.

As for my Sister-in-Law & nieces they will be staying with me starting next week. For 2 weeks, I guess. The young ones are still devastated of the situation. I know I have an emotional, mental issues. But I will try my best to help and support them as much as I can.🙏🙏🙏🙏 I am still also paying for the Bank Loan. And they are calling me for updates, I missed a lot of payments for 3 months now. I will try my best to settle it. I still have a long way to go. I hope to get a permanent job soon. $15,000 is killing me. It is still big.🙏🙏🙏🙏 and the person responsible for her accident is already in Jail.

I am still trying to hold-on and be strong to everything. So please….I hope everyone understands my simple plea. No negativities please. And for my long-time friends here in tumblr and who I consider now like my own brothers and sisters, thank you for staying with me. I love you all so much. I deeply ask of you for your patience, understanding and please help me by boosting/reblogging/reposting or donating. I thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. God Bless you all.

  FOR DONATION PLEASE CLICK 👉👉HERE👈👈 you can also follow me on Ko-FI and Twitter  ————————————————————

For the people on my tags list please let me know if you wish to be removed by sending me a DM. I aplogize in advance. Thank you so much. 🙇‍♀️🙇🙇‍♀️🙇 hugs to you. Please share and reblog. And make this viral. If I double tagged you here, please bear with me. Thank you for understanding. I do not respond quickly, please understand that I might possibly sleeping because of the medicine or extremely exhausted. Thank you. @margaretheavesasigh @kurisutythehero @sharinalein @measurelessdreamer @lemondrop313 @thenotoriousscuttlecliff @calamitysong @6y9brows @timotaychalamet @bebemoon @prinnay @bryd-one-brere @nol-nol @call-of-the-ocean @emelinelove @cosmiccangst @impossiblebeararcade @spacesourcx @hermytheskrub @feelikeimglued @whatamidoingwithmylifeman @hauntedcloudtheorist @danathebestintern @miceoutline43 @underprivilegedcactus @kuinshi @mattygra @lemonadeswift @grantschangelives @sassytravelerstudent @monada43 @lethxl0ve @starstruckeaglepastagoop @motherofallfuckingbombs @psycotheorygirl @grrlboss-azula @that-aro-asshat @lizluvscupcakes @baronmenor @roller-rink-haruno @smoarchok @moondeliight @starkcontrasts @theminiestofmins @animelover7234 @sharingjoys @notyouraveragegirl1 @jbb305​ @professor-meh​ 

Rawan and Yemna Abudaya are two sisters from Gaza trying to escape from a genocide. They still haven't reached even 50% of their fundraising goal after months and months of campaigning.

🍉 They are currently at kr133,184 SEK/kr319,315!! Please do your part to help them reach their goal as quickly and as soon as possible!!

‼️ Ive donated 52kr SEK (=$5.02 USD) - can you match my donation?!

gofundme.com

Donate to Helping two student sisters from Gaza Strip., organized by Ayman Zahir

In search of safety and education, help save us from the war of extermi… Ayman Zahir needs your support for Helping two student sister

🌟 This campaign has been spotlighted by a Palestinian-led collective that amplifies Gazan voices - follow them @/palestineasdiqa (on IG)!! Also, you can follow Rawan for updates @/rawan.abudaya (on IG)!!

[template for the secondary graphic made by the amazing @starelegy_ (on IG) ]

🇵🇸

Children saying "I'd rather be dead" is not normal. Children crying "is this a dream?" is not normal. Children wondering "am I being taken to the cemetery?" is not normal.

We can all reckon the lasting psychological effects of this genocide on these children, but also remember that to many of the children of Gaza, this is the second, third, or even fourth Israeli aggression they had to live through.

Almost 50% of Gaza's population are children, over 10,000 of which have been murdered by Israel since October of this year.

I'm gonna tell you a secret.....

My name is Aya, I'm 29 years old. I'm married to Jihad, who is 32, and we have three beautiful children: Abdelrahman (7 years old), Jori (5 years old), and Adam (2 years old). We live in the northern part of Gaza.

gofundme.com

Donate to Save Gaza: A Brighter Future for Aya and Her Family, organized by Aya Alanqar

A Cry for Help from Gaza My name is Aya, I'm 29 years old. I'm marrie… Aya Alanqar needs your support for Save Gaza: A Brighter Future for

Abdelrahman, Adam, and Jori are the heartbeat of my heart and the light of my life.

Abdelrahman: the lion of the house, the helpful and loving boy to his siblings and family.

Jori: my beloved girl, the one closest to my heart, and my little mini-me.

Adam: my little hero and my spoiled child.

Since the onset of the latest war in Gaza, our home has been completely destroyed, forcing us into displacement. We’ve had to move more than thirteen times in search of safety. During this harrowing journey, we faced severe hunger and malnutrition that nearly took my life and the lives of my children. Additionally, we were exposed to numerous contagious diseases and dangerous epidemics.

Before: This is our home, our dream, and our promising future.

My children have to travel long distances just to get water and stand in line for hours to get food. Their mental health has been shattered by the war, their education has come to a halt, and they have suffered from catastrophic hunger that almost claimed their lives.

After: This is our home, built with our sweat and effort, and it has been completely destroyed.

The Right to a Peaceful Life

My children deserve to live a peaceful life free from fear and anxiety. I dream of your help to support my family and escape this genocide. Your assistance means the world to me and my children.

Your donations can be a beacon of hope for us. Every dollar can help save my children's lives and give them a chance to live in peace. Your prayers for us to overcome this ordeal and lift the siege are greatly needed.

gofundme.com

Donate to Save Gaza: A Brighter Future for Aya and Her Family, organized by Aya Alanqar

A Cry for Help from Gaza My name is Aya, I'm 29 years old. I'm marrie… Aya Alanqar needs your support for Save Gaza: A Brighter Future for

dynamics of the MCU → Clint Barton & Natasha Romanoff