Hauntedpeanuttale - Untitled
More Posts from Hauntedpeanuttale and Others
I laught so hard when I learned it is not a made up idea but a real panel. I fully believe that there is someone in the DC universe that found out Bruce is Batman and because Bruce did this no one believes them.
bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments
Ok so post-Red hood and Batman fuid. Bruce and Jason have a good relationship ( do not make this weird) and Jason know only kills on rare acashions and Bruce is like "I'll take it". Because he lossed his kid and Jason sometimes calls him "Dad" Then one day Jason corners a thug or like a roage (maybe the Joker) and it goes something like this:
Red Hood: Where is -----?!
Thug: I-I don't know!
Red Hood:Well find out or this bullet is going in your head
(Batman passing over head)
Thug:Batman help!
Batman: Hn (hello Hood)
Red Hood:Hey dad
Thug:DAD!?!
(No one belevies him till others find out then it is a whole new thing)
(On an unrelated note I love the idea that Bruce calls Jason sweetheart)
Emergency Gotham News
The Wayne charity gala in honor of Jason Todd's return after being in witness protection was attacked by the Joker and the youngest Wayne,Damian Wayne, is being held at gun point.
The news lady puts a hand over her ear
We just got confirmation that one of our Videographer where able to patch us through.
(A video pops up zooming in it shows the fallowing):
The Joker,on the left, with the gun pointed at Damian and on the right you can clearly see Bruce Wayne. With each of the other official and non-official Wayne kids being held by two henchmen each.
Joker:--Oh look where is your knight in shining armor now?
Bruce *yelling*: What do you want? (As the Joker puts the gun closer to Damian's head)
Joker: I herd from a little birdy that you and my batsy where together. Now I can't have that now can I? So I decided that for every five minutes it takes for Batsy to show I will kill one of your kides and the Grand Finale? Yo-
He was cut of by a sharp punch to the face by non other then Bruce Wayne,Gotham's Prince.
Bruce Wayne: Not my kids you, Bitch
It was silent for a second before all hell went lose
All the Wayne kids suddenly started to attack the henchman that where holding them, while Bruce looked Damian over and then pulled him behind him.
When everything cleared on the screen you could clearly see and hear Bruce fussing over his children and then he breathed a sign of relief. It the now totaly silent room the only thing that was herd was,"Thank God I listened to Alfred when he said to take those Taekwondo lessons when I was in Korea last month."
Live video Ended
I am still waiting, Hishe…
Kal: Bruce, there you are — what in the world?
Bruce: Hey Kal.
Kal: Who are all these kids?!
Bruce: My Bat Family. I’m a dad now.
Kal: Since when?!
Bruce: Since 1940. Try to keep up.
Kal: I thought it was just the one! Hi, Nightwing.
Dick: Hi Superman! Yeah, I have siblings now.
Kal: And how’s that working out?
Dick: Most of us have died at least once.
Kal: …What?
Bruce: Hey Kal, check it out. This one’s super smart, and we have matching coffee mugs.
Tim: :)
Bruce: This one…
Cass: …
Bruce: Actually, this one scares me. And this one glows in the dark! Heheh!
Duke: :D
Kal: I can see that…
Damian: Father, I’m hungry. When are we having dinner?
Bruce: How many criminals have you caught today?
Damian: *holds up three villains* Is this sufficient?
Bruce: Eh, it’s good enough. Here. *tosses him a tofu hotdog, like just the dog part* Keep working on it. Three more and you get the bun.
Kal: *horrified silence*
Dick: Hmph! When I was Robin, I could catch at least five criminals before dinner.
Tim: Oh my gosh, Dick, no one cares!
Jason: No one cares about anything in this stinkin’ family. Where were you all when I died, huh?!
Everyone: *groan*
Damian: Quit being such a drama queen, Todd! It’s not like losing your life is the end of the world!
Tim: Yeah!
Damian: You shut up. The only thing you’ve ever lost is your spleen.
Duke: And his parents.
Everyone except Damian: *parental trauma* AH!
Bruce: I told you never to mention that!
Kal: I can’t believe what I’m watching… Does Alfred know about this?!
Bruce: Yeah, totally, he’s cool with it.
Kal: *narrowing his eyes* I have a very hard time believing that.
Bruce: Well, he works for me, so shut up.
Kal: What about Catwoman?! Does Catwoman know about this?!
Bruce: *nervous* Um… well…
Damian: *suspicious* Who’s Catwoman?
Bruce: *very nervous* No one.
Dick: Oh, he is so dating Catwoman!
Tim: Why didn’t you tell us?!
Jason: What if we don’t want a step-mom, huh?!
Bruce: Woah, hold on now —
Duke: Look, you’re upsetting Batgirl!
Cass: …
Bruce: Alright, that’s enough! We’re not gonna talk about this anymore! Because —
Everyone: *annoyed* — you’re Batman!
Bruce: No! Because I said so! …And also, yes, because I’m Batman! Cause Batman says so!
Kal: *smirking* More like because you’re Bat-Dad.
Bruce: >:(
Kal: And hey, where’s Barbara? I thought she was Batgirl?
Bruce: *nervous* She was…
Kal: …Bruce, what did you do?
Dick: Oh, don’t worry, Superman, Barbara’s fine.
Kal: Oh, thank goodness.
Jason: She’s just paralysed from the waste down.
Kal: Bruce!
Bruce: It wasn’t my fault! She’s not even technicially my kid!
Kal: Bruce…
Bruce: Oh, don’t you “Bruce” me. I’ll “Bruce” you… “Bruce” you in the face.
Kal: Okay, that’s it, you are not allowed to find any more sidekicks starting right now!
Bruce: *holding up Harper* What about this one?
Kal: No!
Bruce: *holding up Spoiler* This one still has a parent — I can just be a mentor.
Kal: No!
Bruce: Well, gee, Kal, what am I supposed to do with all the orphans in Gotham, then, huh?!
Kal: Do you hear yourself right now?
Bruce: I have a system, Kal!
Kal: That’s it! There’s only way to solve this!
*Superman grabs Batman, and they fly off*
*Batman then appears on the couch in Therapist Spider-Man’s office from Across the Spider-Verse*
Therapist Spider-Man: Would you say you carry any trauma from your childhood?
Batman: *leans over* Do I have a story for you.
Evil Baha Blast I am DIEING 😂
So you know how there are some fic where Percy classmates read the Percy Jackson books? Ya, I would absolutely love if there was one where the whole world finds out, and you can have Percy being the leader with Annabeth, people in power questioning what the hell’s going on and them being concerned, not about the child soldier thing, but more about how Percy and Annabeth interact as they are the leaders of this really high powered “race” or “new/different” humans (Demigods). Also most of the wars were because of Demigods. And them somehow having to on live TV or something international TV maybe read the Percy Jackson books aloud.
Also, the bombshell of multiple pantheons people questioning history. All of this would be amazing. I feel like people would be questioning some things that happened and also figuring out that Heracles is still alive and how horrible he is that would be fun.
PS: Hercules is Roman and Heracles is actually Greek name for Hercules. I found out some people don’t know this but you realize his name is because Zeus wanted to name him a name that would please Hera and his name is said as HERA-cles (HERA-q-leas)
Finally SOMEONE SAID IT
We don't talk enough about how superbat is that one gay couple that literally looks like twins
When they go public all the media headlines are like "The Only Man That Can Tame Bruce Wayne Is..... Bruce Wayne" and "Bruce Wayne Dates winner of his own look-alike competition". Bruce proudly embraces this, going on interviews and joking about the importance of "self-love", saying he's not surprised that him and his fans have the same type. This becomes a meme about how everyone Bruce surrounds himself with looks like him, from his kids to his partners.
At the Planet though, this brings back the rumors that Clark runs away every time superman shows up because they dated and had a messy break up. Everyone pities Clark since he's clearly not over his ex. Why else would he date the most well-known superman lookalike. The office held a betting pool on how long the Brucie rebound will last but it's been much longer than they expected. Lois keeps spreading more Clark/Supes rumors because she finds it hilarious and makes alot of money off the betting pool. She buys Clark's coffee every morning to make up for it.
This only gets worse as they keep dating and start sharing clothes. Damian once mistook the back of Clark, who was getting ready for a gala, for Bruce. He remembers this as one of his greatest failures.
Dc/Batfam/Bruce Wayne Prompt
Bruce wayne having Dissociative Identity Disorder
or Split personality Disorder
