Hello-apes-of-the-world - Hi

Some Podcasts as Welcome to Night Vale Quotes

Because I can. These are just the ones I could find quotes for, or that I’m subscribed to, so I may post an updated version later.

The Magnus Archives: There’s no cause for concern. We’re way past that now. If you’re not feeling mild terror then you haven’t been paying attention

The Penumbra Podcast (Junoverse): It is the good and the bad. It is the sound of the world. A world that will kill you, but also a world that will allow you to live

Wolf 359: I come to you live from under my desk, where I dragged my microphone and am currently hiding in the fetal position.

Archive 81: *static* *rising tones* *abrupt end of episode*

Eos 10: The Night Vale Medical Board announced today that they can’t help you. Not if you’re gonna keep screaming like that! They also asked that you clean up a bit before you come in. They don’t want to get sick!

Death by Dying: Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you

Stellar Firma: We have nothing to fear except ourselves. We are unholy, awful people. Fear ourselves with silence. Look down, look down, and forget what you’ve done.

Brimstone Valley Mall: There’s a special place in Hell. It’s really hip. Very exclusive.

Ars PARADOXICA: Time is weird. So is space. I hope ours match again someday

The Amelia Project: if you see something, say nothing and drink (cocoa) to forget

Startripper!!: Space tip: bring a sweater

The Orbiting Human Circus (of the air): I’m a single issue voter. If the candidate is not a baby polar bear, I straight up cannot vote for them.

its a shame how ryoko kui managed to make a series with such a realistic portrayal of sistemic and internalized racism only for people to have it fly over their heads and go 'x character is racist!! how dare you like them!!!' when like. literally every single character has said something racist. your blorbo is racist. my blorbo is racist.

marcille hates orcs. kabru has dehumanized kobolds. mithrun said a slur. laios and falin treat mountain people like savages. analyse these traits meaningfully or perish

ive seen people mention that a perk to using a mace or warhammer is that they can shatter a sword. while yes, a sword can be pretty fragile in comparison to what is essentially an upgraded club, the thing about that is swords are nimble. they have the center of mass that close to the guard for that reason, it allows them to be quickly moved

so if you swing that mace AT a persons sword, that person can just...move the sword really easily. and you, already in mid swing, will have to commit to that swing all the way back up to a ready position

More memes from ifunny. Credit in top left of each image.

woke up today and realized that tumblr entirely killed fuck ya life bing bong so here ya go again

Cool universe

A DEATHWORLER'S WAR PT 1

Hunanity's truth universe

From the memiors ambassador Gruxalon of the vanai-ashti.

We were, at the time, the newest members of the Galactic Alliance, the 97th race to be admitted.  Upon our admission myself and my fellow ambassadors were invited to the alliance's primary meeting ground, a massive spaceborne station in a system officially owned by no one, meant to be a nuetral ground.  Here we were given an orientation of sorts that lasted several weeks, this was understandable as this orientation included detailed dossiers on each of the 96 species as well as the history of the Alliance itself and the responsibilities and laws we would be expected to uphold as a member of it.  During our time there we were greeted by ambassadors and congulated on our appointment to the council.  Most were cordial, but clearly unhappy with our new position.

This was expected, we had asked to join solely to seek military aid against the Xinali, a hostile race that had made it their mission to drive us to extinction because we were amphibians and they believed amphibians were an unnatural abomination.  We were not close to that looming possibility yet, but it was clear that Xinali had superior numbers and firepower to our own, and our war, if left unaided, would eventually become nothing more than delaying the inevitable.

As to the reason we were inducted despite our less than diplomatic purpose, it was our communications and kinetic barrier technologies, they were far and above better than anything anyone in the alliance had, except the humans anyway, THEY had blown science fiction energy shields, but they had steadfastly refused to share that technology with the alliance.  They were a bit distrusting and isolationist as I understood it.  I remembered their dossier fairly clearly for two reasons, firstly because they were considered the strongest and most disciplined military power in the galaxy, secondly their homeworld had come up when discussing the concept of "deathworlds."

"Deathworld" was a designation granted to any habitable world that housed significant dangers to habitation by sentient species.  About 12 of the now 97 member species hailed from deathworlds.  Deathworlds had a classification system that went from category 1 to category 10, I don't remember exactly how they differentiated the categories, but i do remember that the larger the number, the worse the planet, I also remember that of the 38 known deathworlds in existence only one rated above a category 4, the human homeworld of Terra was a category 9.  Sentient species that evolved to become dominant on such worlds are usually aggressive and militaristic, and they are ALWAYS predatory, humans added isolationist and closed off, to that list of quirks.

As a result it was considered normal that the humans did not always send delegates to alliance meetings, most of the time the topics to be discussed had little to do with them, at least from THEIR perspective.  So it came as quite a surprise when I first met one.

We were pleaing again for the Galactic alliance to send military aid and were receiving the typical nonchalant disapproval, these proceedings continued for done tine before the human delegate stood and addressed his camera.  Everyone fell silent, it was known that the human delegate was not often present, and when he was, he rarely addressed the council, I had, to that point, never heard him speak.

"What the hell is wrong with you people!?" He opened aggressively "What's even the point of a council if you're not going to act on the behalf of a member.  It wouldn't even bd all that difficult or resource intensive to help them!"

I was taken aback I had certainly not expected support to come from the absentee and isolationist human delegation.  In truth they had a reputation for not really wanting to get involved in the affairs of others, it had been the primary reason we made no attempt at diplomacy with them.  

"Perhaps for you deathworlder, but for most of us a war is a very serious affair!" Another delagate answered.

"And you believe it is not one for us?" The Human diplomat replied. "Do you think it easy having such power at our fingertips?  Do you think we wish to abandon diplomacy and turn a prestigious place like this to dust, simply because we can?  We are NOT so petty.'

At this point the Consulate rose in the center platform of the space, placing himself between the two arguing races.

"Enough with this consternation." He said "I think we all know the true reason the humans are so adamant about this.  This is about the Cithir incident, isn't it ambassador?"

The human hung his head low, he looked remorseful and defeated "yes Consulate, we have waited a long time for such an opportunity."

My spines rattled a bit at that statement, opportunity for what?  His race would not be used for some dark deathworlder experiment.  

"If that IS the case, then i suggest leaving the issue of military intervention in the hands of the humans, the ambassadors in question may hash out the details between themselves."  This was met with raucous applause.  "In the meantime!" The consulate continued silencing the crowd "we will discuss the sending of foodstuffs and supplies to the Vanai-Ashti, because if i can speak plainly ambassador Orillion had a point, we DO exist as a community to help one another, and if we are unwilling to do so in any capacity, then we will have failed as a community AND as a council, we are responsible to do at least this much, agreed!?"

Less enthusiastic applause this time, but nearly twenty ambassadors offered to sue for aid from their homeworlds.

I was nearly swallowing my own throat afterwards, I had never met any deathworlders much less the apparent worst of them.  These were predators, powerful predators, I acquainted myself with their dossier as I waited for their ambassador's arrival at our diplomatic suite.

They averaged a meter taller than us, they possessed shielded, gun covered ships, their homeworld's gravity was five times our own, and they were, apparently, nigh unkillable monsters.  Their bodies produced something called "adrenaline" under stress, it essentially reversed the function of going into shock, rather than killing them this caused them to become numb to pain and unable to feel fear, it gives a burst of energy and sharpens their senses.  This substance is the reason the Galactic alliance is able to treat shock, i single litre of it can treat over a million people, and humans trade it for information, technology, passage through territory rights etc.  It is SO potent that they can refuse to share their shield tech and still make more money than nearly any other member species.

A tapping at the door caused me to jump out of my seat, i put away the dossier and answered, as the human looked down at me i must've have done poor job of concealing my fear.  Because he knelt down to my level and assured me he meant me no harm.

"Maxwell Orillion," he said, "nice to meet you."

"Gruxalon of the house fùrl," I answered "it is likewise nice to meet you." 

"So what kind of creatures are these…" he tapped at a screen on his wrist "...Xinali?"

They are an Avian race." I answered keeping information short.

"Not to sound unhratefull, but you and Consulate Grak mentioned something called, 'the Cithir incident' and you said humanity has waited for this opportunity.  What exactly do you plan to DO with us?"

"What do you mean DO to you?" Ambassador Orillion looked genuinely confused.

"Well I don't expect you intend to save our asses with no compensation." I replied a bit indignantly.

"What…?" Orillion stared at him in bewilderment for a moment begore something clicked behind his eyes "oooooooooh, you're new, you wouldn't know yet, I'm terribly sorry I'm just so used to everyone knowing." He said.

"Knowing what?" I asked.

"Uh… hmm… this is rather delicate, understand, it's kept out of dossiers for a reason."

"Okay…" i said.

"When we tried to colonize outside our home system for the first time, we ran into and insectoid race called the Cithir, to simplify matters a bit oyr people were split in how wanted to handle the Cithir, the larger group wanted to make contact and attempt peaceful negotiations, the smaller, but more powerful, and rich group wanted to kill them off so they could divy up the planet and sell the land to the highest bidder.  That group succeeded, we eventually caught them and made them face judgment.  But the fact that humanity genocided an entire race, doesn't sit well with us and we have been looking for an opportunity to atone."

I took this all in, it was a lot… it took me a few minutes, no wonder everyone was so afraid of them. I cleared my throat.

"So if i understand this… you committed genoside and by stopping the Xinali, you see that as like… undoing that?"

"No… what we did cannot be undone." Abassador Orrilluon said, "but we hope it can be forgiven." 

Ahsoka by Sara Kipin from Star Wars: Women of the Galaxy

You could also tie in two other common tropes with the whole “Superman-esq is trying to contain all these guys” which is the whole no kill rule everyone follows and how villains constantly break out

Basically the Superman knock off purposely enforced the no kill and purposely tries to make containment not a priority so that way there’s always villains to keep the hero’s distracted so they can’t start enacting facist coups or whatever but it’s a ticking clock of hero’s getting fed up and just putting people down and villainy getting less popular until there aren’t enough villains to keep this system going and it all comes crashing down

sorry for random addition just an idea that popped into my head based around this

A few years ago, there was a thread on r/asksciencefiction where someone was fishing for a superhero story with an inverted Omni-Man dynamic, or a setting where Homelander's initial presentation is played straight- a setting where the Superman figure actually is the paragon of morality he's initially presented as, but no other superhero is- a situation where you've got one really competent true-blue hero standing head-and-shoulders in power above what's otherwise a complete nest of vipers.

Someone in the thread floated My Hero Academia; while I haven't read it, my understanding is that that's not really an accurate read of what's going on with Stain's neurosis about All-Might being the only "real hero," that the point of that arc is that Stain's got an insane and unreasonable standard and that taking an endorsement deal, while bad, isn't actually grounds for execution. My own contribution to the thread was Gail Simone's Welcome to Tranquility, where a major part of the backstory involved the faux Justice-League's Superman analogue having a little accident because he's the only one who thought they were morally obligated to go public with the secret life-extending macguffin that the rest of the team is using to enforce comic-book time on themselves and their loved ones; while only a couple members of the team are directly in on it, the rest are conveniently incurious. And Jupiter's Legacy gets tantalizingly close to this- The Utopian, a well-meaning stick-in-the-mud, ultimately gets blindsided and couped by his scheming brother who creates a superhero junta staffed by a Kingdom-Come-style glut of third-gen superheroes, who are framed as fundamentally self-interested because only came onto the scene after most of the situations you legitimately need a superhero to handle have been neutralized. (The rub, of course, is that the comic is also highly critical of the Utopian's intellectually incurious self-righteously 'apolitical' approach to superheroism- if for no other reason than that it left him in a position to get blindsided by a coup!) While Jupiter's Legacy gets the closest, all three of these are only loosely orbiting around the spirit of the original idea, and there's something really interesting there- particularly if the Superman figure isn't hopelessly naive in the same way as Utopian. Because first of all, if you're Metaman or Amazingman or whatever brand-name alias the writer goes with, and you really earnestly mean it, and you put together a team of all the other most powerful heroes on earth in order to pool your resources, and then with dawning horror you gradually begin to realize that everyone in the room besides yourself is a fascist or a con artist or abuser or any other variant of a kid with a magnifying glass eyeing that anthill called Earth- What the hell is your next move?

Do you just call the whole thing off? Can you trust that they'll actually go home if you call the whole thing off? I mean you've put the idea in their heads, are you sure that they aren't going to, like, start the Crime Syndicate in your absence? Do you stick around to try and enact containment, see if getting all of these people on a team makes them easier to keep on a leash? But that's functionally going to make you their enabler pretty quickly, right? Overlooking "should you kill them-" can you kill them? You're stronger than any individual one of them- are you stronger than all of them? The first time one of them really crosses a line in a way you can't ignore- will that be a one-on-one fight? Are they the kind of people capable of putting two-and-two together and pre-emptively ganging up on you if you push back too hard? Do you just start trying to get them killed, or keep them at each other's throats so they can't coordinate anything really nasty? Can you squeeze any positive moral utility out of them, or is that just a way to justify not doing the hard work of taking them down? There've been works where the conceit is to question the default assumption that Superman in specific would be a good person, and there've been works where the conceit is to question the default assumption that superheroes in general would be good people. Something to be done, I think, with questioning the default assumption that everyone Superman becomes professionally close to would be good, and to explore how he'd handle it if they weren't.

Yeah I agree that the show takes supes in the military being actually scary compared to the comics we can also see the comic idea of supes being incompetent but toned down slightly, in the fight in Nicaragua we see Swatto get killed in five seconds and the twins and the mind guy huddled in cover not doing anything. Which I think kinda shows how yeah some supes would be great but they couldn’t really be mass incorporated due to the specifics of powers.

I don’t know what I’m really saying I’m just rambling great post

Also consider this a chaser for a longer post I’m gonna do on how The Boys got better in the adaptation, but one thing I think was a really smart change is how the show is handling the prospect of supes in the military.

 In the comic, The Supes are framed as Evil, but Incompetent. The fight over whether or not Vought is going to get Supes into the military was meant as a parallel to pork spending and the military Industrial complex run amok. Putting supes in the military was framed as bad, well, first because Vought is evil and shouldn’t get to make money, but on a practical level it’s treated as a silly idea.  The supes are framed as fundamentally incompetent soldiers. They’re too brash, too used to getting their way, incredibly difficult to create in consistent numbers, even harder to standardize once you’ve created them due to radically different levels of durability, and fundamentally pretty easy to kill in a combat scenario if you go in prepared and keep your shit together. Until Homelander starts getting Coupy, the actual stakes of the fight are largely over whether Vought is going to get to ream the American Taxpayers with the superhuman equivalent of jets that don’t work and see no action. But the superhumans themselves are, fundamentally, a complete joke in terms of combat ability, and their actual attempt at full-scale rebellion is suppressed almost immediately by the conventional military.

 And the issue is that this sort of created an “enemy-is-both-weak-and-strong” dynamic, where the story hates superheroes so goddamn much that they get  simultaneously framed as both this incredibly corrosive societal cancer AND a bunch of complete morons who can get wiped out in an afternoon by a small detatchment of well-trained, well-equipped soldiers. The actual stakes are…. kinda all over the place, as a result.

In the show,  The Supes are allowed to be both Evil AND competent. Homelander is actually smart instead of just mean and powerful, and It’s pretty clear that supes would be effective in the military, applied judiciously; Black Noir, Soldier Boy and even Homelander to an extent actually are capable of carrying out incredibly violent surgical strikes against whoever the hell they want. So instead, the threat is very clearly reframed as the military potentially having access to combat-viable superhumans who are capable of carrying out incredibly violent surgical strikes against whoever the hell they want. That gets to be a bad thing on its own merits instead of being bad because it’s a waste of money! And, furthermore, it’s also as if specific special-forces agents and black-ops murderers were given the same kind of inviolable, insufferable PR shielding that real world celebrities get for their bad behavior, except the “bad behavior” is, you know, the imperialist slaughter of hundreds or thousands! (In addition to, and not as a replacement for, regular celebrity bullshit!) 

So i watched jungle cruise and since then I’ve been wondering, what would the curse have done to Frank if he had been trapped? I was thinking maybe big cats but that isn’t something you can really dissolve into unlike the others so maybe quicksand, though that’s sorta like the frog/mud guy. So maybe water with fish or something. What do you think?