Kinda Tired Fighting For A Life I Don’t Even Want

The worst part of being suicidal is people trying to talk you out of it

''trans men wont suffer as much if you forcefully out them'' could you say that to an actual trans mans face though or can you only say it online? could you say any of this hateful shit if you had to actually articulate it face to face with a real person or are you only comfortable when its wrapped up in comfy internet discourse buzzwords?

I just want to give up I’m tired from the bottom of my fucking soul like I don’t want to do this shit anymore like let me rest please I’ve had enough

In a few months I'll officially not only have lost my childhood to dysphoria and knowing it'll never be quite right, but also the exact same thing will happen with the entirety of my teenage years! Two fucking decades gone nowhere, epitome of a waste of time.

Like fuck dude I know that cis men can get depressed as well, but at least you got the comfort of not having your own body and soul tormenting you. And at least you can peacefully rub one out and have a few moments of bliss. Idk. Wish I could do that.

And the fact this is exactly what my 20s will look like.. and my 30s... And basically all the time until I can finally call it quits.... I dont even know what to say, I cant put it into words.

Trans & disabled community: "you shouldn't have to proof to anyone you're valid! Fuck the medical system and doctors mistreating us! You don't need proof of your suffering, only you know your true pain!"

Me: "Well puberty blockers caused me to severely suffer, cause issues I still suffer from years later, and nobody ever beliefs me and sweeps my issues under the rug despite having suffered a great number, and still am." Trans & disabled community: "Okay but like, where's the proof? Why didn't you ever tell that to the doctors?* Actually research proofs that is literally impossible. Have you ever considered you might be the issue here? Like did you even listen to your doctors? Maybe you had some underlying condition?" Me: *stares into the camera as if it's the office* * I did alert the doctors to this, but they either refused to examine me, or also told me that what I was suffering from was simply impossible according to research.

it is what it is (i want to die so bad)

the fact that trans women can talk about their specific oppression without acknowledging trans men, but trans men cant talk about our experiences without acknowledging trans women, or we will get treated like we are somehow the real oppressors.... is not great not gonna lie

Call me manipulative, but I want someone to reach their hand out to me when I start to walk away.

I want to feel like I'm worth running after. I want to feel like I'm wanted.

I'll forever be a transandrophobia/transmisandry/whatever current term is truther

the fact that transmascs get relentlessly attacked and harassed every single time we try to make something/spaces for ourselves (the mlm flag, transandrophobia as a term, fucking forcemasc) is in and of itself telling of how people view us.