itzwolfeysfun

Latest Posts by itzwolfeysfun

‘home’

Unbelievably relatable

girlhood is a spectrum

beeeeeeeen spending most their lives living in a gangsta's paradise keeeeeeeeep spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise

Imagine you're Dazai and you're 15.

You've just met this kid(also 15), who is loud and annoying and won't do a single thing you tell him to. Not only has he got a ridiculously strong ability but he has crazy control over it and he can handle himself in a fight. He's the leader of gang. The Port Mafia views him as a serious threat.

And you're forming your opinions as you're being made to team up with this brash annoying kid who keeps trampling on all your good plans with his own ideas. Clearly, he's used to doing what he wants when he wants and it grates on you.

The sooner this is over the better.

But then, it's not all bad. You don't really get to hang out with kids your age. Or kids in general, most of the people you know are adults (who also happen to be criminals). As annoying as he is, it's fun messing with each other. You go to an arcade together and make a silly bet.

He places his stakes, so you have to think of your own. Obviously, you come up with an ingenious idea. If he loses, this kid who does whatever he wants, he has to be your dog for life. It's the kind of dumb bet kids your age would make, right? You've heard that before.

You'll make him carry about some stuff with his ability and lord it over him for a while and it will be funny.

Only then his friends- members of his gang, The Sheep- walk in and he hides from them. Because of you. You are, after all, from a rival gang. You call them over just to mess with him.

And you watch the kid you got to know start to shrink. All his noise goes quiet. All his confidence dissipates. That annoyingly loud kid you've gotten used to, the one who won't do as you say, who argued back all the time, just stands there as his so-called friends chip away at him. You watch as they treat him like-

Like a dog.

Writing a complex character such as Dazai is actually really hard even for people who understand him because he is, as you said, extremely unpredictable. I don't know exactly what to tell you, but I'll try to help a little bit!

The whole thing about Dazai is that he doesn't understand humanity. He understands the basics and why people do what they do because he is analytical and has been studying people's behavior and human connections forever. But he doesn't feel connected with humanity and empathy the same way other people do. He perceives others from like, the other side of a barrier. He studies them carefully. Manages to care about them deeply sometimes. Even deeper when they're able to see him and get to him (Odasaku, Atsushi, Chuuya, the whole agency in fact means something to him). But there's always this layer of disconnection and apathy and emptiness he doesn't know how to get rid of. It's like he cares, but he actually doesn't because he rationalizes everything and turns it into a game of chess, more or less? And I think that frustrates him. He isn't used to caring about people because he doesn't understand them, but he takes an interest in the people he finds amusing to study and once he cares deeply, they're taken away from him (that's why he mourns and regrets Oda's death so much. He feels like the world takes everything away from him the second he manages to feel human). Hence the whole thing about not feeling human (amongst other things). He cares and yet he is realistic. He has regrets and suffers and feels pain and he can care about others (ignore all the people who keep portraying him as an emotionless monster, please) but he doesn't drown in self-pity when it comes to all the people he has killed and his past because he can rationalize that. It was another era. He has moved on. And if it's for the greater good of the mission or his journey to find something to live for, he doesn't care how many random people he has to kill (when he was younger he valued other people's lives way less, of course. Now that has changed because his apathy is something he doesn't turn into cruelty and instead uses to rationalize plans and help the world and the agency. Basically, when he was part of the mafia it was kind of "I don't give a fuck about random people" because he genuinely didn't feel anything for them, but now, even if he doesn't genuinely care for them, he protects even random people because that's what the image of kindness Oda had planned for him). Oda tells him that, if the good side and the bad one are the same and he hasn't found anything to live for yet, why not help the world while he's at it? And it's such a beautiful thought because Dazai has this issue with understanding humanity and making bonds. But he understands, now more than ever after Oda's death, what living and killing means. He might not actually care that much for society and its well-being, but maybe he can find something to live for in the light more than he would in the darkness. He keeps wanting to kill himself, right? He keeps trying. But he doesn't actually want to. It's common sense. If he truly wanted to, he already would've done it. "I don't like pain" is the most common thing to say when you don't actually want to do it. I think that, unlike Nikolai, who actually craves to die as a representation of freedom, Dazai only wants to keep trying and trying to find a reason for living. Chuuya was that thing when he was in the Mafia. Chuuya and Oda, because Chuuya is quite literally his soulmate (in the sense of bringing amusement to his life and also making him feel human, as his ability is the only thing that can help Chuuya. And also Chuuya not being human but being the most empathetic and emotional of all the people Dazai has met in the mafia) and Oda was the first one to actually understand him and see him for who he is, something I don't think he'll ever find again and that's why Oda's death fucked him up so bad. He found a place to belong and somebody to live for, and then he dies and leaves him alone? It's not fair, but he'll try to fight for good and live in the light if that's what Oda wanted for him. As if Oda knew him better than he knows himself because I also think he has a hard time with his own perception and personality.

In simpler words: Dazai has a hard time understanding humanity because he feels disconnected from it by a layer of apathy and the fact that he doesn't understand basic human needs/actions because he doesn't share them. One of the things that makes us human is desires, right? Wanting. Loving. Longing. Dazai rejects all of that because he doesn't know what he wants and nothing he tries ends up making him feel whole. In "No Longer Human", actually, you can read things like "It is almost impossible for me to converse with other people" and "I have never known what it means to be hungry / Eat or die, the saying goes, but to my ears, it sounded like just one more unpleasant threat". So he isn't a monster, his brain just functions in a different way. He sees everything. Analyzes every little thing. He's smarter than everybody else and he's aware of that, but he feels lonely there and only wants somebody to understand or something to fight for. Oda gave him both things, and the agency gave him a reason to keep going because he genuinely cares about doing good and keeping them safe. I don't think Dazai's journey has ended, because he still fights against.... So many things with himself. His past. His future. His desires. But at least now he has a thing to enjoy and bring him happiness. His constant act of being "silly" isn't that much of a facade. I mean, I think it is because if he acts like a clown, nobody will ever see the true self he hides. But I think he ends up having fun with the agency and annoying Chuuya because he sees them respond to his behavior and he finds it amusing. I think being extremely smart and lonely and tormented can coexist with being fun sometimes.

As per writing in his POV.... It depends on what you want to write, really. I think his brain functions differently depending on his mood. I guess the most important thing is to keep in mind his surroundings because he's always hyperaware of every little thing. But it frustrates him not knowing how he's feeling or not understanding what he actually truly needs, often focusing on others instead of looking into himself, because every time he does, he only finds himself empty and craving for something he doesn't know what it is. In his worst moments, I think it's quite obvious he tries to fix things with distractions and impulsive actions like substance abuse. In his more analytical moments, it's when he becomes more apathetic and sees the world as his game of chess and people as only pawns. He knows he's human, he just doesn't feel like it. Fyodor has a sense of superiority Dazai doesn't share. He's smarter because his brain functions differently, but he is no God. He is no entity. He analyzes from the POV of somebody external to humanity but knowing quite well he isn't God. And when he's having genuine fun and feeling some type of care/love? I think he's grateful. The emptiness is always there, though. Always haunting him. In the back of his brain. But he sees hope in Atsushi and a place to keep his promise in the agency and maybe fulfill his heart. He might always have a fucked up perception of himself, but at least he's aware that doing the right thing fills the hole in his chest more than tormenting others. As I said, he likes it there (and Chuuya) because it makes him experience humanity even if he keeps telling himself he isn't human (No Longer Human quote: "You miss her, don't you?" / "Yes." / "That's human nature, I guess").

I don't know if I helped you?? I think it's a bit of a mess, sorry 😭 It's like 3am and I don't know if what I said makes any sense, but I really hope I was able to help you!

holy FUCK it took me fifteen minutes to read all of this and i'm glad i did because this is the most succinct and articulate analysis i have ever seen of dazai's underlying nature and his ambitions in relevance to the plot OP I THINK IF ASIGIRI CANT WRITE ANYMORE YOU SHOULD TAKE OVER BSD MANGA BC I THINK U UNDERSTAND DAZAI BETTER THAN HE DOES SOMETIMES TBH💀💀 aaaa jkjk i digress you were so real for bringing up the yozo/dazai parallels bc there's genuinely so many and if i still had my fucking BOOK :side eye: i could go through the intricate and profound commentary i left in the margins but alas my dear friend insists on keeping it longer. there's nothing more i can say on this topic bc i agree w you on everything wholeheartedly i think you deserve a scholarship to harvard or smth bc god DAMN you would slay as a lit or lang major

i say let dazai protect his peace!!!

dazai but he forgot to take his meds

My mouth muscles are twitching im right beside my mom 💀

google help me

😢😢URGH..😓😓UUUU😪*sob*😪😪HEUGHG🥲🥲*cough*😂😂AARGH😅

do you ever think about the tragic fact that odasaku's dying words to dazai were to become a good man, to be on the side that saves people.....which leads to the creation of the beast universe as dazai, in his grief and denial, finds the book and alters reality with the mentality "then....that means saving you too, right?"

Is there a word for this philosophical and life changing (lowk comprehending) view at the age of 15

Should i take the absurdism or nihlism route, what do yall recommend 😝

wanzai the creature

Where's Chuuya in the Dadzai AU

ex/situationship/"random" hookup. when dazai tells him he has to take care of the baby he's like "i understand if you want to leave me cause technically we aren't even in a relationship", and chuuya is like "you're crazy for thinking i'm leaving you alone with the baby" but they're actually just very much in love

No joke you guys NEED to get more comfortable blocking people. No more insulting people in public over different blorbo opinions no more making 2k long posts on how whatever ship you don't like shouldn't exist we've grown past that shit. Consistent posts about shit that make you uncomfortable? Block. Rancid blorbo opinions? Block. Is mildly annoying in your replies? Block. Pisses you off for reasons so petty you could never admit it publicly? Block. YOUR mental health will improve from not being upset 24/7, THEIR mental health will not be at risk of you lashing out because you happened to catch their posts on a bad day, and EVERYONE ELSE will benefit from not seeing the most embarrassing arguments known to man on their dash. "Oooh but they didn't deserve it-" dude you're presumably running a personal blog as a hobby not a public service. Who fucking cares.

So sos sos so soss gorogues idbogmfb

femchuu loml

[Translation] Asagiri Kafka's afterwords for The Day I Picked up Dazai novel

Normally, afterwords would be the last thing I read in a novel, but as there are not many changes to the published novel this time compared to the movie bonus version, I was able to skim through the text quickly and get to this. And to be honest, despite not being a writer myself, I was so moved by Asagiri's views about writing and his characters that he shared in the afterwords, that I had to sit down and translate it right away.

This is just my crappy translation, as usual, but I hope it gave you a short, interesting look into the author and the characters. And please do not forget to buy the novel if you have the chance.

The translation is under the cut, thank you!

It has been a while. This is Asagiri Kafka.

Have you been enjoying Bungou Stray Dogs?

This novel, “The Day I Picked up Dazai”, is a compilation of the first week’s bonus novel “The Day I Picked up Dazai – Side A” and the second week’s bonus novel “The Day I Picked up Dazai – Side B” for the screening of “Bungou Stray Dogs BEAST” movie (hereinafter referred to as “BEAST”).

Normally, it is difficult to publish a bonus like this, but since "BEAST” and “Fifteen” that were published earlier by BEANS Bunko were originally bonus novels too, "The Day I Picked up Dazai” was also published in the same way, thanks to the efforts of all parties involved in the Bungou Stray Dogs series.

It is the story of Dazai and Odasaku’s first meeting, where Dazai who wants to die, collapsed in front of Odasaku’s place, who is neither a mafioso nor a hit man.

Why are there two different stores, Side A and Sode B? Regarding this question, please read the novel and see for yourself. If you keep in mind that this is the bonus for the BEAST movie, I think you will be able to understand it better.

Let me reminisce a little bit here.

This story was actually suggested to me by Igarashi Takuya, Director of the Bungou Stray Dogs anime.

Shortly before BEAST movie premiered, I was struggling. It was because I was asked to write a bonus novel for movie-goers again. I said “again” because, as I mentioned earlier, BEAST itself was a bonus novel for the Bungou Stray Dogs DEAD APPLE movie. I remembered having a hard time writing it, because I let myself run wild and wrote a total of 190 pages instead of 50 pages as requested.

But I had learnt my lesson after the last rampage. I can’t just write whatever I want anymore. I have to wrap the story in a reasonable length, like a pro should do.

A proper, professional story.

Huh?

My pen stopped right there. I stopped, looked around, feeling lost.

What is a proper story?

The act of writing novel is quite different in character compared to other types of media such as writing manga, anime scripts, or game scenarios. You can say it is almost a different thing. Writing novels, rather than narrating an event, is more like putting the flow of emotions into specific sentences. You use the sequence of letters to create rhythms, create flows, and create emotions. If anything, it might be closer to composing a song than writing a story.

Therefore, you have to decide “what kind of emotion will be put in this novel” from the very beginning, or you can’t start writing. That is the only and absolute rule.

Now, however, that is where the condition of a “proper story” hung over me.

A proper novel, of a proper volume, with a proper content for a bonus.

In other words, a proper emotion.

I searched through the drawers inside my head. For a proper emotion that is waiting to be brought out.

There was nothing but emptiness there.

A professional story teller is one with the skill to move the readers’ emotions. When people find the chance to move their own emotions, they will happily be paying for it. Human-being is that kind of creature.

And writers are ones who create and sell those kinds of emotions: the fear, the excitement, the heart throb etc., those that make you think. It is that kind of job.

It is supposed to be that kind of job.

Yet I became unable to move forward.

A good story is a story that moves people. I know that. Then what kind of emotion I should put in the story to make it "proper"?

How do I find that emotion?

I mean, how did I even write novels until now?

I stood still. My legs stiffened, my knees froze, unable to take even a step forward.

I then tried to at least pretend that I was moving forward, by listening to music, by taking a walk around the neighborhood at night. But as good as the night breeze felt, I didn’t manage to reach a single story that I needed to write.

What if I stayed like this forever, what would I do?

I felt a chill plunging into my back.

Then I realized, that stories, or probably emotions too, are not things you can search for or come up with. You have no choice but to patiently wait for it to come your way. You have no choice but to humbly and earnestly sit and wait for the story’s visit.

I got that, but the "proper 50-page story” still refused to come.

It was not long before one week passed. Then two weeks.

I was doing other work, while keeping my heart’s door open, waiting for the story to come to me.

At that time, I had an online meeting with the anime staff. I casually asked Director Igarashi, “Do you have any story you want to see?”

The Director gave it a little thought then told me, "I want to see the story of Dazai and Oda’s encounter”.

At that very moment, the story rushed in through my door, like a bang. I could hear that sound very clearly.

Two stories. Odasaku, and the two Dazais. A story where they met, and a story where they couldn’t meet. A story of gain and a story of loss. If I can portray the gain and loss side by side, the amplitude of the heart will be doubled and rise up in front of us.

That was a momentary event. Rather than pushing my way forward, I felt as if something was pulling my hand. Before I noticed, I have already finished the stories.

I came to realize.

It is not the writer who searches for the story. It is the story that chooses its writer, and at some point it will come our way. A professional writer is no more than someone with the ability to catch that call.

Also, this is the most important thing: there is no such thing as a “proper emotion”. Because after all, the feelings of other people belong to them only. That is why there is no guarantee that a novel can move others “properly”. However, you can move your own emotions. You know what kind of novel can and how it will move you. If you do, you can write just that. That’s the only way. That is the truly professional attitude. That’s what I thought.

Well then.

It is a little bit off topic, but as we are talking about “stories that come our way”, let’s talk about Odasaku’s first-person narrative.

Odasaku is a special character. For me, he is exclusively a novel character, and I have never portrayed him in the manga.

He first appeared as the narrator in “Dazai Osamu and The Dark Era”, then “BEAST” and now this “The Day I Picked up Dazai”. All are novels. That’s why for me, Odasaku doesn’t live inside the pictures, he lives inside the first-person narrative passages.

He is an eccentric guy. Even if you prepare the place and tell him to speak, he won’t speak to you that easily. His way of thinking is rather unique, that if I write his narrative after writing other characters’ first-person narrative, I would stumble for sure. Odasaku doesn’t speak. He just sits there in silence, while I can do nothing but sitting in front of my blank manuscript paper, trying to talk to him, like “What’s up?”, “Here, here”. However, he is a guy who won’t speak when it is not necessary. Sometimes it goes days or even weeks without him saying a word. Why did such a character come to me...?

During such time, there is only one thing I can do. That is, of course, to stay with him, sit patiently, and simply wait.

Finally he will start speaking. In his unique rhythm, word by word. His words have the power to cut through the world from a certain angle. That special cross-section is full of things I have never seen before and it never fails to surprise me.

And then when he finishes telling his story, he will swiftly disappear. To a dark and quiet place somewhere – probably, I can only imagine, somewhere like a bar. He will sit there calmly and keep his own time to himself. After that, it will be hard to call him again. It is a backbreaking task to me, but in the end, that is the type of guy Odasaku is, and if I am allowed to sound self-conscious, that is Odasaku's charm.

This story was written in such a way. There is a chance that he will come back again. And when he does, I will patiently listen to his voice again.

This story was completed and published thanks to the help of many people: in the Bungou Stray Dogs BEAST movie’s Production Committee, the anime staff, Young Ace’s Editorial Department, BEANS Bunko’s Editorial Department, and the many people who were involved in the publication of the book. Thank you very much. It is all thanks to you that the book was published without any problem this time as well.

Well then, see you in the next story.

Asagiri Kafka.

Happy New Year - 2024

To celebrate another year, I’ve put together each of these authors’ top quotes from 2023!

The authors were chosen based on the favorite Japanese authors and favorite BSD characters from the 2023 Survey.

Dazai and the ladies

Hey Nonny! Ooh, an excuse to talk about my favourite chapter in BSD! Don’t mind if I do. So the scene you’re talking about is this one, in the Double Black episode.

It’s very much played for humour. Throughout the chapter, they’re constantly dragging each other and this is like the one thing that actually seems to give Dazai pause for a moment. But how much truth is there in it? Now there’s a question.

Dazai the flirt

Dazai is aggressively, vocally into women. It’s one of the first things we ever learn about him.

I’m not, here, gonna go into whether or not the boy doth protest too much, but I don’t think I will shock anyone by saying that he is, when it comes to women he doesn’t know, an incredible flirt. He’s seemingly forever trying to get in the pants of the waitress at their coffee bar, he lays it on super thick with clients, etc.

It’s interesting to note here that most of that is an act.

For one, he only seems to do this to women that are not close to him. We, as readers/viewers, also know that he doesn’t mean it. Any of it. He’s probably already suspicious of Higuchi long before he decides to ‘woo’ her. The same for the waitress. He’s not actually expecting her to go “Oh yes, random weirdo who hangs out here but rarely pays his tab, let’s go drown ourselves together. It’ll be romantic.” We know Dazai as a highly intelligent man, who is very adept at reading moods. No way in hell would he be so unaware as to think his blunt flirtations would ever actually work.

Dazai the womanizer

So where does that flirt/womanizer idea come from? As you say, nonny, a lot of that is down to Dazai’s real life counterpart.

!Historical Dazai ( born Tsushima Shüji) was a pretty tragic figure. He attempted, multiple times, to take his own life, several times in a 'double suicide’ that cost the life of at least two young women, besides his own. To say that !Historical Dazai’s history with women is painful, is to put it mildly. That stuff is straight messed up.

Now, it’s tempting to think of !Maffia Dazai as reflecting the tragedies of !Historical Dazai. It’s fairly obvious that the character is based on the writer, and !Maffia Dazai is certainly… broken enough. Whereas!Agency Dazai mostly jokes about the suicide thing, and has long since given up actually killing, !Maffia Dazai is shown as extremely nihilistic and just downright depressed. He is cold, and cruel, and just… really sad. I wouldn’t put it past him to try and drown his sorrows in women, like he does in liquor. !Historical Dazai didn’t only have several wives, he had a thing for prostitutes, hostesses and geisha’s, which would fit neatly into the maffia persona. It is even possible that he ruined the lives of several of these women, the same way (or worse) as !Historical Dazai did. We are not shown evidence of this in the series (at this point), but it’s certainly a possibility.

If you think of it that way, all those jokes of his do take on a decidedly dark turn. It’s one thing to joke about your own death (we’re on tumblr, people do it all the time), it’s another to talk of double suicides if you’ve actually ruined a young woman’s life. In that sense, Chuuya’s threat is also incredibly bleak. The initial idea when you read that joke is the whole 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ thing, but in this situation, it would rip open some old wounds and guilt on Dazai’s part.

But that is probably reading Too Much into what is essentially a good joke. Let’s assume that Dazai, being a big shot mobster, had a whole bunch of flings with dancing girls or whatever, and that he dumped them like the troll he is.

Dazai the s/o

Headcanon time!

I think it’s safe to say that !Agency Dazai is not the same man as !Maffia Dazai, or !Historical Dazai. Mentally, it seems to me as if Dazai is now in a better place, and the same goes for his relationships with the world around him. His general stance seems to be ‘don’t harm, care if you must, but troll the shit out of everyone’. Please note how much respect he has for Yosano, how he treats Naomi and Kyouka (once she’s inducted). He deeply cares about these people, but he also trolls the shit out of them. The same pretty much goes for the likes of Maffia and Guild members, such as Chuuya, Kouyou, Akutagawa, heck, even Q. He ostensibly hates these people, but he’s not about to truly hurt them. He just trolls the shit out of them. It is like this for pretty much the whole world. Dazai saves lives. It’s what he does, but he’s not exactly a gentleman about it. He protects, but he also trolls. 

So what this means for any s/o he may have, is that at the very least, they will be trolled on a near-daily basis.

The question is: would Dazai even have an s/o. I’m pretty big on the importance of healthy relationships, and I am also fairly certain that Dazai, in his current state, is incapable of having a healthy, loving relationship with any s/o. He cannot love another, because he friggin hates himself. It’s gonna take a very long time to heal that. And I think Dazai, in his current state, is also wise enough to realize when a relationship isn’t healthy, and to avoid it. He may be prone to flirtations, to flitting from one person to the next, to double suicides, even, but at this point he’s also trying very hard to avoid those situations from ever happening. He claims, way near the start of the show, to want a death where there are no victims but himself. To do this, he builds walls around himself, even as he is with people that are close to him.

You can see that in the way he treats someone like Atsushi. He cares deeply about Atsushi, I truly believe this, he wants to guide him and watch him grow, he wants to give him important advice to help that boy heal his wounds, but at the same time, he keeps his distance (see that 'i’m not into guys’ thing up there). His first instinct in any situation is to push people away, to gloss it over with a joke.

He’d do the same thing if he were to actually fall in love.

If he does, as you put it, find that special someone, I believe he wouldn’t even make a move until he’s a hundred percent certain that he can control all his urges, can keep himself in check, so that No One Gets Hurt. Dazai the character may be based on Tsushima, but he’s actively trying to avoid living the same life. He’s a that point in his life where he’s looking for atonement, he’s trying to make up for the hurt he caused, not make more. So unless he meets someone who is ok with open relationships, I doubt he’d cheat on them. He’s a troll, but he’s not heartless. The last thing he wants is another notch on his belt, another life ruined. Especially if it’s someone he truly cares about.

PS: I did a profile on Dazai a while back, that is Even Longer and goes deeper into some of his personality.

Holds truth but I'd definitely want to see dazai break down irl too (not the author but ykk)

This has been a PSA.

Wattpad readers take notes

This has been a PSA.

colored them in !! for funsies

Dazai in pain brings me so much joy. "But 15 dazai looks like a black kitty" Idc get that thing under a hydraulic press.

Gobbled up my screen

#scrumptious #nomnom #so pretty I wanna cry

Have u.,,,,have u drawn beast chuya

-k anon

Yeah

I feel like I'd be too much as a partner. Just me? No? Good cause I know yall secret obsessors are hiding here somewhere [rubs my evil little hands together] I want someone to absolutely spoil the shit out of. You have insecurities? I'II sweet talk and kiss every part of your body until you accept how beautiful you are. You want to spend more time together? I'II change my whole routine and planner, I'II always have time for you. I could go on BUT if I loved someone I couldn't go a day without letting them know their place (which is very high tehbfhehhe)

I have over 500 tiktok fav folders. Someone give me song or playlist recommendations that last long enough to get these organised PLEASE ITS SO MESSY HELP

GIVE ME YOUR PLAYLIST NAMES FOR FUNSIES AND I'II CHECK THEM OUT. EVEN RATE THEM IF YOU WANT TO

What do you guys think of the future? And in case any adult sees this, did your past plans for the future turn out the way you planned them?

SO MAD I can't give all the tiny people in my phone what they want. Like pookie I'm sorry but you're gonna have to wait YEARS for me to make actual good money and THEN I can buy you those 60 hoodies and mansions

how do i get into poetry. it looks fun and interesting but how. i do not believe im poetically artistic so. looking in from out it seems pretty challenging for me to develop the ability to conjure and appreciate the craft.