Latest Posts by jackofsometrades - Page 3

Happy Birthday Timmy!!

DC vs Vampires Issue #2 (2021)

a magical artifact that puts someone’s kill count above their heads explodes at a Wayne gala. some socialites have a number or two, no one bats (ha) an eye, it’s Gotham.

Brucie Wayne surprisingly has 0.

His three youngest sons have numbers in the hundreds

(Duke is adopted like a month later and is rly confused about why socialites keep asking for his “body count.” Is it a rich people thing?)

Teen socialite: So, Duke, I was just wondering what your body count is.

Duke, trying to flirt: Zero so far, but how would you like to be the first?

Duke: Why is everyone staring at me?

Recycled joke from Gotham Adventures

batboys playing scrabble except there's a dictionary on-hand at all times solely for the purpose of fact-checking jason every time he tries to make up a word and gaslight the others into thinking it's real.

Kon: Tim is my friend, and if I love him, it’s the way I would love a brother. Jason: Tim is my brother and if he looked at me the way you look at him, I would call the police

Bruce/Clark saying “don’t let (Bruce/Clark) hear about this, he’s a (detective/investigative reporter) and he won’t let it go.” is so funny to me. like what do you mean you’re the worst about not knowing something AND your best friend is the exact same way?

Art by https://twitter.com/hokkemaruyaki

tim: dad... I have a boyfriend

bruce: what? but you're supposed to get back together with stephanie

tim: what?

dick: whoa whoa whoa, I thought you were an ally

bruce: I'm not being homophobic I just need steph to marry into the family

cass: I have something to share

Honey, what's tommorow again?

I need more fanboy Clark Kent in my life.

Like, he's seen Bruce Wayne interact with a child once and immediately fell in love with the guy. Now his bedroom walls are plastered with posters and he follows several social media accounts focused on capturing pictures of Bruce with kids and/or animals etc. He defends Bruce to anyone, no matter the antics he gets up to and it has become a bit of a running gag around the office.

Then, one day, Cat is out sick and someone jokingly suggests Clark should cover the gala in her stead, seeing as Bruce Wayne will be there and maybe this'll be Clark's shot to finally get his man? To everyone's surprise, Perry really does assign the gala coverage to Clark, who spends the days leading up to the event in a state somewhere between absolute panic and ultimate bliss.

But when the day finally arrives, Bruce doesn't show.

Of course Clark does his job and interviews everyone there (yes, even Lex Luthor) but a part of him spends all night waiting for Bruce to crash the party late, like he so often does.

Eventually, Clark gives up hope and it's shortly after that, that he stumbles upon one of the children dragged along to the event by their parents. Because apparently someone thought a charity gala was a good environment for an eight year old. The parents are nowhere in sight and the child is close to tears, so Clark makes it his mission to cheer the little girl up, regaling her with stories from his upbringing on a Kansas farm while he searches the crowd for her family.

With Clark thus occupied, he doesn't notice Bruce Wayne finally making his appearance for the night. But Bruce definitely notices him. The gentle giant who's all kind smiles and corny jokes... Until he finds the girl's parents. Uncaring of the fact that he's here on a job and that these people are richer than any one person should be and could easily sue him into oblivion, he takes them aside, fire in his eyes, and tears them a new one for losing track of their kid like this. Anything could have happened to her and maybe the readers of the Daily Planet would like to know about that? After all, how reliable and trustworthy could a company whose CEOs won't even look after their own daughter really be?

Bruce is immediately smitten. The passive-aggressive lecture and subtle threats - not to mention the broad shoulders and handsome face - are incredibly attractive to him and he wastes no time cornering the man afterwards.

Clark, who is so starstruck by the mere sight of Bruce coming towards him that he loses the ability to speak, nearly faints when Bruce just straight up shoves his tongue into his mouth. They end up in one of the coat rooms and Clark thinks that's it, just a one night stand. It sucks that he won't see Bruce again, but the night was amazing and at least he has the memory to treasure, right?

He thinks that right up until he gets to work the next day and two dozen red roses are waiting for him on his desk. There's a handwritten card nestled inbetween the petals and on it is the name of a restaurant along with a date and time. It's signed by Bruce.

And that is how Clark gets together with his celebrity crush.

The reason Clark keeps wearing cheap suits after he and Bruce start dating is bc the one time Bruce managed to convince him to wear an expensive tailored suit, they never left the bedroom and missed the party they were supposed to go to

✨ Tfw your brother finally comes home from Murder Island and you need to check on him every 30 minutes to make sure he hasn’t left ✨

Guess who finally watched the Batman movie and right after this read a bunch of Fanfics, where they throw a young Robin/Dick Grayson at Battinson

…It’s me

 and I’m gonna do that too^^

Edit: Fanfics here

heres a comic based on the peanuts scene from malcom in the middle w jason & damien

8 year old Dick’s third trip to Bruce’s office and being so helpful that he pressed ALL the elevator buttons so that they could shout good morning to each floor

Gotta keep a straight face u guys

based on this post

thursday nights are for gossiping and complaining in the cave 😤

Clark groggily blinked his eyes open. Something seemed off. His ceiling appeared unusually distant, and its familiar features seemed altered. His gaze shifted to a peculiar sight—a bat was perched on the ceiling. Bats in his bedroom? Bewildered, he turned his head, only to discover a slumbering figure beside him, resembling a Calvin Klein model.

Panic surged within him. Had he followed someone home from the bar last night? What had possessed him? And what would his children think?

The man stirred and opened his eyes. Clark launched into a flurry of apologies, admitting he had never been so intoxicated and couldn't recall anything from the previous night. The man looked at him with bleary eyes.

“Relax, Superman. Your virtue is intact.”

“What happened?” Clark realized he must have revealed his secret identity to a complete stranger.

“I brought you to my med bay and extracted the kryptonite from your chest, but you were shivering and dragged me into bed with you. You said you needed to protect me from the cold,” the man explained, slipping on his pants. “Since escaping your grasp was nearly impossible, I decided to make myself comfortable and settle in for the night.”

The events of the past week flooded Clark’s mind, and the man’s identity became clear. “Oh! I’m so sorry, that was presumptuous of me. Umm, I also want to apologize for trying to attack you yesterday when you found me, Batman.”

“What does presumptuous mean?” Someone mumbled nearby, but was quickly hushed by another person.

“Call me Bruce.” Bruce yawned, rising to his feet. “Don’t fret. I did use your son as bait, after all. And consider yourself lucky, I don’t usually sleep with someone on the first date.”

Clark blushed and fidgeted nervously. “I’ll take responsibility for my actions.”

Bruce smirked. “Moving a little fast, aren’t we? Are you sure you want to be taking responsibility for me and my eight kids?”

“E-Eight kids?”

“Yes, you can start by taking one off my hands. I recommend Damian.”

“You can’t send me away! Alfred would never allow it!” Damian protested from under the bed.

“We can play with my new Xbox! Dad just got it for me for my birthday.” Jon chimed in.

Bruce bent down to address the two kids huddled underneath. “I won’t, provided you stop eavesdropping on private conversations.”

Superbat Family Fics

Clark: Bruce, can I ask for a reaaally tiny favor?

Bruce: What is it, Clark?

Clark: How do you feel about a new addition to the Cave? You know, since it’s mostly just you and Alfred. Alfred wouldn't mind some extra company, would he?

Bruce: Alfred enjoys his peace and quiet. Now spit it out.

Clark: Okay, okay! I found a little bat earlier today. He seemed injured and his wing was probably clipped by a car. I patched him up at home, but he needs a safe place to recover. You have plenty of... uh... "bat-friendly" facilities in the Cave, right?

Bruce: My facilities are for surveillance and crimefighting, not wildlife rehabilitation.

Clark: Come on, Bruce! Look at this little guy! [shows him a picture of a fluffy bat with a bandaged wing on top of a Batman pillow]

Bruce: ...It is rather small.

Clark: See? You won’t even notice him! He'd be right at home with the other bats. They can be bat buddies!

Bruce: My "bat buddies" are not pets, Clark. They are wild animals that I try to maintain a respectful distance from.

Clark: Pleaaase? Think about how scared this bat will be out there all alone! He’s just a baby, Bruce! And an orphan.

Bruce: ...

Clark: ...So?

Bruce: ...Fine. But if this bat crashes into my monitors, you're taking full responsibility.

Clark: Yes! Thanks, Bruce! You won't regret this. BB is a very well-behaved bat, you’ll love him. He’d make a great bat spy one day!

Bruce: A Superbat. Cute.

Inspired by this beautiful post by @hi-im-little-miss-me

Bat-fam watching Lego Batman and loving it, with extra uncle Supes

what a time to be alive

robert pattinson with dripping black eyeshadow >>> you

Bruce Wayne: *in the checkout line because Alfred forced him to go to the store to be seen in public for once and has literally only grabbed a bag of shredded cheese and a juice*

Cashier: Next please, hello Bruce how are you today?

Bruce: *staring intently at a pack of gum to avoid eye contact while he puts his items on the counter* im fantastic thanks

Cashier: That’ll be 6.84. Got yourself a snack, honey?

Bruce: *vibrating as he hands her 7 ones* yes here you go

Cashier: *hands him change*

Bruce: *drops the change on the counter, is visibly mortified and about to astral project*

Cashier: Oh sorry, my fault!

Bruce: *moments from collapse* noitwasminekeepthechange *speed walks out of the store gripping the bag of cheese so hard it almost pops*

-

Alfred: *returns home to see Bruce in the fetal position on the couch with an empty bag of shredded cheese* “And how was the trip to the store, Master Bruce?”

Bruce: dontlookatme

(Crack?) AU in which Battinson gets transported to another universe where he gets mistaken for another “kid” Bruce took in

cheers to the “bruce wayne is not batman” tag on ao3

or alternatively, au where dr wayne moonlights at doc thompkins clinic where he keeps meeting these teen vigilantes….. WHOSE kids are these? who let these INFANTS out to fight crime? anyway he uses his sleeper detective skills to track down the vigilantes and…??? be their dad??

omg wait. the drake estate also has a cave system underneath that tim finds and opens it up as a base of operations and thats where the bat theme came from. i TAKE your batcave and i SHIFT it one plot of land to the left.

Jason Todd does not understand Modern Technology: the Skit

battinson would be the most embarrassing dad ever. when i picture him looking after little dick grayson i see him in an mcr shirt wearing sunglasses while at a parent teacher conference. he can't make eye contact with any of the teachers, parents or even the kids who stare at him when he comes to collect dick from the schoolyard.

meanwhile dick doesn't see what's so embarrassing about him (everyone else does, even alfred) and instead asks bruce if they can have matching shirts because he wants to look like him and battinson tears up when dick shows him a mini mcr shirt wearing shades that are far too big for his tiny face and goes "ok"

just imagine battinson dressed like that. and by his side is a 9 yr old dick wearing the same outfit trying to mimic bruce's stoic expression. adorable.