I Think Its Hard For Me To Be Alone. My English Professor Told Us Today That All Relationships We Are
i think its hard for me to be alone. my english professor told us today that all relationships we are in and lose are failures and you lose and lose and lose until you find a person and you're with them forever. it made me realize that i want to find a girl that fits into my edges and cracks and fills me with soil and cement and stitches me up like im a used dog toy. i want a girl to hold my head in her arms and kiss my forehead as i tell her my nightmare. i want a girl to lay down beside me under the stars on a picnic blanket and tell me about her biggest dream as i fear for frogs. i want her to show me when a butterfly lands on her nose, or call my name to kiss me in the bath. i want a girl who holds me close when she sleeps, and i want to fall asleep listening to her heartbeat until i have it memorized and i'm so convinced it beats in tandem with mine. thats why its hard for me to be alone. i have all these dreams of a mystery girl that i want to give my love to, a love all mine that we can share, i have so much to give and so much to love, and i want to devote it to her. i just want her already
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finding old accounts is like finding proof u really did exist two years ago which is like yeah i know i did but that me from two years ago was me and i was her and that makes it so disgustingly weird yet endearing yet everything wrong with the world because i hate to be perceived and who else to judge u harder than ur future self who is wiser (slightly) and knows more (not really)? so i feel a little sick but also, she was such a silly girl. just a silly lost sad angry girl
i want to say that i feel empty all the time and its true. its like those small moments where i have to pause in whats happening and just think about if i feel anything right then, and i dont. it feels hollow and fake, i feel hollow and fake. i read things to make myself cry and it reminds me more how theres nothing inside and i dont know how to fix that. i dont necessarily wish to die but i do wish to feel something or just disappear if its not possible. everything feels fake and metal and unattainable. i just wish i felt something other than everything st once or just anger
Aya Takano, hot banana fudge (2000)
Pointillist Butterflies by Matt H Booth
http://matthbooth.com/
This is such a beautiful effect and I’m thinking it might be a useful one to remember for a visualisation.
Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away with making the chart itself interesting, whereas an effect like this could allow a very simple chart to be used.
i'm terrified of the day i've grieved you longer than i've loved you
i just wish my brain was the same as everyone else's i feel like i have to work thrice as hard to be a normal person who does normal things
behind the scenes of hirokazu kore-eda's monster (2023)
i want to melt into this bed and be stuffed with rocks until im all filled up so i cant be awoken and my soul drifts off my body and takes part in my day to day experiences and i am left to soak in my sweat and sleep forever
the calendar was not kidding when it said september
