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Some days it just eats me up

"I'm having suicidal thoughts again and I want to tell someone. I want to open up and ask for help but I'm scared that they'll see me different so I just face it alone until the thoughts eventually win."

— my thoughts are killing me slowly

How to transform your life in one year:

• Practice Daily Gratitude: Focus on what’s going right instead of what’s wrong. Start each day by acknowledging three things you’re grateful for—it shifts your mindset and opens doors to more positivity.

• Embrace Solitude to Reconnect with Yourself: Spending time alone can be intimidating, but it’s where self-discovery happens. Use this time to reflect, journal, or set goals. Reinvent yourself from the inside out.

• Choose Your Circle Wisely: Surround yourself with people who uplift, inspire, and energize you. Let go of relationships that drain your spirit or pull you backward.

• Reduce Distractions: Take a break from social media, endless scrolling, and mindless entertainment. Get back your time, and use it to work on your goals or indulge in self-care.

• Focus on One Skill: Choose one skill or passion that you want to master this year. Go all in—whether it’s learning a language, writing, or a professional skill, make it your main focus and track your progress.

• Move Your Body Daily: Physical movement is essential, not just for fitness but for mental clarity. Stretch, walk, dance, or do whatever you enjoy to keep your body and mind active.

• Commit to Self-Love: Make a promise to yourself to love and accept who you are at every step of the journey. Speak kindly to yourself, honor your needs, and embrace your unique qualities.

• Get Intentional with Your Time: Instead of just letting the days pass, structure your time. Set goals for each week, prioritize what matters most, and stay consistent.

• Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Embrace challenges, learn from setbacks, and view everything as a step forward. Growth doesn’t come from comfort—it comes from resilience.

Some of my fave personal spreads 😊

a beginners guide to pilates

🎀 what is pilates?

pilates is a form of strength training exercise that focuses on low to medium impact movements to improve muscle tone, stability, endurance, and mobility. pilates also focuses more on the smaller muscles of the body compared to traditional strength or weight training.

🎀 benefits of pilates

including the benefits that exercise generally brings, pilates:

improves mind-body connection and body control

improves active flexibility and mobility

works the core, improving stability

improves coordination and balance

reduces mental and physical stress

works muscles that can be neglected in our daily lives

treats and prevents body pain, including menstrual pain

teaches you how to pair your breath with your body

keeps the joints healthy without putting pressure on them

🎀 where to start

while you can absolutely start with studio or reformer classes, you can also do pilates routines on youtube! i recommend move with nicole and dansique fitness. if you want to get your cardio in as well, i absolutely recommend eleni fit. her workouts are some of the best i’ve ever tried!

🎀 personal tips

keep your core in mind. core strength is a major benefit of pilates because each movement requires at least a mild amount of core work to keep your body stable, so do your best to keep the engagement throughout.

start slow. pilates movements can take a while to fully understand and it can take a while to build the mind-body connection, so don’t push yourself too far in the beginning. your coordination will improve over time!

don’t underestimate it! while the movements are generally slower than other types of exercise, you will work your muscles just as much and in a way they may not have been worked before. sometimes i even find pilates more difficult than hiit or weights!

Basic Candle Color for Spells and Rituals

Black is an all-purpose color and when available, black should be used with other colors in every ritual. Different colors attract different energies and stimulate certain vibrations in the chakras. Using candles of specific colors can help to amplify the energies in ritual and spell work.

Black Candles are all-purpose for any Satanic rituals. Black candles used in workings of destruction are used to incite the slower destruction of enemies, opposed to accidents or sudden attacks associated with the color red. Black is also a good color to use to bring discord and confusion to enemies. Black can be used for protection, binding negative forces, and breaking up obstacles and blocks. Black can also be used to reverse and break up negative thoughtforms. Black absorbs, conceals, creates confusion and chaos, is used for new beginnings, and obtaining knowledge of hidden things. Black is the container of light, and is one of the most powerful of colors. Saturn rules black. Black influences self-control, endurance, and patience. Spells using black energy are best performed during a waning Moon, on a Saturday when the planet Saturn is strongly placed and waxing. Spells using black need the power of the root chakra.

Blue Candles are good to use in spells pertaining to spirituality, meditation, summoning Demons, healing, sincerity, obtaining the truth, influencing fidelity and loyalty, bringing inner peace, and for knowledge and wisdom. Blue can also be used for establishing harmony in the home, for increasing occult power, and for spiritual protection. For workings of black magick, blue can be used for inciting depression, sadness, and hopelessness, lack of sympathy, coldness, and gloom. 

Jupiter rules royal blue. Workings using blue energy should be done on a Monday or Thursday. Spells using blue need the power of the crown and and/or throat chakras.

Brown Candles can be used for communicating with nature spirits and for grounding and centering one’s self. Brown is used in spells for solidity, neutrality, and practicality. In workings of black magick, brown is used for inciting indecision, hesitancy, sadness, dullness, and uncertainty. For working with brown energy, the feet chakras are used. Energy should be absorbed from the earth through the feet chakras.

Green Candles are used in spells for beginnings, growth, abundance, fertility, healing, success, general good luck, harmony, and influencing generosity. In workings for health and healing, green is an anti-inflammatory. Green can also be used alone or with brown for communicating with nature spirits. Green is used in spells for love, marriage, and making love. Green influences affection, opposed to red, which is used for passionate love, lust, and sex. Green also influences renewal, fidelity, reconciliation, justice, balance, beauty, youth,friendships, attraction, harmony, financial gain, earnings increases, social functions, possessions, riches, indulgence, and pleasure. Green is good for beginnings and growth. 

In workings of black magick, green is used for inciting jealousy, greed, suspicion, resentment, sickness, disease, and disharmony. Venus rules the color green. Workings using green energy should be performed during a waxing moon on a Friday when Venus is strongly placed. Spells using green need the power of the heart chakra.

Grey Candles are used in spells for inducing death, illness, and/or to incite mourning and sadness. Saturn should be strongly placed.

Orange Candles are used for creativity. Orange helps in spells for adaptability, sexual attraction, sexual stimulation, sex magick, enthusiasm, and energy. Orange helps with attraction, sudden changes, energy stimulation, gaining control, changing luck and inciting justice. The Sun rules orange. Workings using orange energy are best performed on a Sunday when the Sun is strongly placed. Spells using orange need the power of the sacral and/or solar chakras. For inciting lust and sexual attraction, use the sacral and root chakras.

Red Candles are used for energy, vitality, inciting passion, arousing anger, pure lust and for physical gratification. Red is inflammatory and is used in spells for revenge, anger, courage, determination, and dealing with enemies. Red can be used for protection against psychic attack and for self-confidence. Red incites accidents, fires, and injuries. It is used in spells to invoke power and intensity before workings of black magick. Red is physical and bestows energy, strength, dynamism, passionate love, physical desire, will power, and athletic ability (especially competitive).

When used in black magick, red as opposed to black brings on sudden attacks, accidents, bloodshed, violence, and hatred. Red can also be used to incite wars, anarchy, and cruelty. Mars rules red. Workings using the color red need the power of the root chakra and should be performed on Tuesdays when Mars is strongly placed and waxing.

Violet/Purple Candles are used for enhancing psychic ability, bringing wisdom, for divination, to remove curses, for healing, business success, and for influencing people in power.

For workings of black magick, purple can be used to incite tyranny, abuse of power, and for bringing sadness and treachery to others. Jupiter rules purple. Workings using the color purple should be performed on Thursdays. Workings for psychic power need the energy of the sixth chakra and the third eye and should be performed on Mondays when the Moon is strongly placed and full.

Yellow Candles are used in workings for passing exams, and for increasing one’s intelligence and intellect. Yellow energy rules over the logical conscious side of the brain, computers, communication, audio, video, TV, electronics, books, literature and the will. Yellow is used to improve the mind, to deepen concentration, for mental (left-brained power), to enhance learning ability, and for speech, writing, and publishing. Yellow rules over media concerns, gossip, slander, interviews, brothers, sisters, neighbors, rumors, theft, and all areas of study and communication. Spiritually, yellow can be used for astral travel (along with blue and purple). Yellow is also used to overcome addictions, and to break habits. Yellow is good for friendship.

In workings of black magick, yellow is used to incite infidelity, cowardice, decay, disease, dying, insanity, and inconsistency in others.

Mercury rules over the color yellow. Workings using yellow energy need the power of the solar and throat chakras. Both of these chakras work as a pair. Yellow energy is best used on Wednesdays and Sundays. For anything pertaining to intellect and communication, do the working on a Wednesday. For workings using the force of will, these are best performed on a Sunday.

White Candles are for cleansing, purity, and innocence. The Moon should be strong.

For workings of black magick, white can be used to incite corruption, bring impotence, and to destroy the sex drive. White can also be used to create weakness, neurosis, and fear. The Moon rules white. Workings using white energy should be performed on a Monday and need the energy of the third eye.

More than one color can be used in rituals. The candles should be anointed with appropriate scents and oils before ritual. Oil should be applied with both hands in a stroking motion. Candles represent the element of fire in rituals and are also used for concentration and focus. They attract Demons and spirits.

Always make sure to check your candle as a test as you would with incense before beginning a ritual. Bad odors or burning the wrong way as with cheap incense can ruin a ritual.

Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.

🌟 become your dream girl before 2025! 🌟

THIS WILL *ACTUALLY* CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

do you know how many people are waiting until next year to glow up and actually start to become their dream self? now just think, if you started now, before 2025, how far you would be. how much more skills and knowledge you would have. you're literally getting a head start. so what are you doing dilly-dallying until 2025? heres your guide to ending this year accomplishing everything you need to and starting 2025 with everything you need.

in this post i will include mindset shifts, how to become a better person, actionable advice, actually becoming a new person <3

👑know what you want.

who do you want to become at the end of this year? what does your dream girl look like? what kind of body does she have? her clothes? who are the people she hangs out with on a daily basis- friends?

create a very clear version in your head and use pinterest to show photos of what your goals are- for ex: girls at the gym, journalling, writing, studying, reading, learning, walking, with friends, spending time outside, going swimming, playing sports, doing a skill/ hobby.

you can also find an idol/ an inspiration- a youtuber, influencer, parent, anyone who you look up to and want to somewhat have a similar life like them. (for ex: thewizardliz, tam kaur) whatever is important to you this goes hand in hand with the next point:

👑goals.

any unfinished projects, any goals you said you'd do in the beginning of the year, get them all down on paper. if you've finished any of them, great!- tick them off. but if you haven't then its time to lock in. pick the ones that are most important to you. that you know that achieving these will 100% get you closer to your goal. doing this makes sure you get rid of the ones that you think are "productive" when in reality they just help you procrastinate.

finish any unfinished projects or books you have before the new year begins because 2025 is about bringing in new, fresh opportunities and things. for me personally, i have a few crochet projects that i want to finish before the end of this year so i can start the new year with nothing old from the year before!

👑cutting.

you are going to be becoming a new person- new mindset, new values, new perception on life, etc. the people in your life currently probably won't align with this new version of you. because if the people around you still only know the old you, your growth won't happen because it will feel extremely unnatural without the right people around you. this means you're going to have to decide whether you are letting any of your friends go. if they don't serve you or make you feel happier or bring in any value to your life, im sorry but its time to cut them off.

but of course if you actually have good, kind, loving friends who grow with you and support you all the way, keep them. the goal is to remove the people who don't serve your highest self. not remove the people who you know will be there for you.

but along with this, if you notice that those people are acting a bit more weirdly/ strangely now that you're improving- giving you backhanded compliments, talking about you behind your back, or just giving you a weird vibe in general, trust your gut. those people don't want to see you going to a higher place where you're thriving- keeping them in your life can be terrible for your highest good.

remember that doing this doesn't mean that you're not going to get better because BETTER ALWAYS COMES. god will give you more people who you couldn't have ever dreamed could be so amazing. so never keep toxic people in your life out of fear that you'll be alone forever. (remember: 8 billion people in the world.)

👑mindset.

dont wait to change your mindset only once you achieve the dream body or the best grade- start now. people can take away everything from you but they can't take away your mindset, skills, and knowledge. here are some mindset shifts to develop:

the abundance mindset. know that everything happens for your highest and greatest good only! everything will work out in the end for you because God hasn't put you on this earth to suffer. if you are religeous (God) or spiritual (the universe) or even believe theres a higher faith, why on earth would you willingly believe that your purpose here is to have a bad time? obstacles will come your way and you will make bad decisions and mistakes. but all these jsut contribute to the person you are today and the person who you'll be in the future!

i will make it. believe in your vision and yourself so fiercely that you know in your bones that you will achieve your goals. you will travel the world and discover new places, you will get to retire your parents, you will get to buy expensive bags for your mom, you will be that rich sister/daughter/ wife, you will help people around the whole world, you will have people around you who love and care for you, you will achieve whatever dream you had since you were a kid and whatever dream you have right now. you will you will you will! know this so strongly but also know that i will achieve there one day, but i also am so blessed and grateful for the life i have right now! i have so many privileges and such an amazing life that i would never trade away for anything.

growth mindset if you fail, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. please stop being afraid of failing, be afraid of never trying!! you have no idea how freeing failing is because once you do, then you'll never have that "what if" in the back of your mind, never have that small voice asking what could have happened if you had done that thing. so if you do fail, perfect! that means that you won't waste any more time wondering what would have happened. having a growth mindset means that you know you're human and you'll make mistakes, but that doesnt make you a bad person and it doesn't take away your capability to still accomplish your goals. if you fail be able to brush it off, and keep trying again and again. Thomas Edison had 1000 failed attempts to make the light bulb. yet he learnt from what didn't work, took that into consideration, then tried again. and again. and again. and now? your probably sitting in a room with light that you have because he persisted in his goal!

stay positive always have a positive outlook and perspective of life. look at the beauty and what you have instead of what you lack. feel happy joyful energy vibrate through you everyday. do things that just make you a more positive person in general! feeling happier makes you look 100x more attractive and will change the way you interact with the world!!

👑be a better person.

new year new you right? so its time you up level the way you talk and treat others. because the goal isn't to be A b*tch, the goal is to be THAT b*tch! so going around being rude isn't going to do anything for you. being kind however- having manners, checking up on people, asking how their day was, being charismatic, etc- thats what can get you so much more opportunities! you're going to be kind, but not a people pleaser- ofc prioritise yourself always but also at the same time- if you have made a commitment to be somewhere for someone at a certain time, honor that commitment. be the friend you wish you had.

being mean to everyone just because you were hurt by someone else is not it. yes, so you were hurt. grow, evolve, heal. you're stronger than this. you're stronger than you think. you can overcome anything and you can become an even better person, capable of loving fully and wholly!

misc tips:

change what you consume. start watching thewizardliz, tam kaur on youtube. have an inspiration/ idol to look up to in life.

workout. i dont care if its not one of your goals to have a fit body, but don't workout for that. workout because you love yourself. because its actually proven to make you happier, because you deserve a healthy, fully functioning body.

DRINK WATER. do you know how many benefits something as simple as that has? clear skin, unchapped lips, better digestive health, weight management, better health, feel more alert and energized, better for immune system, increases brain power, eliminate toxins, ETC ETC!

have a morning routine that literally sets yourself up for success. stimulate your mind with reading self help, learn something, study, focus on a skill, do something that makes your mind active.

journal & check in with yourself.- document your progress! write about how you felt after everyday. did you feel esp happy during anything? do you feel satisfied at the end of the day? or do you find that your day made you feel tired and drained? do you feel regret and wished you did more at the end of the day?

diary- links with the earlier point. document the day. you can write about it, or what i also like to do is video myself yapping to the camera. talk about whatever you want and let your mind wander free!

you are that it girl! dress the part, smell good, make yourself feel so good that you just can't help but feel like you can conqure anything!!

make sure you're consistently reminded of your goals. what do you want? why do you want to achieve it? reminding yourself of your goals will actually motivate you and make you stop procrastinating. for me its that i don't want any old projects or books having to continue into the new year so i've made a plan that will definitely get it done before the next year!