Kaeyh

We don't talk about Reiner's bravery enough. He called Annie short to her face and lived to tell the tale

guard cat

Hello I am back with more headcanons

How the 104th Cadet corps smokes 🍃 and what they’re like when they’re high

Plus bonus Porco and Pieck

Eren: Has every form of Rick and Morty paraphernalia in existence. Rolling trays, Tshirts, ash trays, you name it. Unironically says that people need a higher IQ to be able to “fully grasp” the message of the show. Used to smoke indoors but Mikasa pushed him to take it outside or at least open a window. Goes fully nonverbal (for once) but also can’t keep his hands to himself if he’s alone with Mikasa.

Mikasa: Doesn’t smoke a ton but she still somehow has an incredibly high tolerance. Has a pen that she named “Penjamin” and she discreetly hits it at the aquarium/museum. When she’s at home with Eren it takes one hit before their clothes are on the floor.

Armin: Tried smoking but it always just ends up giving him a headache for some reason. Edibles are a bit better but he never seems to really “feel it”, so he prefers to just not partake because he doesn’t want to waste money. Prefers CBD gummies and has a CBD pen on him so he doesn’t feel left out during sessions. A fiend for cigs though.

Ymir: WAKE. AND. BAKE. She can out smoke ANYONE, even Connie. Zeros her bong in one hit and does NOT clean it. Has a whole dab rig and puts grape-sized globs in it just for herself. Unironically watches Jackass and Filthy Frank videos when Historia isn’t around.

Historia: Smoked once and had a panic attack. Does not smoke or partake at all anymore and instead she drinks or hits her crusty ass juul from 2018 that’s covered with faded stickers, and she uses bootleg strawberry juul pods so she feels like she’s doing something. Babysits Ymir when she goes nonverbal and they also can’t keep their hands off each other. She’s the one to clean Ymir’s bong and yells at her when she leaves it on the coffeetable.

Reiner: Can rip a bong like nobody’s business but is classy enough to keep it in a cupboard when he isn’t using it. All his bags and pockets are littered with various brands of mint-flavored dispos because he vapes in public. Gets really calm and quiet and one time when he was with Jean the two of them got way too high together and started making out (they don’t talk about it and nobody else will ever know)

Bertoldt: Surprisingly chatty when smoking. Doesn’t do anything fancy and just has a glass pipe. Taught Reiner what a sploof was so he wouldn’t get caught by his mom. Has a decent tolerance but can sometimes overdo it because he underestimates edibles. “Man this edible ain’t shit” *Ten minutes later*: “dude do you ever think about how our fingers are just bony tentacles?”

Annie: Almost exclusively bums off of other people. Offers a drag of her cig in return. Also gets chatty but not nearly as much as Bert. She’s the one to pick out the movie and she’s the last one to fall asleep. Always jumps for nature documentaries or nostalgic things like Wallace and Gromit.

Marco: Does NOT smoke and sees weed as a gateway drug. Cried when he found out Jean keeps edibles on him and said he didn’t want him to become an “addict” until Jean invited him to babysit a JSC smoke session. Now he dislikes it but tolerates it for Jean.

Sasha: Munchies go with Sasha like milk goes with cookies. Full Mukbang channel with 2 million subscribers. The big draw to the channel is SJC antics and when Niccolo decides to make gourmet food for her to absolutely destroy when high. Eats all the edibles Pieck gives her in like 3 days.

Jean: Has those 5mg Caminos on lockdown in his back pocket to the point where they’ve worn a circular imprint in the denim and he has to clarify that, no, it is neither a tin of dip, nor is it Zyn packets. He keeps the Caminos on hand because they make him more social and relaxed in public without getting too zooted. At home he has a pen but rarely uses it. Prefers 20mg brownies Pieck makes him. Does not smoke with Reiner anymore. (He really enjoyed himself and is scared of the implications)

Connie: spent $600 on a gravity bong because he saw Seth Rogen talk about it. Has a YouTube channel under the name Con-man420 and the videos have titles like “REVIEWING SUPER LEMON HAZExGRANDADDY PURP HYBRID IN 4K HD”. Impossible to tell if he’s high or sober because you’re not ever entirely sure you’ve SEEN him fully sober.

Pieck: Makes edibles. Knows how to make canna-butter and runs a whole under-the-table edible business. Once it was legalized in her state she had a panic attack. When she’s high it’s like her brain completely shuts off and she has to do the little bicep hug with Jean or Porco if they’re out in public so she doesn’t get left behind. Falls asleep every time. Very cuddly and gets handsy depending on who she’s with.

Porco: Smokes out of a pipe shaped like an old-fashioned tobacco pipe. Pieck got it for him as a joke but he loves it. Can do smoke tricks with his pen. Plays Tame Impala and Glass Animals on vinyl and melts into the couch like that one DARE ad

He's tired and he only wants his girl to comfort him

(a grumpy nerd from this post )

Has the whole thing with the titan-shifters aging faster been confirmed or is that still just a generally-accepted theory? Because it makes a lot of sense.

For example, the most popular evidence of this, is Reiner looking ridiculously old for his age.

Reiner at 17 ⬆️

Reiner at 21 ⬆️

Thats absolutely ridiculous. He looks 26 in the first photo and like 40 in the second. Next piece of evidence being Zeke, of course.

He's around 28 at this point, but looking significantly older.

And I've had people say "well bertholdt still looks 17!" Yeah, his face maybe but let's ignore the fact he is 6"4 and had a fully-developed Adam's apple at TWELVE

Idk i think since there isn't much to go off of with the female warriors, that causes some doubts but I guess I'll see

was it casual when reiner only turned over to save his life after bertholdt asked him to

was it casual when after bert died reiner literally almost pulled the tigger

HE GOT SO CLOSE

was it casual when all growing up bert was the only one who talked to reiner outside of training

was it casual when in the scouts they were the only ones who actually knew eachother fully

for years

was it casual when the last name bertholdt uttered was reiner's

was it casual when dont take this the wrong way but i didn't think you were all that in to girls

it wasn't.

nothing is casual with them.

So I recently got stuck in an elevator (as one does on occasion) and my first thought while waiting for the fire department was how FUNNY it would be to hear Reiner/Jean bickering over “who broke the elevator” and which one of them gets claustrophobic and starts panicking versus which one has to calm the other down. Thoughts?

maaaaate that is madness!!! first of all, i'm glad you're still here with us in this mortal coil. that sounds legitimately terrifying, even if it was only for a few minutes!! how long were you stuck for?

this is one of the only scenarios where the "forced proximity" trope would NOT work on me - i don't care who's sexy ass i'm stuck in there with, i will be having a full blown ugly crying panic attack.

that being said... i remember reading a ✨️truly scrumptious✨️ jean fic with this exact scenario - i'll go dig it out on Ao3, but you might already know the one?

jean is panicking for sure. he didn't realise he was claustrophobic, and he just found out in the worst way possible!! at first he'd probably freak out and try not to show it. he's the 'this is fine' dog meme, meanwhile his whole life is flashing before his eyes. bro is pacing.

reiner is trying to be the voice of reason but everything he's saying is making it ten times worse 😭😭

"just stay calm." "i AM calm reiner!" "we've pressed the alarm, the guy said they're working on it." "but he didn't say how long it would take - what if we're in here all night? what if one of us needs to piss, or... oh GOD" "we're only 3 floors up... that might not be lethal?" "jesus christ do you hear yourself?? do you hear what you're saying right now? are you some kind of elevator expert all of a sudden?" "maybe, uhh... maybe we can try to pry the doors open?" "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

i also think the only reason reiner isn't panicking himself is because he needs to be calm for jean's sake!! he's a brave boi and goes into Leader Mode when he feels compelled to keep it together for another person, but if he was on his own in there he'd be like:

hehehe thank you for this my dear, i love yapping about reijean <3

counter question - how are jean and pieck coping with this?

xoxo

:3

Lmao the memes didn't lie, he really just said it so casually