Steve: Stop Saying 'I Wish' And Start Saying 'I Will' To Become A Happier Person.

Avengers as stupid shit my friends have said

Clint: That’s not a watermelon, that’s a fetus!

Nat: You shoulda kicked him in the nuts

Tony: You know what I is!

Also Tony: I’m a vagina expert

Sam to Bucky: Too painful to date

Bruce: In space there’s always a bigger rock

Wanda: Troublesome gay

Peter when someone says don’t fail: I fail at everything

Shuri: And not get pushed off roofs by furries

Bucky: So last night I ditched my friends and made an accurate representation of my soul. Cold, hard, black, shiny stone. Also somewhat damaged and incomplete.

Scott: I can’t believe they landed on me having sex! I mean get a room!

Pepper: Thanks, I hate it

Steve: I’m American

Peter from the other room: I thought you were a lesbian!

Carol: Okay who here isn’t gay?

Hope: Thanks, wish you weren’t here

Vision: I’ve tested positive for gay

Loki (even though technically not an Avenger): I LOVE STABBING CHILDREN!!

Tchalla: I ripped it apart with my bare hands!

Thor, clueless: What’s a handjob?

Loki: I’m like a candle.

Thor: In what way?

Loki: I’ll burn your house down if you leave me alone.

Thor: Again, that’s called arson. It’s illegal.

Nah. I cut my own fringe blind and cut my fingernail in a pencil sharpener

reblog if u too have shaved off your eyebrows bc u were like 12 and deficient in impulse control

Once. I think a karaoke machine was the weirdest thing I’ve ever carried around

Levy, DMing: You lose your balance and fall backwards. As you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Gajeel, remembering he had four jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

just wanting to prove a quick point here. reblog if you believe loki is a complex, well-developed, three-dimensional character who didn’t deserve to be killed in the first 5 minutes of the movie. let’s see how many we are

MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.

Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means

Ned: I-

MJ:...That’s fair

I have one chapter posted and about a dozen in working progress. It’s called Genetic Soup.

P.s I know it’s a stupid name. Think of any good ones and send them to me.

The spider that bit Peter Parker’s was from a cross-species genetics lab right? Think of the possibilities for fanfiction and headcanons.

P.S. I’m starting an au oneshot book about this. It doesn’t exist yet though. It will be on Wattpad because I can’t find my drafts on Tumblr ever. @adopted_by_hestia is the account

Freed and Bickslow turn around hearing a crunch.

Laxus: My mouth is a candy crush

Freed internally screaming in indecipherable gay

Freed: Gentle reminder to not eat too much candy before bed.

Bickslow: No.

Freed: This was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance full me with ungodly rage.

Black Pirate Dude

-unironically wears a trench coat

-“I’m not mad just disappointed”

-god tier sceptic

-dramatic flare the size of the fucking sun

-I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me

-Badass TM

The Avengers: a summary

Thot

- majestic - good hair - straight ally - total feminist - Better Than You - best brother

America’s Ass

- t h i c c - disaster bisexual - literal golden retriever - n i p p l e s - sad about the bae

Tony Stank

- the literal definition of adhd - runs on coffee and cocaine - judging you - terrible boyfriend, pretty good husband - “3000? thAt’S cRaZy”

angry grinch

- weed dealer - always angry - anxiety - too tired to be stark’s best friend

bird 1

- actual disaster - weirdly nice arms - married?????? - actually not in love with black widow - probably has tried to steal a dog at least once

mama spider

- will kill - terrifying - somehow always looks amazing - steve rogers’ relationship advisor - love? for children

bird 2

- supersoldier babysitter - everyone’s favourite - done - to the left - hates his bestie’s boyfriend - not problematic in the slightest - actual angel there is nothing wrong with him whatsoever

quippy black best friend

- somehow hasn’t killed tony stark yet - was just put there for comic relief but now everyone loves him - the best character in endgame - troll

bonky

- chaotic gay - sad - good hair - still annoyed at his husband for something that happened in 1943 - power bottom

spiderling

- baby - was immediately adopted - definitely trans - gen z - wants to die

Peter: If I die, please bury me either in a T-pose or the you know I had to do it pose.