“If There’s A Sun In My Solar System, It’s You.”

“I wish I could tell you I miss you, but you aren’t that person anymore.”

- abby

…

first

twenty-third 🍁

twenty-eighth

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

“A hero is a person or character who is admired for their courage, achievements, noble qualities, who looks fear in the eyes and doesn’t even blink.”

That is the quote I saw on the wall of my sixth grade students classroom today. I strongly disagree.

All humans have hesitated. It’s instinct. It’s vital. It’s as strong as your heart beating. It is the culmination of thousands of years of survival. Hesitation is a universal experience.

Therefore, a hero always “blinks.” That ‘blink’ is the moment that human beings realize what they are doing. That singular defining moment that changes the gravity of the situation. The exact second that the given circumstances could produce a hero if the right choices are made.

Humans program robots. Robots don’t blink. If a robot were to walk through a path of throwing knives without blinking, would it be a hero? No, of course not. But by the first definition, they technically would be. The reasoning as to why they aren’t? Because the robot faces no repercussions. The robot has no risk. The robot has no real understanding of the danger, nor have they been forced to confront the facts of what they are up against.

That's where we come to our hero blinking. In order to be a hero, you must blink. You must have a moment to see the horrors that all logic would tell to run. Because it’s in that blink that the hero confronts the danger they put themselves in, and pushes forth anyways. That is what makes a hero. To have that shackling sensation of hesitation, and where most others would turn back, they trailblaze on. They trailblaze on anyway.

So here I propose a new definition:

“A hero is a person or character who is admired for their courage, achievements, and noble qualities, who looks fear in the eyes, blinks, and despite facing the world’s darkness, chooses to continue being the world’s light.”

“can we go back to normal?”

considering my normal has been fainting in the shower, not being able to breathe, a heart rate of 190, social avoidance, and feelings of hopelessness,

no. no, we can not go ‘back to normal’.

“And like the moon, I have gone through countless phases of emptiness before feeling whole again.”

“Was none of it real, or was it real and you still left?”

- abby

…

twenty-sixth — I., II., III.

twenty-seventh — IV., V., VI.

twenty-eighth — VII.

twenty-ninth — VIII.

LOVE, DEAR ABBY

“In a place as dark as this, you’re bound to be a light for someone.”

- abby

I will never beg you to stay

When you and I know you’ll just walk away

“I had a dream that we were together, and everything was ok. Then I turned and looked away, only to discover, it wasn’t you anymore. It was him.”

- abby