Dionysus: when was the last time you got laid?
Hermes: when was the last time you came home sober?
Dionysus: touché
Freddie: [is nagging about something Roger did]
Roger’s mind as he nods along: bow Chika bow wow that’s what my baby says, mow mow mow and my heart starts pumping, Chika Chika choo wow never gonna stop, gitchee gitchee goo means that I love you
Zeus: my sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Theo: *phone starts ringing*
Cain: *looks at who’s calling*
Cain *grimaces*: you still call our dad ‘daddy’?
Theo: *answers the call and makes direct eye contact with Cain*
Theo: Hello, Adonis.
Cain: *chokes on drink*
Queen + (some) big hits by each member
So as a bonus and sort of apology for having to close the box so quickly, I thought I’d make you all a rec list of some of my most favourite fics in the Queen fandom!
Warm and Terrified by @s0meday0neday (Roger/John, Roger/John/Brian)
This is, in my humble opinion, the definitive Queen A/B/O verse fic. Starring omega John, betas Roger and Freddie, and alpha Brian, it’s an amazing tale woven around the discrimination faced by omegas, the affect this has on the band, John and Roger’s loving but frowned-on relationship, and poor gentle Brian at odds with his own nature. Seriously, read this fic.
I Belong to You Forever by KyluxFicHell (@bohemian-rhapsody-slash on tumblr) (John/Freddie and Brian/Roger with a touch of poly!Queen) and its sequel, Standing On My Own Two Feet (Rami/Joe and Gwil/Ben)
This is some of the most innovative world-building I’ve seen in any fandom. The classic A/B/O trope is given a different spin where instead, people are born as either Dominant or Submissive. The first story commences in the 70s where submissives have almost no rights and Queen are trying to sign a record deal, leading to doms Freddie and Brian to claim subs John and Roger to protect them from sleazy record executives. The sequel is based during the filming of BoRhap and focuses more on subs Joe and Ben as they film the movie and navigate their feelings for doms Rami and Gwil, with some help from Queen.
Four Men and a Rock and Roll Band series by Tikini (poly!Queen)
Buckle in because this series is one hell of a ride. It rocks between absolutely filthy smut and more in-depth character and emotion analysis. And it doesn’t shy away from the realities of what it would have been like trying to build this relationship in the 70s. Overall a brilliantly-written fic with realistic, beautiful characterisation. Trigger warning for parts 12 and 13.
Roses in December by writeyourownlifestory (Roger/John)
A stunning piece focused around what seems a simple premise: Roger gets into a car accident and loses his memory. Even though it’s 1976, he thinks it’s 1970, which means he has no memory of John. John chooses not to tell Roger about their relationship, and so much angst ensues. But it’s gorgeously written and has you holding on for that happy ending that we hope will come.
Liar by LetMeEntertainYou (general, no pairing)
This fic will break your heart in just 869 words. An alternate reason for why we haven’t seen John in years, and how much Brian and Roger love him. Tissues required.
Lily of the Valley by kinole009x (John/Veronica)
A slight AU where Ronnie is a roadie for Queen, accidentally pregnant after a one night stand and oblivious to the fact that John is in love with her. But the man who fathered her child has ulterior motives and Ronnie and John have a long rocky road ahead. The tension in this fic is absolutely killing me, I swear.
Give Me Mercy No More by killerqueenie (Rami/Joe with background Ben/Gwil)
AU: Joe is a dom who Gwil talks into teaching his bondage class while the latter is on holiday. Gwil also has a sub friend Rami who can help. Of course Joe is gonna catch feelings on the way. Who wouldn’t? Super cute and fluffy (despite the smutty premise).
A Kind of Magic by QueenOfAllCorgis (John/Freddie, sort of Roger/Brian)
A semi-AU where Queen is a mixed band of supernaturals and humans: the djinn Freddie, the dragon John, the incubus Roger, and the very human Brian. Their natures cause various issues along the way, other supernaturals make an appearance, and you’ll want to punch Paul Prenter twice as much as usual. Brilliant.
Riders on the Storm series by sweetestsight (no pairings)
Absolutely hilarious crack AU where Roger, Brian, Freddie and John are actually the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Except they don’t really feel like bringing on the apocalypse, so they’ll drink cocktails on the beach instead. Exactly as funny as it sounds!
you drive me (to my knees) by @sammyspreadyourwings (Brian/John)
College AU where Brian and John are roommates who hate each other. Or do they? A beautifully subby Bri with a very dom John and some delectable smut.
Kevlar and Armani by @sammyspreadyourwings (Brian/John)
The classic spy AU where John and Brian are undercover together and discuss their relationship while trying not to be killed. As you do.
The Brighter Sun and the Easier Lays series by Kt_fairy (John/Roger)
Okay, okay, I’m a sucker for realistic 70s stuff (which is funny since I can’t write it myself). Roger and John end up as fuck buddies, then they catch proper feelings, but in a world where this is not the norm, it takes them a while to figure it out. This is really fucking gorgeous as a series that deals with quite a lot of internalised stuff.
Ad Astra per Aspera series by @sammyspreadyourwings (John/Roger, John/Roger/Brian)
Brian is a werewolf, Roger is a vampire, Freddie is a dryad, and John is a human. Queen is ground-breaking for having so many supernaturals but especially a werewolf. Brian has a lot of internalised hatred for what he is which the boys try to help him through…right up until Brian catches a bit more than feelings for John and Roger. Another one where the tension is killing me.
Apollo: [to Hades and Cerberus] Alright, Shaggy and Scooby, you take the sinks, I’ll check the cabinets, and, Velma, you get the spooky-looking fridge.
Athena: What?! Why do I get this...dubious-looking device?
Apollo: Because only Velma would say ‘dubious device.’ Velma gets the spooky fridge.
Hades: Who does that make you, Apollo? Fred?
Apollo: Bitch, I’m Daphne.
Abraxas: Who doesn’t
Diao Chan: Thanks
Bahamut: I know
Tyr: *finger guns*
Byakko: A horrible decision, really
Uriel: *laughs nervously*
Chronos: why
Lucifer: I’m sorry
Hades: *laughs hysterically*
Thanatos: As your best friend-
Hades: Persephone is my best friend
Thanatos: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND,
Freddie: you love me right?
Roger: *being sarcastic* no, i dont love you
Freddie: *starting to cry* but i thought you did..
Roger: *freaking out* NONNO I DO LOVE YOU I WAS BEING SARCASTIC IM SORRY-
Me n my friends summoning Satan to get free tuition