Latest Posts by marchesaofthemountains - Page 2
ultimate IT girl guide
a guide to looking effortlessly perfect
"You’ve got the false narrative of a girl who spends 30 seconds on her appearance, when, in fact, you probably spent hours.”
1. basic hygiene:
having clean teeth and good breath
smelling good 24/7. i highly recommend finding a signature scent as a scent is associated with memory, id suggest something sweet yet not too overpowering like vanilla.
being clean in general. regularly shaving and exfoliating your skin to get rid of bodily hair and dirt that accumulates on your skin to make your skin glow.
clean nails. having clean and maintained nails (with a simple design if you wish) looks better than having acrylics that are wayyy too long and appear tacky.
2. hair :
having smooth healthy hair looks much better than dry and damaged hair. take care of your hair by finding the best products for your natural hair. get rid of your split ends as they make the hair appear really damaged.
in my opinion, loose waves look the most effortless yet pretty. but don’t ruin your natural hair by applying too much heat! you can try heatless styling methods to achieve this look.
3. diet and exercise :
being toned is the way to go to fit this aesthetic
avoid oily foods or sugary foods that damage your skin. don’t completely get rid of these as we all have our cravings, but try your best to avoid it
find a workout plan that works best for you, keeps you healthy but doesn’t burn you out! moreover exercise releases endorphins that improve your mood.
4. makeup and skin care :
natural makeup on clear skin fits this effortless aesthetic perfectly!
take care of your skin by finding a routine that fits you the best, consult with a dermatologist for the best results.
having smooth, blended makeup creates an illusion that you aren’t wearing any at all! this appears much effortless than a full face. also try to avoid those really huge false lashes that make you look tacky.
maintain your eyebrows and find a shape that fits you best!
5. outfits :
having a signature style which suits your body type is essential. experiment until you can find what suits you best! you can use a body analysis app for this.
wearing outfits you’re confident in, hot but not too revealing goes a long way. confidence is key. wearing overly revealing clothing might seem like one is trying too hard, but if you can carry it with confidence then that’s great!
jewellery : having dainty, signature pieces is key! find out which suits you better (gold or silver) through an ai analysis and invest in timeless pieces. personally, i think minimalistic pieces such as solitaires, simple pendants, classic hoops etc. look much more effortless.
6. personality :
don’t be too judgemental towards anyone as you don’t know what they’re going through and this makes you seem unapproachable
don’t talk too much or overshare! this creates a mysterious aura which draws people to you more
confidence is key! posture is very important too, carry yourself with confidence and walk with your head held up high.
7. examples and references :
serena van der woodsen (gossip girl)
mia thermopolis (the princess diaries)
cher (clueless)
elle woods (legally blonde)
rory gilmore (gilmore girls)
robin scherbatsky (how i met your mother)
gigi hadid
the good life essentials: the ultimate guide to getting what you want 💭
for so long i always felt a sense of struggle when it came to my achievements. i could reach my goals but it always felt so hard, and it usually came paired with periods of burn out and malaise. then i found out why: i was often neglecting foundational needs, living in chaos and not taking proper care of myself, and trying to zoom straight to big-picture achievements.
below is my ultimate guide to 'the good life'. the more balance you can achieve in each category, the easier and more pleasurable it becomes to reach your goals. you will still have to stretch yourself and explore beyond your limits... but it should feel relatively nice because you are supported by a nourishing lifestyle.
you deserve a beautiful, healthy, passion-filled life. here's how you get it:
01. your foundation: the essentials
physical health: create nourishing routines for sleep, exercise, and nutrition. your literal energy starts here, so if you’re trying to bring positive energy to your life and achieve success, you need foundational energy.
mental and emotional health: build resilience and develop strategies for coping with pressure and stress. take care of your mental health always, not just when you’re already spinning out.
financial stability: learn to manage your money wisely. budgeting, saving, and debt management are a must.
02. your core: connections + fulfilment
your home: whether you have just a bed, a room, an apartment, or a whole house, create a safe, comforting space to recharge and feel grounded.
strong relationships: surround yourself with supportive and meaningful connections - so much about ourselves is defined by those we are close with so choose wisely.
meaningful work: follow your sense of purpose and find work or projects that bring a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction to your life. remember that it may not always be paid work. if you have no idea, just keep trying things and follow what interests you, while working on the next stage.
03. your growth: personal development
personal growth: invest into self improvement, developing new skills, growing your knowledge and learning as much as possible.
spiritual fulfilment: find purpose, whether through spirituality, self-reflection, or a connection to something bigger.
creativity & self-expression: explore creative outlets and express your true self to find a grounding sense of joy and authenticity.
04. your larger contribution: beyond the self
community & contribution: give back, volunteer, or participate in community initiatives to connect with a greater sense of purpose and life-giving connection.
legacy & impact: define the mark you want to leave on the world, through family, work, or contributions to society. think deeply about what you wish to leave behind and tailor your life to this goal.
05. your enrichment: quality of life enhancers
play & leisure: make time for joy, hobbies, and relaxation for rejuvenation, calm, and passion. if your day to day work isn't your passion, it's so essential to find passion here.
time in nature: regularly connect with the outdoors for grounding and mental clarity.
Half the game is getting yourself out of environments that no longer serve you & that don’t align with the life you want
bad habits that held me back for years
negative self talk: tune into your inner voice and turn mean thoughts into kind ones
prioritising comfort over progress: you have to actually do the work, then enjoy your rest and comfort (with less anxiety too)
hanging around the wrong people: you are the sum of the people you spend the most time with, choose your friends carefully
never taking responsibility: tough stuff happens to everybody, focus on what you can control (you) rather than blaming outside circumstances (not talking about trauma here obviously)
expecting praise for 'being yourself': you're good enough as you are in a spiritual sense, but if you want to be excellent at something you have to actually do the work, not just expect praise and reward for just showing up
liking the aesthetic more than the work: do you want to achieve that goal or do you just like how it looks on pinterest??? make sure you derive some level of pleasure and satisfaction from the pursuit
overthinking: seriously just tell your brain to shut up. stop over intellectualising and over thinking every single thing. find your heart to guide you and save your brain power for working on your passions...
As a girl or woman, raise yourself to be an intellectual. Raise yourself to be a reader, a traveller, a curious explorer. Raise girls who are independent livers and thinkers, who are critical of standard narratives and status quos and societal and religious dogma. Girls and women will never benefit from being naïve, stuck in one place, unaware, ignorant, out of options, close minded etc besides deriving from these states a false sense of safety, but the patriarchy reaps massive profits from afflicting these conditions.
I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:
It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.
Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.
1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.
2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?
3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?
4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”
5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.
6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)
I'll say it as many times as it needs to be said: track your housework. Have a schedule and keep it. Make sure you know what you're doing every day. If you aren't keeping track, it's so easy to fall into a rut and feel like you haven't done anything. It's so easy to over work yourself. Much of household maintenance is invisible. If you're keeping up, your home will pretty much look consistent and it gets difficult to recognize all the work you've actually put in to keep it that way.
When I first started, I'd over work myself to the point of passing out each day because I wasn't pacing myself. I was trying to deep clean the entire house every single day, which is not only impractical, but also impossible to maintain. I started tracking everything and now not only do I have more energy but I have time for myself during the day. I don't burn out anymore. Keeping track and scheduling is sincerely a lifesaver.
again and again and again and again
Start living life instead of watching it pass by.
Remember your manners but know your boundaries.
Make a conscious effort to better yourself every day.
Remember to stay hydrated and try to eat real food.
Limit your intake of alcohol, sugar, and caffeine.
Remember to sleep. You need to get your hours in.
Never stay idle, remember to move your body often.
Avoid bad influences and don’t obsess over nonsense.
Care for yourself as you would care for a loved one.
Work hard and remember to save some of your money.
Know that life is meant for socializing and studying.
If you’ve fallen behind, do your best to get caught up.
Always pursue more but stop when you feel content.
My life is dedicated to my family, my self development, and relaxing.
gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.
decide what your base is and make sure you never leave the house without it:
Base hygiene (showering/ deodorant/ skincare etc)
Base make up (a simple look that takes you less than 10 minutes)
Base outfits (have some go-to outfits always ready)
Base hair (learn 3 simple hairstyles that elevate your look)
base jewellery (simple studs, a tennis bracelet or two)
Base emotions (how do you want to leave the house feeling? Do you want to grab a bite before you leave? Do you need to call yourself down?)
On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked
Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.
I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!
Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.
So how does one become likeable?
1. Ease up on the doormat culture
You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.
2. Have hobbies
You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.
3. On emotional/ trauma dumping
The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.
Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.
Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.
4. Figure out your strengths
I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.
One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.
Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.
A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.
We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.
5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable
Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.
The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.
6. Yes, looks do matter
Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.
I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.
7. Observational skills
Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.
I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.
It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.
8. Being impolite
I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.
9. What are you like?
Are you better one on one or in groups?
I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.
You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.
How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?
Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.
10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening
Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.
So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.
A simple generalised guide:
When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.
When dealing with introverts: again, ask questions but you can make them more subjective than objective, less generic and definitely no yes/no questions. Talk more in the beginning and then listen more later, to make them comfortable.
The Charisma Myth: things that I liked
Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:
Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.
Pause for two full seconds before you speak.
The very next time you’re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere (including preparing your next sentence).
Expensive clothing leads us to assume wealth, friendly body language leads us to assume good intentions, a confident posture leads us to assume the person has something to be confident about. In essence, people will tend to accept whatever you project.
when you can project both power and warmth together, you really maximize your personal charisma potential.
charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind. Knowing how to skillfully handle mental discomfort is even more important than knowing how to handle physical discomfort. Anxiety is a serious drawback to charisma. First, it impacts our internal state: quite obviously, it’s hard to be fully present while you’re feeling anxious. Anxiety can also lower our confidence. Anxiety, low presence, and low confidence can show up directly in our body language, as well as reduce our ability to emanate warmth.
The single most effective technique I’ve found to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. Pick an entity—God, Fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs—that you could imagine as benevolent. Imagine lifting the weight of everything you’re concerned about—this meeting, this interaction, this day—off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you’ve chosen. They’re in charge now. Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of. You can sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.
Golfer Jack Nicklaus said that he never hit a shot, even during practice, without visualizing it first. For decades, professional athletes have considered visualization an essential tool, often spending hours visualizing their victory, telling their mind just what they want their body to achieve.
“There is good evidence that imagining oneself performing an activity activates parts of the brain that are used in actually performing the activity,” Professor Stephen Kosslyn, director of Stanford’s Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, wrote me. Visualization can even physically alter the brain structure: repeated experiments have shown that simply imagining yourself playing the piano with sufficient repetition leads to a detectable and measurable change in the motor cortex of the brain.
Silvia recently confided that visualization is one of the secrets to her success. Before key meetings, she’ll imagine “the smiles on their faces because they liked me and they are confident about the value I’m bringing them. I’ll imagine as much detail as I can, even seeing the wrinkles around their eyes as they’re smiling.” She visualizes the whole interaction, all the way through to the firm handshakes that close the meeting, sealing the deal.
A twenty-second hug is enough to send oxytocin coursing through your veins, and that you can achieve the same effect just by imagining the hug. So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.
Self-confidence is our belief in our ability to do or to learn how to do something.
Self-esteem is how much we approve of or value ourselves. It’s often a comparison-based evaluation (whether measured against other people or against our own internal standards for approval).
Self-compassion is how much warmth we can have for ourselves, especially when we’re going through a difficult experience.
It’s quite possible for people to have high self-confidence but low self-esteem and very low self-compassion.
Types of charisma:
Focus: Focus charisma requires, of course, the ability to focus and be truly present. Good listening skills are nonnegotiable, as is a certain degree of patience. To develop focus charisma, cultivate your ability to be present.
Visionary charisma makes others feel inspired; it makes us believe. It can be remarkably effective even though it won’t necessarily make people like you. We assess visionary charisma primarily through demeanor, which includes body language and behavior. Due to the fact that people tend to accept whatever you project, if you seem inspired, they will assume you have something to be inspired about.
kindness charisma comes entirely from body language—specifically your face, and even more specifically your eyes. Kindness charisma is primarily based on warmth. It connects with people’s hearts, and makes them feel welcomed, cherished, embraced, and, most of all, completely accepted.
Authority charisma is primarily based on a perception of power: the belief that this person has the power to affect our world. We evaluate someone’s authority charisma through four indicators: body language, appearance, title, and the reactions of others. you’ll need to learn how to “take up space” with your posture, reduce nonverbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting. You may need to speak less, to speak more slowly, to know how and when to pause your sentences, or how to modulate your intonation. Look expensive.
Avoid holding a drink in your right hand, especially if it’s a cold drink, as the condensation will make your hand feel cold and clammy. Before shaking someone’s hand, whether you are a man or a woman, rise if you’re seated. And keep your hands out of your pockets: visible hands make you look more open and honest. Make sure to use plenty of eye contact, and smile warmly but briefly: too much smiling could make you appear overeager. Keep your head straight, without tilting it in any way, and face the person.
Ask people open ended questions, focus on questions that will likely elicit positive emotions. With your questions, you have the power to lead the conversation in the direction you want. In fact, even when you’re speaking, the one word that should pop up most often in your conversation is not I but you. Instead of saying “I read a great article on that subject in the New York Times,” try “You might enjoy the recent New York Times article on the subject.” Or simply insert “You know...” before any sentence to make them instantly perk up and pay attention.
Another way to exit a conversation with grace is to offer something of value:
Information: an article, book, or Web site you think might be of use to them A connection: someone they ought to meet whom you know and can introduce them to
Visibility: an organization you belong to, where you could invite them to speak
Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated for
When someone has spoken, see if you can let your facial expression react first, showing that you’re absorbing what they’ve just said and giving their brilliant statement the consideration it deserves. Only then, after about two seconds, do you answer. The sequence goes like this:
They finish their sentence
Your face absorbs
Your face reacts
Then, and only then, you answer
The next time you’re given a compliment, the following steps will help you skillfully handle the moment:
1. Stop.
2. Absorb the compliment.
3. Let that second of absorption show on your face. Show the person that they’ve had an impact.
4. Thank them. Saying “Thank you very much” is enough, but you can take it a step further by thanking them for their thoughtfulness or telling them that they’ve made your day.
It’s not just metaphors that can paint the wrong picture. Some common phrases can have the same effect. When you tell someone, “No problem,” “Don’t worry,” or “Don’t hesitate to call,” for example, there’s a chance their brain will remember “problem,” “worry,” or “hesitate” instead of your desire to support them. To counter this negative effect, use phrases like “We’ll take care of it” or “Please feel free to call anytime.”
You can deliver value to others in multiple ways:
Entertainment: Make your e-mail or meeting enjoyable.
Information: Give interesting or informative content that they can use.
Good feelings: Find ways to make them feel important or good about themselves.
The longer you speak, the higher the price you’re making them pay, so the higher the value ought to be.
If your goal is to communicate power, set the pitch, tone, volume, and tempo of your voice in the following ways:
Pitch and tone: The lower, more resonant, and more baritone your voice, the more impact it will have.
Volume: One of the first things an actor learns to do on stage is to project his voice, which means gaining the ability to modulate its volume and aim it in such a targeted way that specific portions of the audience can hear it, even from afar. One classic exercise to hone your projection skills is to imagine that your words are arrows. As you speak, aim them at different groups of listeners.
Tempo: A slow, measured tempo with frequent pauses conveys confidence.
To emanate vocal warmth, you need to do only one thing: smile, or even just imagine smiling.
Charismatic people are known to be more “contagious”; they have a strong ability to transmit their emotions to others.
The most effective and credible compliments are those that are both personal and specific. For instance, instead of “Great job,” you could say, “You did a great job,” or, better yet, “The way you kept your calm when that client became obnoxious was impressive.”
Here’s one specific—and surprisingly effective—recommendation for phone charisma, courtesy of author Leil Lowndes: Do not answer the phone in a warm or friendly manner. Instead, answer crisply and professionally. Then, only after you hear who is calling, let warmth or even enthusiasm pour forth in your voice. This simple technique is an easy and effective way to make people feel special. I recommend it to all my business clients whose companies have a strong customer service component. The gains in customer satisfaction are impressive.
Charisma takes practice. Steve Jobs, who appeared so masterful on stage, was known to rehearse important presentations relentlessly.
Retain at least a certain measure of equanimity. Most charismatic leaders are known for their ability to remain (or appear) calm even in the midst of turbulent circumstances.
had to scour through my watch history to find these videos I watched ages ago but if I had to recommend the most helpful and actually practical fashion advice I've heard, it's from these videos, ESPECIALLY the second video (linked bc I seriously want you to watch it. like literally, go watch it). It's not telling you what aesthetic to pick, it's not telling you to get rid of your sambas, it's not telling you to get a capsule wardrobe or only stick to classics. highly recommend ♡
Treat yourself with respect
Different forms of self-respect:
1. Eating good food. Caring for your body is a way of caring for yourself. Therefore eating nutrition food and nursing your body with the right food is very important.
2. Skincare. Your skin is a reflection of your habits (diet, skincare, etc.)
3. Movement. Every movement is important for both your body and mind. Creating a strong mind is key to self respect.
4. Reading. Being able to read and understand different stories creates a stronger mind.
5. Time for yourself. Saving time and energy for yourself will bring your life to peace. Not everyone and everything deserves YOUR attention.
Protect your peace
you're smart enough to know the difference between resting and rotting. you'll be happier when you choose to spend your time off restoring your energy and preparing for the next busy day instead of oversleeping and mindlessly consuming content.
Crafting a Personality and Capitalising on it
How do we craft a personality that is socially charming yet true to our roots?
How do we mingle and meet new people without feeling awkward or shy about it?
How do we not lose ourselves while following all these blah blah etiquette rules?
Welcome to part 2 of my Chic Girl Mentality series. 🤍
Today, we will focus on crafting a personality that is still you but better.
First, let’s talk about people in social settings. You’ll meet people who are confident, secure and socially charming. You’ll meet quiet people who may be equally socially charming or just very shy and conscious. You’ll meet the braggers and the doe-eyed followers. There’s a lot of different types of people in the world and knowing how to gracefully navigate most of them is nothing but a learned art.
People, regardless of their bank balance, are insecure of what they do not have yet. This can be looks, money, experience, lifestyle, and so on. How do we capitalise on this without exploiting or manipulating anyone?
By knowing how to tell a story.
That doesn’t mean that you need to become a public speaker or politician, it just means that you need to be able to craft intriguing stories about yourself, using your own life and experiences, to “sell” an interesting version of you socially. We’re all interesting people but only a few of us know how to say that we’re interesting without saying that we’re interesting.
Experience
People, even those with money, will always be more attracted to those who have experiences, especially, unique ones. Whether it’s travelling to exotic locations or trying new culinary destinations, or wearing unknown designers, knowing obscure artists or writers, or being at the top of your industry… experience is the most important thing to cultivate first. You already have experience. If you went to school, high school, college, joined clubs, your first job, any travelling, etc - these are all experiences.
Make a list of 5 of the most interesting experiences you think you have.
Hobbies and interests
Have a couple of lowkey hobbies that you feel enthusiastic about. Whether it’s doing some charity work on Sundays, or cooking, or pottery, whatever it is, keeping a hobby is healthy.
There should be something to you that an acquaintance can remark about: “CSB? Oh yes, I’ve heard that she’s a great dancer.”
Vulnerabilities
Certain vulnerabilities must never, ever be shared. It will 100% be used either as gossip or blackmail.
However, coming across as someone with no weaknesses is rather untrustworthy- it makes the other person feel that you’re clearly hiding something.
Make a list of vulnerabilities that are small and you don’t mind sharing. These should be vulnerabilities that will never ruin your reputation in any form but can be used as a form of bonding with empathy.
And make a list of hard core vulnerabilities you know you should never share with anyone. Keep it memorised rather than written down.
Experience + Hobbies or Interests + Safe Vulnerabilities = Personality
Storytelling
Now that you have some experience, hobbies, interests, and your “safe” vulnerabilities sorted even if it’s limited - what will make it stand out is the art of storytelling. Some storytellers can make even the most mundane experiences sound magical - it’s all in the words and delivery. There’s a reason why every Holy Book is a story, packed with lessons and morals - it’s impactful, easy to remember and recall and relatable. Craft your experiences into stories. Use those 5 experiences that you noted down and start writing them down as stories.
Take up an online storytelling class or watch videos. Start honing this skill by writing and reading good literature.
Refine your 5 experiences further. Run it through chatGPT, say them out loud and most importantly- start testing them out on people. See what makes them chuckle and what doesn’t; what makes them empathise and what doesn’t.
A famous comedian whose name I can’t remember does the same thing. He creates his set. He goes to a small pub and tries it out on the audience there. And the first set is always the first. The audience may not laugh at his jokes, they might boo him or sometimes, he might get a laugh out of them. But every time, he goes home and refines his set further. Once his set is fully refined, and he accomplishes his goal of the audience peeling with laughter at every joke, that’s when he goes on national TV / on tour etc etc.
The most important thing is to craft your stories of your experiences in a way that it delivers the value you want the person to remember about you.
For instance, if I want to be seen as creative and innovative, I won’t tell the person in front of me, “oh, I’m soo innovative and creative!”
Rather I will weave that into a story. “When I was 24, at my first job in the advertising space, we were losing clients left and right. And one weekend, I was on a trek on the mountains - it’s one of my hobbies - this idea hit me, and I suddenly knew exactly how to get our clients back. My team was hesitant about my idea, and we got a lot of pushback, but we went ahead. The night before my launch I was so nervous, I got hardly sleep. And you won’t believe it, but the idea worked! The response was fantastic.”
Let the other person come to the conclusion of you being innovative and creative. Human beings love to deduce things and jump to conclusions and provided you set the context the right way, you should be able to project the version of you that is the best part of you.
Vocabulary
A sign of a good education- even if you don’t have it - is a diverse vocabulary. I’ve always had a little more respect and awe for those who are articulate, can speak smoothly and speak confidently. I’ve noticed that my American friends, for instance, tend to talk fast with lots of filler words, and sentences tend to end with a pitch up instead of down, which to me indicates hesitation or indecision. Speaking slower, ending your sentences with pitch going down to indicate a full stop rather than up makes you seem like a refined speaker even if your subject is utterly stupid.
Body language and mannerisms, social interaction
Watch old classic Hollywood movies to really understand this - especially romantic ones. Choose ones with a femme fatale or siren-like female lead, and watch how she enraptures the male lead or the audience around her.
A combination of fantastic storytelling and body language will take you places beyond your dreams. Some of the biggest frauds, scammers, politicians, criminals are also some of the best storytellers. Humans are attracted to stories, we pick up body language intuitively, we can sense when someone is nervous or isn’t. Unfortunately the world isn’t a kind place and will not necessarily help you out of your shyness- in fact, that might just make you the best target for exploitation.
Storytelling + Vocabulary + Body Language = Your Best Personality
“i need to organize my bedroom so my mom won’t complain to me” -> “i deserve a clean and tidy bedroom”
“i hate my body so i need to work on it” -> “i deserve a healthy body that i like”
“i need to study so i won’t be a failure in life” -> “knowledge is power and i deserve to be successful”
“i did something wrong and i hate myself because of this” -> “this is my first time living, i’m allowed to make mistakes and grow from them”
love and compassion >>> hate and fear
and remember: mindset is the key.
youtube wellness channels: a masterlist
workout channels
akshaya agnes - pilates, yoga, strength training
april han - bodyweight strength training
bailey brown - pilates
boho beautiful yoga - yoga
cami sophia - pilates
caroline girvan - weight & strength training
celamarr - weight & strength training
charlie follows - yoga
daisy keech - strength training
dansique fitness - pilates & ballet style workouts
dayana wang - short workouts you can do in bed
dn.beauty natural - short slimming workouts
eleni fit - cardio, pilates, hiit
emi wong - bodyweight strength training
eylem abaci - strength training, pilates
feel good with olya - bodyweight strength training, stretching
fightmaster yoga - yoga
fit by lys - pilates, low impact workouts
fitness__kaykay - weight & strength training, mobility
flow with mira - pilates
gayatri yoga - yoga, pilates, yogalates
gloria song - bodyweight strength training
growingannanas - weight & strength training
growwithjo - walking workouts, strength training, pilates
hailey c. - bodyweight strength training
heather robertson - weight & strength training
hinafit - kpop inspired bodyweight strength training
isawelly - pilates
jessica richburg - yoga
julia.reppel - mobility, strength training
kaila wen - pilates
kpop fitness - kpop inspired strength training and stretches
lena snow - bodyweight strength training
lilly sabri - pilates
madeleine abeid - pilates
madfit - weight & strength training
mady morrison - yoga, stretching
mary braun - bodyweight strength training
mizi - strength training, cardio
move with nicole - pilates
moving mango pilates - pilates
nathalie shanti - pilates, yoga
nobadaddiction - weight & strength training, cardio, hiit
oppserve - bodyweight strength training, stretching
pamela reif - strength training, stretching
pilatesbodyraven - pilates
rachel gulotta fitness - strength training, cardio, fun themed workouts and stretches
rachel’s fit pilates - pilates, strength training, cardio
raminara - pilates
rovena - walking workouts
shirlyn kim - pilates, bodyweight strength training, cardio
sydney cummings houdyshell - weight & strength training
teagan dixon - fun cardio, bodyweight strength training
the glow method - yoga, pilates
the yoga ranger studio - yoga
yoga with adriene - yoga
yoga with bird - yoga
yoga with kassandra - yoga
yoga with kate amber - yoga
yuuka sagawa - bodyweight strength training
somifit - strength training
other channels
diana conforti - fitness, meals, workouts
gainsbybrains - fitness, body recomp/fat loss
janet ndomahina - health, productivity, general wellness
keltie o’connor - fitness, general wellness, nutrition
kyla beland - fitness, health, general wellness
leanbeefpatty - nutrition, talks, motivation
lenalifts - vlogs, fitness, habits
linda sun - nutrition, realistic eating
llexliftz - fitness, healing relationships with food
michael sealey - sleep meditation and hypnosis
mina rome - cooking and recipes
nairee kiana - fitness, health, general wellness
natacha océane - fitness, health, general wellness
rachael wrigley - nutrition, healing relationship with food
samantha clarke - pilates and strength training, vlogs
sanne vloet - pilates, vlogs, nutrition
vicky justiz - bodyweight strength training, fitness tips
be addicted to real dopamine
be in the present and notice those little things you never saw before, but that have always been there
experience new exciting things that bring you joy
love people, listen to them and create meaningful connections
make art and don’t label it as “good” or “bad,” just let your soul be free
stop scrolling on social media and start turning pages of an interesting book
do mindfulness meditation and feel your body and mind calming down
move your body, no matter how as long as you’re enjoying
listen to music that matches the moment you’re in
eat nourishing food, feel your stomach full without discomfort
get a good night of sleep and feel yourself ready for another day
hobbies to try out ♡
hobbies are such a great way to spend your time rather than being on technology all the time. It's great to have a skill, as skills can help you make friends, and can also open up new job opportunities!! here are some ideas, some are easy and simple and others are a little more advanced, there's (hopefully) something for everyone !!
O1 , painting / sketching
O2 , ballet (or dance in general)
O3 , sewing
O4 , reading
O5 , journalling
O6 , gardening
O7 , baking
O8 , photography
O9 , creative writing / songwriting / poem writing
1O , yoga
11 , learning an instrument (electric/acoustic guitar, drums, piano, violin etc)
12 , bracelet/jewellery making
13 , thrifting
14 , skateboarding
15 , hiking / exploring
16 , calligraphy
17 , pottery
18 , knitting / crochet
19 , pilates
2O , learning a language
21 , origami
22 , archery
23 , bird watching , herping , and animal/bug study in general
24 , mycology , plant observation/documentation
25 , start a podcast or amateur radio
26 , roller skating
27 , gymnastics / acrobatics
28 , cardistry
29 , terrarium making
30 , calisthenics
hope this helps!!!
the it girl’s spring cleaning
phone reset
delete old contacts and messages
go through social media following
delete unused apps
go through photos
set a new wallpaper
add widgets for reminders, weather, battery, etc.
delete old songs and add new ones
environmental reset
clean your bedroom (vacuum, dust, put clothes away, etc.)
sort through and donate old clothes
organize your makeup, skincare, etc.
wash or change your bedsheets
rearrange your bedroom
open your windows and curtains to let fresh air in
get outdoors
clean your home with fresh scented products (lemon, lavender, etc.)
physical reset
try a new workout routine
get some new outfits
do a face mask
exfoliate and shave
oil your hair or do a hair mask
try a new hair color, cut, or style
do your nails or get your nails done
get some fresh makeup and try a new makeup routine
do a lip mask and scrub
mental reset
start journaling or try some new prompts
do a refreshing meditation
try a new yoga practice or workout
read instead of scrolling
put a time limit on your phone usage
reset your sleep schedule
Toxic romanticization of studying
In a word of introduction, my profile partly shows that studying and exploring is wonderful. But as a person involved in science*, I would like to show healthy and true patterns of this beautiful adventure in acquiring knowledge.
The inspiration for writing this post this time was not the phenomenon from Tumblr (although you can also observe it here), but from Pinterest. There you can come across cycles composed of quotes and photos whose aim is to motivate young girls to learn, succeed and get good grades. These images often also show examples of characters from movies, TV series or real life that you can aspire to be like. Overall, I have to agree that it really works! But I would like to draw attention to certain elements that need to be verified.
1. You shouldn't get up at 5am
First of all, the correct amount of sleep is one of the most important factors affecting the proper and effective functioning of our brain. During sleep, nerve cells regenerate, organize information acquired during the day and consolidate memory traces, which is directly related to learning. Lack of sleep increases impulsivity, deepens negative thinking and slows down the body's reaction time!
2. You can be a genius without good grades
Of course, good grades are a pleasant confirmation of our knowledge and praise for hard work. However, sometimes it is worth considering whether the structure of exams themselves, especially those with closed questions, affects the results. We often study for one specific exam, the knowledge of which may be very… limited and sometimes not useful, so it is worth prioritizing the topics that we study hard.
3. It's not cool to think you're better than others
We are different and have different priorities in life. It is also worth considering how many people escape from the rat race and start a slow, stress-free life. So we have to agree that judging people based on grades or responses under stress (sic!) is not cool.
The good thing about romanticizing studying
As I have already said, these types of collages are really motivating. So let's talk about what's great about them and what's worth highlighting and saving for later.
1. Knowledge is beautiful, but your outfit and surroundings can also be
We know that we should never judge a book by its cover, but… the issue of social perception painfully confirms that we do and will continue to do so because this is how our brains work. And isn't it nice when someone looks at us and thinks this girl is so classy?
Moreover, a nice outfit that makes us feel good gives us a lot of self-confidence. There are also many studies confirming the positive impact on motivation and concentration of a neat and aesthetic workplace.
2. Not just cramming, but also discovering
Broadening your horizons is easier with passion and real commitment. And to achieve this, the topics must really interest us. Not everyone has yet found something that they are extremely passionate about in science, so that is why you have to dig deeper and discover different areas.
3. Don't be afraid to use your knowledge in practice
Schools and universities, unfortunately, have their own rules and they do not always allow you to show your 100% potential. Thus, share your knowledge with others externally, write essays, blog and social media. This form of activity also makes you learn things faster and easier. In addition, contacts with others will expand your knowledge.
Therefore, I must say that it is worth choosing your inspirations carefully. Nothing helps you enjoy studying better than a clear head and lack of prejudices.
*This post was inspired by my own experience with studying. If anyone is interested, I think I can share my mistakes that did not help me in an academic adventure :)
Set behavioral goals! It is such a game changer. Instead of setting goals that you can not 100% control, for example “I want to weigh XXX amount” set behavioral goals such as “I want to exercise for at least 30 min 4 days out of the week”.
You have so much more control over your behavior/actions which means it will be easier to maintain and thus helping potentially reaching your end goal. Focus on creating goals related to behavior change that include action steps!
that constant nagging of ambition and fear of stagnancy literally rules my life. sometimes it paralyzes me and i end up barely doing anything for the day and sometimes it energizes me. the need to get better, the need to improve skills, and the need to reinvent myself. it still shocks me that the average person doesn’t feel this ache to BECOME. to evolve. to flourish. to kickstart a metamorphosis every month. hell, maybe every week. like who am i without gutting my wardrobe or deciding a new career path? idk. but at least I’m another skill smarter, another look hotter, and another business wealthier. better than nothing at all.
how to validate yourself without needing others
mastering self-respect, detachment and security
lack of discipline makes you ugly
saving your brain from over stimulation
how to self- learn things
signs you are self regulating through future fantasies
More career tips please!!
You should always be 10 steps ahead.
Translation: Your boss, team, or senior shouldn't have to remind you to complete tasks; ideally, you should have already completed the task and moved on to the next steps by the time they approach you. Being proactive means constantly seeking ways to enhance processes, workflows, and outcomes. Take the example from a few weeks ago when my boss requested a weekly search of specific KPIs for our client companies. After spending three hours searching and analyzing, and realizing the whole process was inefficient, I collaborated with our data team, organized a meeting, and together, we automated the process. Now, it's a seamless task done with just a click every Friday, much to my boss's delight. Similarly, recognizing the growing importance of AI in finance, I researched upcoming AI conferences, discussed them with my boss, and expanded my knowledge in the field. None of these efforts were particularly challenging or even well thought out--I just thought ahead and as a result, life is a whole lot easier for both me and my team.
Your first job is to make your boss's life easier
By optimizing processes and simplifying tasks, you can significantly enhance your boss's daily efficiency and in turn, make them love and appreciate you endlessly. Take proactive steps like volunteering to take notes during meetings, especially with important clients and while you're at it, follow up promptly by sharing a concise list of key takeaways to help your boss keep them top of mind. Be mindful of their time and present updates clearly and succinctly. Highlight any crucial developments and demonstrate your attentiveness by never making them to repeat instructions. Basically, strive to become indispensable through your proactive approach and valuable contributions.
Confidence is key, but so is humility.
The key is to strike a balance between confidence and humility. Overconfidence can lead to arrogance and closed-mindedness, but on the other hand, excessive humility breeds self-doubt and missed opportunities. So here's how you balance the two. You Listen: confident humility allows you to express your ideas assertively while being open to feedback and suggestions from others. You Empathize: you understand the feelings and perspectives of others, creating a supportive and inclusive environment. You Collaborate: Confident humility encourages teamwork and collaboration, leading to innovative solutions and successful outcomes.
You will be judged based on your appearance.
I don't care what anyone says, humans are visual creatures and we we all absolutely judge books by their covers. So if you dress kinda meh every day in the office, then people will see you as a meh kinda employee. If your clothes are always wrinkled people will think you're a messy worker. And if you look incredibly professional and well put together every single day, people will subconsciously view you as a top-notch worker. Moreover, if your job involves interacting with clients or customers, your appearance can influence their perception of the company as a whole. Dressing professionally and putting together a polished appearance in the office is not just about following a set of rules; it’s about presenting yourself and your organization in the best possible light. Your attire is a reflection of your professionalism, respect for the workplace, and consideration for your colleagues and clients. By investing in your professional image, you invest in your own success and contribute positively to the overall work environment.
Lovingly, Elle