Latest Posts by marchesaofthemountains - Page 3

do you have any recommendations on how to spend one's holiday break during college? i'm not asking for recs related to traveling, shopping, etc. but more self-improvement-related activities i could do now that i often do not have time for during the week along with assignments, work, and whatnot. thank you, elle :).

Hey Anon! I'm just going to list out a few self-improvement-related things I enjoy :)

Cultivate Daily Meditation: Embrace a daily meditation practice, tailoring the duration to your comfort. I find dedicating time to mindfulness immensely valuable. Personally, I prefer a 15-minute meditation right before bedtime, creating a serene end to the day.

Craft a Comprehensive Budget and Invest Wisely: Formulate a detailed, achievable budget for the year. If you've managed savings, consider maximizing their potential by placing them in a high-yield savings account or a straightforward investment fund.

Declutter and Donate: Spend a half day decluttering your living space. Organize and label items you no longer need, and contribute to your local community by donating them to a Goodwill center. A tidy space often translates to a clearer mind.

Expand Your Network on LinkedIn: Explore LinkedIn to discover 10 professionals in careers that captivate you. Don't hesitate to reach out; the potential for gaining valuable insights is vast. Remember, reaching out is an opportunity, not a risk.

Give Back to the Community: Dedicate a couple of days on your calendar to volunteer at local establishments like food pantries, community gardens, or nursing homes. Contributing to your community is a fulfilling way to make a positive impact.

Explore Fitness Diversity with ClassPass: Opt for a ClassPass membership to diversify your workout routine. Utilize free trial credits to experiment with new fitness classes in your area, keeping your physical activity engaging and dynamic.

Try a Dopamine Detox for Mental Rejuvenation: Take a break from the constant stimuli by temporarily surrendering your phone to a trusted party for a day or two. This dopamine detox provides a chance to reflect and reconnect with yourself, fostering mental rejuvenation.

Indulge in a Novel Escape at a Local Cafe: Break away from mundane readings by treating yourself to a spicy romance novel. Binge-read it at a local cafe, allowing your soul a well-deserved break from routine. While not directly tied to self-improvement, it's a delightful way to nourish your spirit.

How to Stop Procrastinating by Managing Your Emotions

Procrastination happens when we delay doing things, and it's often connected to our emotions. Feelings like being afraid to fail, feeling worried or stressed, getting bored, or lacking motivation can all contribute to procrastination. To stop procrastinating and get more things done, it's important to learn how to handle our emotions better.

Boredom:

Break the task into smaller, more engaging sub-tasks.

Find ways to make the task more interesting or challenging.

Set a timer and work on the task for a specific amount of time, followed by a short break doing something enjoyable.

Feeling Overwhelmed:

Prioritize tasks and focus on one thing at a time.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Delegate some parts of the task if possible or seek help from others.

Use tools like to-do lists or task management apps to stay organized.

Anxiety:

Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques to calm yourself.

Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

Start with the easier or less intimidating aspects of the task to build momentum.

Set realistic expectations and remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes.

Self-Doubt:

Focus on past accomplishments and successes to boost your confidence.

Seek support or feedback from others to gain reassurance.

Remind yourself of your skills and capabilities to tackle the task.

Use positive affirmations to counteract negative self-talk.

Perfectionism:

Embrace the concept of "good enough" rather than seeking perfection.

Set realistic and achievable goals for each task.

Recognize that mistakes and imperfections are part of the learning process and growth.

Indecisiveness:

Break decisions into smaller steps and make one small decision at a time.

Set a time limit for making decisions to avoid overthinking.

Trust your instincts and make the best decision you can with the information available.

Apathy or Lack of Interest:

Find aspects of the task that align with your values or long-term goals.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable parts and focus on completing one at a time.

Reward yourself for completing the task to make it more appealing.

Stress or Burnout:

Practice stress-reduction techniques such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.

Break tasks into smaller steps to reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

Prioritize self-care and take breaks to avoid burnout.

Feeling Uninspired or Creatively Blocked:

Engage in activities that stimulate creativity, such as brainstorming, mind mapping, or seeking inspiration from others' work.

Start with a simple and basic version of the task to get the creative juices flowing.

Collaborate with others or seek feedback to gain new perspectives.

Fear of Success:

Identify and challenge the negative beliefs or fears that may be holding you back.

Visualize the positive outcomes of completing the task successfully.

Focus on the benefits and personal growth that come with success.

Impatience:

Break long-term goals into smaller milestones to track progress.

Practice mindfulness to stay present and patient throughout the process.

Remind yourself that progress takes time and effort.

Lack of Confidence:

Celebrate your past accomplishments to boost your confidence.

Seek support and encouragement from friends, family, or mentors.

Focus on building specific skills related to the task to increase confidence.

Avoiding Discomfort:

Acknowledge that discomfort is a natural part of growth and improvement.

Break tasks into smaller steps and tackle the more challenging aspects gradually.

Remind yourself of the long-term benefits of facing discomfort.

Overestimating Future Motivation:

Practice discipline and commit to starting tasks even when motivation is low.

Set specific deadlines for tasks to create a sense of urgency.

Establish a routine that includes regular work on the task to build consistency.

Emotional contamination

You are responsible of your own life. Not other's. No one is REQUIRED to take care of yours, so why do theirs?

Your emotions influence how you live through your day. Either you let them dominate, and pass from one emotion to another (and be.under constant tension&stress), or you let them go when it's time, learn your lessons, and continue on with your day.

If you're careful of how you compartmentalize your day, you'll have overall better days compared to before. Letting go of anger, sadness, jealousy is compartmentalizing.

Constant excercise of this skill makes you better at it, and you'll be able to curate better your own life. Don't despair if you can't let go of things right away. This comes with exercise and previous experience ("I did that, therefore I can do this"). Give yourself grace.

Other's emotions also influence you, your day, and your life. Other's actions are (for most people) projections of their values and their emotions. If they're looking at the world through an angry lens, they're also contaminating you, with their interactions with you. So on for other emotions, positive or negative.

Some people consciously raise up negative emotions in you as a way to get dominion over you. It's sometimes very discreet.

You may be excellent at controlling your own self, your mind, letting go and finding lessons in everything, but all these efforts are doubled, or tripled when you surround yourself with people that just can't do the same as you, because you both have to take care of yourself AND offset their projections onto you.

People: family, ex you keep around, friends, partner. No one is spared in the eye of the glowupper.

That's why I strongly recommend to just snip them off or keep them far away from your inner space.

If you don't have to offset the projections produced by people unable to handle their own, it means you have extra time, mental space and energy to dedicate into other essential endeavours.

Those that are aware of their emotions, know how to take care of them, and protect other's minds from their own when it's gone bad, are rare but you'll notice them right away.

So, maybe it may be painful at first, but it's better being alone than surrounded by miserable people. The perks come later and in unexpected ways. Looks like a bad deal at the moment, but one gotta learn how to think further than the next day.

Other's pains and anger isn't your issue to solve. You aren't their mom. They're not your responsibility.

I am in no way saying that the ideal is to be in plain bliss all the time. Feelings are intrinsically human, but what we can control is how we act about those, and what space they'll occupy in the psyche.

Some people focus on others pains as a way to avoid confronting their own issues, they think "hey, I'm a good person I help others" but the best helpers are those that help themselves first. If you're one of those, this post is specifically pointed for you.

💎

youtube wellness channels: a masterlist

workout channels

akshaya agnes - pilates, yoga, strength training

april han - bodyweight strength training

bailey brown - pilates

boho beautiful yoga - yoga

cami sophia - pilates

caroline girvan - weight & strength training

celamarr - weight & strength training

charlie follows - yoga

daisy keech - strength training

dansique fitness - pilates & ballet style workouts

dayana wang - short workouts you can do in bed

dn.beauty natural - short slimming workouts

eleni fit - cardio, pilates, hiit

emi wong - bodyweight strength training

eylem abaci - strength training, pilates

feel good with olya - bodyweight strength training, stretching

fightmaster yoga - yoga

fit by lys - pilates, low impact workouts

fitness__kaykay - weight & strength training, mobility

flow with mira - pilates

gayatri yoga - yoga, pilates, yogalates

gloria song - bodyweight strength training

growingannanas - weight & strength training

growwithjo - walking workouts, strength training, pilates

hailey c. - bodyweight strength training

heather robertson - weight & strength training

hinafit - kpop inspired bodyweight strength training

isawelly - pilates

jessica richburg - yoga

julia.reppel - mobility, strength training

kaila wen - pilates

kpop fitness - kpop inspired strength training and stretches

lena snow - bodyweight strength training

lilly sabri - pilates

madeleine abeid - pilates

madfit - weight & strength training

mady morrison - yoga, stretching

mary braun - bodyweight strength training

mizi - strength training, cardio

move with nicole - pilates

moving mango pilates - pilates

nathalie shanti - pilates, yoga

nobadaddiction - weight & strength training, cardio, hiit

oppserve - bodyweight strength training, stretching

pamela reif - strength training, stretching

pilatesbodyraven - pilates

rachel gulotta fitness - strength training, cardio, fun themed workouts and stretches

rachel’s fit pilates - pilates, strength training, cardio

raminara - pilates

rovena - walking workouts

shirlyn kim - pilates, bodyweight strength training, cardio

sydney cummings houdyshell - weight & strength training

teagan dixon - fun cardio, bodyweight strength training

the glow method - yoga, pilates

the yoga ranger studio - yoga

yoga with adriene - yoga

yoga with bird - yoga

yoga with kassandra - yoga

yoga with kate amber - yoga

yuuka sagawa - bodyweight strength training

somifit - strength training

other channels

diana conforti - fitness, meals, workouts

gainsbybrains - fitness, body recomp/fat loss

janet ndomahina - health, productivity, general wellness

keltie o’connor - fitness, general wellness, nutrition

kyla beland - fitness, health, general wellness

leanbeefpatty - nutrition, talks, motivation

lenalifts - vlogs, fitness, habits

linda sun - nutrition, realistic eating

llexliftz - fitness, healing relationships with food

michael sealey - sleep meditation and hypnosis

mina rome - cooking and recipes

nairee kiana - fitness, health, general wellness

natacha océane - fitness, health, general wellness

rachel wrigley - nutrition, healing relationship with food

samantha clarke - pilates and strength training, vlogs

sanne vloet - pilates, vlogs, nutrition

vicky justiz - bodyweight strength training, fitness tips

2023 wrap up

Make a list of things that describe you. Use binary terms. Yes or no’s. Don’t try to soften the blow, just be honest. For example: I wake up at 10am. I work out once a month. I always get to work on time. I do my skincare routine typically 5 out of 7 times a week. I always get A’s and B’s. Etc etc

Mark which of those items are things you are proud of and want to continue and which you want to change.

Make a list of the things you want to describe you. For example: I want to wake up at 7am. I want to exercise daily. I want to eat clean at least 2 out of 3 meals a day. I want to speak fluent Spanish. Etc etc

Make detailed notes on how you can quit the things you want to quit and acquire the things you want to acquire.

Do it.

Follow on Threads

Hypergamy Harsh Truth?

The only thing I can really say is that men don’t want to date losers so do something with yourself and with your life. No one wants to spend their precious time with someone who they view as a burden or a waste of time, no one wants to waste their life away with someone who has nothing going on for them and is just a pretty face, and no one wants to hear endless talk about the soft life or other vapidness or spend the best years of their life with someone who’s never been able to grow up. You’re not a teenager anymore, it’s not cute to have never grown up and it’s not fair to expect others to stand by you whilst you fuck around. If you have nothing going on for you, if you’ve never lived outside of your family home or you’re incapable of working a job, and if you can’t take care of yourself then you cannot reasonably expect someone else to want to do that for you. The amount of emotional labour and sometimes even physical labour that goes into beginning and maintaining a relationship is intense and you’re not going to develop those skills overnight and you’re also shit out of luck if you don’t have basic social skills or the ability to create or maintain surface level friendships or relationships, you need confidence and you’re not going to gain those skills from anything I tell you. You need to get outside and actually work.

Free yourself of the idea that success means fame, wealth and beauty. It does not.

One of the most toxic things we've managed to do as a generation is indoctrinate ourselves (yes, us. It's us) with the idea that it's only as good as it's being seen. You're only as good as who you're better than. Your blog is only useful when it gets 133k notes. Your pictures are only worthy when you get 400k likes or you delete it. You dropped piano because you can't make a career out of it it's not like you'll beat Elton John. You can write, yes, but you're no Jane Austen so you never post your work and when you do and all it gets is 500 reads and not an entire Fandom like that 13 year old who gets 500m reads for a book that's only good for toxic relationships and the worst sex scenes ever written so you give up. Yeah sure you could make a great singer but man you're no Ariana Grande and only 60 listeners on Spotify (friends and family) is embarrassing so you just don't anymore. Because we've managed to indoctrinate ourselves with the idea idea a thing is only as good as its being seen and we scroll all day on Instagram past 20 year Olds with 30M $ net worth from making tiktok videos and that one guy that plays piano like an actual God but he's from Old Money and will definitely get sponsored into a career and God what's even the point.

Your sign to free yourself from the idea that only massive external validation makes a thing worth it and you validating things makes them worthy, more so than countless people you don't know. Play that piano because you want to. Try for a career and fail and get one for your kids and cat to listen. If you have none play for you. You deserve to listen to those tunes and goddammit start doing things for the mere pleasure of doing them. You like art so you painted. Yes it sucks. No ma'am you are no Da Vinci that's for sure. But it made you happy. It's yours. You see it. You like it. That counts. And screw you if you don't think your own opinion counts. Genuinely. Screw you.

Next time you look at your B- in that subject you stayed up all night studying and there's ms smartkid that doesn't even come to class walking out with a 99 and the only reason it's not 100 is there's always room for improvement take yourself out to brunch and have the time of your life. It's no A but it's yours. And its your best. You're no Gordon Ramsay but that dish, oversalted and burnt, was fun to make so you pour yourself juice into your wine glass and eat it up, savoring every bite and wash it down with milk for the salt. You can't sing and honestly those notes could go unheard but it's YOUR bathroom one thing you'll do is scream Lana del effing Rey. You Paid to get into that club you'll dance .

Free yourself from the human gaze and chronic performance, unlearn the idea that you must be groundbreakingly talented or intelligent to do something or you must be unexplainably beautiful or ridiculously wealthy to be a success. If you're going to be on this planet, paying tax and dealing with unnecessary trauma the least you can do is live for yourself.

Sucess is doing something for the pleasure of it. Everything else is performance. The world is NOT a stage it's a planet you're meant to enjoy life on.

How To Improve Your Social Skills 💬🥂📱✨

Pay close attention when others are speaking. Show that you're engaged in what they are saying, maintain eye contact, and providing verbal cues like "I see" or "interesting." Ask questions.

Good eye contact shows interest in the conversation. But avoid staring excessively in a frozen state, as it can make others uncomfortable.

A warm smile and open body language can make others feel more comfortable around you.

Work on your conversational skills, including starting and ending conversations, asking open ended questions, and finding common topics of interest.

Try to understand and empathize with the feelings and perspectives of others. This helps create trust.

Small talk is essential for building rapport. Practice starting conversations with light, non controversial topics and gradually steer them toward more meaningful subjects.

Confidence is key to effective social interaction. Work on building your self esteem and self confidence through self affirmations and positive self talk.

If you experience social anxiety, try deep breathing exercises or, visualization. Try to focus your attention on something. I used to have a lot of social anxiety so I would hold a drink in my hand to keep me centered and focused.

Familiarize yourself with cultural and social norms to ensure you're behaving appropriately in different situations so you don't look out of place or rude.

Social skills are like any other skills; they improve with practice. Start with friends or in less intimidating social settings to build your confidence.

Pay attention to nonverbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These signals often convey more than words.

Avoid dominating conversations. Give others the chance to speak and actively listen when it's their turn.

Show respect for others by using polite language, saying "please" and "thank you," and being considerate of their feelings and opinions.

Having a broad range of interests and knowledge can give you more to talk about and connect with others over. Learn, learn, learn.

Ask friends for feedback on your social skills. They can help pin point areas you can improve upon.

Join clubs, groups, or activities that relate to your interests. This helps you meet new people and practice social skills in a comfortable setting.

Observe individuals with strong social skills and learn from their interactions. Note how they engage with others and start to incorporate some of their techniques.

Dear dream girl, I really want to be my dream girl but I don’t know where to start. I feel unmotivated most of the time and I only get a burst of motivation at like 3 am. I just what to glow and radiate good energy for myself and find/do what I like

Oh, So You Wanna Be a Dream Girl? 🎀

starting your dream girl journey

Congrats on choosing yourself and your tiara; I am so proud. Prepare to not be liked, to be judged, and to stand out. It’s lonely at the top.

*this guide is for starting the process, not reaching the end result because my version of my own dream girl is inevitably different than yours. bare in mind i’m not holding your hand. i’m nudging you in a good direction.

what is a dream girl?

a dream girl is a girl that has finally fallen in love with who she sees in the mirror. she’s the girl that she can depend on. she has her desired look and she’s on the path to self actualization actively. she’s aware of her branding. she holds herself to the standards she holds other to; and they are HIGH. her self worth isn’t contingent upon a love interest, amount of money, or social status. she’s simply that girl.

do some healing.

yes, i said it. healing. like i’ve said before, you cannot put glitter on literal garbage. that’s not even the slightest bit appealing. you’re gonna journal about your childhood, your biggest influences in life, your biggest fears and how you feel life has treated you. this calls for shadow work. shadow working really helped me figure out some of my toxic traits and how some of the things that were considered normal to me as a child have affected me in the long run. you’re also gonna write hypothetical letters to your loved (and not-so-loved) ones, including yourself. let it all out. say everything you want that person to know. around you or not, dead or alive. prepare to clam up, cry, get angry, feel anxious. good. you should. you feel clammy, hot and sometimes pain when your body is fighting off and healing from a physical sickness. now you’re dealing with the developmental, mental, and emotional parts. you’re doing yourself a disservice choosing to stay the same toxic, nasty, mean, or victimized person you’ve always been.

what do you want?

before you can start to even do the smallest improvements, you have to have a clear goal. or else you’ll just be running around in circles (heh) over grandiose blurry wishful thinking. ultimately resulting in you giving up and choosing to be basic bc it’s easier. what do you want out of life? how do you want to be treated? what do you want to do? what makes you happy? and most importantly, how do you want to feel? see, it’s more than just the frills and glitter. you have to know what you’re trying to get to, internally and externally.

grab a diary, adorn it with pretty little details and commit to it. pair it with your fav writing utensil. outline all of your goals. every single last one of them. you can categorize them, scale them from short to long term, easy to hard. it doesn’t matter. do absolutely what you want to do to make a concrete record of your goals that’s digestible for you.

what are you going to do?

*fabulosity by kimora lee simmons*

compare your dream reality to the one you’re currently experiencing. what is she doing that you aren’t? that’s it. do that. anyone can read blogs about the process and other people success stories but those posts aren’t gonna change your life unless you get up and go for what you want. i don’t know what exactly you desire out of life. you do. so you have the instructions for this journey. the first part was easy, this is simple but not nearly as effortless. it’s up to you and not anyone else. you teach others how to treat you. improvements you can make include better: hygiene, self talk/treatment, outward energy, work ethic, discipline, health, consumed content, relationships, looks, habits.

the work

it’s time to apply yourself. get up everyday and actively work towards your goal. be kind to yourself. take yourself to the doctors. get active. eat right. find your passion. DO THE HEALING.

everyone’s journey is SO different so i’m just going to do a quick rundown of the importance of each of the ten facets of your dream girl journey (that build upon each other. ie; looks do not benefit you when your hygiene is insufficient):

*these facets are loosely based on maslow’s hierarchy of needs

health - are you taking care of yourself? please treat yourself how you would your loved ones. you’ll be surprised how physical issues manifest mentally, and vice versa. get adequate sleep. take baby steps if need be. some of these adjustments may be huge to you. be gracious with your journey.

consumed content - everything you engage in is your diet. the company you keep, food you eat, music you enjoy. you get the idea. do you feel light and ready to take on the day? or do you feel drained and sick more often than not. make some adjustments wherever you see necessary.

hygiene - extremely important. stick to a routine for your hygienic needs. you should have rituals you engage in everyday. don’t forget that your health and hygiene go hand in hand. oral and feminine hygiene is so crazily important. please don’t neglect yourself. i talk about my routines in detail here.

habits - daily habits are so crucial to your lifestyle. adjust these and consciously break your bad habits by supplementing your life with equal and opposite habits.

self talk/treatment - simple. be kind to yourself. hold yourself accountable for flaws and mistakes while loving yourself enough to be patient with the journey of improving.

outward energy - be very aware of the vibes you’re permeating. again this is so a huge determination of how you will be treated and how you will live your life.

work ethic/discipline - it’s gonna take serious accountability to escape the desire to stay comfortable. you have to tell yourself that you deserve *your desired end result* so i will *make specific change/adjustment.* it’s that simple (again simple doesn’t mean easy).

relationships - if you don’t like the way you’re treated by those in your life, those relationships need to be reevaluated. you can make some trims on your circle, have some honest conversations, or adjust your behaviors (because sometimes, YOU are the problem).

passion and career - in order to feel fulfilled in life, we all need a purpose. discover yours. incorporate your passion into your daily life.

looks - develop your signature and hone in on it. looks are very important to your perception (self and public). check out this guide to help with this part. however you wanna feel is how you should display yourself.

be a dream girl!

you’ve discovered all the facets of creating your dream self and reality. now it’s time to apply what you’ve learned. start showing up in life in the fashion you want to be seen in.

that’s it! the rest is up to you!

- xoxo, dreamgrlarchive 🎀

Brainwash yourself with good habits. You need to do it the way you would train a dog - fetch the stick and get a treat.

I love listening to music but I also wanted to start listening to podcasts. I have to go to work everyday, and I prefer to drive myself to work and back.

I know that if I make myself listen to podcasts both drives, the habit will last not more than 3 days.

But if I make myself listen to a podcast on the way to work; and listen to my favourite music on the way back home to de-stress and relax; now that’s a healthy compromise. And it works for the long term.

The same goes with social media. I deleted all social media from my phone. I don’t have Facebook, Instagram, or even tumblr on my phone. The YouTube account that I keep on my phone has been very consciously kept; I only allow the algorithm to show me educational stuff like podcasts, history videos, news, psychology, stuff like that. Absolutely no entertainment. I keep all my social media (and my “fun” YouTube account which is basically Korean mukbangs and all sorts of useless beauty hauls that I honestly love to watch) on another device - my iPad, which I use for work. I check out what’s happening on tumblr or YouTube or Pinterest when it’s my lunch break or a coffee break. That’s another healthy compromise that works for me.

Going cold turkey with anything - stopping something addictive like smoking or drinking or suddenly starting a plethora of new habits- doesn’t work. You’ve restricted your mind and body so much that you keep remember the good old days where you drank like a whale and sat on the couch watching rubbish and you glamorise, romanticise and reminisce those times. Now you’re in that dangerous red zone where you know that if you see that bottle or the packet of chips, your body is going to reach for it before your mind can intervene.

Aim for long-term, sustainable albeit small habits, rather than complex overnight habits.

How I manipulate people into giving me what I want

As y’all probably know I’m obsessed with social psychology and have read countless books on how to influence the opinions of others without much effort. Anyway, I was just able to get a first class ticket on a fully booked flight (I missed my original flight by over 2 hours) so I thought I’d share my general technique of manipulating people into doing favors for me :)

1. I approach them with completely open and non-aggressive body language. I walk over with a full smile, I make eye contact for a second, smile, look away, and make eye contact again (people hate prolonged eye-contact, it intimidates them), I raise my eyebrows (to show recognition), and I don’t get too close (people don’t like their personal space violated).

2. When I reach them, I make an empathetic statement. The thing is, people think the world revolves around them so the way to get anyone to like you is to make them feel…like the world revolves around them. So I make a comment like, “Wow, you must be having such a busy day” or “So, those other customers were driving you crazy, huh”. This allows them to not only feel empathized with but also acknowledged.

3. I let them compliment themselves. So in my plane ticket scenario, after giving my empathetic comment of “So, you must be really busy this morning”, I followed it up with “it must take so much patience to deal with so many cancellations”. The guy behind the counter was elated and immediately said “Yes, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and it’s really forced me to be a calm and patient man”. By allowing him to compliment himself, he didn’t have to feel that I was being fake and also felt better about himself. After that comment, I was able to ask him about his experience working at the airport and build genuine rapport for about 5 minutes (of course, focusing the entire conversation on him).

4. I add a sense of urgency. Adding a time frame to a matter is incredibly helpful because it forces your company to think of immediate solutions. So after our really pleasant chat, I simply went “Do you know where I can go to get on a flight to London? I missed my flight and have to get to class by early afternoon.” Adding a “why” to a request is also helpful because according to studies, when people have context for a request they’re much more willing to fulfill it. In response to my question he immediately began looking for the first flight out to the UK.

5. I let them offer. I never directly ask for something, it’s too intrusive for a stranger and puts them in defense mode. Instead, I wait and let them offer. I could’ve asked him to get me a new ticket and I could’ve asked him to upgrade me, but instead I let our relationship develop organically and worked on his subconscious to get him to feel inexplicably grateful for my presence and therefore like he owed me for making his day better. It’s always best to allow them to offer to help, that way they feel like they’re in control which of course, people love.

That’s it! Works like an absolute charm and no, pretty privilege has nothing to do with it :)

the secret is knowing you're worth it and making all your decisions based around that

10 tiny things that changed my life ₊˚⊹♡

It's so easy to get caught up in the big picture, but sometimes it's the little things that can make all the difference. Here are some small things that have changed my life for the better, and I hope they can do the same for you :)

1. The power of the to-do list.

I know, I know. You've probably heard this one a thousand times before. But seriously, hear me out. Writing down a to-do list the night before has totally changed the game for me. I mean, who wouldn't want to wake up knowing exactly what needs to be done, instead of running around like a headless chicken? (Been there, done that – not cute.)

And here's a pro tip: Make sure to prioritize your tasks. You know, so you can tackle the most important stuff first and avoid those nasty all-nighters.

2. Drinking water like it's my job.

Okay, I'll admit it. I used to be one of those girls who would choose a sugary drink over water any day. But let me tell you, staying hydrated has worked wonders for my skin, energy levels, and overall mood. So, drink up, ladies! Your body will thank you later.

3. Embracing the "two minute rule".

This one's a game-changer! If a task takes less than two minutes, just do it right away.

Say goodbye to those piles of clothes on the chair (you know the one), and hello to a cleaner, more organized life. Chef's kiss.

4. Learning to say "no" (politely, of course)

It's time to face the facts: We can't do it all. So, learning to say "no" to things that don't align with our priorities is absolutely essential. And guess what? It's totally okay to put yourself first sometimes. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup.

5. Feeling gratitude.

Practicing gratitude has made me appreciate the little things in life. I mean, who knew that writing down three things you're grateful for each day could have such a positive impact on your mood? (Hint: It's me – I'm telling you now!)

6. Rocking the "me time".

Self-care is everything! Taking time out for yourself – whether it's a bubble bath, binge-watching your favorite show, or reading a good book – can do wonders for your mental health. So, go ahead and indulge in some me-time.

7. The art of journaling (Dear Diary...)

Journaling isn't just for angsty teens, I promise. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be super therapeutic, and it's a great way to work through any challenges you're facing. Plus, you'll have a written record of your life to look back on – and laugh (or cringe) at – later.

8. Surrounding yourself with positivity (good vibes only!)

You are the company you keep! Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people who support and encourage you. Trust me, life is way too short to hang out with people who bring you down. So, go ahead and build your group of amazing people who will cheer you on every step of the way.

9. Dancing it out.

You heard me – dancing is not just for parties! Crank up your favorite tunes and have a mini dance party in your room. It's a fun way to let off steam, boost your mood, and get a little cardio in (bonus!). Plus, who doesn't love feeling like the star of their own music video?

10. Embracing the beauty of imperfection.

Don't let perfect become the enemy of good. For most things in life, getting it done is better than getting it perfect.

And there you have it! Ten tiny things that have changed my life, and I'm sure they can do the same for you. So, go on and give them a try – you just might be surprised by how much of a difference these small changes can make. Cheers to a better, happier, and more fabulous life! ♡

hi there! i’ve always struggled with being lazy and unproductive. but recently, i decided i want to start being ambitious because i know it will be healthy. but i have no goals to be ambitious for. sure, there’s daily things like exercising more and things, but i don’t have long term goals. i don’t know who i want to be when i grow up or what i want to achieve in life. any tips?

The ambition quest: Mapping out your path to success

Explore your interests: Take the time to try out different activities and hobbies. Whether it's painting, coding, dancing, or even rock climbing, experimenting with various interests can help you discover what truly excites you.

Reflect on your values: Think about the things that truly matter to you. What do you value most in life? Is it creativity, helping others, personal growth, or something else entirely? Identifying your core values can guide you towards meaningful goals.

Dream big, start small: Don't be afraid to dream big and envision the future you desire. Then, break those big aspirations down into smaller, achievable goals. This way, you can make progress step by step while celebrating the small victories along the way.

Embrace trial and error: It's okay to try different paths and make mistakes along the way. Life is a journey of self-discovery, and sometimes we need to explore different avenues to find what truly resonates with us. Embrace the process and learn from every experience.

Seek inspiration: Surround yourself with positive role models and seek inspiration from their journeys. Read biographies, listen to podcasts, or follow influential people in fields that interest you. Their stories can spark ideas and motivate you to pursue your own ambitions.

Visualize your ideal future: Take some time to imagine your ideal life in the future. What does it look like? How do you spend your days? Visualizing your desired future can help you gain clarity and set goals that align with your vision.

Get out of your comfort zone: Growth happens outside of our comfort zones. Challenge yourself to step out of familiar territory and try new things. Pushing your boundaries can lead to incredible personal and professional growth.

Find a mentor or role model: Connect with someone who has achieved success in a field you're interested in. Their guidance and insights can provide valuable direction as you navigate your own path.

Be open to change: Remember that goals and aspirations can evolve over time. Stay open to new opportunities and be willing to adapt your plans as you grow and learn more about yourself.

Enjoy the journey: Embrace the process of self-discovery and goal-setting. Life is all about the ups and downs, the challenges and triumphs. Embrace each step along the way and find joy in the pursuit of your ambitions.

I hope this helps!! xx

hi there! i’ve always struggled with being lazy and unproductive. but recently, i decided i want to start being ambitious because i know it will be healthy. but i have no goals to be ambitious for. sure, there’s daily things like exercising more and things, but i don’t have long term goals. i don’t know who i want to be when i grow up or what i want to achieve in life. any tips?

The ambition quest: Mapping out your path to success

Explore your interests: Take the time to try out different activities and hobbies. Whether it's painting, coding, dancing, or even rock climbing, experimenting with various interests can help you discover what truly excites you.

Reflect on your values: Think about the things that truly matter to you. What do you value most in life? Is it creativity, helping others, personal growth, or something else entirely? Identifying your core values can guide you towards meaningful goals.

Dream big, start small: Don't be afraid to dream big and envision the future you desire. Then, break those big aspirations down into smaller, achievable goals. This way, you can make progress step by step while celebrating the small victories along the way.

Embrace trial and error: It's okay to try different paths and make mistakes along the way. Life is a journey of self-discovery, and sometimes we need to explore different avenues to find what truly resonates with us. Embrace the process and learn from every experience.

Seek inspiration: Surround yourself with positive role models and seek inspiration from their journeys. Read biographies, listen to podcasts, or follow influential people in fields that interest you. Their stories can spark ideas and motivate you to pursue your own ambitions.

Visualize your ideal future: Take some time to imagine your ideal life in the future. What does it look like? How do you spend your days? Visualizing your desired future can help you gain clarity and set goals that align with your vision.

Get out of your comfort zone: Growth happens outside of our comfort zones. Challenge yourself to step out of familiar territory and try new things. Pushing your boundaries can lead to incredible personal and professional growth.

Find a mentor or role model: Connect with someone who has achieved success in a field you're interested in. Their guidance and insights can provide valuable direction as you navigate your own path.

Be open to change: Remember that goals and aspirations can evolve over time. Stay open to new opportunities and be willing to adapt your plans as you grow and learn more about yourself.

Enjoy the journey: Embrace the process of self-discovery and goal-setting. Life is all about the ups and downs, the challenges and triumphs. Embrace each step along the way and find joy in the pursuit of your ambitions.

I hope this helps!! xx

skills that will never stop serving you☆ . °🪷

the ability to sell/negotiate

listening and learning from others

ability to speak in front of people

staying positive/optimistic

persisting and continuing to try regardless of failure

understanding other people’s feelings

ability to say no

making smart decisions that have a high ROI (return on investment)

managing ur own time and money

how to adapt, improvise, and overcome struggles and obstacles

asking for help

conveying what u think and feel

staying consistent (discipline)

i'm in a constant rut, of having that 2am inpso but never being able to succeed. While i have the potential i'm stuck at average and i loose the will to take care of myself what shpuld i do?

Oh I feel you! We all go through those moments of feeling stuck and losing motivation. Here r some tips to help u break free from that rut and reclaim your inspo!

Goal slaying 101: How to crush aspirations one baby step at a time!

Set realistic goals: Break down your big aspirations into smaller, achievable goals. This is one of the most effective ways to make them easier to manage!! You can also celebrate the small victories along the way to keep your motivation intact.

Find your inspiration triggers: Pay attention to what gets your motivation going! Identify those triggers and incorporate them into your routine to ignite that 2 am inspiration at any time of the day ;)

Shake up your routine: Mix up your routine, try new activities, or explore different hobbies. The novelty can spark fresh ideas and reignite your passion!

Take baby steps: Trying is better than doing nothing at all. Keep taking consistent action, no matter how small it is! If you only have 20% to give on that day, then give 20% - you'll have given it your all.

GUIDE TO THE MINDSET GLOW UP 🎀

♡ | positive mindset

easier said than done, but it has such a huge impact in our life. we as humans tend to always think negatively of everything, resulting us to give up. but what if it will work out? what we think constantly reflects in our reality and actions. why do we have to always blame ourselves for everything, why do we have to be anxious over little things, why do we have to always think of the worst when we can just flip the words, meaning, love and believe in ourselves.

- ways to have a positive mindset

the bus theory - when u see the bus that you missed u don’t actually run after it, right? you just wait for another one, knowing that it 100% will be here. think of your opportunities/relationships etc that you’ve "lost" as this bus.

the universe/god never says no; it either says yes , not yet or I have something better for you.

practice self-care, be gentle to yourself. you are waking up and always trying and it’s enough.

the moments you thought that are the "worst" are only moments now, and you’re still here. Be proud of yourself for that

a little rain doesnt have to ruin the parade

practice meditation. clean mind = better mood

journal journal journal (I’m going to make a post of journal benefits soon)

this absolutely doesn’t mean that you always have to be positive about everyone and everything. If you feel sad or feel like crying let it all out. if you feel drained allow yourself to sit all day and watch shows. it’s all about accepting yourself and not "I’m such a failure I did nothing today" instead "it’s okay, I have tomorrow where I can try again".

♡ | discipline > motivation

motivation comes and go, but discipline is forever. you are scared and not trying? It’s okay, do it while being scared. count to 3 and start doing something, take action. just DONT sit around. have a plan and don’t try to do everything all at once, or you will be easily drained . everyday do something better for 1% and you’ll see how just in a short while this 1% will be 100%.

a very good episode of mimi’s :

♡ | kindness to yourself is kindness to everyone

treat yourself with love and respect before others. everyone in this world is a human and I do not wish for you or them to spread hate. we all have bad days and this is exactly why we should so self-care or reach out to someone, but never blame anyone for anything.

you don’t owe anyone anything, but kindness and respect.

what you give is what you receive.

respect is not earned, disrespect is.

♡ | no one knows you better than you do

no you are not horrible for the mistakes that you’ve made. do you know what makes you horrible? not acknowledging them. if you wronged someone, apologize. even if it’s too late and the relationship is lost, I’m so proud of you for realizing your mistake and trying to do better. learn AND improve. accept yourself for all the pluses and minuses. you’re a crybaby? good because I’m too, and it’s absolutely okay. In fact, I think vulnerability is very powerful. you are human and you don’t have to be perfect. thrive for being better not perfection. do not listen to rumors or someone thinking that you are a bad person. you in fact know that you are not and it’s all that matters. why do you care if you are enemy in their story , they aren’t heroes in yours either.

insecurity is loud, confidence is quiet.

♡ | boundaries

to stay away from toxic people you have to have boundaries. I think the most common type here is "people pleasing" so here’s my post to help you to stop being one.

when someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, please let them know about it. you don’t have to tolerate this behavior. your own peace is the most important thing ever.

if they still repeat their actions then well … it’s time to say goodbye.

if you think that you will "lose" everything by setting boundaries please go back to the top and read the "ways to have a positive mindset" :)

watch youtubers, listen to podcasts etc to connect with people like you and improve your mindset alongside with boundaries.

here’s my list of my favs, but you can find waaaay more on tumblr

♡ | confidence

be confident, trust yourself, and never let anybody put you down. If anybody puts you down, it’s because they’re jealous. – Adriana Lima

do not compare yourself with ANYONE. the person you are looking at and saying "I wish I was her" might be doing the same. compare yourself with YOUR dream girl that you have in your head. your only competition is you.

after boundaries, positive mindset, discipline, naturally comes the confidence. loving yourself and staying true to yourself is what confidence exactly is.

no fake it till you make it, no difficult words, just you . take it easy.

♡ | tip: body language and fitness

this is more on the physical side but I advice you to learn a little bit about body language. It helps you to appear confident and attractive. my "go to’s" are entering the room with high head and good posture, never sitting on your phone (as in checking the weather app awkwardly etc not when someone calls or texts u) when coming to an unknown place.

fitness helps to relieve stress and clear out your mind when you don’t want to meditate. and by fitness I don’t mean intense workouts, a 5 minute workout that you enjoy is enough. also walking 10.000 steps a day also counts as fitness to have a healthy and balanced life.

I , for example, have a playlist with different workouts and I do each on of them on different days, whenever I feel like choosing one. sometimes I don’t even work out I just walk 7-10K steps :)

— the end ♡

in conclusion I just want to say ITS OKAY ITS OKAY ITS OKAY. You are fine. You are enough. Make mistakes, be sad, improve, be disappointed, try, love, learn, thrive. The purpose of this post is for you to understand that DONT exist , LIVE. Because life is worth living for. You were, are, will be okay.

being taken seriously

when it comes to debating or professional settings, if you want to be perceived as more put together, then heres my advice :)

mannerisms:

have good posture!

maintain good hygeine

look clean and put together

always have fresh breath and clean teeth

having a good scent to you always helps

make eye contact with people

speak in a clear tone

don’t raise your voice, be able to speak calmly (i’m talking about when you debate with people, yelling is just kinda rude and makes other people scared lol, also doesn’t look mature)

work on not interupting people, let other people talk!

walk with your head up high! this goes with posture, walk like you have a crown on your head :)

take care of yourself and work to better yourself

attitude:

educate yourself

be open minded

be self-aware about your short comings

know when to keep your mouth shut and when to not engage in conflict

stay out of drama

don’t let other people bring you down

always act confident

eliminate self-depricating humor

remember- bringing other people down is insecure behavior!

show respect and manners to other people

be kind to other people, give them compliments, smile

be open to other points of view, really listen to other people and reflect

2023 reset guide

Glow up

2023 vision board. Visualize your dream 2023 and write down your goals!

Daily Hot girl walks. No excuses, babes; let's get moving!

Reflecting on 2022. Look back at what you've accomplished and what you could have done differently.

Make a Bucketlist. Write down places you want to visit and things you want to do.

Extended self-care. Take some time to yourself to recover from the stressful holidays and get back on track. <3

Buy a good SPF. Do some research and find something that works for you!

Start Investing in yourself. Money, time, and energy. Put yourself first!

Annual check-ups. Make a dentist appointment, go to the optometrist etc...

Buy a Silk pillowcase. Protect your skin and hair!

Set clear boundaries. And make sure that people respect them!

Less screen time. Self-explanatory.

Manicure, lash lift, haircut. High maintenance to be low maintenance! ;)

Wellness

Daily vitamins. Visit a doctor to discuss which ones you should be taking for the best results.

Morning stretches. Wake up your body and drink some water!

Skin/hair care. It's time to find products that actually work for you.

Reading more literature. Set yourself a daily reading goal.

Planned grocery lists. Make a grocery list that aligns with your dietary needs and goals to make shopping less stressful. <3

Less coffee. Especially if you struggle with anxiety!!

More greens and protein. Let's give our body what it needs.

Journaling. Truly helps with overthinking!!

8 hours of sleep. Beauty sleep. <3

Cooking for yourself. Such a cute form of daily self-care.

Yoga. Or just any low-impact exercises in general.

Deep cleaning

Organizing your closet. Only keep things that make you feel beautiful.

Budgeting. Check your bank account and plan ahead.

Clean your hairbrushes. Trust me...

Donating clothes. Donate the items that you don't wear anymore.

Clean your make-up brushes. The first step to clear skin!!

Fresh sheets. Wash your pillows too.

Charge your electronics. IPad, Mac, Camera etc...

Get rid of expired make-up and skincare. Step 2 to clear skin, lol.

Declutter stationary. No need to keep dried-out pens.

Delete old emails. I currently have 1840...

Delete unnecessary apps. Anything you don't need.

Clean your camera roll. Making some space for new memories! :)

Cut out toxic people. <3

Mindset

Pretty, smart, kind, and prioritising myself.

Positive affirmations!!

Your daily habits play a huge role in your mood/life. Be mindful, and take care of yourself.

It's okay to outgrow people!!

Decide what kind of life you actually want and start saying no to everything that won't get you there.

"I'm attracting opportunities that align with my dream life."

A girl who will do big things can't let small things bother her.

Honestly, reinvent yourself over and over again until you are satisfied with who you are.

Do you want to be comfortable, or do you want to grow?

"Am I doing this for me, or am I performing for others?"

very high standards. VERY HIGH STANDARDS.

Be obsessed with yourself.

2022 has been such a life-changing year for me, not only personally but also regarding my social media! As I already said on Twitter, I'm incredibly grateful for this little community that has formed this year, and I'm excited for all the things that lay ahead of us! I wish everyone a successful 2023 with many beautiful moments and lots of growth!!

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

ideas to work on during your self-improvement journey [that girl]

1. body language— both reading and practicing (perfect for those of you who are verbally awkward)

2. being more exclusive with your time, effort, energy, and presence

3. finding a theme or mantra during your self development journey— it helps if you are someone that finds quotes and words helpful and as reminders

4. strengthening your life skills such as cooking, baking, cleaning, budgeting, shopping smart, self-defense, etc.

5. evaluating your boundaries and communicating your boundaries

6. not letting anxiety or depression become who you are and defining you as a person

7. learning how to enjoy being alone without feeling lonely

8. identifying self-destructive behaviors such as taking toxic exes back or self-sabotaging

9. becoming more bold with the actions you take towards something you really want aka going for it with your whole heart

10. not letting rejection hit you personally. it’s okay that we’re not a right fit for someone just like it’s okay when they’re not a right fit for us— that doesn’t mean we think horrible things about them and vice versa so stop taking rejection personally

11. not getting attached prematurely

12. not pushing anyone away once we feel like we’re becoming close

13. setting standards for yourself and who + what comes into your life

join my self-development membership page here that has dozens of free ebooks that i’ve purchased, 2.5 hours of leveling up audio content that i don’t post on tumblr, and the addition of weekly content uploaded every wednesday or thursday 🤍

This is a masterlist to help you , elevate your mindset. It only works if you actually implement it , just watching videos and daydreaming, will not.

I'm always open to suggestions to add any videos to this , just send me an ask or a comment

how to master your emotional intelligence

"friends" to watch out for

you are a queen , u were born one

bye bye lazy girl era

the song jia effect

overcome your phone addiction

acceptance and change

learning to value

not taking risks , is the biggest risk

the perfect student

your enemies are secretly addicted to you

creating a successful mindset

mindset is everything

being your own dream girl

stop being lazy and pathetic

On Success: My Unique Achievement Equation 🤍

I'm going to be cheesy for a moment and repeat the phrase we've all heard a million times: Success is a journey, not a destination. The path to it is often paved with hard work, determination, and a unique combination of factors. In this post, I'm going to share my personal equation for success, and I hope it can inspire you to create your own formula for achieving your dreams and goals.

1. Constantly learn new things.

I’m always trying to learn new things because let's be real, in a rapidly evolving world, staying curious and open to new knowledge is vital. Almost exactly a year ago I landed in Oxford and decided to take tutorials in 18th-century opera, ancient witchcraft, and protestant vs. catholic art. I also wrote a thesis on medieval architecture. I could've stayed in my comfort zone and studied politics or economics like I had over the past four years but I decided to push myself because I knew that I had to diversify my scope of knowledge because that's what successful people do. Simply put--constantly learning new things is, in my opinion, non-negotiable. Pick a topic, draft a schedule that forces you to immerse yourself in said topic for a set period of time, become an expert in said topic by following said schedule, rinse and repeat.

2. Eat healthy.

I drink tons of water all day (my team makes fun of me for getting up every 15 minutes to use the bathroom. I'm not phased.), I don’t really snack, and I eat my weight in vegetables, and I get frequent blood and allergy tests to make sure I’m taking the right supplements. I don’t do dairy, I don’t do red meat, I don’t do refined sugar, and I don’t do processed carbs. Yes, I have my treat meals on the weekends and yes I have a couple of drinks on Saturday night but 90% of the time, my diet is extremely clean. The fact is, I have a level of physical wellbeing and body composition that I like, and reaching and maintaining that requires a level of discipline when it comes to food. I’m willing to pay the price and as a result, I feel absolutely amazing every day. So I really urge you to eat very well because you deserve to look and feel great every single day.

3. Network like your life depends on it.

If there's one thing that was beat into my consciousness from an extremely young age, it's the importance of networking. Why? Because a supportive network provides guidance, mentorship, and collaboration opportunities. I've gotten job and internship offers, romantic and platonic relationships, and flat-out absurd opportunities simply from networking...like my life depends on it. Just a couple years ago, I went to Dubai for a few weeks with my partner, and my mother quite frankly told me that if I didn't network with at least one alum from my college/boarding school while there, I wouldn't be allowed back home. I'm currently working in my exact role because of that very warning and I'm forever grateful.

4. Work out out daily.

The thing is, I hate working out. Like I'd rather stare at a wall for an hour than run on a treadmill for 10 minutes. But no matter what, when my alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, I’m jumping out of bed, putting on my workout clothes, and heading to the gym. It’s my routine and while I’d much rather get some extra sleep, I’m not going to let my desire for comfort get in the way of my health. And I don’t kill myself in the gym, I do 30 minutes (10 minutes of cardio, 20 of weight training) and I head out. No muss, no fuss. And if you want to get your shit together in a pinch, starting by working out every day is probably just what you need.

5. Avoid social media.

Because for 95% of people, social media is an addiction. Keeping up with your friends via Instagram is great, spending 7 hours per day scrolling through Instagram reels is pathetic. So I choose not to engage. If someone wants to contact me or know what I’m up to, they’ll just have to reach out and I prefer it that way. Moreover, I'm a very private person so I really don’t care to post about my personal life to a group of people I barely know. I had a truly epic graduation party this weekend and the most beautiful thing about it is that I didn’t have to worry about posing for pictures or documenting any of it on my story. I really advise you all (anyone? do people actually read these posts? I digress.) to get real with yourself and be honest about your social media usage. And if it's not improving your life in a notable way, get rid of it. You can thank me later.

6. Constantly upgrade your appearance.

I got my color analysis done and now I know exactly how to dress and color my hair. I’ve got my hairstyle analysis done and now I know exactly how to cut my hair to compliment my features. I got my seamstress to alter and make a bunch of my favorite outfits and now my clothes fit my body shape to absolute perfection. The list goes on, but in short, I look really good because I know exactly what I’m working with and have done absolutely everything to accentuate my beauty. Establish a regular skincare routine to maintain healthy and glowing skin. Use makeup to enhance your features, not mask them. Choose natural and flattering colors. Stand tall and maintain good posture. Dress in a way that accentuates your body and makes you feel confident. And most importantly, remember that beauty is 90% energy and 10% looks.

7. Master the art of good conversation.

And not because I’m a natural extrovert, but because I decided that I was sick of being that awkward girl who didn’t really have any friends and so I got to work. I’ve read probably 40 books on social psychology/charisma/seduction and I’ve worked super hard to put all that I’ve learned into practice. At this point, I can talk to pretty much anyone about pretty much anything and know that they’ll leave the conversation feeling really good. Effective communication is the bedrock of human interaction, and being skilled in this area can profoundly impact one's relationships and success. In professional settings, being a skilled conversationalist can lead to better collaboration, negotiation, and problem-solving. In personal relationships, it can deepen bonds, enhance empathy, and create a sense of mutual understanding. Remember that being a good conversationalist is not just about talking; it's about creating an environment where ideas flow freely, relationships flourish, and opportunities for growth and connection abound.

8. Keep your finances in order.

I've worked really hard to secure a great paying job, live in a great location and in a great apartment, and have enough money to save but also to enjoy the finer things. Yes, I dated a prince and all that but the fact is, I’ve been working my ass off since high school to get to this place. At 16 I wasn’t spending my summer at the pool, I was spending it crunching numbers for eight hours daily at an accounting firm. I’ve always wanted to be a financially stable person and I’m so glad that at this age, I am because I made it happen. I know this is hypergamy Tumblr, but at the end of the day, no man is going to hand you a $10 million check and ride you off into the sunset with the snap of your fingertips. Like attracts like, meaning well-to-do men, 90% of the time, are going to end up with women who have their shit together financially. You don't have to be a self-made millionaire, but as an adult, you do have to be able to take care of yourself.

9. Stay informed.

I’m knowledgeable about what’s happening around the world at all times because…it’s important. Like, really important. I have Bloomberg up all day and the second a new alert pops up, I’m on it. I also spend about an hour per day listening to NPR (while getting ready), reading WSJ, or even just scrolling through Buzzfeed. Staying informed allows me to not only converse freely about current trends with others, but it also allows me to feel my most confident and ready to face the world. Staying informed on current events is not merely a passive activity but a dynamic engagement with the world around us. It equips individuals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate an increasingly complex and interconnected global landscape, make informed choices, and actively participate in shaping the future.

10. Have hobbies and interests.

Yes, I love attending the opera and the Met on Saturday afternoons, but I also love learning about manifestation and trying crazy food science recipes. The point is that my hobbies and interests themselves don't really matter, the fact that I am passionate about a lot of things does. And when you're passionate about your goals and pursuits, you're more likely to stay committed, work harder, and overcome obstacles with determination. So stop focusing on the "quality" of your hobby and try to just have fun with it! Let your hobbies connect you with new communities and open you up to new, if not a bit strange, opportunities.

11. Give back to your community.

Most of all, the key to my success is giving back to my community because having all the looks, money, and fame in the world ultimately means nothing if you can't share your abundance with others. I volunteer when I can, I give funds to those who need them (currently, I'm helping my aunty put three amazing girls in Haiti through college abroad and one man in medical school), and I have a whole lot of official and unofficial mentees. In a world that often emphasizes individualism and self-achievement, it's essential to remember the profound importance of giving back to your community. Please please please take the initiative, get involved, and experience the transformative power of giving back.

Lovingly, Elle

40 Examples of Self Abandonment 🤕👎💭💔

Self-abandonment means not taking care of yourself, your needs, and your feelings. It's like ignoring what's good for you and not being kind to yourself normally in a way that benefits everyone but you.

Not eating well or exercising.

Pretending to be happy when you're not.

Working too much without breaks.

Staying in a bad relationship.

Letting people use you.

Forgetting about things you enjoy.

Not saying what you want.

Always doing things for others.

Not asking for help when you're sad or stressed.

Being alone when you need friends.

Saying mean things to yourself in your head.

Giving up your dreams for others.

Avoiding problems instead of solving them.

Never taking time to relax.

Ignoring how you look or feel.

Not asking for help when things are too hard.

Trying to be perfect all the time.

Doing things that hurt you, like drugs or danger.

Changing who you are to fit in.

Not being yourself and doing what others want.

Ignoring your body when it needs rest or sleep.

Letting others make decisions for you all the time.

Keeping your feelings bottled up inside.

Surrounding yourself with people who bring you down.

Not pursuing your interests or hobbies.

Saying "yes" to everything, even when you're overwhelmed.

Putting up with disrespect or mistreatment from others.

Not giving yourself credit for your accomplishments.

Skipping important appointments or check-ups.

Holding onto grudges and negative emotions.

Comparing yourself unfavorably to others.

Not taking breaks when you're stressed.

Neglecting your financial well-being and overspending.

Ignoring signs of burnout or exhaustion.

Avoiding seeking help for mental health struggles.

Ignoring your own intuition and gut feelings.

Overcommitting and spreading yourself too thin.

Constantly seeking validation from others.

Letting fear hold you back from trying new things.

Dwelling on past mistakes and not forgiving yourself.

IF THE ROUTINE NO LONGER SERVES, YOU MUST ALTER THE PATTERN, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? YOUR LIFE STARTS WITH YOU

Go where you are respected, where you are appreciated, where you are wanted. You gain nothing by sticking it out and swallowing any mistreatment. But by walking away from those experiences you teach yourself that you are worthy of respect, of love, of quality relationships; and you also teach others that when they do not mirror the same level of respect, their access to you is revoked, end of story.

You're the heroine of your own story. Take charge of the narrative.

If you don't like what you hear, change the playlist.

If you don't like what you're watching, change the channel or turn it off altogether.

If the food you eat doesn't energize you, change your diet.

If you're not inspired by the people around you, change your environment and upgrade your circle.

If your current business strategies are showing no return on investment, pivot and shift the strategy.

Change, change, change.

Don't settle. The moment you feel stuck, uninspired, unhappy or out of alignment, take initiative or improve your situation. Don't just go with the flow and accept whatever comes along. That's how you wake up 40 years down the line with regrets, wondering how life flew you by.

Aphrodite’s dark side | Epithets

Evidence of a cult of a warrior and dark Aphrodite has been widely studied. Aphrodite had been depicted with armor and prayed to for martial assistance in many places from Syria, to Corinth, Sparta, Argos, the Attika, Kypris, Rome, Naxos, and many, many, other places (but mainly Sparta. Surprising, no?). The cult of a warrior Aphrodite has been suspected to have emerged from Aphrodite’s “ancestral” correspondents like Istar or Astarte, who were both goddesses of sex and war. However, the evidence of a dark face of Aphrodite is there, and it can be too called upon today, even if it wasn't as popular as her holy and hevenly aspects.

Enoplios — weapon bearing

This is an epithet of Aphrodite attested by Plutarch, and is also epigraphically present in the Roman period. In the third century AD a priestess, Ponponia Kallistoneiké, set up a dedication to Artemis Ortheia in Lakonia attesting one of her fellow deities was Aphrodite Enoplios.

Summakhia — ally in war

Pausanias finds a cult of Aphrodite “ally in war” in Arkadia. This is all the comment I could find about it.

Nikephoros — victory bearer

In Argos, according to Pausanias, Aphrodite wore the epithet “victory-bearer”. Icons of Nikephoros and Hoplismene (armed) Aphrodite have been also attested in Syria and Eretria.

Areia — of Ares / war-like

At Sparta mainly, there is a lot of evidence of icons portraying an armed Aphrodite with inscriptions of this epithet. Pausanias tells us of one in a temple behind the Bronze House of Athena. There is another female wearing a peplos, a helmet and a spear, but without the aegis that characterizes Athena, thus many suspect it belongs to an armed Aphrodite.

HOWEVER Leonidas of Tarentum writes in the third century: “Eurotas once said to Kypris (Aphrodite), ‘Either take up arms, or quit Sparta, the polis mad for arms.’ She, laughing, replied, ‘I shall be ever unarmed.’ She said ‘and I shall dwell in Lakedaimonia.’ Our Kypris is unarmed. Shameful are those tale-tellers who say that our goddess bears arms!”

BUT from Antipater of Sidon, in the first century, there is a contradiction: “Even Kypris is Spartan. She is not dressed as in other towns in soft garments; But in full-force she has a helmet instead of a veil, instead of golden branches a spear-shaft. For it is not proper for her to be without arms, the consort of Thracian Enyalios (Ares) and a Lakedaimonian.” And this is not the only record we have of an actual Aphrodite wearing armor in Sparta; Plutarch, Nonnos, Julianus of Egypt and perhaps others tell us about the Spartan tendency to portray Aphrodite wearing an armor; either bow and quiver, spear and helmet, a shield, and even a sword. So perhaps Leonidas was either being sarcastic or lying (or the cult of Aphrodite Areia came after him, of course). This Epithet is thus related to Hoplismene. Julianus tells us that in the sanctuaries of armed Aphrodite girls revere her war-like nature and women give birth to courageous children.

Above all, Pausanias also claims that this Aphrodite was specifically worshipped as a female Ares. This gives us a clue whether this Aphrodite had been syncretized with Ares’ actual femenine counterpart, Enyo (Ares has an epithet related to her: Enyalios)

Androphonos — killer of men

This epithet is representative of her chthonic aspect. There is evidence of a sanctuary of hers and Aphrodite Anosia in Thessaly.

Anosia — the unholy

Aphrodite Anossia apparently was celebrated by women in Thessaly, and she is associated with homosexuality (although this is doubtful). Atheneus tells us a tale of a hetaira (courtesan) named Lais, that flee to Thessaly and fell in love with a man. A band of jealous women beat her to death at Aphrodite’s temple and thus the goddess in this temple became known as Anosia, the Unholy.

Tumborukhos — gravedigger

The Pythagoreans said there are two Aphrodites: one in heaven and one in the Underworld. Therefore she was called Tumborukhos as well.

Epitumbidia — she upon the graves

Couldn't find much information on this epithet either but it must be related to the previous one and representative of her Underworld connections.

Skotia — dark one

This epithet is referent of Aphrodite’s origins as a terrible goddess, and her associations with the planet venus, which were suppressed later by the pop cult (not the association with the planet, tho). This epithet appears to link her to the Erynies and Hekate, and may be referent of a “witch-star” (kakkab kassaptu in ancient Babylonian) nature. The lack of evidence for these type of epithets points at an unpopularity of them. It is important to highlight that some of them could be use against the goddess to give her a bad or “demonic” reputation in the christian sense so I suspect their suppression might have a relation to that.

Melanis — black

Related to the previous epithet. It appears that these “dark” and “unholy” aspects of her are related to the planet venus, as points her Ouraneia (“heavenly”) epithet as well. Venus was known as a “star of lamentation”.

Persephaessa — Queen of the Underworld

This epithet appears to be a syncretism between Aphrodite and Persephone. This is obviously mainly an epithet of Persephone. I could not find evidence for it being used to Aphrodite in the ancient world, just commentaries about it; however, by searching it on google you find an archeological source of it but sadly its written in german, and I have no idea how to read german.

Hoplismene — armed

Pausanias tells us about the sanctuary of Aphrodite at Kythera, saying that there “the goddess herself is an armed xoanon”. The xoanon were archaic wooden icons, and this one, according to Pausanias, was wearing an armor. Quintilian once asked why the Lakedaimonians (Spartans) have an armed Aphrodite, and Plutarch said that they like to portray every god in armor to show that all of them have excellence in warfare. This Aphrodite is present in Corinth as well.

Hegemone — leader (of the troops)

This Epithet of Aphrodite is found in the Athenian Agora, and their border fortress at Rhamnous. The city council also offered dedications to this Aphrodite. There are figures of her engaged in combat with the giant Mimos, and other portrays Aphrodite in a chariot wearing Athena's aegis (although it lacks the gorgon face), along with Poseidon. Hesikhios confirmed this epithet in the sixth century AD saying it applies to Artemis as well. This Aphrodite was also offered sacrifices with Themis and Nemesis, in honor of Aeneas, her son.

Strateia — campaigner

In the Hellenistic period, Aphrodite was called Strateia in western Asia Minor. There is an inscription from Mylasa refers to a priest of Aphrodite Strateia, and a calendar of offerings specifies sacrificing to Aphrodite Strateia along with Arete and Herakles. In Paros and Epiros, strategoi (military generals) are known to have sacrificed to Aphrodite, along with other deities.

Enkheios — spear-bearer

Hesikhios, an author from the 6th century AD, tells us about a terracotta Aphrodite in Cyprus depicted holding a helmet in one hand, a spear, and a shield leaning against one of her legs.

Conclusions

Can we use these aspects of Aphrodite even if they have been exaggerated and weren't actually very much present in ancient cult? Of course. Because worship changes and evolves, if you find one of these epithets symbolic in your life and devotion, you can totally use them and even give them a different dimension. As a witch, for example, I could use the dark and unholy epithets of Aphrodite as a symbol of how witchcraft has been regarded as evil in superstition and a reminder of the persecution women have gone through, and it would be an act of devotion to the Goddess and an act of empowerment. The unpopularity of many of these epithets is also representative of stigma against women and thus using them today could be attested as an act of rebellion.

References

Stephanie L. Boudin, Aphrodite Enoplion

The Other Side of Aphrodite

William Manning, The Double Tradition of Aphrodite’s Birth and her Semitic Origins

Yulia Ustinova, The Supreme Gods of the Bosporan Kingdom: Celestial Aphrodite & the Most High God

Laura McClure, Courtesans at Tables: Gender and Greek Literary Culture in Athenaeus.

John Opsopaus, The Ancient Greek Esoteric Doctrine of the Elements: Water.

Aeon Journal, Aphrodite

drop the scarcity mindset that there’s not enough. there is more than enough. the earth is abundant and your opportunities are limitless. time isn’t running out. it’s never too late to do what you love. there’s always room for you. prosperity is always available for you—in all places, at all times. no matter how much time you take off to rest and recharge. abundance will always be there available for you.