When I met my Master, he didn't know he was a master, nor did I know I was a sub. We had both been in vanilla relationships before. I toyed a bit with BDSM sometimes, but it never played a big part in my life. Neither of us had ever heard about denial.
To me, nothing in the world felt better than an orgasm. I had lots of them. Lots and lots. With previous partners I was annoyed with how fast they came (although I didn't complain). I always gave myself numerous orgasms after a partner had cum, because no one could give me better orgasms than me.
I met my Master online. The first time of our relationship we couldn't see each other often, so nearly all of our contact was online. That was hard, but we knew we were made for each other. The good thing about it was that we talked a lot. We trusted each other, and dared to share fantasies we had always kept for ourselves, because previous partners wouldn't have understood them. That's how our D/s relationship started. Over time he became my protecting Daddy and sadistic Master. Just what I needed.
The idea that my Master would control my orgasms turned me on. We agreed that I would cum only when he told me to, and whenever he told me to. I was able to cum by using my fingers, a toy, or just my thoughts. Even his words could be enough to cum. We both loved this game. I learned not to touch myself unless he told me to, which was both very hard and very hot. Sometimes he told me to cum 20 times a day.
But then he wondered what would happen if he would make me cum less. I was shocked. Cum less? What a terribly mean idea, it made me cum on the spot. Could he really do this to me? He could. I went from 20 orgasms a day to 20 a month. I was so frustrated and so aroused all the time. When he gave me permission to cum, it felt so good to finally cum again. When I didn't have permission to cum, it made me feel weirdly proud that I was able to edge and not tip over.
Then the time came that I wasn't happy anymore when he told me to cum. I only did it because he told me to, but I didn't feel like a good, strong, pure, horny girl anymore after cumming. It didn't feel good.
In the beginning I was very proud of not cumming for a week, a month (which seemed almost impossible!), a half year. It seemed a shame to cum again after such a long time. My Master sometimes asked me if I still was okay with this, and yes, I was, I was eager to be the best at not cumming. He never told me 'maybe I'll let you cum if you do this or that', and I was grateful for that. An orgasm would not feel like a reward. I prefer to have his cum as a reward (I guess this is what denial did to me). Nowadays he tells me he doesn't want me to cum anymore, and hearing his words 'just let it fade away, this is not for you' makes my edges even more intense.
The never-ending arousal is addictive, and my frustration from edging is a huge turn-on for my Master (and yes, also for me, though it feels so terrible at the same time). And oh gosh, what a submissive girl I became. My Master cums for the both of us, and I love it. Pleasing him is now the best thing there is, and because he learned himself to edge at a young age, he is able to last long, so I can enjoy him for a long time before he finally gives me my reward, his cum. It made our bond so strong. We were both easily distracted by others with previous partners, but we've been together for years now and still crave each other so much. We can give each other what we need.
When I started this journey, I couldn't find any information on what denial would do for me in the long term. Would it harm me? Would it do me good? I can imagine that more girls, women have the same question. I haven't cum for 5,5 years now. It didn't harm me at all. It made me strong, focused, confident, incredibly horny and submissive to my Master. And I like that a lot.
And my body became so sensitive. For example, before I started experimenting with denial, my breasts weren't sensitive at all. It's incredible how that has changed. I can edge by rubbing spots between my breasts, above my tailbone, on the top of my head. It's like having clits all over my body. I know, it sounds a bit strange, but it feels so good, and just imagine how much fun it is for my Master.
I let my Master control my orgasms, which meant that I had to learn to control myself better. Maybe self-control doesn't sound sexy, but it made my sex life better, and it made me more confident in other aspects of my life.
Do I think I'd still be able to cum? Yes, I do. I don't know what an orgasm feels like anymore (that thought arouses me), but I think I'd still be able to have one if I really wanted to.
But why would I?
1. I rediscovered my beauty. Suddenly I had time to take care of myself. No longer I had eye bags, I could exercise, do my nails, put on face masks. All of this may seem trivial but I was so tired and unhappy with my job and the travel time. I was this beaten up shell of myself just going through life without any care of what may happen to me. I have now time to love me and make me feel beautiful, I act beautiful.
2. My relationship with my husband is stronger now. Nothing says “I trust you” more than just let him take care of me and be my provider and now he is so much more protective and loving. He has always being those things and yet he managed to give more. I learned that when a man feels your trust and how you believe in him, he can not help but cherish you and treasure you, and I can never get tired of that.
3. He is doing so much better at his job and in his life. He gets home now only to rest, no more shared house chores. I remember him every day how great he is and that confidence goes with him everywhere, he had never been this strong and self assured and I cannot help it, I love him more for it. He loves my cooking and he gets it every day, if he’s tired I no longer drop dead next to him in bed, I make him some tea, I give him a massage. We have time to have sex, I want now to have sex (remember, I feel beautiful).
4. I have time to pursue my hobbies. I started this blog, I write poetry, I exercise, I cook new recipes, I’m learning how to sew. I started college again too, even though I’m taking it easy. Since there’s no need for me to work, I study just because it brings me joy, and there’s no need to rush. I’ll get my degree but my priority is just to be happy. (He has to repeat this in exam season every time though, sadly stress can get a little hard to manage).
I know the most important part of my life, and the reason that we both are so happy is because we deeply love each other, not that I’m homemaker. We would be happy even if something bad happened and I had to go out to work again. There are also woman who find their job meaningful and I will not tell any of them to give it up.
However, if there’s a woman out there who can be at home, who wants to be at home but still is not sure about, talk about it with their partner, most man also want this. Life’s too short to not be happy.
The ideal balance.
For those of you who don't know much or anything about Alan Watts, you need to spend some time with his talks. Peel back a layer and there is a some great wisdom there. Like, Oh My Geeze! Mind Blown kind of wisdom.
@Le Cime
Who will walk with me and be my precious jewel?
Philadelphia PA USA
Bonus points in you live in NYC!
Daddy, will you play house with me or pretend I'm at your office. Or maybe Daddy will play grown up dolls with me.
Though much of this is dated advise, most of the advise is timeless. Consider the areas where you have not done what you think you should have done. Do your part and he will grow to be far beyond the man you desire. Do your part and he will love you more than he imagined he ever could.
Timeless Advice for Wives from Blanche Ebbutt’s “Don'ts for Wives” (1913)
Don’t expect your husband to want to spend evenings at home if you don’t make home the most comfortable place.
Sigma Male. PHL area. I'm looking to make friends. I'm the older man type. I would truly enjoy hearing from you. Send me an IM/DM. I don't claim ownership of any of these images.
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