Me: Okay, So From What I Can Tell, You Just Acted On Your Intrusive Thoughts? Other Me: Pretty Much.

My 65 year old grandma and I both think they look like tanks. Why are they built like that?

Every time I see one

Me: WTF???? Friend: Oh yeah! We made friends with aliens!

You’ve been in a coma for ten years. Your friend says everything’s changed. Suddenly, a stunning, tall blue alien cat lady walks in to check your vitals.

❗Humanitarian appeal❗ Help me😭All donations were stolen without any mercy or compassion for my daughter's condition. She is dying. 🙏🏻The campaign was defrauded. The campaign founder seized the donation money after it became $6,000 and deprived her of the cost of treatment.Help us, don't leave my daughter fighting for her life. Time is running out before my eyes. The war has returned. We left without anything, no food or shelter. I have no money to buy what my children need. I apologize for sending my message directly. I know you are receivingSo many messages asking for help, but the truth is, my daughter is about to die if she doesn't get her medication. Kidney disease is a chronic, silent illness that will steal my joy. Please donate 😭🙏🏻 My daughter suffers from kidney failure and autism,Physically and mentally disabled. I'm asking for $25 or $50 🙏🏻💔 If you can, your support is a lifeline for her. If you can't, share so someone can give us even a little 😭 https://gofund.me/1812f270

I'm a minor so I can't do shit to help but hopefully others can! I'm sorry for what happened!

Ladys and gentlemen, the one I call a friend is more insane than I am. Someone get her therapy please, she needs to fix her obsessions.

how we liking the phone (ft. akane)

I feel like it fails and only makes him freak more people out

". . . Toche. Sorry for the mix up! Uhhhh, you want this free fro-yo coupon I got as a sorry?" "Yes. Yes I do"

"Halt, villain," said the heroine, pointing her sword at the man. "Hold on, I’m no villain," said the man. "Your eyes are pitch black—those aren’t natural," said the heroine. "And yours are bright gold—those aren’t exactly natural either," said the man.

Okay so I was on Youtube and..... What am I looking at people?!

Me: Is it wearing my heels Demon: *nods* Me: FOR FUCKS SAKE! I JUST BOUGHT THOSE!

You wake up to find your sleep paralysis demon holding you tight in fear, tears in eyes. “There’s a monster in the closet”, it says.

*gets a gun out* START SHOOTING

also!!!!!! my discord is chroeme :33 spelled silly

OKAY THANK YOU!!!! I'LL SEND THE REQUEST NOW! GO TO DISCORD!!