I Don't Get It. I'm That Dumb.

Wife: STOP SLOBERING ON THE DAMN COUCH! Me: MAKE ME! *puts daughter on back and I run away, both of us laughing* Wife: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

Slowly turning into a werewolf after being bitten by one, you were terrified of losing your mind, and hurting your wife or daughter. Turns out, there wasn’t any need for worry, since wolves are extremely loyal to their mate and their children. Life changes in unexpected but fun ways.

I was just reading this post, and then a door SLAMMED shut. It's only my grandma and me in my house right now. She just came into my room to ask which door slammed... I knew it was the bathroom door next to my room because when the window in that bathroom is open, the door can open or close randomly. But it still freaked me the fuck out

@writing-prompt-s I'm asking what witchcraft you know that made this happen

Saw the Wicked Movie for the first time today. It was awesome but I hate how it was just part one. Good thing I saw a musical a few years ago so I know how it ends! The movie theater I went to had chair the reclined. And barely any one was in the theater. Loved it 10/10

Girl why are you awake?! it's past midnight!

Chrome look: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/tcXfRKSxbJY copy and paste that link and watch video.

switch ups go crazy fr

Hey Chrome! My family's thinking about getting a cat! I'm going to be taking care of it full time but I get to pick the name with my mom's okay! I'm naming her Jolteon since I'm a pokemon fan and her nickname will be Jolte!

My allergies will be active 24/7 but I don't give a fuck!

my cat slept on my tamari hoodie......

". . . YOU'RE WELCOME!" *runs to the right church*

You rush into a church to stop the love of your life from marrying the wrong person. Not paying attention you barge in yelling "I OBJECT" only to realize it's a funeral. The deceased immediately rises in perfect health. All eyes turn to you.

OKAY MOTHERFUCKER NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION! *kills the threat*

You are a literal god who pretends to be a d-list superhero. You’ve grown extremely attached to the people of the village you protect. You get news that an epic battle is taking place near your village and would most likely destroy it…

Why?

𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎

Bitch I need a reason. Else I be fighting against you for Poland

Another hero: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET ENGAGED TO A VILLAIN?!?!?! Me: 1. they're hot. 2. We're both ADHD 3. Their rambles are way too cute. How could I not marry them?

A supervillain known for going on tangents during a monologue has captured the hero. The hero broke free of the restraints a while ago but pretends to remain captured to see how off topic the supervillain will get.