Derpy Face Tamari

*gets a gun out* START SHOOTING

"You don't understand I'm getting married next week and I don't love the dude" "THEN WHY ARE YOU FUCKING MARRYING HIM!!!!!"

“You have to understand, the use of love potions is both morally gross and legally r-”, you interrupt the alchemist, and say the potion is meant for yourself.

Now I want there to be a big battle between dads. Or that all the shitty dads who are abusive to me killed

All of the “#1 Dad” mugs in the world change to show the actual ranking of Dads suddenly.

Me inside my head: Okay how the fuck is this possible?!

You are in court for murder, when your lawyer shows a video of a sports game with you in the audience and proves that you are innocent. However despite having the ticket and the claims of having gone to the game, you actually did commit the crime and have no idea what you just saw on the video.

Kitty

Whatcha reading? 👁️👁️📖

Little doodle inspired by a picture of my reading buddy Soba! 🖤

Alien: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU BREATH IT?! Human:*having Oxygen in their suit* BECAUSE WE BREATH IT! Alien 2: ARE YOU SAYING YOUR ENTIRE PLANET HAS OXYGEN?!

Human: YES!!!!!

Due to Oxygen being one of if not the rarest gasses in the universe, it has been classified as highly illegal to own. When humans step up onto the galactic stage, the galactic council freaks out.

I'll murder everyone here if I don't get my dog.

You’ve died and have reached the after life. They are giving you the grand tour of heaven. “Any questions before you decide if your staying with us?” You, “yes just one, where’s my dog?” Them, “ahh yes, we have a strict no pets allowed policy.”

Technically we are actually stars.

Sometimes I think to myself..

What if I'm just stardust?

Like..Y’know, I could be drifting in space and ending up here! Or not!

Me:"It's just a prank? Well so is this bitch"

Ain’t it funny? We find a way to finally, actually hurt eldritch monstrosities, and suddenly they’re all like “It was just a test” “It’s just a prank bro” “We were just testing you”. How convenient.

Me: Cause I like fucking with people

You are stuck in a time loop, but you have no intention of ever breaking out of it. After literally millions of resets a new person appears in the loop and asks you why you are still in the loop.