They’re Not Allowed To Get Interviewed Anymore

i do think we should consider the following though: modern day well off parenting trends are generally about the idea that by giving your children the Best/Most Superior Infant and Early Childhood Experiences your children will 100% grow up into Healthy and Well Adjusted Adults With No Issues like children are a video game character that can be min/maxed for Optimal Outcomes. so rather than showing-love-is-weakness-and-my-business-baby-can't-show-weakness drakes, i suggest we should highly consider the following drakes who are trying to outdo their social class acquaintances and achieve best possibly outcomes for their son the following possible ways instead:

janet read this once on a blog and all her rich friends agree: primary colors are Bad for Babies. instead of having a house decorated only in white because she's an evil mother who is incompatible with having children, their house is filled with neutral colors and various shades of beige because the house can't be too stimulating for tim!! bright colors would be too distracting and detrimental for his overall development. he needs the calming surroundings of neutral colors. he is a sad beige baby.

(the first time tim sees color is dick's circus costume which is why he's so enamored and amazed with it and the backlash against his sad, beige childhood is what causes him to own at least 5 magenta shirts as a teenager)

on a related note, janet obsessed with the idea of montessori for tim. but not, like, real montessori which is actually an excellent and very evidenced based educational philosophy that is supposed to be cheap and accessible to children of all different socioeconomic backgrounds. instead, janet is about rich people montessori, which is all about buying only wooden toys that have at minimum a $150 price tag on it just because it says montessori on it. she rigs up his toy kitchen to the actual house plumbing so that instead of play washing dishes, he's, like, actually washing dishes. because it's not meaningful work play if your kid isn't actually doing a chore, right? he'll never succeed as an adult otherwise.

maybe she doesn't do montessori. maybe she shells out $24k a year for tim to attend forest school instead (at least, until he turns 7 and he goes to boarding school instead)

janet, as an archeologist, is all about raising her son like the ancients raised their children. and the ancients didn't have their children sit inside. no, children are meant to be outside as much as possible like they were in ancient times, not inside sitting in front of the television. when she's not taking tim to museums and art galleries for max educational experiences, she's focused on tim getting 1000 hours outside. now, gotham doesn't necessarily have a lot of green space and and the park gets taken over by poison ivy a lot so it's not necessarily safe, but they do the best they can. other parents might balk at taking their 6 year old out at 3 in the morning to go stalk batman and robin's patrol routes, but this is what tim wants to do and outdoor time is outdoor time, even at night, so janet takes him and marks off 2 hours on her tracker sheet with an air of self satisfaction. she'll make it to 1000 hours before the rest of moms in her mom group if it kills her, just to see to sour look on susan's face that janet was able outdo her parenting and now tim is on track to do better than susan's son jeff.

anyways, the drakes send tim off to boarding school at age 7 secure in the knowledge that tim is now bound for greatness and normalcy and success because they did everything right with raising him up to this point. tim will be completely well adjusted and totally normal. their job is done. they did it. success.

What

Tim: I'm off the meds, I'm a new person now.

Bruce: they were antibiotics, you don't have a spleen. You're delirious with infection!

the boy wonder #2

being an alfred pennyworth fan is so strange because so many of you are wrong. what do you mean he's a saintly father figure there to quip at everyone and be the voice of reason???? you don't even KNOW him.

alfred 'abandoned his daughter to run off to gotham only to not raise bruce as well, who promoted all of bruce's worst habits like the #boymom he is, who chose bruce over the children but still didn't let him forget that he was not his father, who lied to the family about julia's existence and blamed her for their bad relationship' pennyworth?

I love him because he ruins everything he touches and is the world's worst father. you like him because you have fundamentally misunderstood him as a person.

you're saying THEE #1 dc toxic boy mom is a saint? what the fuck are you guys ON about?

They should be making out Bart thinks

The Robins(and 1 signal) + The Onion/Reductress headlines

Other batfam

DC twitter is generally not as fun as dc tumblr however that one account pretending to be Batgirl is just. Fantastic. Like this is literally Cass's account