#trump

My family: *calls me lazy for not doing anything all day*

Me who has been putting all energy in not Kermitting the self deletus:

Me: *leaving internship for the day* see ya tomorrow bestie

Also me 5 minutes later sending them a text where I explain I am completely burned out and can't come for a while: goodnight bestie but I'm about to tell you something that you might just not like.

Me: Im not that traumatised

Also me when I have to call in sick for internship even tho I know damn well they are all nice people: they're gonna hate me. I am going to fail. I have to rehearse what I am going to say 493910393929 times or I'll die. Okay so I know I can barely stand up but do I Realy need to stay home? This is it, I might as well drop out of school. They're gonna tell me I'm a disappointment and they never want to see me again.

Internship: oh yea, sorry to hear that, get well soon!

Me: *confused* where is the hate

Rating devices I’ve watched porn on:

Phone: loading speed is good, quality is pretty good as well. Also nice and portable. 6.5/10

IPod touch: loading speed was ok but not great, graphics were pretty shitty. Also portable. 4/10

Ps4: I just wanted to see if I could. Graphics were actually hella nice. Surround sound 🥵. Pretty sure the neighbors heard tho smh. 9/10

Wii: graphics were pretty shitty, surround sound was good but the loading time was trash. Also got to hear the wii theme which is always amazing. 8/10

Nintendo 3ds: shitty loading type, horrible graphics and audio. The battery life was pretty bad. 2/10

Nintendo switch: average loading time. Graphics were better than you’d think but the sound of the fans covered up the moans 😡. 2/10

Laptop: average in every category. Not very portable smh. 4/10

The eyes of my best friends furby that I softhacked: amazing graphics. The furby added to the experience 🥵. Who wouldn’t want to view this with their best bud? ♾/10

Hi, I lost my last save food and am trying to find new ones, can some of you maybe comment yours below? Or send me a message?

I would really appreciate that

au where Ray, Sissy and Harlan come back to the future with the academy and Klaus makes a big event of locking everyone in the library and giving a ridiculous powerpoint that’s like ‘How To Speed Run The Past 70 Or Whatever Years’ (Five from where he’s been handcuffed to the bar: “it’s 55 you dumbass-). highlights include:

- opening with a picture from the jfk assassination (since they were all a little busy when that was going on) with a big :( drawn over it

- a fifty minute long side-tracked rant about the Vietnam war that only Five is interested in

- “And finally, after a long, painful battle for the sensible people of the world…the Beatles were Defeated”

- “Highlight this note because it WILL be on the test later- Britney Spears was born on December 2nd, 1981″

- “So one day in 1989 43 babies with magic powers were born from women who hadn’t been pregnant, and like? you know? no one ever really looked into that further? we’re in our 30s, I feel like we should have some answers by now?’

 “Speaking of 1989, there’s this fantastic album-” 

   Vanya: “Klaus they don’t need to know who Taylor Swift is-”

   Diego: “Let Him Speak.”

- “And on this day I was innocently reading a magazine and discovered my previously beloved sister Allison is friends with Beyonce and she never bothered to introduce me or invite me to a single party-” *powerpoint slide switches to a picture with Allison’s head photoshopped onto a snake* *Sissy asks who Beyonce is and that turns into another sidetracked explanation that takes nearly two hours and involves Everyone screaming*

- “And this is when Luther went to the moon-”

   Ray: “the…moon? the fucking moon?”

   Klaus: “didn’t the moon landing happen for you guys yet?”

   Allison: “no that was ‘69???”

   Klaus: “FUCK”

   Luther: “Can you try to go in order? You didn’t even tell them Dad’s an alien yet-”

  everyone: W H A T?!!?!?!!?!

- 2004: the tragic beginnings of Vanya’s weaboo stage 

- 2006: Diego has his first kiss with an Ambassadors daughter after a mission and IMMEDIATELY pukes on her after they finish. (next slide features news footage of the event; Luther has to hold Diego back from attacking Klaus while everyone else is losing their shit)

- “Klaus I really don’t think Twilight counts as a historical event”

   Five: “No, actually, it does-”

- *2 hours spent infodumping about Chernobyl while his audience gets progressively more drunk*

- “Klaus, can we please move on from the 90s already-”

  “THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE MEDIA DID TO WINONA RYDER”

- footage of Allison’s Less Than Graceful reaction when she got snubbed at the Oscar’s one year

- at some point he tries to explain Modern Speak™ and Internet Culture™ to them and it ends up going like this:

- “anyway here’s a list of probable war crimes our dad committed”

- *explanation of Ellen DeGeneres’ entire career from start to finish*

- *footage of 14 year old Luther dancing like he got a touchdown after he killed a man in battle*

- Cha Cha Slide: The Song That Changed Everything

- he slips an Entirely Fake historical event in there just to prank them and his siblings try to call him out on it but then Five backs him up because he’s drunk and wants to cause problems. Three Years Later Ray will still mention something about like The Fall Of Telephonia that resulted after a bloody battle between the two rulers and whoever he’s talking to just like. smiles and nods politely

- “And here’s the news clip where 10 year old Five found out on live air that Santa Claus isn’t real. We literally never saw him smile ever again after this”

- he starts explaining Kardashian/Jenner scandals as if they’re political scandals

but anyway. not the most educational lesson plan but I want everyone to have a break and laugh thank you goodnight lmao

Roses are read, violets are purple. Hope y’all now know the colours, you frikking shurple

My frikking head

Y’all always be talking about how you have to love yo mom cuz she always there for you.

Lemme tell ya

I’ve been there for my mom everytime she felt sad, depressed or heartbroken.

Every time a new boyfriend broke up with her i was there to take care of her.

I put my needs aside to help her.

I put my emotions aside so i could help her.

I did everything for her no matter how much it hurted me, i kept loving her even after she told us how worthless we where.

When she neglectes us, when she ignored us.

Every fucking time.

But when i was sitting on the cough, crying, feeling so lonely and depressed, wanting to die.

She came sitting next to me and asked.

If i wanted to move aside so her FUCKING BOYFRIEND COULD SIT NEXT TO HER!!!

I’ve been there for her, but not once she was there for me when i needed it.

And now when her 700000th boyfriend broke up with her, and she’s crying and depressed.

Im there for her again.

Becouse i know what its like to be ignored when you need love.

Reports are saying he's still alive but in critical condition

Justice for Jacob Blake

Black lives matter ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿