im putting off drawing serious comics and writing longfic for these shitposts
yk.. bc he's old and knows the og stuff ._ .
Due to the continued lack of progress, I am back, seeking help from the vagrant scum of this subreddit.
Dear basement dwellers and unwashed perverts: If even I, Tom Riddle, cannot get a date, then there truly is no hope for the rest of you.
Time to freshen up your cleaning charms and “lock in”.
For those of you whining about how I ought to just ‘approach him like a normal person’- I am not a normal person. I am a God, baptized in the blood of my enemies. Stop giving me meaningless platitudes, and start helping me smell his hair!
His little sycophant has been following him around everywhere, which has only made approaching him harder. Orion calls himself Harry’s ‘best friend’, but everyone knows Harry only hangs out with him because he feels so sorry for him. (Generations of inbreeding made one ugly baby lol!)
Harry’s very charitable like that. All the more reason to indoctrinate him into my cult, but he’s being weirdly stubborn about the whole thing?
“I don’t wanna learn dark magic, Tom.”
“I don’t believe in blood surpremacy, Tom.”
“Stop trying to take me into your murder dungeon, Tom.”
Isn’t that ridiculous? Anyone with half a brain would love to be invited into my murder dungeon the esteemed chamber built by my lineage!
Harry is very lucky to have so many muscles, as no one expects much brilliance from him. Still, I know he’s cleverer than he lets on. Just the other day, he noticed me cursing Grace Bell for lingering too long outside of the Quidditch changing rooms.
I was just looking out for him. And clearly I was right to do so, since I caught her creeping around while I was waiting for him to emerge, shirtless and damp, from his post game shower. Imagine the kind of obsessed weirdos he’d have to deal with if I wasn’t there to curse them all!
Still, other people would have been totally fooled- but not Harry. He gets me.
Clearly, he’s paying a lot of attention to me, so how can I capitalize on that? I tried spilling a bit of my potion on him in class the other day, so I could remove my shirt sensually and dry the liquid off of him. Only, then he started shouting at me about how I “wasn’t going to get away with this like I did with Myrtle.”
See- another example of how well he knows me! (That’s a girl I killed near my murder dungeon lol)
As you can see, this is a dire situation. Hurry up and provide me with some useful information before he kisses the incest baby.
Harry is very handsome, and I cannot afford to waste time. I have enclosed a photograph of him so that you wastes of genetic material understand the stakes.
[Harry_Potter_Riddle.Jpeg]
suziehiggins: oh, i get it. that guy is adorable
| OP: Stay away from my man, Susan.
Orion.Black: @harryjamespotterr
| OP: You will rue this day, you incestuous hellspawn.
harryjamespotter: Tom, is this some kind of prank?
| OP: Who is Tom I’ve never heard that name in my life.
| harryjamespotter: you literally posted a picture of yourself in the last update…
| ed_hardy: It’s okay, he was just catfishing
| OP: NO I WAS NOT
goonermachine: did you doodle Tom + Harry = Soulmates all over his picture?
| OP: I know you have eyes so I don’t see why you’re asking me such a stupid question. Yes
Me too Sigma, me too
Your honor, he's perfect 🫡😘
please I love him sm 😭
Since Atsushi is making up this Dazai and his knowledge is all only things he knows himself means that Atsushi's the one thinking it-
After the release of the new chapter, I am imagining the charecters just scrolling the internet and finding out about the horrors of the newest chapters and then going like : THANK GOD! I AM SELF-AWARE. And then going to appreciate GL even more cuz why not. And thanking them for their Self-Awareness.
Imagine GL who like doesn't know about the new chapter is like: huh? Why this again?
Self-Aware! BSD Characters x GN! Reader
Warnings: OOC. English is my second language. Somewhat spoilery. Short
____
It was a rare sign.
Everyone was gathered in the living room to hang out, and, for the first time, you won't join them.
"[Y/N], are you sure, that you don't want to read new chapters with us?" Dazai tilted his head. He pet the couch seat near him. "Come on, sit right here, next to me!"
You shook your head.
"Sorry, Osamu, but I won't sit next to you." You tried to ignore Dazai's quiet disappointed whine. Then You noticed, how Nikolai perked up. You quickly responded. "I also won't sit next to you, Kolya."
You tried to ignore Kolya's disappointed whine. Before more invitations came, you raise your hands.
"Everyone, I would love to join you, but I need to wake up early tomorrow to finish the university project."
Quiet murmurs filled the room, but, it seems, you can go to bed.
"Good Night, everyone. See you at the morning."
You went to your room. And BSD Cast started to read last chapters then "missed" due to them coming to Real World.
Starting from chapter 105.
__________
Normally, you would wake up in the morning, because of the smell of coffee and Nikolai's cheerful voice.
Today you woke up, because of the smell of coffee and Nikolai's sobbing. You immediately jumped up from the bed. Fighting dizziness, you asked
"Um... Kolya... Are you... Umf…" you were crushed in a hug. After that, immediately came multiple kisses on the cheek from Nikolai. You awkwardly pet the top of his head.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you... Thank you for being Reader, Our Guiding Light. For making us self-aware!"
You felt, there was something you are missing.
___________
The moment you stepped outside your room, you got another bone crushing hug, this time, from Sigma, and a few shy nose kisses.
"[Y/N], we don't say that enough, but we are so grateful, that you were born. Thank you for existing."
[Y/N].exe stopped working
_________
You went to first floor. Made few steps in the detection of the kitchen.
You weren't surprised, when you were tackled to the ground by Dazai. He whispered, between forehead kisses, he started giving you.
"Precious. You are so precious. We love you so much. We will be grateful for you for all eternity."
You wondered what exactly happened, while you were sleeping, and how many hugs you will get.
_______
You barely made a step inside the dining room, when you were picked up by Bram. He planted a small kiss on your hand.
"Thou are the greatest blessing, that could ever come to our lives."
[Y/N].exe stopped working again
________
You spend breakfast with Aya and Teruko cheering for every smallest thing you have ever done.
_______
The moment you left the dining room, you were engulfed in a gentle hug by Fukuzawa. He softly kissed the top of your head.
"We will never be able to pay you for everything you have done to us, Dear [Y/N]."
Did they forget, that they have already thanked you for being a good reader when they just came to the real world?
________
You were in the middle of working on the project, when Fukuchi hugged you from behind and hugged you. He gave you a squeeze, a quick peck on a cheek and left.
What happened in the last manga chapters? Was it that bad?
_______
You were taking a little rest, when Ranpo burst into the room, holding all his snacks. He put on your lap and quickly peck your nose.
"You deserve every good thing in this world!"
You probably should speak to Ayatsuji later. He shouldn't be affected too much by whatever happened in the manga.
Probably.
_______
It's not like it was unusual for BSD Cast to show you their love, or gave you positive affirmations. But, you can bet your tooth, that today there was another reason.
Otherwise, you can't explain, why Kunikida was trembling, while hugging you right now, while promising to bring the whole world to your feet.
_______
"Only ask, and I will go to the end of the world to make you happy. I will tear your enemies into pieces. I will make the world pay for making you unhappy!" Junchirou looked determined, while hugging you.
"Um... Junchirou, ease your hold, [Y/N] can't breathe!" Naomi was trying to get you away from the bear hug.
______
You were sitting in the living room with everyone.
Your lap was full of Atsushi. He was trembling, while you were petting his head.
"Thank you, thank you for not letting me do another terrible mistake..."
"Okay, that's enough!" Finally snapped you. You won't let anyone from BSD Cast to talk down to themselves. "Can someone, finally, explain what is going on?"
Ayatsuji took his pipe from his mouth.
"Let me start with the chapter 105 of Bungou Stray Dogs..."
. . . (🍷) ֶָ֢ 𔓘 THIGH FUCKING ; a osamu dazai fic. ❞
˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍷 ꒱ . . . accidently deleted my previous account oops. i really want to tag the ones who had reposted and commented on this previously but i remember none, hope you guys find it again tho >~<.
˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍷 ꒱ . . . tw ; jealous!dazai, fem!reader, nsfw, thigh fucking, thigh pinching, uses of terms like "dumb bitch, slut" etc, slight degradation, and those are all i can remember tbh, uni au.
the winds blew by harshly and violently, as if in a hurry to reach their destination. and this hurry of the wind obstructed the path of others as they raced with the clouds to whatever their destination is. lectures had been canceled and everyone was advised to stay in the safety of their dorm walls even though the dorm buildings were right next to the college building.
and this all led you to sigh, what were you doing here when most of the students were in the comforts of their rooms?
you shake your head as the cold breeze hits you, making your skirt sway. you quickly make your way into your classroom with the intent of finding shelter there till the weather calms a bit ; the sight of the very few students who are stuck like you are is nothing more than little flashes due to how fast you are walking and you don't stop, till the familiar door of your classroom is just a few steps distance away from you.
your steps are long and quick as you extend your hand, wrapping it around the round doorknob and twisting it open; you enter the classroom and close the door behind in hurry, shivering a bit.
"well don't you look absolutely breathtaking." mocks a voice as soon as you turn around to face the class and when you tilt your head up to look at its owner who you recognize oh so well, you see dazai sitting on one of the last benches of the row farthest from the door, smirking.
"what did you want from me?" you mutter in confusion, taking quick steps towards him as you don't waste time to reach the point ; surely if dazai wanted to meet you in the classroom after the end of the day even after knowing about the dangerous turn the weather took, it must be important.
"oh come on, why are you in such a rush? let's have a conversation, you and me." dazai proposed though the omnious smile on his face screamed at you to refuse the proposition, turn on your heels and run towards the dorm quarters but it's the way the words rolled off his tongue, all sweetly and seductively that once again, made you bend your conscience and rationality for him.
you nodded, almost sitting on the chair opposite of him when dazai tsked and shook his head.
"not there," dazai's voice rang in your ears as he patted the table behind which he sat,"here."
you nodded, standing infront of him for only a fraction of a second before you sat on the edge of his table, pulling your skirt down with one hand and curiously staring at the boy infront of you whose demeanor changed, the smile disappeared from his face as his eyes turned shaper.
dazai stands up with a sharp sigh leaving his lips and immediately planted his hands on either sides of you on the table, leaning closer to your face as he glares,
"have i been too soft on you that you forgot your place?" he didn't ask you but told. he raised one of his hands to place them on your thigh, caressing the skin before he pinched it making you gasp.
"unless i tell you, you aren't going to open that preety mouth of your's or i swear you won't be able to open your mouth for the next few days with the way i'll fuck it. we don't want that, do we?" he lowly muttered next to your ear, hand going a bit harshly towards your inner thigh which he again began to caress before pinching a very small amount of skin between his index finger and thumb and oh, the way it felt, the pain was a temporary guest as dazai immediately caressed the pinched portion with him thumb.
you could feel the flutter in your pussy and the excitement wrapping around your heart which didn't go unnoticed by dazai, nothing ever does to be honest.
"don't tell me you are enjoying being treated like a slut," dazai smirked, his hand traveling towards the top of your thigh which he squeezed as he looked down at your thighs, the way the skirt was almost teasing him by threatening to ride up to show more of your skin and the way only the plush portion of your thigh was revealed as the rest was covered by knee high socks, god, he felt the arousal building up.
dazai took a step back and plopped down on the chair he previous occupied, pushing your legs a bit to have them directly against him as he poked his inner cheek with his tongue.
"call that fucking guy who can't understand that what i claim as mine is only for me to enjoy" dazai said, his jaw tensed and it finally clicked and oh, the slick pool it left in your panties made you suck in a shaky breath.
you were partnered up with a guy for a project and it just so happens that the guy was a bit touchy -- nothing inappropriate but just the sight of you laughing with him without caring or acknowledging dazai who sat behind you, rubbed dazai off in the wrong way. so to sum it up shortly, dazai is jealous.
oh so jealous over something so small but you suppose you would've had the same reaction if your boyfriend was talking to someone else without as much as glancing at you.
"i am sor--"
a spank to your thighs cuts you off as you gasp, cowering under the glare dazai offered you.
"did i ask you to speak? dumb bitch. can't even follow simple instructions. perhaps i need to show you what happens to girls who can't follow instructions. gonna fuck you so dumb, you won't be able to tell left from right." dazai muttered and stood up, as he began to unbuckle his belt, unzip and unbutton his pants, he once again reminded you to call your project partner by tilting his head in the direction of your phone, which was tightly clutched by your two hands.
you know to never argue with dazai when he is angry and so you obey, knowing that right now, all logic and reasons will go from above his head.
so you shakily unlock your phone and scroll through the contacts, finding the name of your project partner while dazai takes his length out of his boxers, which, along with his pants hangs on his hips .
dazai watches as you put the phone next to your ear, waiting for your project partner to pick up.
"you look so adorable when you are my good girl then why do you act like this? hmm?" dazai once again places his hand on your thigh while he stokes his cock with the other one, his thumb caressed your skin as it teases you by going near your inner thigh but then quickly shifts to its original position.
"why do you insist on getting on my fucking nerves?" dazai raised his eyebrows, the pumping motion of his hands increasing its pace as his anger takes over his brain.
"dazai, let's be civil-"
a smack on your thigh.
then a caress followed by dazai trailing his nails on top of your thigh.
"who gave you the permission to talk?" he muttered, having a smug smirk on his face as he knows you would've normally scoffed but you can't now, your neediness is making you bend upon his will.
you can feel it, the sticky feeling in your panties and dazai could see it too through the short breaths leaving and entering your body.
he lets his finger trail down towards your inner thigh, nail gently tracing the skin up towards your panties while his other hand never stopped its motion until his cock was hard enough, precum dripping from the tip made you feel almost dizzy.
your rationality was overthrown by desire which only wanted one thing ; dazai's dick inside you. a few heavy pants leave your lips and you almost parted your legs, had it not been for your project partner picking up the phone at the exact moment.
"hello? did you need something?" your project partner's confused voice could be heard through the phone and you know dazai heard it or he wouldn't have smirked the way he did.
"talk to him" dazai mouthed, parting your thighs with his hands as he stepped closer to you ; spitting on his dick and rubbing it a bit to have moisture before he made you close the plush part of your thighs with his dick in between, he looked up to see you parting your lips and tilted his head in the direction of your phone which made you realise you haven't replied to your project partner.
"n-no, i just wanted to talk to you."
dazai snickers upon hearing you stutter, slowly thrusting in and out of your thighs; you softly gasp as the tip of his dick just lightly grazes your panties before he almost pulls himself out, only to slam himself in against. your project partner said something but you are too distracted by the way dazai has his eyes closed as he let's out small and deep breaths to care to hear what your project partner has to say.
"talk, doll." dazai commands lowly and you flinch, gulping heavily.
"hey-hey, sorry, what did you say again?" your voice came out nearly as a whimper; dazai pushed your thighs together even more as he sighed in content, dick thrusting in and out while his thumbs caressed your skin.
you plant your free hand on the desk behind you as you arch your back, trying to focus on anything but the sensation of dazai's dick against your inner thighs though your attempt is futile, you close your eyes and tilt your head back, frustrated because you know dazai won't lean near you and plant kisses on your neck, he won't gently graze your throat with his teeth and neither will he nibble on the junction between your shoulder and neck --because this is how dazai punishes.
he drives you almost insane for his touch, making you desperate and pathetic just to feel him trace your arm with a single finger.
"do you want to come to my house for the project?"
"nO!" you yelped as dazai squeezed your thighs tightly and pinched them, he glares at you as a warning and you end up clearing your throat, "i mean no, i can't come. sorry. i have to babysit this whole week."
your pathetic attempt to make an excuse has dazai nearly snickering but he stops himself from doing so ; rather, his thrusts become more quick as he takes in the sight of you, your breasts bounce slightly due to him and you dig your teeth on your bottom lip, trying not to whine for his touch.
"i didn't know you babysat." dazai muttered in your ear to tease you, making sure to speak closely to the phone so your project partner could pick up on his hushed voice too.
"umm, are you with someone? i can hear another voice with you." your project partner's voice forced you to pay attention to him, you were about to deny his assumption but dazai wasn't having any of it, the man refused to.
so one of his hands came up to caress the space below your breasts, you almost shuddered at the much needed contact of his hands with your body, before dazai groped one of your breasts and harshly began to squeeze it.
you weren't sure how you were going to cover up the breathless gasp that escaped the cage of your lips but you didn't care, too high up in the pleasurable sensation which came with every squeeze.
dazai grunts, now moving your thighs along with his thrusts to induce even more friction on his dick and when he twitches before cumming, he tightly squeezes your thighs around his dick.
you whimper lightly as you feel his fluids on your thigh and inside them, the sticky fluid makes you shiver and dazai too for he hadn't seen a more erotic sight then this, seeing you pant as you sit all prettily with his cum covering your thighs, god, if he wasn't trying to punish you, he would've made you scream his name.
and you didn't bother answering your project partner who called your name, biting your lip as you watched dazai cleaning himself with a tissue before wearing his pants again.
he leans down to place a kiss at the corner of your lips, staying still as he whispers against your skin, "put the phone on speaker and let that bastard hear how good I make you feel with just my thigh. Ride my thigh, my love."
━━━━━━━ 💋 end.