[insp]

utterly obsessed with werewolf by night 😳

Mar's BBC vs Book Canon Musketeers Assession: a Short Yet Comprehensive Guide

(read under the cut!)

bbc d'Artagnan: baby. has not done anything wrong in his life ever, actual angel, just very stupid.

vs

book d'Artagnan: has the power of god and anime on his side, most annoying little bitch you'll ever meet, broke, has a stupid horse, perpetually single.

*

bbc Athos: depressed older brother figure that's not-so-secretly very soft and loving of his found family and would die to protect them, also still horny for one Milady de Winter. Carries the communal garrison braincell.

vs

book Athos: drunk misogynist who yearns for death and whose only reason to live is his son Raoul. All his braincells have committed self-murder.

*

bbc Porthos: feisty ray of sunshine who has never had a single evil thought in that silly head of his, actually quite clever, complicated and emotional, deserves the world.

vs

book Porthos: vainest person you'll ever meet, doesn't know when to shut up, sugar baby who cares only about himself (and maybe Aramis), has not had a single intelligent thought in his entire existence.

*

bbc Aramis: cinnamon roll, golden retriever, actually quite clever, troublemaker who can't keep it in his pants, lovable self-sacrificial idiot who would get himself killed in a heartbeat to save his loved ones, brightest smile in all of Paris. Invented bisexuality.

vs

book Aramis: mean, edgy, probably secretly a vampire, would sell you to satan for one (1) corn chip, one bad day away from going on a murder spree. Also invented bisexuality.

*

bbc Treville: exasperated dad.

vs

book Treville: extremely exasperated dad.

*

bbc Cardinal: genius evil mastermind played by Peter Capaldi.

vs

book Cardinal: genius evil mastermind sadly not played by Peter Capaldi.

*

bbc Rochefort: worst person you'll ever fucking meet, arguably the only downgrade in the show.

vs

book Rochefort: sneaky lil bastard that's also the bestieTM, we stan.

*

bbc Constance: feminist icon, beautiful queen I'd kill and die for, gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

vs

book Constance: she's just there and then she dies ig.

*

bbc Milady: my cunning evil murderwife, would die for her, deserves the world.

vs

book Milady: actually I believe Athos should have strangled her with his own hands, fuck her.

*

bbc Bonacieux: evil greasy little man, fuck him.

vs

book Bonacieux: he's just... kinda... there I guess? Idk man Dumas looked at the Bonacieuxs and went "nah".

*

bbc Louis: annoying little shit but he's kinda cute and nice sometimes

vs

book Louis: manchild, just There ig.

*

bbc Anne: radiant angel who has done nothing wrong in her life ever and she's also perfection itself.

vs

book Anne: literal drama queen.

*

BONUS ROUND- GRIMAUD

bbc Grimaud: hot evil emo dude, idk what his problem was tho

vs

book Grimaud: actually he just doesn't get paid enough for this shit so if he wanted to murder Athos like in the show I'd understand that lmao

"undoing this character's death would take away his sacrifice and character arc" girl I don't give a shit. I'm bringing him back through the power of ao3 fix-it fics and there's nothing you can do to stop me x

I have never had a normal thought since I realised Aragorn/Estel would have been around 10 years old — more like 7/8 considering his heritage — when Thorin's Company passes through Rivendell, so here are some brainrot headcanons (continued under the cut):

Estel is obsessed with Thorin. Just completely obsessed. Follows him around everywhere like a cat, begs him to play with him, offers to run errands for him. Literally every elf in Rivendell is completely stunned at the behaviour because Estel is, normally, a card-carrying ankle-biter.

The Dwarves, on the other hand, are shocked by the fact that by a few days into the visit, Thorin seems to like Estel too. Gloin would have sworn that he expected Thorin to throw the child off the banisters the minute he made him hold his pet python. Thorin didn't just hold said snake, but played with him, let him do little odd jobs, even letting him sit up with him at the dining halls. On two evenings, he even takes Estel out with a wooden sword, to show him how to "fight like a Dwarf lord". All the Dwarves are just as shook as the elves, minus Kili and Fili, who knew Thorin as Uncle Thorin and are completely unsurprised that he is so wonderful with little Estel.

Lindir and Elrond find a content python snoozing in Elrond's study. Lindir and Elrond are both utterly and irrationally terrified of snakes. After much screaming and climbing on sofas, every member of staff swears Estel had been in his mother's quarters all day. Nobody thinks to mention that they saw Bilbo and Thorin hanging about outside the study, because what relevance could that possibly have?

When the company left Rivendell, Estel was understandably quite unhappy because he'd miss them, also they were going to see a dragon, and he begged to go with them. Thorin does what most parents do before going on a trip, and promises to bring him a present from the dragon's lair when they returned.

Bilbo returns without Thorin, but with the promised present for Estel. He visits the boy in his quarters and they hold each other and share their grief. Bilbo then shows him the present. He explains how Thorin wanted to give him something more substantial than a golden cup scraped off the floor of a dragon's lair — he had told Bilbo, the night before the battle, to give the boy Thorin's own solid gold wristband.

On the same return trip, Elrond expressed his condolences over Thorin's death, and enquired if there were other casualties. When he finds out that Kili and Fili had also died in the battle, a strange, terrible expression twisted across his face and he said, almost reflexively, both? both together? good. that's good. The remaining Dwarves and Bilbo were all stunned, thinking it was Elvish apathy at best, and deliberate disrespect at worst. After all, they had no reason to know that Elrond, like his immortal brethren, found it somewhat difficult to gauge the ages of mortal beings — and had thought the two late brothers were twins.

Decades later on the night before the Fellowship were set to depart, the elderly Bilbo Baggins found it hard to sleep from worry, and wandered onto the balcony, and saw a lone man practicing sword moves in the courtyard. He realises both man and combat style seem faintly familiar, like the heavy striding and swinging and slashing are the steps to an old dance he once used to know, which now lives in a deep, forgotten place within him, under layers of unravelling memories. He can't quite put his finger on it. But there is a strange comfort in the sight, so soothing Bilbo's eyes start to close, falling asleep curled up right there on the balcony. He slips off into a wonderful old dream, lulled by the rhythm of fallen leaves crunching in the courtyard — where Aragorn "fights like a dwarf", solid gold wristband twinkling under the light of the stars.

cr FLY詹

anok yai as akasha from queen of the damned for halloween, 2023.

River Harkness brought up in the cold, grows into a man in the darkness of a cellar with only a candle for warmth, where pain is a lesson and a gift and scars replace mothers kisses on injuries. River Harkness sent to be a double agent, to keep an eye on the man who could ruin everything, to become that mans son so that he loves him too much to suspect the truth of why Isobel keeps River throughout the year. River Harkness is sent as a little boy and knows this may be a man he one day has to shoot, to murder but he's a little boy and his Grandmother presses a kiss to his knee when he hurts it and his Grandfather teaches him by the fire. River Cartwright becomes comfortable and familiar and someone he likes being and someone who doesn't want to kill the people he loves. Someone who unquestionably loves both of his families.

Then on a walk one day Jonathan Cartwright asks his grandson to shoot him if he ever gets too old, too sick and where River Cartwright struggles and wrestles with it River Harkness can make both of his fathers proud when that day comes.

River Harkness who has been brought up on preventative measures, on the ideology of stopping things before they get bad and putting rabid dogs down before they can do harm. River Cartwright who was brought up on garden picnics and fireside wisdom and compassion but both are sons of their fathers and both are unquestionably loyal.

River Harkness points the gun and River Cartwright pulls the trigger.

Du Lac de Lioncourt fam I miss you

(Prints available check desc.)

somebody get this man a duolingo account ASAP