My Dad Just Came In My Room To Ask If I Had Read All The Comics I Bought Last Time We Went Shopping,

it gets to the point where reporters start asking the rest of the batfam about it cuz they can’t get a straight answer.

they forgot the batfam is a bunch of assholes.

dick: they were born of the same laugh, but cass had to live in the winter woods

jason: they swapped bodies too often and started resembling each other

stephanie: they’re biologically twins, they just have different parents

damian: drake got surgery to look more like cain. he was even more disgusting before.

duke: they’re from the shining, swear on my life

bruce: of course they’re twins. it’s just that cassandra was born earlier.

so my siblings look like twins (they are not) and once again my bullshit brain was like hmmmm batfam. So here. Have some Cass and Tim twin content. Featuring my siblings’ and I’s answers to:

”are you twins?”

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Tim: we used to be.

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Cass: Legally? No. Biologically? No. Genetically? Also no.

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Tim: you can see her too?

Cass: *fucking disappears*

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Tim: we are, but we were separated at birth so she’s older now.

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Cass: That’s a long story. So here it is! It all started in the summer of 1783…..

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Tim: well, not until after the accident.

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Cass: After the witch got us, no.

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Tim: She’s actually a failed clone experiment. Or was that me? -

Cass: he’s actually adopted but we are biological twins.

- Tim: yes but we have separate fathers. - Cass: *Ditto from Pokémon sounds* - Tim: Well you see I was an only child for 15 years but around 1444 I was standing in the swamp, covered in frogs, but these frogs had human eyes. They also had human feet but that’s not relevant to the story— that’s when the biggest, Jeramiah, started to speak… - Cass: father actually summoned us from hell so we’re not related in any way except that we both possessed the same body for a while until Tim got a separate one. - Tim: I had one but she died five years ago this very day. She died in a tragic bathroom accident. Fell in the toilet.

Damian Wayne gets caught by the press while sneaking away and hanging out in civilian clothing with Red Hood and Bruce finding out they know each other isn’t even his biggest problem. his biggest problem is that the interviewer asked what his connection is to the crime lord and why they have on camera the guy calling Damian ‘habibi’, and, panicking about whether or not Bruce seeing this interview could leak Jason’s identity, to throw him off the trail Damian said that Red Hood is his parent.

Interviewer: wait. but… i thought that Bruce Wayne was your biological father?

Damian, panicking even more because both Jason and Bruce would kill him if people thought that Brucie Wayne was the Red Hood’s identity: what, don’t you support trans people? Hood was my mother.

Jason only finds out what Damian did when after a week of confusedly nodding at the trans pride pins people kept wearing and pointing out to him on the street, and Damian refusing to look him in the eye, Nightwing shows up during patrol crying laughing about how Bruce Wayne got asked during a gala about his secret affair with a crime lord and held his champagne glass so tightly it exploded in his hands.

Bruce, on the other hand, got sent the interview clip by Tim halfway through breakfast, whereupon hearing the audio start Damian climbed out the nearest window to get away. after a slightly paranoid text to Talia about whether or not she was in Gotham wearing a face covering helmet every night, be proceeds to freak the fuck out. he has no idea who the Red Hood is, or how Damian knows him. He also has no clue that Red Hood knows HIS identity, and fully plans on showing up to Wayne events in the helmet to antagonise Bruce by stealing food and demanding they talk about the ‘custody arrangements’ of their son. all he knows is that Damian broke a window in his haste to Not Explain Anything, and that Dick and Tim are wheezing hysterically on the other side of the house.

posted a new fic in my ‘between good and bad’ series!! its about 7000 words and takes place three months after the final chapter of ‘between real and fake’.

rated teen and up for swearing

Long ahh summary:

“No.” Tony sighed but didn’t relent. It wasn’t safe for Peter to skip meals, not only due to his metabolism but also his already minimized diet. “Yes. It must hurt to be running on practically nothing all day.” “No!” Peter shouted, immediately halting all conversation. Everyone stared at the duo, which definitely wouldn’t help Peter’s eating. “You need to eat something. At least eat your watermelon and some pretzels.” Peter picked up the watermelon slice, and Tony almost thought he somehow won the conversation, but Peter chucked it at the man’s forehead. “Fuck you.” The collective gasp could probably be heard all the way up in Maine.

---

OR: Peter isn't adjusting well to some aspects of his new life. Namely eating consistently. He lashes out. (You will not understand this fic without reading the parent fic of this series.)

the scene in endgame where steve and bucky hug before steve leaves kills me every time because. bucky knew steve wasnt coming back. when he said goodbye, that wasnt a “see you later” it was a “youre leaving and i hope you get everything youve ever wanted even if its without me”

I’m really normal about him already.

y'all Northern folks found out a very simplified version of "bless your heart" and then stomped like... everything else into the ground. honestly i get very tired of people's assumptions about the south. most of it is rooted in classism and ignorance that just gets annoying really quick. every time i have to sit through "haha southern accent funny" in media (different when it's with friends and we're riffing with each other) i feel another part of me die

absolute superman is easily the most attractive superman

imagine duke going to school with damian and damian telling everyone about his little brother.

a friend: aw my little brother is learning to multiply and he hates it. whats your brother doing in school?

damian: ap calculus

friend:

damian:

damian: he’s advanced

Headcanon that Damian calls Duke his little brother (like Fransika von Karma does with Miles Edgeworth) because he joined the family later. Also because he just hates being the "baby" of the family.

So he's like "Yeah, I'm hanging out with my younger brother Duke later today." to like Maps or Maya. And their like "Oh, I haven't met him before. But that checks out."

And then Duke comes in and he's just a bit younger than Tim and Steph while Maya/Maps was expecting a 4-10 year old.

Idk I think it's funny lol.