She/They | 20s | Here to stalk my friend's blogs mostlyProfile Pic ID: Kylo Ren walking on a light pink background
249 posts
Latest Posts by nightwitchlurker - Page 2
I hate checking out a piece of media your mutuals love dearly and just being unmoved. Unimpressed. Like I’m getting a bad grade in mutual a thing that is normal to fear and possible to achieve
I love when people Kudos my fic, because that means I get to stalk their AO3 profile and steal their bookmarks to read later >:]
me, last week: my favorite holiday is coming up :3c mom: ? easter? st patrick's day? me: no no, it's not a holiday as in 'you get time off work' me: me: unless you and your coworkers all do something really funny
About to tell the wife about what I'm up to tomorrow, wish me luck!
maomao is so fucking funny like almost every inner dialogue she has about jinshi is "this man is for the BISEXUALS and he is a SLUT"
Maomao: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Court lady: This just says, "Maomao can do what she wants" with master Jinshi signature.
The senate has the chance to do the funniest thing this Ides of March
@staff
Ok now we have a booping feature I propose to tumblr next ides of March we have a stabbing counter and the person with the most stabs gets crowned Caesar and the blog with the most stabbings gets crowned Brutus
Reblog this to place a small flower in the hair of prev, and that you're very proud of them
“can mutuals dm you?” my mutuals can fire me from a cannon through a brick wall, looney tunes style. as long as we’re all having fun
im always suuuuper chill when i see that service unavailable page
“Back in the eighties dungeons were becoming a thing in New York. Guys would pay a lot of money to come there and have some dominatrix tell them what to do. I was making leather pencil skirts for a lot of the doms, with holes in the back so that guys could kiss their ass. One day I was fitting a dom named Asia, and I told her: ‘I bet I could make more money than you without wearing stuff like this.’ She bet me I couldn’t. It was all a big goof. But then I started really thinking about it. Asia was making $150 a session, and that was real money. So I did the same thing I always do when I get an idea. I just ran an ad in the back of the Village Voice. Most of these girls were advertising how young they were. So I used the word ‘mature.’ And I figured out how to write ‘Jewish Guys Welcome’ in Yiddish, and I put that at the bottom. It was some of the easiest money I ever made. I never let them touch me. All I had to do was be a bossy black woman. And I could do that easy because my mother had been such a bitch. I’d pretend to be a school teacher, or a nanny. It was the dumbest shit. I just kept inventing crazy scenarios. And the crazier the scenario, the more money I made. One time I heard about a dom on the Upper East Side who charged $3,000 a week to kidnap a guy and lock him in her basement. I didn’t have a basement, but I knew a limo driver named Dean who liked to hustle like me. So every time I got a call from a new client, I’d say: ‘You want to be kidnapped, don’t you?’ And he’d start stuttering like: ‘Duh, duh, duh, duh.’ And I’d say: ‘Listen to me closely. Stand on the corner of 5th and 18th tomorrow at 3 pm. Don’t be late.’ Then I’d call Dean and tell him the plan. It was always easy to spot the guy. He’d be the one checking his watch and looking scared as shit. So we’d roll up in the limo, grab him by the collar, and pull him inside. Then I’d lock the doors and start telling him what to do. Everything went down in the back of the limo. Dean just rolled up the partition and kept his eyes on the road. At the end I’d give him $100, because I was getting $250 for that.”
-Happy 81st birthday to Stephanie 'Tanqueray' Johnson. If you see her wheeling around Chelsea today wish her a happy birthday, and there is a nonzero chance she will give you a glow-in-the-dark dildo eraser. -Humans of New York
Hiding government and public services to reduce how much they're used and "prove" that they're unneeded is a tried and true Republican technique. It's not a conspiracy, these things are deliberately made difficult to access to discourage people from using them because "more use = more funding" and "less use = less funding" is how public service funding is generally decided.
Musk outright lying about "deleting" a whole IRS program for low income tax filing is just a progression of common Republican tactics. Don't fall for it.
Spin this wheel and tell me if you got something you need/want.
me when i reach out first: ewww they hate me im annoying i should leave them alone
when people reach out to me first: YAYY THEY REMEBER I EXIST I AM KNOWN AND I AM LOVED
i don't respect americans and what they refer to as chicken sandwiches because when i was working at my old job as a barista slash sandwich bitch (australian) i had this american tourist come in and order a chicken sandwich so i started MAKING. her. a chicken sandwich. asked her what kind of bread she wanted and she looked at me funny. i said We have sourdough, rye, multigrain, wholemeal, plain white bread. she said I Want A Chicken Sandwich. i, roughly 19 years old at the time and not getting paid enough to deal with rude americans, realised we were at some sort of stalemate, although i didn't really know why. i change tacks for a second and say Okay. Well would you like chicken schnitzel or would you like plain roast chicken. and she says. Are You Listening To Me? I Said I Wanted A Chicken Sandwich. i am smiling at her from behind the counter and gripping a large knife. "i'm trying to make one for you, i promise. i just need to know what kind of bread and what kind of chicken and also what other fillings you want". or at least i say something LIKE that. secretly at this point i'm hoping that she outright yells at me so i can have an excuse to go stand in the walk in freezer for a few minutes. eventually we figure out that her idea of a chicken sandwich and my idea of a chicken sandwich are not the same, and i have to explain to her that we don't have burger buns here and we also don't have fried chicken. she says fine, but she says it in a tone that indicates that she cannot believe this is happening to her and that it is, singularly, my fault. i give her a bunch of options for food we DO sell and she ends up ordering something With Ketchup. i smile at her and i say "oh you mean Tomato Sauce". i was antagonizing her just a little bit at this point. a tiny bit. because she deserved it. she looks me in the face and says, Americanly (smugly) something about my attitude and how she won't be tipping. i gleefully tell her "we don't have tipping here." and then i secretly charged her two extra dollars for being an awful person. and that's my story about americans and chicken sandwiches. okay love you.
Is there snow on the ground where you are right now?
Fiyero: If you want Elphaba that badly, you have to fight for her. Step up your game, Glinda. Break out the the L-word. Glinda: Lesbian? Fiyero: The other L-word. Glinda: Lesbians?
"why do I feel so terrible?"
-person who forgot to take their not-feeling-terrible medication
fuck it, reblog to give the person you rb'ed this from a freshly baked buttery croissant.
*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).
*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).
reblog to give a plushie to the person you reblogged this from
Elphaba: We’re a team now, right? Ride or die? Glinda: Sure, I would totally ride you. Elphaba: What? Glinda: What? Fiyero, loudly: She said she’d ride you.
Groundhog Day is a holiday in US and Canada (February 2nd). It comes from a superstition in which if a groundhog emerges from its burrow and sees its own shadow, it means that there will be six more weeks of winter; if it does not see its own shadow, spring will come early. The most widely recognized "official groundhog" is Punxsutawney Phil, who lives in Punxsutawney, PA (USA) with his wife, Phyllis, and two children. (Yes, the groundhog is married.)
This year, Phil predicted ❄️ more winter! ❄️
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We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.
dear mother and father, i hate this school. i want to go home. the most popular girl in school and the smart green girl have a really intense homoerotic rivalry and they keep roping all of us into their musical numbers. please. i was not made for dancing. i really just wanted to study history
kitten I’ll be honest the finality of everything in this world haunts daddy like a second shadow