We Are Very Good At Protesting Indeed. And I Really Hope The Next 4 Years Arent Gonna Lead To More....

Fire In These Hills

“Why are you like this ?”

I turn towards the voice.

“I don’t know. I never knew.” I sigh. “I guess I was always this way.” I hear them hum.

“But why ?”

I don’t know how to answer. Why am I the way I am ? That’s the question of my life. I’m insecure, I never know what I want, I don’t really understand other people. Yeah. I’m weird. And the worse ? I know that. And I know that people look at me weirdly because of it. But here I am. Still here, after 20 years of this.

“I don’t know.”

There’s no one with me. I know I’m imagining this voice. I know I’m trying to cope with everything going on in my life. I had to change everything. My friends. Where I live. How I live. So, I don’t have time to ask myself why. And yet, here we are. I’m imagining a voice to answer that very question. Right now, I just want to go back home, and let myself not think. Let myself be myself. But I can’t. I’m stuck here, and I’m sick. I can feel my body temperature rise. And I just want to go home…

“You must have a reason ?”

I sigh again. Do I ? Do I need a reason to be myself ? To be weird ? I don’t think so. But if I need to find one ? Well, I would say that it all came from my childhood. The way my parents treated me. Telling me they treated my brother and I the same way. What kind of bullshit is this ? Some big ones. They never treated us the same. Every time he’s sick, or hurt, or doesn’t like to do something ? Well, let strong and younger brother do the work, right ? Yeah well that only works for some time, before crumbling down.

“I told you. I don’t know.”

And that is true. I was always kind of like this. I could blame the ADHD, the autism. But in reality, I know it must actually be the anxiety.

“Are you sure ?”

I close my eyes. I know a part of it.

“I… I miss them. They’re not gone, but gone at the same time. They… They take so much out of me. I don’t know why, but they sometimes make me feel like I’m not worth it. That, maybe I’m not enough. Or maybe I’m too much. I put so much efforts. I put so much effort in everything. They know it. I feel so powerfully. And yet I am let yearning for scratch. Am I not worth a bit of effort ? Is our friendship this easily forgotten ?”

I start to feel my eyes water. There’s a fire in my soul now.

“Would you like more ?”

Would I like more ? I want more ! I need more ! I’m not just a kid who’s insecure now, I’m a young adult, constructing myself. I need my best friend around. Even if it’s just a few messages here and there. But I have to yearn for scratch. And I feel like I’m going to have enough of scratch.

“Of course I’d like more. I’d love more. I need more. But how could I be so selfish, right ?”

“I know.”

“I’m so tired. Can I please come home ?”

This feeling. I’m exhausted. But kind of in the good way. I am shaking like a leaf. Home. My home is the people I love. I feel at home with them.

“If you can. If they will let you.”

It’s true. I could come home to my friend. If they let me one day. If they open the door once more. I keep a sob. I won’t cry for something that might be nothing. I’m shaking so much. I can’t feel the world. I need my home. I need my friends. I know myself. I don’t trust myself.

But after everything you’re here with me still. Or at least I hope you’re still with me. I feel like I don’t know you anymore. I feel like we’re growing farther apart, when you were once my rock. I feel like I’m not strong enough to just suck it up as usual. I need you. I need my friend. I need my best friend.

“So why do I feel like they’ve abandoned me ?”

“I cannot tell you.”

Right. ‘cause that’s just the little voice in my head making me go through my emotions. I take a deep breath, still shaking. My body is so full of emotions. I can’t handle them. I don’t know how to handle them. That’s why I need my friends. That’s why it hurts so deeply.

I feel like I might wreck this home. Do I really want to let go of all those years ? Fuck no. Am I ready to wreck this home ? Fuck no. Will I have to ? Maybe. And that’s what hurts the most !

“I really just want to come home. I really just want to go home. But right now, I don’t know where home is.”

“You’ll find home where you need it.”

I know that. But I don’t want to. I want the comfort of my home. I want the comfort that my friend still wants to talk to me. I want the comfort I felt younger. I want the innocence of those quiet moments. I want to feel that again. Is that to much to ask for ? Am I really worth all that ? Everyone tells me that, yes I do. But am I strong enough to believe them ?

“I don’t think that I’m strong enough.”

“You’ll find the strength to face it. You’ve faced much more.”

Maybe. But maybe that’s my limit. Is it ? I don’t even know if I hope it is. I just want to come home. I think I’ve lost the will.

Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat

I'm in class. Yes, again. I swear I listen (proof : i'm talking about it)

We just listened to Churchill's speech "Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat". Duuuuude ! He sound so much like Palpatine. I know it's not. But between the poor quality of the recording, and the accent -which was definetly intentional by George Lucas-, he sounds so much like him.

But yeah, that's all. I found that Churchill sounded like Palpatine ^^'

favorite word?

Hi, um... I'm a historian, but I hate antique history, but I love the word Peloponnese...

Currently watching a movie in ice room ? (The really nice one with dolby 7.1 and lights on the sides, and very comfy sittings, and I don't know the equivalent anywhere else than in France)

We are 2 in the room. Like, yeah, ok, it's late on a Sunday, and in English, but still! Until like 5 minutes ago, I thought I would be the only one in the room.....

I have my cat and my blanket (god it's really starting to be long... It's like my torso long!!)

Btw, of course my cat is purring. I love her.

Tumblr, I swear I'd put my cat purrs on here if I could, but I cannot record 😭

I started a cat blanket yesterday.... Already done 15 rows .... The hyperfocus is strong within me....

Just don't look at the back for the moment 😅

So.... We have a lot of wind. I am currently in class and we're looking at pictures on the projector... THE WIND IS MAKING THE WALL VIBRATE AND WE CAN SEE IT WITH THE PROJECTOR !

this is fine. This is totally fine. The sound isn't terrifying at all.

Batman Ninja : Let's talk about it

Oh man, I really need to write that rent. -just to say, i just finished watching it, it is currently 11:50pm, i am very tired. BUT !

I have issues with that movie.

First of all, what the fuck ???? What is this Feodal Japan ????

Ok, now that this history inacurracy is out, let me focus on the rest.

Why do they all sound so bland, except Joker and Harley Quinn (who laugh all the time, they should not me counted). Like ? Wtf ??? Batman voice has no depth, Red Robin is -in my opinion- to high, wtf is going on with Robin voice ??? The only ones that fit -still in my opinion, this all post is my opinion, but read 'till the end- are, as I said Joker, Harley Quinn, Nightwing and Red Hood. The rest ? Bland.

Next on the list : what did they do to Damian ?????? WHY IS HE LAUGHING LIKE THIS ??? WHERE DID THEY PUT HIM ?? He is the son of Batman -Bruce Wayne ! The dude who has so many issues with emotions !-, the grandson of Ra's Al Ghul -The Demon's Head, leader of the LoA !!-. Why. Is. He. Laughing. Like. An. Idiot. Everytime. We. See. Him ?? Like, ok, they put the fact that he likes animals, that fine, but the rest ? Sorry, but that's not Damian. We have a new Robin, and his identity is a true mistery to me.

Anyway : Mechas ??? REALLY ??? Yeah, JAPAN, we got it. -honnestly, it was kinda fun, but.... yeah, not for a Batman movie for me....

I have to think now, so it's becoming lesser problems. Maybe unpopular opinion, but the animation style isn't really my cup of tea... But I'm very picky about that so yeah...

Oh yeah ! Poison Ivy. In nearly all recent comics -that I read !-, she isn't really a villain. Yeah, she's no hero either. But a super villain who associates with Joker ? Yeah, not really. They could've taken Scarecrow though.

I think that's about all for the rent, Imma give my full opinion on the movie. It was honnestly pretty good, not rewatch material, but pretty good. Probably because I was really tired, but I enjoyed it. The moment with the monkey army ? put down my glasses and laughed. It's pretty fun, has a good message -Batman is so much more than his gadget and his technology damn it !-, so if you're a Batman fan ? Maybe give it a go. We have nearly the whole Batfamily, a thing you don't really find elsewhere (dcamu, my beloved, why do you not have Tim, Jason, Steph, Cass, Duke, AND IM FORGETTING SO MANY MORE !)

So yeah, maybe give it a go. And just so you know, there is a 2. I will watch it, probably tomorrow (maybe today, depending on when I'm actually posting this, probably in class tomorrow morining), and I'll probably give my opinion once again :)

So.... I'm an Imagine Dragons fan (you have no idea how much I think x) )

I live in France, we have 3 concert dates.

I hate the stade de France site. Like, I had to wait so long, but ok, it's queue, I get it. But ! annoncing that a certain type of ticket is available, when it's not !, and then not letting me have anything, 'cause everything's apparently taken even when marked available ? That's just terrible.

Aaaaand, to add to that, THERE ARE ALREADY TICKET RESALES !!! The presale opened at 10am here, which is like, an hour and 20 min before I started writing this.

I get that many people want tickets, but for fuck sake, please don't buy tickets just to resale them TWICE THE PRICE !!!!

(one great thing is that everything informatic is in English with me..)

so yeah.... please, let people simply enjoy the concert, and LET THEM BUY THE TICKETS, without resaling. Everytime I see someting like that I lose a bit more faith in humanity....

I am terrified tonight.

Tonight, March 5th, my president talk to France. God, I am terrified.

What is going on in the world ? Between Russia, the US and now Europe ? Fuck, I am european. It terrifies me. He's talking about creating a european army, to 'defend'. But fucking hell ! you can just see he wants to go to war, so he can stay president longer !

I'm going to put what he said -cause I found it-, and put the translation for the non-french speakers : "C’est notre sécurité qui est menacée. Si un pays peut envahir un autre en Europe, c’est la paix qui est menacée" -It is our security that is threatened. If one country can invade another in Europe, peace is threatened- Yay, national security, how nice ! You're going to cost us. Even if he says that it wont, it will.

"La menace russe est là, et touche les pays d’Europe. La Russie a fait du conflit ukrainien un conflit mondial" -The Russian threat is there, and affects the countries of Europe. Russia has made the Ukrainian conflict a global conflict- New world war ? Welp, I'm studying history. Never really intended to live what I'm studying...

"Qui peut croire que la Russie d’aujourd’hui s’arrêtera à l’Ukraine ?" -Who can believe that today's Russia will stop at Ukraine?- They won't. Unfortunately, in my opinion, unless Putin dies -and even then, nothing is sure-, they will continue. They will be world war soon.

"Nous restons attachés à l'Otan, et à notre partenariat avec les États-Unis. Mais l'avenir de l'Europe n'a pas à être tranché à Washington et à Moscou." -We remain committed to NATO, and to our partnership with the United States. But the future of Europe does not have to be decided in Washington and Moscow.- This is probably the thing I agree the most : peace shall not be made outside Europe. It is not a matter from the US to decide who's right and who's wrong. It is not to the US to decide who wins or not. But, arms race is not the answer either. Unfortunately, it seems we do no longer have a choice.

And you know what's even more terrifying ? My brother. He listen, arrived arround half the speech, and then tried to tell us that it was not so bad. That the world wasn't changing a super speed. That, no, our president wasn't trying, in subtext, to invite more people to join the army. He does not believe war can start that fast -we told him he could'nt wait 'till he finished his masters degree at the speed the world is moving, he doesn't want to believe us.

I am shaking, 45 minutes after the speech begun. I am terrified. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I am simply terrified. I would love this text to be one of my dystopian creation. Unfortunately, it is the world today. And fuck, I don't want to be in that world.

The Order : Let's Talk about it !

Oh dear.... Let just say, this movie wasn't fun. But I like it anyway !

Ok, first : how and why did I watch it ? Saw the trailer a lot while watching Invincible on Prime (yeah yeah, I know, Amazon sucks, but I love watching movies and series, and my usual streaming is down soooo)

Now, let's get deeper. The movie is really, really great (I mean, with a main actor like Jude Law, it has promises). It talks about Nazis in the US in the 80s. DUDE HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING ???

Ok I'm not gonna spoil, but the first time we saw a swastika (had to go and see how it was written), it made me so uncomfortable. Like, really. The movie is from 2024, so before everything that happened early 2025, but. Spot on. Truely.

Scenario wise, really nice (i mean, it is based on real life events, soooooo), the acting is real good (Jude Law, again, but everyone else ! Dude the acting was so good !). The emotions are there when you need them. God I don't even have the words !

But to be honnest, it is a pretty heavy movie, so, maybe don't watch it before bed like the idiot I am...