With Everything That Has Happened To You, You Can Either Feel Sorry For Yourself Or Treat What Has Happened

I've got two facts. First, an adult raccoon can fit into a hole 6 inches across.

Second, the human anus can stretch up to 9 inches across.

TLDR: Adult raccoons can fit in human anuses.

Hey gaud, Tell me a fact that'll haunt me for the rest of my days

Female hyenas mate & give birth through a 7-inch pseudopenis 

The funny thing is that it isn't always trucks

do non americans know that sometimes you’ll just see lifelike human testicles hanging off the back of peoples trucks

My favorite is people who send me unsolicited dick pics and then they’re like, “uh, hi? Are you ignoring me?”

It’s just so funny to me. Like one minute I’m designing bioreactors and getting published for heat dissipation in polymers and then I open this godforsaken app to dudes hanging brain who can’t even pronounce “saponification” calling me a slut because I won’t give attention to their limp excuses for existence.

3 billion years of evolution and the greatest form of communication you can conjure up in your fermented omelet of a conscience is submitting your wrinkly ball sac to a stranger on the Internet to substitute the attention your parents never gave their mistake of an offspring.

“I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill.”

— Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls

Welcome to the space age, ladies and gentlemen

Oof. Sorry man, I quit this job like thirty seconds ago.

corporate is telling me that I have to kiss you on the cheek and also go to the movies with you 

I attach it to my ass. Whatever happens, happens

Roleplay!

*you find a wooden mask buried in the woods*

Moss Graffiti: A How To Guide