Latest Posts by painted-daisy-l0l - Page 7

Obi-Wan wanders off in the middle of important meetings cause someone comes in with a baby. Can he hold the baby? Why is it so small? Can he give it lil kisses on it’s dumb head? Can he bless it like a fairy of old??? Can he keep the baby?? Can he at least show it to Anakin?

Master Poof has banned infants from important meetings because it distracts Kenobi, Tyvokka, AND Mace and occasionally Yoda and Yaddle if they’re old enough to yammer at people.

Babies only allowed in the council chambers and meeting rooms if they’re needed for that meeting, thank you.

The Taken

This story was written in response to this post. I hope you enjoy :)

Nihijb had always been scared and alone. But nothing quite scared her as much as the rumours whispered in passing every now and again. It’d started to be more frequent lately.

Humans. Deathworlders. Sentient life from the most dangerous, least habitable corner of the galaxy. Beings that liked to take the ones who no one kept an eye one. The outcasts and lonely were abducted by them. Every time one of them saw someone they could take without a protective being willing to take them on for this person’s sake, they would do just that.

People were not sure what happened to the Taken. They did not return to talk about it, and everyone only whispered about it - but everyone knew it was happening. No matter the planet, no matter the race, no one without strong backing was safe.

Nihijb was not safe either. She was right there, the perfect victim. That was why she was listening more closely to the speculations.

The Taken were probably forced to work for the humans. They might become test subjects or food - though humans apparently had officially claimed they would not condone such behaviour from anyone, that they would start a war to end that kind of thing.

Many suspected that the Taken were trained. Made into soldiers. A gigantic, brainwashed, interspecial army ready at the fingertips of those humans. But the human ambassadors emphasised that there was no army.

Nihijb shuddered at the thought that she might end up like that. That was the worst thing other children had taunted her with: That they hoped she would be taken and vanish as part of that gruesome mystery forever.

It was cold the night it happened. Cold and dark. Darker, actually, than her home planet with its midnight sun usually was. The clouds must have been rather thick.

The human was hurrying by the ally Nihijb was sitting in, her breath held anxiously to try and go unnoticed. The human, tall and clothed in a garment Nihijb recognised as a dress fluttering in the nightly winds, froze regardless. And as she could feel both her hearts to speed up in terror, she wondered whether this human’s ears were keen enough to hear it. She had heard they had creepily keen senses.

The human approached slowly, strangely enough keeping a polite, reassuring distance from the terrified Ne’av. They even sat down in a way Nihijb was sure they could not stand up from quickly.

Or maybe they just knew it looked like that and they were trying to lower her guard. Might be that, too.

The human flashed their teeth, and Nihijb nearly fainted. Before she could stutter out an apology for whatever offence she could have committed, they spoke with their strange, flown voice that sounded like the whispers of the winds: “Hi there, little one. What are you doing here all alone? Do you need help finding home?”

Nihijb had heard a rumor that humans could hear when one lied. So lying was futile. But if she spoke truthfully, she would be revealing herself as the perfect victim she was.

“I… I don’t want to leave this place.” That was not a good answer. But the winds had the words echoing through the ally, and she knew she could not take them back.

Yet the human did not answer to the defiance an unresponsiveness she’d shown them, looking around the ally instead. “It’s a nice ally. Seems… comfy? It’s warmer than right outside it, at least. And it’s clean… somewhat.”

Nihijb had not expected them to agree with her. She had expected many things, but none of them had been so… positive? Approachable?

"Say, little one, this… isn't where you live. Right?"

The weird windy voice was soft, compassionate. Nihijb did not know how to feel about that. But for now, she decided to answer truthfully since that ought to be better than angering the beast in front of her: "I just… Don't want to go back there."

The human's face-fur did something funny. Their eyebrows, was it? Since when was fur supposed to move around your face? Was it sentient? Nihijb hoped not, that'd be beyond terrifying.

"That's not good… What made you not wanna go back?"

Nihijb shuddered, pressing against the hard wall behind her and lowering her eyes sadly. She did not want to say it, didn't want herself to admit it out loud. As if that'd make a difference. She knew it didn't, and she knew she should not defy a human, but…

No. Defiance was let go once before, surely that must've been the worse decision. "I am" - Nihijb sighed - "hated. By the gods. The missing limb I was born without is proof of that. That's why they… I don't… I promise I wasn't… But…"

Somehow the human must have understood her absolute gibberish response that Nihijb herself didn't fully know the meaning of. At least the human… summed? Hummed? Something like that. A response, maybe in their home world language.

"So they abuse you at home. Because you were born missing an arm and are considered hated by your gods now?"

Nihijb nodded, sadness sounding inside her heart like the ever present rustling of the leaves on the fertile ground. The human pressed their lips together, and she was not sure what it meant, but that was the moment the fear installed by the rumours came back with a vengeance. There was only one direction this could go, and it was not a good one.

"You can say no if you don't want to."

A sentence Nihijb had not expected to be directer at her ever, much less by a human. But one that reassured her nevertheless. A lot.

"But I would like to offer you a way out of this life." They reached forward, their claw stopping a decent distance away from Nihijb, talons turned to face towards the earth. Showing their wrist. A strangely pacifistic gesture to come from a deathworlder.

"Come with me? I have a lot of blue-ra- uh… movies we can watch. There's a few other kids like you staying with me, too. I know goind with a stranger isn't ideal. And I'm no therapist or educationalist, but I oughta be able to do better than those people. I promise you can go any time you want, so…"

Nihijb was not sure what it was. Maybe the way the human sounded so nervous. Or the safe distance they had kept the entire time. Or their compassionate gaze. But as she contemplated the deathworlder before her, who'd been the first one to talk to her like an actual person, she suddenly couldn't help but feel that they were right. Maybe the brainwashing had begun already, but she somehow believed this human that her life would be better with the deathworlder than her homeworlders.

Nihijb ended up taking the human's hand.

On the ship, she found about seven other people waiting for the human. A blind ocheraha and an ocheraha she could not see anything wrong with that looked very similar to the first one. A kjek'kr covered in scars. A sethuzu without any glowing marks. A rorrlchra with purple feathers. An adult hehehit making weird motions with his hands with a questioning look on his face. And another human, this one with red fur on their head and clothed in what appeared like one of those "suits"?

"This child will stay with us for now. Everyone, please be nice to her." The human in a dress turned to Nihijb, bearing their teeth a bit again. "Welcome to the Neverland - Fahijet chose the ship's name based on her favorite movie." The hehehit grew red, so Nihijb supposed that was Fahijet.

The other human let out a sigh, though, statling Nihijb. "Honey, we have to stop adopting homeless alien children now." Their green eyes took in Nihijb and suddenly the human made a chocked sound. "… Right after this one. Hello, my precious little friend. I'm sure my big idiot of a wife forgot to do the introductions, so allow me to do it! Welcome to the family, princess."

"I am not a princess?" That was all Nihijb could answer, because… Wow. Just, wow.

"Well, to me you are. You're my little princess now, so that's that." The human bared their teeth too, and Nihijb suspected it was actually some kind of friendly gesture.

For some reason, it felt as though she would not regret her choice.

A very happy week later, she asked Fahijet why the humans were not simply revealing the truth about the Taken. She answered with her hands - hand speech, that was what it was, she was mute - that the humans said it was too bothersome. "But I think they do it to protect us. The rorrolchra and many others wouldn't let people like Ruirem, people like us go otherwise."

Nihijb had lost count of the how many-th time it was that she started crying since entering the Neverland with her new mom. But not once had those tears been sad.

Nihijb didn't have to be scared nor alone anymore.

Humans have no time for other planet’s savior complexes.

The first huge battle between us and an outer space fleet happened before we even got out of our solar system. They flew down and held the planet hostage, made threats, the whole shebang. The Galactic Syndicate catches word of it; one of the warring planets taking control of a tiny, defenseless planet right on the edge of their borders? Well, that doesn’t look good for them.

So they send ships down. The moment those doors open, the aliens have a gun in their face and a very angry, bruised, and beaten human glaring at them.

What they hadn’t been made aware of was that the humans had, more or less competently, handled the invasion. However, the introduction of outer space aliens had been somewhat of a shock to them and, as the human explained in less polite words, they had had their fill of outer space life forms, thank you very much.

But now Earth is on the map. News of their competence in the fight against their invaders passes through the systems and planet upon planet send down delegations to attempt to form relations with these strange new creatures. More often than not, they offer protection, with the uninformed belief that these soft, little bipeds need a strong defender. Those emissaries return to their planets rather hastily and steadfastly refuse to return to the backwater little planet.

Since then, many more invasions have happened on Earth, but no matter how many fleets are sent to help defend the humans, they are turned away. Some of the elders in the Syndicate claim it is human arrogance, refusing any help, stubborn, stupid creatures. Others find it fascinating, courageous, and a little bit sexy.

But the truth is, humans don’t trust well, and we don’t like to be in debt. We know how fast we can turn on each other; how fast do you think it would take for a mysterious, scientifically advanced, military deep space species to do the same, good intentions be damned?

No, best just to handle it ourselves.

The thing is, with our skeletons the way they are, humans can bend. We make a point of becoming more flexible, bending this way and that and sometimes it for sure can look like we’ve got no structure. A lot of alien races are fascinated with how we move and bend because sometimes its so fluid. 

Especially in fights. 

They see us thrown against walls, flying through the air, our limbs bending in, what to us is unnatural ways, but the aliens don’t know we aren’t supposed to do that. To them, we seem like ragdolls, our bodies flopping and waving all over the place. They’re not gentle with us, throwing us over their shoulders in the rush to retreat and get back to the base, and even when not in a fight, they tend to throw us around with wild abandon (its usually no big deal, most humans think its hilarious and fun and no one really minds.)

And then they find out about our bones. 

Its a quiet, tense moment. A team had been dispatched to ‘ease the switch in political leaders’ on one of the more difficult inner planets and the current monarch was not having it. In a final attempt to keep control, the monarch had thought using one of the humans on the team as a  hostage was a good idea. They’re holding the human in a way that would look painful, arm twisting too far and the monarch is shouting, demanding that they be left in control. The others on the team are just grinning because if the monarch is threatening to break the human, they’re in for a big surprise. Humans don’t have a structure. They flop around as they please, held steady as simply a mass of meat!

The monarch, it seems, doesn’t like to be laughed at. The pull, and twist and-

SSS-NAP

And the human is screaming, their face contorted in pain. The monarch jerks the arm around. An audible -pop- fills the room, and the team hear it just over the screams of their friend. Then comes the other arm -SNAP- and the leg -CRACK-

The human is bent, but…its in a way that the others have seen often and isn’t that…isn’t that fine? Aren’t they supposed to do that? What was that horrible snap? As it turns out, one can’t hear very well the snapping of bones in the pandemonium of battle. 

Everyone’s a bit quiet, struck by the shouts of pain and sobs coming from their human before finally, mercifully, they pass out. Then all hell breaks loose. The rest of the team dispatch the monarch with unusual ease and entirely too quickly. Then, as gently and slowly as they can, they pick up the human. The angles of their limbs look sickening to them now, and they bring them back to the base where, for once, they actually stay in the medical bay to watch them be patched up and their bones reset. 

From then on, they are much more careful with their human companion and feel the proper amount of horror and concern upon seeing them thrown about in a fight. Still, it takes some time to convince them that yoga is an alright thing to do and that no, Susan is a contortionist, her body CAN do that. 

The thing is, with our skeletons the way they are, humans can bend. We make a point of becoming more flexible, bending this way and that and sometimes it for sure can look like we’ve got no structure. A lot of alien races are fascinated with how we move and bend because sometimes its so fluid. 

Especially in fights. 

They see us thrown against walls, flying through the air, our limbs bending in, what to us is unnatural ways, but the aliens don’t know we aren’t supposed to do that. To them, we seem like ragdolls, our bodies flopping and waving all over the place. They’re not gentle with us, throwing us over their shoulders in the rush to retreat and get back to the base, and even when not in a fight, they tend to throw us around with wild abandon (its usually no big deal, most humans think its hilarious and fun and no one really minds.)

And then they find out about our bones. 

Its a quiet, tense moment. A team had been dispatched to ‘ease the switch in political leaders’ on one of the more difficult inner planets and the current monarch was not having it. In a final attempt to keep control, the monarch had thought using one of the humans on the team as a  hostage was a good idea. They’re holding the human in a way that would look painful, arm twisting too far and the monarch is shouting, demanding that they be left in control. The others on the team are just grinning because if the monarch is threatening to break the human, they’re in for a big surprise. Humans don’t have a structure. They flop around as they please, held steady as simply a mass of meat!

The monarch, it seems, doesn’t like to be laughed at. The pull, and twist and-

SSS-NAP

And the human is screaming, their face contorted in pain. The monarch jerks the arm around. An audible -pop- fills the room, and the team hear it just over the screams of their friend. Then comes the other arm -SNAP- and the leg -CRACK-

The human is bent, but…its in a way that the others have seen often and isn’t that…isn’t that fine? Aren’t they supposed to do that? What was that horrible snap? As it turns out, one can’t hear very well the snapping of bones in the pandemonium of battle. 

Everyone’s a bit quiet, struck by the shouts of pain and sobs coming from their human before finally, mercifully, they pass out. Then all hell breaks loose. The rest of the team dispatch the monarch with unusual ease and entirely too quickly. Then, as gently and slowly as they can, they pick up the human. The angles of their limbs look sickening to them now, and they bring them back to the base where, for once, they actually stay in the medical bay to watch them be patched up and their bones reset. 

From then on, they are much more careful with their human companion and feel the proper amount of horror and concern upon seeing them thrown about in a fight. Still, it takes some time to convince them that yoga is an alright thing to do and that no, Susan is a contortionist, her body CAN do that. 

For the humans are weird thing. What would aliens think about humans going diving for fun

Ohhh my god, they would think it’s not only wild but horrifying.

The first time we explain the usage of oxygen tanks to them, they’re like “oh neat! That’s very smart, humans, it’ll help you catch food-”

But then we explain how no, its not to help us catch food. Its so we can swim with sharks. And the aliens are just like…you’re joking right?

So we explain scuba diving in order to admire the beauty of the ocean and honestly, just to chill. And they’re just horrified for us, that we risk drowning just to swim with fish?? But then we tell them about cage diving and they just. lose their fucking minds.

Not only are we underwater with nothing but a tank of oxygen that could rupture at any point but we’re also surrounding ourselves with apex predators, locking ourselves in a cage so there’s no easy way to escape. And if the cage detaches from the boat? Well then you’re done for. 

And we do this? for fun!?

We risk hearing damage and sickness due to the pressure of the ocean just because we want to see how far down we can get? We risk attacks from ocean predators because we want to swim with them!? They’ve seen what Great White Sharks do to seals! They watched Planet Earth! And all we have to protect us is a flimsy cage which we KNOW they’re powerful enough to break.

And the fact that we’re always trying to go deeper and deeper just to see whats there baffles them. No one can really get a straight answer out of humans as to why we do this. Usually the only thing we have to say about it is “well, just because.”

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For some reason, I wonder what aliens think of sky diving, I like to think like this (H is human) (A is alien)

A: human... I did some research, and I have a question

H: Sure, ask away

A: What is "sky diving"

H: Oh, it's a sport where we get in a plane, fly very high... And jump

A:YOU WHAT!?!

H: We jump, but don't worry, we can land safely

A: oh thank god... So, you use some kind of gravitation device? Or use some technological device to land slowly?

H: Uhhh, not exactly....

A: .... Human... What exactly do you use....

H: ...

A: Human, what... Exactly... Do you use?

H: a backpack with a bunch of fabric... Sometimes silk....

A: ...

H: ...

A: YOU USE CLOTHING, TO STOP YOUR FALL, AFTER JUMPING OFF SEVERAL THOUSAND FEET UP!?

H: Yeah, but it's a different kind of fabric you know...

A: ... Okay, but what do you do if the fabric breaks, or if it gets tangled

H: ... Enjoy the view?

A: ... I still don't know why you aren't extinct

Humans are weird thing: Hiccups

I don't know if this has been done, but the first time a human gets hiccups when on an alien crew.

It is meal time and suddenly one human who finished eating faster than the others makes a loud sound that has yet to be documented. At first the aliens think that human Mike got suddenly excited and did a strange shout, but that possibility is thwarted when the sound is repeated. Human Mike scowls at the other humans who have started snickering at him.

Perhaps it is an angry noise? Why is Human Mike angry though? He did not show signs of it previously, and nothing has happened between eating and the noise to make him angry. Why must human emotions be so confusing?

"Try drinking water upside-down." Human Dawn suggests randomly, "That's what we always do where I grew up."

"No do NOT drink water upside-down!" An alien crew mate panics. "Doing so could cause you to choke and die!"

"NO!!!" All the aliens who have experience with humans shout at the crew mate who told Human Mike not to do it.

Everyone knows not to tell a human not to do something. It's the first rule in the handbook. They all sigh in resignation at the smirking humans.

Human Mike gets out of his seat, raises his arms, and flips to stand on his hands. Human Dawn who suggested the action is already prepared with her bottle of water. His body wobbles as he hiccups again, and she quickly pours it in his mouth.

There is a tense silence as the entire room watches. A moment later there is another hiccup large enough to send Human Mike tumbling to the floor, cursing loudly at his misfortune. The aliens breathe in relief, a higher up taking the new recruit out of the room for a refresher course on rule number one of dealing with humans.

Throughout the rest of the day, the other humans could be found trying to scare the hiccupping Human Mike with varying degrees of success. The hiccups finally stopped when Human Mike was trying to hold his breath, and Human Josh came up behind him and slammed into his back to scare him. It caused him to choke, yet he seemed grateful to Human Josh anyway.

“I have a question about the humans”.

“Uh? What is it?”

“You know how they have to cover themselves up at all times?”

“Yes?”

“Why do they have to do that? It’s not like they are walking on inhospitable places all the time. They could just wear a karket to cover some of their parts up”.

“… Uh…”.

“What?”

“Have you ever seen a human before?”

“Of course!”

“That would answer the question”.

“It doesn’t? They have fur. They are just covering their fur”.

“They don’t have fur- where did you get that idea from?!”

“I saw a picture of them! They have fur! I heard they complain about the weather being too hot all the time. If only they wore a karket like we do…”.

“You mean, the fur on their heads? That’s hair”.

“They have a special name for that? But the fur on their bodies is the same…”.

“For the last time, they don’t have fur! Not thick fur, at least. They like to shave”.

“That’s… Not true. I can’t think of any intelligent species without fur or scales. It would be like… Seeing exposed flesh. They don’t have exposed flesh”.

“They don’t- you know what? Look”.

“I am looking”.

“Look at this. This is a human! Does this look like fur to you?!”

“W…”.

“Hm?!”

“What the fuck is that?! The fuck- the fuck?! That’s exposed flesh, but not really exposed! What are the other Earth intelligent creatures?!”

“There aren’t any other. Only humans and the robots, but they are basically the same thing”.

“You must be fucking kidding me…”.

“Show me what you saw, then!”

“Fine! Fine! Just let me find it- there! Right there!”

“… Dude”.

“Are you seeing it? That’s fucking fur!”

“Dude”.

“What?!”

“That’s a fucking monkey!”

-

edit: hello! if you want to support me, consider buying me a ko-fi? link to it is on my fixed post! thank you <3

Humans are now called “star children”.

It is common knowledge that all lifeforms, regardless of origin or existence or if they still exist, come from long-gone stars. By all accounts, there is no single existence that is not a “star child”, even thought there are many beings that do not believe they will ever deserve the title of being born from a star.

However, as the years and decades since humanity first discovered that they were never alone came by, the friends from other planets - or, for a better words, aliens - came to stop merely calling them human.

That did not happen on the span of a decade or two. It took maybe a hundred years for the first little one to decide that “star child” would be a name better fit for the common human. Slowly but surely, the title stuck, but not everyone will be able to tell you why that happenned.

Maybe it was because of their crooked hands, able to do so much with so little. Maybe it was their fascination for documenting everything, or maybe it was because of the hundreds of star patterns they loved to wear and decorate their spaceships with. Some even believe it was because of the human soul, and how it would stick to the physical plane even after death because it couldn’t understand that it was dead and it was time to say goodbye.

No, no. It wasn’t because of that. You see, they are not called star children for bringing wonder to everything. They are not called that because of their endurance, or their wits, or their imprudence. They are not called star children because their nature is extraordinary or so fantastical that the word “human” cannot fit it all inside. Every single creature, regardless of their intelligence, should be called a “star child” if that was the case, because every single living being is fantastical by merely existing.

There are aliens just as smart, just as strong, just as enduring and just as weird as the little humans and their crooked hands and their millions of libraries and their star patterns.

But when they invented a way for stars to live longer by harvesting their energy, and when wars arrived and they volunteered to take every single one they could to safety, and when they decided to dedicate their entire lives to caring of others, and when they terraformed planets that were too far gone, and when they documented every single living creature they ever found and when they debated the best ways to classify and understand them, and when they shared their art and when they made inventions so anyone could experience said art, and when they despite everything choose to keep their hopes up…

Oh, dear. That was a moment in which some of the aliens decided that “star child” would be a proper title, for only someone who remembered their origins and how they connected to other forms of existence, without ever thinking that they are better than the rest, could ever have been so stubborn to help.

And, soon enough, the humans accepted the title. They decided to stop arguing, for it was the better course of action, and embraced it. Now, the star children are most well-known for caring for their distant siblings. Not for how, many centuries prior, they once killed their own planet.

But star children are quite old, compared to the rest. And, as the oldest sibling, they must make sure no one will ever do the same mistakes they once did.

———-

Thank you for reading this! If you liked it, consider giving me a ko-fi or commissioning me! Links are in my fixed post. Have a lovely day! <3

Humans are eldritch. They can sing a thousand voices, and they only started space exploration after more than two hundred years of trying to fix their own sick planet. They are guilt-driven, reckless and incredibly terrifying. They scare themselves for fun, they have deadly sports, and they are willing to almost die just to see if something can work.

No other intelligent species we know does that. No one almost killed their entire planet for the sake of profits, and no one discovered they could sing it back to life. No one is fascinated by unknown and terrific creatures that would certainly destroy everything and everyone, much less create art about the mere idea of it. No one dedicates so much of their craft for incomprehensible arts that can only be felt.

The entire universe’s medicine has changed since they arrived. We had to discover ways of erasing memory, of calming someone in the blink of an eye, because human art can make someone so sick they might never recover from it. Rumours spread, and humans were now feared. Everything about them became something terrific.

We knew they felt guilty, from almost killing their homeplanet, but that? That art, those hundreds of thousands of ideas of things that could never be, but still could be thought about? Those hands, smudged with toxic paint and oils, used to create imaginary things that looked too real to be imaginary? Their bodies, almost fragile almost strong bodies, that adapted to everything and could be broken down for the sake of things they deemed as beautiful? That did not came from guilt. It came within their own terrifying natures, along their hundred voices that could heal, along their silence that could destroy, along everything they ever created.

But still, when everyone feared them, humans did not try to attack. They did not try to cover themselves once again with blood. They did not do anything with violence. Despite everything, humanity was kind.

They helped with medicine, with their vaccines. They helped with technology, with their reckless nature of wanting to see if something can explode. They helped with art, by showing their own, and admiring ours.

They helped with history, for their obsession with the past did not allow them to not want to know more. They helped with restauration, for their guilt made them want to stop anyone from making mistakes similar to theirs. They helped with war, for not doing it. They helped with the universe, for despite everything, they still loved.

Humans are eldritch, for everything was set so they could once again use violence, but they did not. Humans are eldritch, because they themselves think they are evil, but still, they do not commit to it. Humans are eldritch, and they will help you out when you need it - just ignore their pets, for they have an obsession with befriending any and all creatures.

edit: hi so this is gaining traction again! i’m a college student who does writing commissions, so feel free to check it out! have a nice day byeee

a thing a human did

It had been… Nine months, since we took a human in our crew. I knew what they looked like and how they behaved, but that was mostly from the manual and stories from some friends. All the normal things everyone knows. They had destroyed their world once, rebuilt it, and now dedicated their entire existence to… Stop that from happenning again. And also everything they do, have and make is either extremely useful or the most horrifying thing one could ever heard of. Just the basics.

Isa was the human’s name. A marine biologist. Our ship was one of the first ones to be made for life-keeping. Our job is to ensure that planets would still have life after the humans did their thing, a risky and complicated job, but an important one.

I had expected Isa to be small. Humans were small, from what I’ve known, but somehow that one was bigger and bulkier than me. Not as big as some others, but everyone was surprised, especially when she decided to cover her teeth in order to not scare us. She spoke in a soft tone and did everything with such delicacy we forgot how humans were.

And then, she reminded us of that.

First, she took in a seed and tried to make it grow. She would try to sing to it from time to time. I thought she was going to… To do that thing. When humans use their voices and things just start to grow out of nowhere. But, thank {   }, that didn’t happen. She just kept talking to it for hours. I don’t know why she would try to communicate with it, and I was too afraid to ask.

Second, she would carry everything we deemed to be too heavy and couldn’t be carried by Ki. Some heavy things. I had to remind myself human sweat wasn’t poisonous to my species multiple times. I don’t know why, but I had to. Especially when Isa got sick and continued to work even when she was sneezing and producing muckus. That was disgusting. But then, once again, some humans would collapse before they dared to admit they had to rest.

And… And third thing. Yes. The third thing. I like her a lot, she’s my friend, but that was before we became close. Isa would collect random things to “preserve” them, and she would say those fancy words to try to classify creatures that were for no practical use. We would get to them sooner or later, but we had to have priorities. She didn’t seem to have these. She would just name and name and name everything, and somehow she remembered it all. And when one of the species became extinct once again, she would cry and write it down to remember. She would… Make them graves. I thought it was religious, but it wasn’t.

I would feel sad for them too. For the lost ones. I helped Isa with her graves, and I was the one to tell the others of who we had failed that time, and sometimes I would have to lie down and rest because it was too much. But not to the point of tears. Not to the point of my own body breaking itself down out of heartbreak and sadness. Isa got sick because of the ones we lost, and we had to care for her. I had to write things down for her so she wouldn’t try to work until she had passed out. I learned to take care of humans because of her heartbreaks with fish.

And then we… We lost too much. Sometimes we would lose some species, but not an entire planet. We were glad no deadly bacteria got to us, but we were all heartbroken. That thing ate an entire planet, and we couldn’t do anything.

Isa was the most affected. She… Vanished. Not literally, but she retreated to her own lab for weeks. We tried to keep her safe, to keep her healthy, but it was hard when we had to deal with our own failure.

One night I decided to stay awake. And then I decided to check on Isa, because she wasn’t coming to her “dinners” anymore. I did what the humans would do: Knocked on her door and waited for a response, but Isa wasn’t responding and I was worried, so I entered anyways.

She… She was trembling, but holding a thing. I asked her what was it, and she whispered for me to come closer. I did, and she asked me to hold it.

Of course, I didn’t know what to do, but I held that thing. It was mucky and wet and soft and, honestly, very disgusting, but… But I looked at Isa, and I was going to ask her what that was, but she was crying. That’s- that’s another thing humans do. They cry, and I knew they did, but that was the first time it looked so raw. I… For a moment, I thought that was blood. I had forgotten what human blood looked like, but then I remembered and I got even more scared. I was afraid of what Isa would do. Because an upset human is a problem for everyone.

But, but she just, she just looked at me. Looked at me with her face covered in those tears that multiple species were using for medicine, and pointed at that thing that was in my hands, and I knew that I shouldn’t have asked but I did it anyways. “What is this?”, and looked at that thing in my hands.

“It came from the seed”, she whispered to me. “It opened up after i fed it with the red devouring”.

“You fed that seed with a plague?”

“Listen to it”.

I did what she had asked me to. I listened to that thing. You know what it sounds like. It whispers things without words. It has something beating, and something singing, and another, last and quiet thing, growing.

What she said to me next is something I will never forget, because she was sobbing but smiling. It was a raw cry of hope.

“It’s the heartbeat of a planet”.

i spent way too long on this story

The only human in our crew - one of our mechanics, Jedd - had seemed happy enough. He was respectful, clearly always trying to watch his smiles when he was with us, although his laughter was, according to him, uncontrollable. It took the crew a while to get used to the fact that the human made loud yelling noises and bared his teeth when he found something extremely amusing. Humans, though, made good mechanics - their combination of dexterity and strength meant that they could handle a wider range of potential issues than almost any other known race.

And, like all humans, he was brave, strong, and sometimes did things most people would consider unwise. Sometimes we would find him working on the hull while the ship was under countdown for launch. He would frequently add cosmetic improvements wherever he deemed necessary about the ship, hoarding junk materials in his quarters which would only reappear months later as part of a new project. Occasionally he would even improve existing machinery or electronics, which, strangely enough, he would forget how to use soon after installation - often, he would leave sticky slips of paper on the machine in question with instructions written in his native human language to remind himself how to use the new upgrade. 

He was the “extroverted” type of human, as far as anyone could tell. The symptoms were obvious: he did not spend much time in his quarters besides the third of the day spent in energy-recharging stasis, and he often invited members of the crew to talk with him while he worked rather than only engaging with them at mealtimes or downtime. In fact, he seemed to like it better this way, since he knew that his toothy smiles wouldn’t be seen if his head was buried in the mechanics of the ship. He didn’t seem to find it at all difficult, either - the human ability to perform several high-focus tasks at once is astounding.

But when the Federation requirements were updated and advised all Class-OO ships to have a biological generalists, our captain conducted interviews and hired a human named Stella. The regulations were put in place after a series of unrelated incidents involving accidental deaths caused by medicines that disrupted the functions of certain species. A biological generalist, with a wide knowledge of the internal biologies of nearly all of the Intergalactic Species, would be able to effectively advise the resident doctor on what was safest for the crew.

Stella was much like Jedd, in a way. She enjoyed spending time with the crew in the downtime space, telling jokes and stories about her childhood on Earth or her time in school. She was unusually brightly colored for a human, but she assured us that it was an artificial, cosmetic alteration, and that humans did not grow hair that was as blue as hers. She was extremely intelligent, also, and had an impressive memory for a human. Unlike Jedd, who often forgot the names of his crew members, Stella explained that she possessed what the humans called a “photographic memory,” where she simply had a much larger memory storage capacity than most other humans.

After a human week or two, one of us noted that Jedd had been lingering around the medbay much more than usual. We all rushed to ask him whether he was in pain or in danger - by that point, we had all heard the stories of humans cursed by their own constitution, suffering for days or weeks after exposure to toxins before finally dying. Jedd calmed us, saying that he wasn’t in any danger. He simply enjoyed talking to the other resident member of his species. They became friends very quickly, and we noticed Jedd seemed somehow even happier than his usual happy self, but in a different kind of way. 

Jedd and Stella originated from separate human countries, but, improbably, spoke the same native human tongue. They told us that to each of them, the other had a distinctive accent which told them where they were from, but none of us could notice the difference except in a small number of words. It was remarkable, however, how much more comfortable they seemed when speaking it; they never seemed to stumble over their words or misplace syllables in the signature human style of speaking the Federation language. The two would speak to each other in their human language in the downtime space, often increasing in volume as the conversation continued and the humans became more and more enthusiastic until they both laughed uproariously. Occasionally, they had a conversation with a different undertone, where Jedd would shrink into himself strangely as he spoke and Stella would reach for his hand, grasping it in hers in a motion that was clearly a form of affection. 

One day before we were set to land on Tlaapon, one of us injured in the medbay noticed an odd exchange between Jedd and Stella. Jedd had been covering Stella’s eyes in a very hostile motion, although her body language indicated that she was relaxed. Upon freeing her vision, Jedd showed Stella the new regulation caffeine dispenser he had installed in the medbay for easy access to the brain-altering drug. While deadly to almost thirty percent of the Intergalactic Species and a carefully regulated form of medicated therapy among most of the other seventy, humans are able to use caffeine as a mild performance booster, and even have the constitution to withstand daily doses for years or even decades on end. 

However, when Stella saw this, she did something strange: she pressed her mouth to his cheek, and they both smiled at each other. This was not one of the human behaviors known by the crew, and so it was only later, when we consulted the guidebook, that it was revealed that it was an act that signaled a human’s feeling of romantic attraction. And, most importantly, the lack of screaming or other human displays of displeasure indicated that the feeling of attraction was most likely mutual! This was cause for great rejoicing, as humans are usually very selective with their life-partners, and a human life-partner bond often mutually improves emotional state and well-being in general.

After only a few months on the ship, we noticed the signs of attraction beginning to increase in frequency. They would often walk together holding hands, and began to show each other their previously isolated realms of interest; Jedd loved to tell us about how he was teaching Stella how the engines worked, while, unbeknownst to him, Stella would excitedly tell us all she had learned from him the very same day. They would often demonstrate their affection via the exchange of shiny or colorful objects, which all humans love. Jedd made Stella bracelets or rings out of polished bronze and silver, and Stella would select vibrant flowering plants from the greenhouse and meticulously arrange them in a wrap of paper before gifting them to Jedd with one of their toothy human smiles.

One day, Stella sent a hidden message to a number of the crew. It was soon to be Jedd’s day of birth, and it was human tradition to conduct a celebration commemorating the survival of another human year wherein the human in question recieved gifts and the partygoers indulged in sweetfoods. She wanted to prepare the festivities in secret, however - yet another strange human tradition. However, she knew the human culture best, and so we followed her instructions, awaking before the shift change and spending much time making the downtime area as blindingly colorful as possible. Colorful strips of paper on the walls, colorful banners with traditional phrases, colorful cloths over all the tables, where Stella placed a traditional human sweetfood. The most prevalent color was yellow, as Stella explained it was Jedd’s favorite color, which confused us. How could one color be preferred over any other? They were all just wavelengths of light - but perhaps it was another human oddity. 

Stella then instructed us to hide and burst out yelling when Jedd arrived, but our camouflaging skills were not on par with that of the humans. After seeing us hidden, Stella laughed, saying that we “looked like elephants hiding behind streetlamps” (none of us knew what that meant), and then decided that it would be acceptable for us to simply wait for his arrival normally. 

When Jedd saw the preparations – the banner, the wall papers, the sweetfood, and the shiny, paper-wrapped box that Stella proudly held out for him – he breathed loudly, a look of shock on his face. We were momentarily worried that he was frightened or overwhelmed by the amount of color (as many of us were), but to our relief, he and Stella embraced. Jedd then spoke to her in their human tongue - as he said it, his face became unusually red. We all knew this was a symptom of human embarrassment or shame, but Jedd rarely displayed it, and so whatever he was saying must have been special in some way; perhaps another element of the festivities? To our surprise, Stella made a very high-pitched sound in response to his words and initiated the human mouth-press of affection! We all bobbed and whistled in delight as Jedd and Stella translated: Jedd had asked Stella to enter the life-partner trial period with him, and she had accepted! It truly was a joyous day!

Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I’m trying to prove something.

Humans are space warriors

So ya'll know about war? It's a crappy thing, isn't it? Families being torn apart, murder being commonplace, stealing what belongs to completely different cultures of people. All because some Rich dumbasses didn't like the way another country looked at them.

Humans are pretty good at fighting, so much so that we even make sports out of it, mma, paintball/airsoft deciding who gets the last slice of pizza out of your siblings; it's safe to say we humans don't exactly shy away from violence, between action movies, most video games and some of the sports I just mentioned it's become a common part of our lives.

Now, considering that Earth might be a deathworld, it's safe to say that this probably isn't normal across space culture. I'm willing to bet this would make us a very feared and/or respected member of the galactic council, making us especially good at being security guards, bouncers, soldiers, etc.

Again though, Earth is a deathworld, so our normal civilians would most likely outclass even the most well trained fighters from other races, but what about our pros? The cream of the crop? The people with looks that can kill.

I think it's fair to say that soldiers or martial artists would essentially be seen as mythical unkillible demigod. Certain aliens would most likely search for these people like an apprentice looking for the kung-fu master only known through legend, hearsay and that one shitty movie that no one liked based off of their life.

Not only that, in fighting we have mutual respect for one another... most of the time, but ignoring dickheads who kick someone while they're down and people who support the british soccer team, humans will know when to draw the line and let their opponent recover.

This culminates in us being one of the most well trained warriors and most well disciplined fighters in all of the galaxy.

Humans are weird: Adaptability

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The assembly hall at the institute of learning on Praxos III was one of the finest halls in the entire system. Easily able to handle over a thousand beings it was specifically designed to allow anyone up on stage the ability to speak to the very back of the rows without the need for technology to boost their voice. A rather convenient feature as today the hall was packed to capacity.

A dozen hushed conversations mingled together as those gathered waited for the speaker of the day. They had come from across the planet and even as far away as the outer colonies all for a chance to hear the subject that had captivated their entire species.

As the voices continued to rise and fall like the tide of the ocean the lights began to dim and a lone figure stepped on to the stage. The crowd’s conversations died away and were replaced by the thunderous roar of applause that shook the hall.

Upon reaching center stage the speaker raised up their hands for quiet and the applause slowly pattered out until once more the hall was silent.

“My name is Ozma Dalhime,” the speaker began as their voice echoed throughout the entire hall, “and I hold the position of head researcher of alien lifeforms here at the institute.”

Behind Ozma a large screen slowly descended from the ceiling and the lights of the hall went completely dark save for the lone light on the speaker.

“In my time here I have come to find many interesting and seemingly farfetched life forms that have been discovered across the galaxy, but none as fascinating and frustrating as the one we are here to speak about today.”

At this the projector turned on and a large image of a strange creature appeared on the large screen. Several oh’s and ah’s came from the crowd as the image came into full view.

“This,” Ozma said, “is a human.”

The images began cycling through several different pictures of humans. Some were male, some were female, some had long hair, some had short, some were pale as a ghost, and some were as dark as the starry skies. Dozens of different photos went by, each unique and different from those that came before, leaving many to wonder how such a chaotic species could have survived for so long.

“Born in the Milky Way galaxy on a rather hostile planet they have creatively called “Dirt”,” the professor continued to the amused chuckles of the crowd, “they have survived countless generations of strife to now become one of the most recognizable species carving their way through the cosmos.”

Ozma paused for a moment and looked over the audience.

“Can any of you tell me why?”

The crowd was silent save for a few murmurs between groups here and there, but no one spoke up.

“I hope when you came to my lecture you didn’t expect me to do all the talking.” Ozma replied happily as he walked back and forth across the stage. “Come on, why do you think humans have survived for this long?”

Ozma saw a lone hand rise from the third row and motioned for the holder to stand up.

“Because they can breathe fire?” they remarked, drawing a rousing laughter from the crowd.

Ozma gave no sign of similar mocking behavior and simply nodded.

“They certainly can seem that way when you make one angry, as I can attest from first-hand experience.” Ozma said. “Does anyone else have an answer?”

Another hand rose further back in the crowd and again Ozma motioned for them to stand up.

“Because of their barbarity?” the second speaker said, this time drawing hushed tones of agreement from those around them.

“You certainly are closer to the answer.” Ozma said, motioning for the crowd to quiet. “When provoked an individual human can draw upon fits of strength that often will destroy their own body, but in the moment they wouldn’t even notice it until their body collapsed completely like a puppet whose strings have been cut.”

Many of the crowd had heard stories of human soldiers lost in this blood madness on the battlefield and had continued fighting even after a majority of their body was covered in third degree burns, who showed no fear when facing down a hive swarm single handedly with nothing but a crude slug thrower and harsh language, that even could wrestle a Draxic warrior into submission despite being half their size.

“In my many travels there is one quality of humans that has superseded their natural, and at times unnatural, strength and is the corner stone of their very being and the reason they have thrived amongst the stars.”

The crowd leaned in as Ozma stopped himself for dramatic effect, smiling to himself before revealing his answer.

“What makes humans interesting, is their adaptability.”

Whatever the crowd had been expecting this certainly was not it. Through the bright lights Ozma could see a few of the guests in the front row showing faces of disbelief, full of questions they thought they knew the answers too already.

“Across my years of travel I have never come upon a species that was so capable of enduring the rigorous extremes that the universe had to offer.” Ozma began, pacing the stage once more.

“I have seen them create homes for themselves on planets with suns that could melt flesh from bone in minutes, on planets so cold that the liquid of your eyes would flash freeze if exposed for even a moment; even on planets devoid of sunlight and filled with creatures of such horrific nature one would believe they were taken straight from the pages of a children’s book have I found them sitting around camp fires laughing into the night.”

Ozma turned and sat on a waiting stool on the stage to catch his breath. He sipped from a water container under the stool for a moment before setting it back down and continuing.

“When I was in the Gamma Belt I found myself waylaid at a space station waiting for the next shuttle out of the system.” Ozma began, his mind reliving the memories as if it had just been yesterday. “I wandered the hallways for days while I waited and came upon many unsavory characters of questionable intent along the way; safe to say I kept my purse string held close for much of the adventure there.”

“During my third day aboard the station I came across one of the most interesting people I have ever met.”

Ozma couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as he recounted that strange man. “Their name was Oliver Reid and he owned a small food kart that was nestled on the lower levels of the station.”

“A scruffy human for sure standing no taller than me and missing a hand and an eye, he served a dish made from fresh Razor fish he kept in a nearby tank and prepared right before your eyes.”

A couple gasps came from the crowd at this. Razor fish were some of the most violent of aquatic life that had been discovered so far. Their spines were covered in long protruding spines so sharp that they could cut through metal when provoked.

“When I first met Oliver I could hardly believe his notion that he could somehow provide a dish out of such a violent creature, which he seemed to take offense to and promptly challenged me to a wager.” Ozma continued. “He said if I liked the meal he prepared that I would pay three times what was asked, and that if I didn’t I could eat it for free.”

“Intrigued by the human’s confidence I agreed to the wager and I bore witness to one of the most extraordinary feats I have ever seen come from the creation of a dish.”

“Without skipping a beat the human pulled out a sharpened wooden fork as long as a forearm and strapped it to his missing limb as he approached the tank holding the razor fish; closing his eye for just a moment and without hesitating stabbed the wooden fork into the pot and skewered a razor fish, killing it instantly.”

As Ozma regaled the crowd with his story they could not help but notice the tinges of excitement dotting the professors voice here and there.

“Here was a creature dubbed one of the most lethal killers of the oceans and a human missing an arm and an eye was able to kill it without even flinching.”

“What was even more impressive was that they were indeed able to create a dish worthy of renown that I gladly paid three times for.” Ozma finished as he saw a hand rise from the crowd.

“What does that have to do with their adaptability?” the guest asked. “Truly it is an impressive feat, but I fail to see how it relates.”

Ozma took in the question before standing back on his feet. “As I was eating the dish I learned that the reason Oliver had lost an eye and a hand was from his previous attempts to prepare the razor fish.”

“The first time he had tried his would be entrée sliced through his hand like it was butter and swiftly ate it before he could recover and reattach the appendage; while he had lost his eye on the thirteenth attempt when a spine punctured his eye after getting too close.”

The crowd collectively gasped in horror, one near the back even vacating the contents of their stomach if Ozma heard right.

“I asked him after finishing my meal why he continued with a practice that had cost him so much,” Ozma said, “and he looked me after rubbing the stump that had once held his missing hand and said “If you give up from making mistakes, then clearly you didn’t learn the right lesson it was teaching you.””

Ozma paused once more for effect now that he had his audience in the palm of his hand. “To say I was astounded by such an inspiring insight and find it in the proverbial armpit of the universe was something of an understatement at the time.”

“He told me that through his trials and mistakes he had learned that the Razor fish was unable to comprehend let alone sense wood leaving itself exposed, and that one of its natural defense mechanisms relied on it looking into it’s would be predators eyes and reading the intent from eye motions.”

“Can you imagine that?” Ozma said. “That through his failures this Oliver had refused to give up and continued to adapt and study his situation to such an extent that he was able to overcome seemingly impossible obstacles as if they were nothing more trifling then crossing the street.”

“In an instant the core of humanity was made clear to me; that when presented with a challenge neigh impossible that rather than retreat from it humans would greet it with a devilish smile and continue to change themselves until the impossible became reality.”

The projector that had died down during Ozma’s speech sprang back to life again and showed a new series of pictures. Human settlements on the frozen moons of Jkin VI, roaming human tribes riding massive desert sliders as they crested the roaming dunes of Hava Prime, and even and most astoundingly of the professor standing next to the one handed one eyed human Oliver smiling together over a razor fish dish.

“Humans have the uncanny ability to adapt themselves to whatever situation they come upon and despite the odds rise above the challenge and claim victory; and that is why I find them the most interesting species to observe in the universe.”

Humans are weird: Nerf Wars

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Alien: Friend human, why do you keep that plastic ballistic toy beside your desk? Human: *Hefts nerf pistol* I was unprepared once…..never again. ——————————– Alien: Does everyone have these plastic ballistic toys? Human: They do, but each department has their own favorite. Human: You can actually tell a person’s job depending on what nerf gun they have. Alien: Really? ——————————– Human: Most of the clerks and desk junkies have pistols. Alien: Why is that? Human: Most nerf wars often start here and they need to pivot quickly if they are in the middle of a task. ——————————— Human: Janitors use shotgun nerf guns and hide them in their carts. Human: They like sneaking up on people and shooting point blank. Alien: Isn’t that excessive? Human: They clean the bathrooms, their revenge is justified. ——————————– Human: The IT department are the most dangerous, you should avoid going near there in the middle of a nerf war. Alien: How dangerous can they be? Human: They like to booby trap everything. Alien: That doesn’t sound so bad. Human: You ever try to go to the bathroom only to set off a nerf grenade? Human: My body was covered in warts for weeks. ———————————- Alien: What kind of nerf guns do executives have? Human: Well, assuming they’re not total assholes, you’ll have one of two kinds of executives. Human: First ones are those that splurge on the giant rapid firing nerf guns that cost, like, $500. Alien: What’s the other type? Human: They buy nerf sniper rifles and take pot shots at people from across the office. Alien: Seems like you could all gang up on them. Human: If we they do they start firing us. Alien: That doesn’t sound fair. Human: Hence being assholes. ———————————- Alien: How does one start a nerf war? Human: Observe. Human: *Pulls out nerf pistol, shoots random officer worker.* Human 2: WTF? Human: Steve shot you. *Points at random other office worker* Human 2: *Pulls out pistol and shoots steve* Steve: *gets hit, roars, grabs nerf rifle and starts firing wildly* Office: *Everyone reaches for nerf gun and starts firing* Alien: How are you humans so easily triggered to violence? Human: *Pulls out pistol and shoots Alien* Alien: YOU SON OF A B- Alien: *Picks up human and throws him across office* ————————————- *Middle of office nerf war* Alien: *Dashes between cover* Alien: I need to get to the copy room! Human: You won’t make it ten feet! Human: *Points down towards copy room, sees deployed tripod with belt fed ammunition.* Alien: Where did that come from?! *Dodges stream of darts* Human: *Loads clip* Todd from accounting brought it up Alien: *Shouts from cover* That’s not fair Todd! Todd: Eat my dick! *Begins firing wildly* ————————————- Alien: Is there a reason a majority of nerf guns look like real firearms? Human: Oh that. Human: That’s just the military attempting to plant subliminal messages into children to get them to associate having fun with holding a gun, therefore making them more likely to enlist into the military. Alien: My gods, that’s awful! Human: I wouldn’t worry; lately it has about as much of a success rate as the military making video games for kids. Alien: Do they work? Human: They fail so badly they turn everyone who plays them into hippies. ————————————– Alien: Moring D- *Sees coworker* Alien: by the gods what is that!? Human: *Hefts giant rocket sized nerf* Human: I call it the “Pink Slip”. Alien: I don’t think they’ll let you use that inside. Human: Hence the name. —————————————- Alien: Isn’t this barbaric? Human: You should have seen it when we were using nerf swords and shields. Human: We built castle walls out of used soda cans for protection and drawbridges made out of sticky notes.

I watched the humans go into the rec room and lock the door behind them, just like they’ve done once a week for the last month. Captain said to let them have their space, but I couldn’t help but wonder what they did every week.

Tonight I would find out.

I waited until they’d been in there for 30 minutes or so before quietly approaching the door. I sat on the ground and tried to listen. It was very hard to hear anything.

And then something came through very clearly.

“I will stab you!”

“This doesn’t concern you.”

“Like hell it doesn’t concern me. That’s cheating!”

“If both parties agree to the trade, it’s not against the rules.”

“That’s not a real trade and you both know it!”

I discovered I was holding my breath when the humans quieted down and I let it out quite suddenly. Whatever was happening, they seemed distraught.

It was five minutes later when I could hear them again.

“You liar!”

“I didn’t lie.”

“You said you didn’t have any cards!”

“No, I said you weren’t getting any cards.”

“I rolled a seven, that means I get a card.”

“Then why didn’t you take one?”

The next sound was one of a human tackling another. I also heard something falling or breaking. I wasn’t sure. I knew I needed help.

I ran to get the Captain. He’s the only one the humans would listen to when they’re upset. It took some convincing to get him to follow me, but he finally unlocked the door.

It swung open to reveal five humans at a table, cards in hand, and a hexagonal board game on the table. I was confused.

“Derek, how is game night going?” Captain asked.

“Be better if Rosa would stop cheating with Joey,” Derek grumbled.

“I’m not the one who tossed the board to the ground like a toddler,” Rosa replied smugly.

“But, but I heard-“

“Let the humans have their fun. Game night is one of the few harmless activities they have,” the captain interrupted.

He shut the door, and sent me away. I went to bed dumbfounded at how violent the humans words were, and yet how calm they appeared at the table. Game night must be quite the ordeal.

Vero and Butch were both deathworlders. Different species and different deathworlders, but still. I was instructed not to let them meet, but how could I resist?

I stood there while they spoke, getting very excited about all their similarities. The shared experiences they had and the similar stories of horror.

I was becoming more and more uncomfortable the more they spoke. They habited planets where one had to pick which natural disaster they were the most comfortable with. Children learned at young ages to keep their favorite things close for quick packing. They desensitized themselves to the disasters they grew up with, to the point where they no longer feared them.

When they began discussing their histories, I grew nauseous. I created an excuse to end the conversation. Vero left with me, and Butch went elsewhere.

“Thank you. I’m not sure how much more I could have taken,” Vero said.

“What? I thought you two were getting along great?” I asked.

“We were. Until I asked how his people adapted to their environments. He said ingenuity. That’s not an answer, and it’s certainly no safeguard. My people created bio enhancements. His people just, grew more stubborn. It’s terrifying.”

So even deathworlders are scared of humans. How interesting.

After the 30th planet joined the Galactic Union, product manufacturers who wanted to be 'the best' would put their products through planetary tests. However many planets your product could withstand, the better rating it would get. When the 100th planet joined the GU, the Planetary Product Tests started having a yearly ultimate competition which was broadcasted and the results typically heavily affected prices for the upcoming year.

When humanity joined as the 154th planet, humans were coined one of the top three most destructive species, and thus coveted for the PPT. Humans were more than willing to join, and held their own competition to decide who gets to go attempt to destroy these products every year.

Products put in the PPT ranged from small kitchen utensils to new plating for star ships. No product ever survived all 232 planets and their native beings, but some had gotten upwards of 160. Most product designers would recommend which species their product could withstand and then test against those first.

To prepare for the PPT, many companies would hire several humans to continually test their products throughout the year so they knew their end result would be favorable. The label 'Human Tested' soon became a sought after title in shops across the galaxy. Because if something can withstand those crazy deathworlders, then it should be able to handle anything else thrown at it.

Unfortunately, like anything else humans touched in the GU, the PPT soon had to adopt so many rules and regulations that it choked itself out of it's own market, becoming a fake sponsored event with pre decided winners. Individual companies were now in charge of hiring species to test their products before marketing them, and bribes to correct human organizations meant the 'Human Tested' label appeared on subpar products.

Hiring humans also became expensive, and humans quickly became one of the most trafficked commodities among rich companies. Eventually the GU had to step in. With help from Human, Faetatia, and Aureda law makers, a strict set of laws was created that even the most cunning of humans would be hard pressed to get around.

The PPT was disbanded, and testing had to be submitted to the Testing Agency. The Testing Agency created to employ several of every species and was directly overseen by the GU government. Species could only work at the Testing Agency for three years to minimize potential corruption. And if anyone was found trafficking a human, said human would then get ten minutes to exact revenge before whatever remained was then taken to court.

After some time, certain beings (humans) got nostalgic for the PPT and began buying products to host their own version of it. As they gained popularity, companies would donate new products for their PPT.

And the circle of craziness that makes up human history began again while the GU government regretted ever allowing humans to join in the first place.

It was a ship wide rule to never interrupt human’s movie night. It was a quiet and safe group activity to strengthen their pack bond, and it was normally a movie that other species couldn’t understand. I knew this rule, but curiosity got the better of me.

After watching the entire movie with the humans, I went to the ship’s biologist. He allowed me inside.

“What troubles you Cannan?” Ghro asked.

“I joined the humans’ movie night. I had always heard their movies were more, fantastical. The feats were certainly impossible, but there appeared to be no discernible story. The humans seemed very intense while watching, so I know I must be missing context.”

Ghro nodded. “Many human movies require specific context to understand. Tell me, what is the name of the movie and I will research it for you.”

“They called it Olympic.”

Ghro paused. “Cannan, this is very important, did they call it only by Olympic or was there something else?”

“The Olympic maybe. Does that matter?” I asked.

Ghro nodded, and pressed a button to page a medic.

“You’re scaring me,” I said, glancing instinctively towards an exit.

“What you saw was not a fictional movie. You were watching The Olympics, a quadrennial competition of human athletes all attempting to best previous human limits.”

I laughed. “No, of course not. One human ran 100 minsecs in 8.97 seconds. You can’t possibly expect me to be so foolish as to believe you.”

Ghro said nothing. I frowned.

“This isn’t funny Ghro.”

“I’m not joking.”

I stood up, aggravated. “I know humans are absurd but they aren’t super beings. They have limits. Humans are meant for land and climbing, so the female who swam faster than a frullo is not real.”

Ghro said nothing again. I shook my head.

“Take it back! It’s not real! Humans cannot lift as much as a Helvsparr! Four arms are stronger than two!”

Ghro glanced at the page indicator. He wouldn’t tell me the truth. I felt anxiety rise. I grabbed my arms.

“Humans aren’t capable of that. They just aren’t. Their bodies can’t handle it.” I insisted.

“Those humans in the Olympics train their entire lives to reach these limits and push past them. You are not the first to fail to understand how their body allows this. Many scientists have been retired because their minds could not grasp the lunacy of human biostats.”

I had to know. I had to know. I turned and ran.

-

I knew Cannan was not prepared for the truth. Unfortunately his species, Faetatia, can identify lies with frightening accuracy. I had no choice but to give him the truth.

He could not handle the truth, and so his instinct to run kicked in. I got up and followed him, keeping a safe distance. I also alerted the medics to find us in the halls.

I found Cannan gripping a human, Mario, and screeching for the truth. Mario looked concerned and unsure.

Medics came and used a gas to render Cannan unconscious and carted him away. He would undergo testing to be sure his mental functions were still well and then reassigned to a ship without humans.

“Ghro, what happened?” Mario asked.

“Cannan watched the Olympics and could not believe that humans are capable of such things.”

“Oh. You told him those were extreme cases right? Not every human is like that?” Mario asked.

“I could not, because every human has the potential. That thought frightens many, too many.”

“I guess the Olympics are gonna be banned on ship wide movie nights then, huh?” Mario asked.

“I’m not sure. They do just as good a job of pacifying humans as they do frightening other species, so it is the Captains call.”

Every species has their own system of codes and ciphers. Every species had hidden or lost treasure. But no species ever made there’s as needlessly complicated as humans did.

They coded everything, from their names (nicknames), to their door locks (who doesn’t use bio locks in this day and age?). They coded so much that it seemed to be ingrained in them to solve these codes.

Humans started being hired by historians of other species trying to uncover their own history. Normally one or two per team was all that was required, more if your species had a history of traps.

Quite suddenly, lost histories of every species were being discovered and shared. It was the largest boom of historical knowledge the universe had seen. For every planet except Earth.

Every historian who’d ever asked a human for help eventually turned their attention to the humans own history and lost artifacts. Many were too scared to actually go to the deathworld, but they started sending more and more advanced technology along with human explorers.

They dove into stories of human lore. Everything humans claimed lost over the years. A city. A pilot. A ship. A mountain. An island. They dove into these for clues and anyway they could offer their humans assistance in finding their own histories.

Slowly, they did. One at a time they discovered the truth in the stories and found these precious treasures.

But then they discovered the stories of monsters and gods. Already this far, they dug into those as well.

The truth behind those were not as reassuring. Terrible things in history that seemed tamed by the humans own lore. When they brought this to the humans attention, the response was not one they expected.

“Yeah, we knew where those came from. We prefer the stories we came up with.”

Historians across the known universe stopped, and it became a common rule to accept human stories as presented, lest you uncover a much darker truth.

Wonder

Maybe people speak of Humanity's impressive strength or creativity, or just all around weirdness, but I am here to inform you of something I find far more fascinating.

Their sense of wonder and discovery.

See, when a human finds something new and mind boggling, something rare and unheard of, they do not keep it to themselves like other species would. They do not send it to the black market for money, even if they are low on it.

Instead, they share it. They share this discovery with joy and fervour, happily sending it to their scientists or a museum, and sharing it on their internet for others to see and experience as well.

When humans looked to the stars for the first time, when they took their first step on an extraterrestrial body that was not their own planet, they broadcasted it to the world. It was just their moon, but that is every species' first step. When the human race took to the galaxy, they went on wings of metal and dreams of stardust.

They do not hesitate no matter if it is dangerous and terrifying or calm and beautiful. They do not hesitate.

So I ask you, what will you do the next time you find something new?

Humans are peaceful, not harmless

If you are unable to fight you are not peaceful, you are harmless. Only when you have the capacity for violence and yet choose not to use it are you truly peaceful. This is an important lesson learned when humans encounter aliens who have never met a species like them before.

The new species to enter into negotiations with the Trade Federation were not wholly unlike many others.

They travelled in groups and were highly social, an important trait where cooperation was agreed as a universal requirement to gain technological advancement.

When the Ambassador and their entourage arrived they gave their official designation name to be Human and their planet of origin Earth, a word which our translators seem to think means something like ‘fertile ground’.

With the Ambassador came the priests, at least or so we thought. They carried talismans and wore ornate clothing, speaking little, and behaving in accordance with strict hierarchy, just like the monks of the ancient worlds. It spoke to us of a thoughtful and careful people, certainly the Ambassador consulted frequently with the senior priestess known by her title of General.

Our chosen negotiation centre was the planetoid of Jaril, close enough to Human territory to not put them too far out of their way and yet also not too far for us. We hoped it would become a good neutral trade site once we discovered what we held in common.

The grave mistake of ours was to assume it was also a site far enough from the Tarma for them to not take an interest. The Tarma are an unusual species in that they are evolved from apex predators, a situation we thought impossible until they first burst into our territory. What form of predator is social and cooperative enough to advance? It turns out some apex predators turn spare time between hunts into complex mating rituals requiring feats of intellect and ingenuity, for which family groups will band together to get the best bloodlines.

Still, the Tarma are a huge problem when most of us are the survivors of prey ancestors whose cooperation was essential to survival from predation.

When their ships were spotted we prepared to do as we have always done, to retreat and reconvene in a safer location at a later date.

Then the human Ambassador turned to the General and said, “I believe this is where I hand over to you.”

The General bared her teeth in the most disconcerting way as she smiled. “I believe it is.”

Before we could begin our evacuation, the human priests did what we at first mistook for a starburst escape. We were horrified when their tiny ships navigated towards the Tarma, we thought they were about to be slaughtered.

The Tarma were no more prepared for what happened next than we were.

The Human Ambassador was not travelling with priests, he was travelling with warriors. I will swear on my herd’s life, I saw the most peaceful and reserved creatures turn from monk to exterminator in moments and I was thoroughly shocked to my core.

In less than a Human hour the Tarma had fled and the General calmly returned command to the Ambassador.

“But, we thought you were a peaceful people.” My diplomacy, I fear, suffered for the stress of the situation.

“We are.” the Ambassador reassured us. “We come in peace to trade, to explore, and to learn. We mean no harm to anyone who does no harm to us.”

“How can you claim to be harmless when you did that?” I gestured to the debris still visible from the viewing window.

“If I may.” the General spoke softly. “We stated from the start we are a peaceful species, perhaps you simply mistranslated the meaning of our words. We are not evolved from prey, nor from apex predators. We are from a place in the middle, we are the hunted and the hunter. You mistook us for a harmless species, when in fact we can do a great deal of harm, we simply choose to reciprocate peace.”

We have a new and powerful ally now.

A species willing to trade combat for peace.

Looking back, the first sign that something's wrong was that the human had been gone for hours. There aren't many place to go on a spaceship, and yet Gyali was unable to find her.

Now xe spots the human, Alex, as she's hurrying down the long corridor with a brown paper box in hand and a huge smile on her face. Gyali long ago learned to be suspicious of that smile.

"What's in that box?" Xe steps in front of the human, glaring at said box.

Alex's grin widens, showing all teeth and making Gyali shudder. "Wouldn't you like to know." She coos at the object.

Gyali's scales flutter in confusion. "Yes, that's why I asked."

"Oh. It's just... Stuff."

If possible, Gyali's suspicion levels rise even higher. "What stuff?"

The human shrugs, the movement rattles whatever's inside the box, muffled sounds of scattering emerges from it. The human winces. "Sorry, sorry!" She hushes the box. "It's... Come, I'll show you."

Gyali reluctantly follows after the human. Xe doesn't really want to know, not really. But xe's the human's supervisor, so it's not like xe has any choice, does xe?

They hurry down the remainder of the corridor, the human silent as death, while Gyali's steps echo heavily around them despite xir small size. When they reach Alex's quarter, she lets Gyali in first, then firmly shuts the door. She carefully places the box on her desk, then beams down at Gyali.

"They must have been here since we ported at Earth."

The box opens, and Gyali jumps backwards with a screech. The human doesn't even flinch, the sound must have been over her hearing levels... From the box, two small, furry creatures look up with round, black eyes, both of them baring sets of small, but sharp looking teeth. The creatures are terrifying, yet the human watches them with such adoration, of course she does.

"They are mice." Alex says, as if that explains anything. "I haven't seen one in ages. They are harmless, don't worry."

Gyali continues to worry. "Where did you get them?"

"In the garbage cabin. I was just in time, the cat was hunting them, but I managed to catch them first!" She smiles proudly.

Gyali's scales slowly rise into a defensive position. Xe knows what a cat is. The humans' pet predators, vicious and deadly creatures, absolutely banned from all intergalactic ships.

"What cat." Xe squeezes out.

Alex freezes.

"Alex? What. Cat."

Humans are space musicians

I'm back!

So ya'll know about music, right? When we make the air wiggle to our will till it pleases us? Music is very important to just about all human culture, we use it to teach, we use it for religious reasons, hell, I even still sing "this old man" when brushing my teeth so I know i'm doing it for long enough.

Most importantly though, we use it for entertainment and art. (often at the same time) Music is something we usually have going in the background while working to help focus, there's music we associate with specific things and we have specific music for specific events, like playing "all I want for christmas is you" to let everyone know it's November.

Music isn't just something that we like though, there are a lot of instances of us playing music to animals and them just ~vibing~ to it. So music is totally something that almost all living beings enjoy.

Now, the history of music is very important, because it's always been almost exclusively controlled by the church until a few hundred years ago, so other developed species might only use it for celebrations, rituals and religion.

Not only that, they might not even have created music yet and if they have it might be super basic, one-beat, no variation music, there's a chance they haven't even developed music theory or understand the concept at all

This leaves us with 3 (probably more, but i'm too laxy to consider those) scenarios

1.) Music is only used for religion and celebration, it's a sacred art and is not to be usee in any other context.

Then along come the hairless space monkeys and introduce them to the idea of music as an art or for recreation, to which the entire galactic counsel is shocked and curious to see what the humans are doing.

2.) Music has never been concieved and humans are the ones to introsuce it to the galactic counsel as an art form, they are intrigued by this new use for noise

3.)music exists, but it's very basic music which is really just played in waiting rooms or whatever so you sren't bores to death, then humans come out with music and it's like, "wait, so you're telling me music sounds better when there's variation???" And everyone is just mindblown to find out about it

(Also please, I need someone to write shit eith my ideas, i'm begging you

Humans are deathworlders prompt:

Humans have been known as a terrifying, strong species that can kill and eat almost anything.

Others across the galaxy tell their children that humans are dangerous, using their concept as a sort of boogeyman.

The problem is, many of the alien children think that humans are SUPER COOL and AWESOME, (kind of like how many human children view dinosaurs but smaller) and they would do anything to meet one up close

What if a human's singing voice is highly dangerous to other intelligent alien species? What if we're the sirens of space, and aliens can't resist our "heavenly" voices?

Humans are weird: Their own worst enemy

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps) Taken from memoir of Levire Gaston

“When my people first made contact with humanity I must speak truthfully and admit I did not think much of them.

Their bodies were not but soft flesh and brittle bones and their egos were even more fragile. They were quick to anger, lacking in the nuances of conversation, and seemed to prefer the direct approach in all matters as if it was something to be proud of.

I had spoken out against allying ourselves with them as I saw little to gain from such an agreement but my government thought it would be better and aligned ourselves with the pink skins.

The day I went alongside them to war is one I still remember as clear as day after more than two centuries.

It is truly an astonishing sight to watch a professional human warrior go about their work. All their brashness, all their stubbornness, all their childish habits are turned off with the flick of a switch and they became the monsters the universe seems to now label them as.

Their efficiency was matched only by their ruthlessness as they laid waste to our enemies. I watched a platoon of them charge across open ground while under heavy fire with only one surviving to reach the other side; what’s more rather than retreat the soldier continued the mission and destroyed the enemy emplacement even as their life’s blood ran out of their wounds like rivers of anguish and pain.

I had expected the soldier to expire from their sustained damage or retreat back to the safety of the rear lines to recover, yet they merely bandaged themselves with a small medkit and cauterized their more severe wounds over a nearby flame before continuing on.

After the battle I sought out that human soldier and over time we became close friends. Despite the many wars we fought together over the years to come I had never saw them lose focus or cower in the face of overwhelming odds. Truly they were a beacon of what all who carry arms should strive to.

Even after we exited military service we remained close friends and we corresponded frequently with each other. On several occasions we even met each other’s families, our bond of brotherhood remaining strong as ever.

One year I remember inviting them to a hunting trip on my homeworld for a relaxing getaway. The forests of the Great Chasm were rich and vibrant with all manner of life and we collected many a trophy. Yet so fervent had we been in the hunt that we had lost track of time and found nightfall surrounding us while we still lay miles from the nearest vestiges of civilization.

My friend insisted they we hurry back and leave but I told him that these woods warped perspective at night and we would become lost in the branches. They continued to say if they dropped their trophies and just left now we could make it, but I merely laughed and began setting up camp for the night.

As night finally consumed us we sat around the fire and shared a drink from my personal container. They seemed to need it more that night as I noticed their eyes never seemed to rest on a single spot for long and when he stretched his back he was actually using it as an excuse to look behind him. Something was clearly bothering them, but when I asked they merely laughed and evaded the question.

We sat by the fire for two hours before I went to sleep while they continued to stoke the fire and keep their eyes focused on the darkness.

I’m not sure how long I was asleep for when I was woken by the sounds of gunfire. I threw my blanket off and raised my own weapon that had been by my side. What I saw as my eyes blinked into focus was something I had not witnessed in all my life.

My friend, survivor of a hundred battles and a dozen wars, was whimpering and sobbing like a new born babe while firing blindly into the night.

I called out to them and demanded to know what they were firing at but their response was mumbled and distorted.

“It’s out there.”

That was one of the few things I could understand from my friend.

“It’s out there and it wants me.”

When I tried to ask who was out there I heard a night comoko bird howl and my friend spun on their heels and fired wildly. I dove for cover as they continued firing erratically, chunks of wood and stone flying like a blizzard as the bullets tore through them.

I heard a distinct clicking sound and knew they had run out of ammunition. As soon as I heard the magazine being ejected I rolled out and tackled my friend to the ground.

“Get a hold of yourself!” I remember shouting over and over as they struggled in my grasp.

I got a glimpse of their face in the moon light and it was like nothing I had seen before.

There was nothing there but pure fear.

It smothered him so deeply in its embrace that they had lost all reason and logic and only wished to survive from this unseen horror.

When they reached for their knife I knew I had no choice and punched them square across the jaw so hard they blacked out till next morning.

They did not speak a word to me the next morning when they did wake up, nor on the trek back to where we had left our vehicle to return home. Only during the ride back did they speak of what happened, and then we swore never to speak of it again.

While I was nestled in the comfort of slumber my friend was awake in the dark, and in that dark place his mind began to wonder; their mind becoming ever more warped and strung with each passing minute.

Every creek of wood became an unseen voice, every rustle of leaves a growl of an unknown monster, every animal call in the night the herald of a nightmare coming to slay him.

I had hunted many years in those woods with my father and not once had I felt the things they described to me. I told them this and said that everything they heard was natural for the forest, but they just shook their head and sighed.

“The mind hears what it wants to hear.” They said to me.

After they left to return to their own family I did some research on what they said and found to my horror that they were not entirely wrong.

The human capacity for imagination was well known, but what was seemingly overlooked was that humans lacked the ability to turn it off. Their minds could jump from thought to though faster than they could even breathe and what had started as the whimpers of a small rodent had led to my friends mind believing it was hearing the cackles of a nightmarish creature from beyond.

Their very mind had created the fear that drove them to madness.“

„ Sir „ The alien asked his commander

„ Why are humans considered one of the most dangerous species ?

They do not posses any special powers ,

They are dependent on so many factors to live

They are fleeing , their lifespan isn’t more than 2 centuries ? “

The commander stayed still . After a long pause , in which the alien soldier already admitted defeat he spoke :

“ Because they learn not to fear death.

Not all of them . But some.

They overcome the biggest unknown the universe offers . They simply conquer it . They risk their life’s for war , for emotions , sometimes even for fun. Fully aware that their one chance is so insignificant . Fully aware they might not live to even a century .”

The commander turned towards the soldier .

“ No other species has ever learned that. Even our race , that lives for millions of years , shivers and screams as the dark void that consumes everything comes to get us.

Humans are terrifying because they play with that void on a daily basis. Some of them even long for it.

Can you imagine , soldier ?

A human could live for only 20 solar circles and long for the unknown void . How could it feel so much in such short time span ? How could it look the horror that the unknown brings and reach out for it ?”

The aliens eyes widened, and he stepped back

“ Everybody fears the void . It’s impossible not too” He didn’t fully believe his commander . Yet he couldn’t deny the insanity with which humanity moved forward .

The commander made a sound that was considered a chuckle in their race .

“ Say that to the next human you meet and watch, how they defy that in every way .”