If You Wear Sunglasses Would You Turn To Stone Or Nah

Promise?

The gays just do it better

Gay🚀irl

You know what? Screw future cultural relevance. I want more songs that are immediately dated by name dropping technology. Give me early 2000s songs talking about calling people on your Motorola RAZR flip phone, allude to how much people are going to love your song by saying the CD will be so worn it’ll start skipping, tell me to turn the volume up on my Walkman, give me cultural flashbacks damn it!

hah, witch! why you mad? because my eldritch blasts severely and yours don't?

Prosecution: Your honor, the defendant has been scamming people into buying fake “immortality elixirs” for years!

Defense: Objection! Your honor, the defense requests the prosecution specify exactly how many years?

Prosecution: Gladly, your honor. As you can see from the arrest records submitted into evidence, the defendant has had the audacity to continue committing this felony for 148 years!

Judge: I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? The defendant has been selling immortality elixirs for 148 years?!

Prosecution: Yes, your honor, the earliest documented arrest was in 1886.

Judge: It’s 2014.

Prosecution: Yes, your honor.

Judge: And you don’t see anything weird about that? Anything at all?

Defense: In light of this stupidity, the defense demands the immediate release of my client followed by a drop of all charges and would like to file a lawsuit against the arresting officer for slander.

Judge: Yes. Right. Bailiff, please release the defendant. Oh, and bring me any of the elixirs taken into evidence.

something u need to understand about me is that me and my brain are NOT friends and she is NOT helpful to me. bitch gives me all these thoughts and feelings and is like "deal with these for me will u?" GIRL YOU'RE LITERALLY THE GUY IN CHARGE

The types of questions about my transition that my friends worry will make me uncomfortable: Are you gonna take your shirt off at the beach now?

The types of questions they ask that do make me uncomfortable: Does it make you sad that your father doesn’t respect you?

Time to go dig up another grave! You know, for science...

Me: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!?!

My med student best friend who’s had 3 hours of sleep in the last 2 days: Aye aye captain!!

Several seconds of silence

Her: Wait...

Me, putting a hand on her shoulder: It’s okay

in a constant state of ‘how dare you assume i know what i’m doing’ but also ‘don’t you dare question me or what i’m doing’