Just A Quick Reminder PSA For Cis People: It’s Not Okay To Ask Trans People Super Invasive Questions,

My family is the weirdest combination of rich white people and crazy-ass redneck

Like,

Our fridge has a designated beer drawer filled exclusively with cans of Bud light, but our silverware is organized by use, with the soup spoons separate from the regular spoons, the dinner forks separated from the desert forks, and the butter knives separated from the cheese knives, and each is used as such

Our welcome mat says “trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again” and then you walk into the house and immediately see an ornate china cabinet filled with polished silver china, directly to the left of which you will see a machete hanging from a rope on the wall

Upstairs you will find a TV sitting on top of a broken TV, using it as a stand, and if you walk farther down the hallway you will come across a full liquor bar, filled with respectable alcoholic beverages such as cognac, surrounded by pictures of women in the traditional “skimpy German Bar Wench” outfits, then directly opposite this is a random weight bench and various scattered exercise equipment on the floor, because there was space for it I guess

You’ve heard of Manic Pixie Dream Girl, now introducing:

Non-binary Neurodivergent Nightmare 

This. This is the level of sarcastic arrogance I strive to achieve; where even my weapons are snarky, contemptuous bitches

I have a friendship that is literally just this

Just her keeping me updated on all the shit happening in her life

I hate so many people I’ve never met, like, if we were walking and she was like, “yeah that’s Jared over there” I’d strait up punch a bitch and he’d have no idea why

#memes #funny 

Have you considered:

Modern furniture is a vengeful god that was never meant to be touched and all those who dare defy it will suffer eternal pain from the pits of hell

Real talk I hate modern interior design. I loathe it. I detest it in the personal vindictive way typically reserved for middle school bullies and extended family members who vote republican. Modern furniture design is grotesque, and not in the fun freaky way I respect. It is disgusting. It is morally indefensible. It has no back support, provides no comfort, no joy, no cushion for my tush or my spine. Minimalism does not exist for you, it in fact resents your very presence and the fact of your birth. These worthless sticks of chrome and pleather furniture are shaped solely to stroke the slimy egoes of fool designers & capitalists & hipster-cum-sports bars that charge $12 for an appetizer. Such morally defunct furnishings are for observation and corporate office waiting room decoration only, their raison d'etre is stubbed toes and back pain, they exist to punish you for having the needs of flesh, how dare you mistake them for friends

One of, perhaps the funniest conversations I’ve ever had:

Me: *explains double incision top surgery and why nipple grafts are necessary*

My dear friend, a cis woman: So do you get to choose whose nipples they are?

Me:

My friend:

Me:

Me: No honey, they’re my nipples. I do get to keep my nipples, they just borrow them for a minute.

My friend, absolutely delighted at this news: Oh! That’s good! I think it’d be a bit weird to have someone else’s nipples!

School really had me thinking my biggest problem was gonna be quicksand

Sorry man, it’s the rules, if you want to rob me you have to roll intimidation

Also, a dire bear has suddenly appeared behind you and you should probably do something about that

Remember- always carry some premade character sheets and a one-shot with you so if you’re mugged, you can distract your attacker by getting them to take part in an impromptu D&D session!

How my high school friend group was formed

I’m sorry but name ONE trope better than “broken people with different kinds of baggage come together and form their own family” there is nothing to top it