Sorry Man, It’s The Rules, If You Want To Rob Me You Have To Roll Intimidation

You have no idea how hard my dumb ass would slam into this sign

AKA any deer seen in the Midwest while drunk

A deer that seems to be following you.

You know, having had my name legally changed forever ago, it’s fucking wild to open random accounts and suddenly see my old name, like

*Ahh oop Jump Scare*

Pokémon Go!

I love jaywalking with strangers. They can’t kill all of us!!!

Edgar Allen Poe: There’s a body under the floorboards, it’s heart beats to the sound of your guilt.

Everyone else: umm...

Edgar Allen Poe: The raven knows your name, it knocks on your window, quoting forevermore.

Everyone else: You okay, bro?

Promise?

I was thinking about how vampires need permission to enter a home and then immediately thought: Damn, vampires would make really bad house burglars.

The puns! I live for the puns like this!

My sincerest apologies to everyone I told that my allergies got worse after taking testosterone, turns out I just needed to buy a nose hair trimmer, my bad lol