Hello, This Is A Longshot Saving Life Call, I Am Vivian From Gaza. I Am Here To Request For Your Support

thankyouuuuu 🩷🩷🫂🫂

22.12.2024 , Sunday

my physics exam didn't go well at all , actually yesterday sucked , the teachers didn't let us leave after our exams and we had to wait a long time, there were other things as well, just a bad day

Well tomorrow is my English exam!! I'm usually very excited for english because it's a relatively easy subject and actually quite interesting

It's just very..very lengthy.. literally.. I'm usually writing until the last second and my hands are cramping

I hope I'm able to manage the time well :))

I have gone over the writing format and I have to read a few chapters

Here's all that I need to do

the rattrap - selma lagerlöf

The interview - Christopher Silvester and Umberto Eco

Indigo - Louis Fischer

Poets and pancakes - asokamittran

Memories of childhood - zitkala-sa , bama

Tiger king - kalki

Journey to the end of the earth - tishani doshi

Aunt Jennifer's tigers - Adrienne rich

whew , I hope tomorrow doesn't suck , I'm able to finish all the questions and they let me leave after the exam!!!!!

Wish me luck!! (pray for me y'all) 🩷🩷🐝

OMGGAAAWWWWDDDDD SOOO LUCKY WOW!!!! CONGOO!! Your mom's a hero lol

I bought like 14 of them and got the main trio in the first 4 I opened, then I realised i spent wayy too much on this 🥹 (worth it)

I WANT HARRY POTTER KINDERJOY

Name/place/other things

(she/her) 🩷🌷 studyblr / writerblr / desiblr

hiii!! I'm pari - (puh-ree) this is actually the pet name that my family and or close friends call me by so I thought that'll make this account a bit more personal (it means fairy/angel 🧚)

Age : 18!!!!

Grade : - 12th+ / gap year

preparing for : jee mains and adv + fashion school + cbse boards improvement

My subjects are :

Physics

Chemistry

Maths

English

Physical education

hobbies 🌷: dancing, painting/sketching, reading/writing poetries , reading books, watching movies

____________________________________________

movies- I'm a self proclaimed cinephile, I'm a big bollywood munchie. I've actually grown up on bolly films and I think watching movies has kept me sane

favourite/comfort movies 🩷

yeh jawani hai deewani (prolly watched this 27271 times).

dil dhadakne do (criminally underrated)

taare zameen par (childhood trauma)

gangs of wasseypur (I'm from bihar so..).

jane bhi do yaaron (way ahead of it's time).

kal hona ho (srk fangirlism)

tamasha (relatable af)

_____________________________________________

music- I do listen to music quite a lot , my taste? everything except for the ones I dislike lol ,and i think because I learnt dancing ever since I was a child I tend to lean towards pop beats but I also listen to slow music quite a bit

favourite songs (at the moment) 🩷

Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call by bleachers

Pop Muzik by M,Robin Scott

Diet Pepsi by Addison Rae

I bet on losing dogs by mitski

Juno by Sabrina Carpenter

Femininominon & HOT TO GO! by Chappell Roan

Baawre by Shankar Mahadevan.

Believe by Cher

Ophelia by The Lumineers

G.O.A.T by Diljit Dosanjh

_____________________________________________

books/novels - I haven't read anything new in the past two years other than my academic books , but I'm interested in literature a lot and I'll read any good literary piece no matter the genre

favourite books 🩷:

The kite runner by Khaled Hosseini

Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

And the mountains echoed by Khaled Hosseini

Normal People by Salley Rooney

A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini

Under the oak tree by Suji Kim

____________________________________________

Why Tumblr?

I have had this account for a while but I only used it for reading smut 😶‍🌫️ lmao and now I want to use it to bring some decorum in my life.

I think writing a blog about my day is a good way to keep myself in check. I'll be treating this blog like my journal.

My lifestyle has been very messed up from the last two years , so along with studying, I'm also gonna focus on getting my shit together in general. this account would revolve around the same , but I also yap a lot so I'm gonna talk about some random musings as well :3 :)) ;)

[read the previous poems for context ly]

Letters from Juliet (IV)

I woke up today and realised

that it isn't about your name not being there on my lips

it's not about the roses not smelling like you

or the coffee not reminding me of us

or me not being afraid of thunder anymore

It's the fact that I wish it wasn't this way

I , deeply, desperately, delusionally wish for -

my lips to be stained by your name

not just roses but every single flower to remind me of you

me to be scared of every thunderstorm

and that is because

a part of me

a stupid godamn part of me

wishes that you'll be there to comfort me

maybe I'm still holding onto that part of me

a poet Ahmad Faraz once said

"ranjish hī sahī dil hī dukhāne ke liye aa

aa phir se mujhe chhoḌ ke jaane ke liye aa"

Just the thought of you coming back generates more happiness than the inherent pain of you walking away

which you will

you always do

with so much ease

it makes me question humanity

Maybe you didn't like me

but just for humanity,

I expected you to turn around

but you didn't

Or maybe you did and I didn't catch you

(Even though I haven't looked away since the first time I saw you)

how is it so easy for you?

how is it so hard for me?

did you ever have tears in your eyes for me?

No

No you didn't

I did

Way too many times

I have them in my eyes right now

I don't know why I have them

Maybe I am sad that you have left

maybe I am sad that I didn't leave with you

Maybe I am sad that you left with someone else

Maybe I am worried that this "someone" won't love you as much as I did

Maybe I am worried that this "someone" does love you as much as I did

Maybe I am angry that I made a fool of myself

That I wasted my time on you

maybe that's all you were

a waste of time and energy

maybe that's how I want to remember it

But the stupid part of me won't let that happen

I want to remember you as my first love

As the first person I shared a part of myself with

The first person who made me feel stupid

The person who made me a hopeless romantic

And then left me hopelessly

and now I want to turn into you

I want to pretend to care

I want to pretend to like someone

I don't want to be a hopeless romantic anymore

So that just the way I fixed you

Someone fixes me

I am sure many people want to

Many people are stupid like me

Yk the worst thing about habits?

they take 21 days to form

But won't even go away in 21 years

(I can't confirm it I'm still 16)

"Marne ke baad bhi meri aankhen khuli rhi

Aadat pari thi inhe intezaar ki"

~habits

maybe it's not even the "habit"

maybe it's just the aftertaste of it

maybe the aftertaste is like a scar

which heals over time but still leaves an imprint

"i looked down on my body

only to find myself drowned in those footprints

a sign of visitors"

I have to come to terms with it

That I am here and will always be

But you have walked away

far away

I have to let these scars heal

I have to

I can't let them stay open

they'll catch an infection

maybe I want them to

because that stupid part of me

hopelessly hopes that'll you'll come to treat it

that you'll kiss it better

you won't

someone will

someone will walk in to treat all the wounds they didn't create

someone will walk in to heal something they didn't break

"i saw the tides gently wipe away some of these footprints while leaving the most

only to make space for more visitors to come

the visitors leave , their footprints stay

until another visitor walks over them"

[please read the previous poems for context ly]

Letters from juliet (IV)

I woke up today and realised

that it isn't about your name not being there on my lips

it's not about the roses not smelling like you

or the coffee not reminding me of us

or me not being afraid of thunder anymore

It's the fact that I wish it wasn't this way

I , deeply, desperately, delusionally wish for -

my lips to be stained by your name

not just roses but every single flower to remind me of you

me to be scared of every thunderstorm

and that is because

a part of me

a stupid godamn part of me

wishes that you'll be there to comfort me

maybe I'm still holding onto that part of me

a poet Ahmad Faraz once said

"ranjish hī sahī dil hī dukhāne ke liye aa

aa phir se mujhe chhoḌ ke jaane ke liye aa"

Just the thought of you coming back generates more happiness than the inherent pain of you walking away

which you will

you always do

with so much ease

it makes me question humanity

Maybe you didn't like me

but just for humanity,

I expected you to turn around

but you didn't

Or maybe you did and I didn't catch you

(Even though I haven't looked away since the first time I saw you)

how is it so easy for you?

how is it so hard for me?

did you ever have tears in your eyes for me?

No

No you didn't

I did

Way too many times

I am drowing in them right now

I don't know why I have them

Maybe I am sad that you have left

maybe I am sad that I didn't leave with you

Maybe I am sad that you left with someone else

Maybe I am worried that this "someone" won't love you as much as I did

Maybe I am worried that this "someone" does love you as much as I did

Maybe I am angry that I made a fool of myself

That I wasted my time on you

maybe that's all you were

a waste of time and energy

maybe that's how I want to remember it

But the stupid part of me won't let that happen

I want to remember you as my first love

As the first person I shared a part of myself with

The first person who made me feel stupid

The person who made me a hopeless romantic

And then left me hopelessly

and now I want to turn into you

I want to pretend to care

I want to pretend to like someone

I don't want to be a hopeless romantic anymore

So that just the way I fixed you

Someone fixes me

I am sure many people want to

Many people are stupid like me

Yk the worst thing about habits?

they take 21 days to form

But won't even go away in 21 years

(I can't confirm it I'm still 16)

"Marne ke baad bhi meri aankhen khuli rhi

Aadat pari thi inhe intezaar ki"

~habits

maybe it's not even the "habit"

maybe it's just the aftertaste of it

maybe the aftertaste is like a scar

which heals over time but still leaves an imprint

"i looked down on my body

only to find myself drowned in those footprints

a sign of visitors"

I have to come to terms with it

That I am here and will always be

But you have walked away

far away

I have to let these scars heal

I have to

I can't let them stay open

they'll catch an infection

maybe I want them to

because that stupid part of me

hopelessly hopes that'll you'll come to treat it

that you'll kiss it better

you won't

someone will

someone will walk in to treat all the wounds they didn't create

someone will walk in to heal something they didn't break

"i saw the tides gently wipe away some of these footprints while leaving the most

only to make space for more visitors to come

the visitors leave , their footprints stay

until another visitor walks over them"

Update:

I was up till 5:30 am or something and after that too i couldn't sleep.

exam started at 7:15 and

it went wayy better than I thought it would , tho there were some tricky mcq ques , I did pretty good on the theory ques (I just yapped)

so what I'm saying is : pull that all nighter to complete your syllabus it's soo worth it (just take a nap later bbg)

also,

Physics exam is fucking tomorrow (killmenowpls)

02:40 AM

I have my physical education theory paper this morning (fml) never thought I would have to memorize yoga poses (fml again)

pulling an all nighter rn

3/6 chapters done , 3 more to go

I guess I'll stay up for an hour or two more take one hour nap and go for it (I'm not proud of myself ik)

mid-term week ; let's see if I finish mid-term or mid-term finishes me

To all Palestine supporters 🫂🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

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Goddess of Rot