Chaotic Thoughts - Blog Posts

Real footage the aftermath of me cooking ramen noodles

Freedom is both a gift and a curse, you can be a wild migratory bird for the rest of your life but the craving for a sense of belonging will always linger.

I am free and that is why I am lost - Franz Kafka

A random, self-insert story. Idk if I’ll continue it.

Just so you know, the inserted character acts nothing like me (they’re too extrovert), but they act in the way I wanted to act if I met her. Anyway, it’s just a silly and fun story that I wanted to write a lot. AO3

> Next chapter

Ray

It happened in a joyful day.

The garden was livid, full of flowers and colorful Nixies. A breeze flowed through, making the leaves dance on air, bringing a sense of calm in the disturbed mind who walked by.

It was impossible to don’t get mesmerized by her flaming hair. Crimson and wild, it seemed like fire itself. Her slim legs paced slowly in the grass, and the Nixies hurried to check out the bloody bandages. These were around her legs, arms and neck, but the woman seemed unbothered.

Instead, her face was hollow. The bags under her eyes told a tale, and her cracked lips continued it. Clouds could be seen in her red irises, simmering over dilated pupils that were focused beyond; far beyond from there.

For a moment, they looked up and noticed the tree over her. Its shadow was solid, protecting her frail skin from the sun.

It was perfect, truly.

Her legs immediately faltered and she fell over the roots. It was quite uncomfortable, but did it matter? She had been in worse conditions and yet, there she was, still alive. So she stayed there, eyes closed, with a pulsing numbness hovering in her body.

She did take more than the normal. She had to. They were so insistent... their voices, pleas and screams. They had crawled under her skin —thus the wounds on her body—, but no longer.

All she could hear were whispers slipping past like sand. The words were feeble, and she couldn’t make out their meanings. She didn’t want to. Didn’t care to.

Some would call it madness.

Peace, she named it.

There was nothing like the pure state of silence and unconsciousness. Fleeting memories would come and leave, no thoughts were required, and the outer world wouldn’t reach her.

For this reason, she frowned at the new stimulus from outside her mind.

“Hellooo,” hummed serene. “Are you fine?”

Goosebumps surged from the stroke on her cheek. So gentle, so sweet, barely touching her. It didn’t felt like Hiélo’s or Sylris’s. It was more… refreshing.

Kenyan opened her eyes and the world around was spinning. Everything was blurred and abstract, except the person in front of her.

“So you are alive!” They smiled and tilted their head. “You got me worried for a sec’, you know?”

Their voice settled in her ears, feeling like a massage in her brain. Soothing, relaxed, warm… she never heard anything like that, did she?

And their face was a sight. Radiant and beautiful, youthful in the tender light. They looked happy. Complete.

When and how did she kill them?

She stared and stared, watching as they accommodated themselves laid in the fresh grass. Their eyes shone at her, as if waiting for something.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I don’t remember you.”

“Of course you don’t, it’s the first time we met.” They giggled and held her hand. “Though I know you, Kenyan. You’re so awesome! I’ve always wanted to talk to you like this.”

She didn’t held their hand back. Not because she didn’t want, but because she didn’t have strength to. Somehow, the person seemed to know it.

“What are you doing here?” they asked.

Running. Escaping. Hiding.

“Resting,” she answered.

“Hmm, your garden is very beautiful, indeed a wonderful place to rest.” They nodded and then gasped. “Can I live here?! I promise to take care of everything while you’re out!”

Live there?

“Why?”

“Because it’s great, and I get to see you!” Their eyes smiled. “Will you come to visit me often?”

She blinked and her finger twitched. Who was that daring person? She didn’t say they could live there, but they’re asking if she’ll visit them. She never saw their face, but they talk as if they were long friends. How so shameless? How so casual? How so nice?

“Okay, I will.”

“Yey!” They cheered and got up in a jump. “You’re the best, Kenyan! See you soon, your love is coming to get you!”

And just like that, they left like they appeared.

…what was it? A spirit, a ghost or hallucination?

She didn’t even ask their name. So rude of her…

They said her love was coming; did they mean Sylris? People trust his words more than rumors, and he said so convincingly that they were deeply in love… yuck.

But for her surprise, the arms who held her weren’t Sylris. Even in her sick state, she knew it was Hiélo. Her love.

How did they know it?

Straining her eyes, she glanced at Hiélo who was visibly worried, carrying her to somewhere. He was rushing. So cute.

“Élo, did you see someone in the garden?…”

His ears twitched. “What did you say?”

“Short…” she mumbled half-awaken, half-asleep, “shiny, shameless, sheepish…” she chuckled. “Why am I ‘sh-ing’ everything?”

“Focus, Kenyan!” He held her slightly tighter. “Was somebody with you?!”

“I don’t know. They said they were gonna live there. It’s their home. Don’t shove them away.”

“Oh great evil...” He frowned and barked at the other guards, saying a lot of orders, but she wasn’t hearing anymore.

Her mind faltered beyond; far beyond from there. To where the person was. To when she was going to see them again.

She couldn’t wait for it.

Onokif

"Illusion". I was thinking about their daily lives, and I had an awesome idea (maybe no, but I like it).

Kenyan was in the forest with Hiélo, and he said something that made her laugh for real. Everything is normal so far. What changed is that Sylris was nearby, saw it, and took a picture of her (if they have magic, they have a way to take pictures).

Some days later, Kenyan found an enormous poster of her in the castle. All the servants thought she was amazing on it, so different from her usual self! However, Kenyan considered it a personal mocking, because it was a reminder of everything she wasn't anymore. Sylris didn't want to take it off, but she threatened to burn down the poster and the castle if he didn't, so he eventually gave up.

...and took it to his room. They had an agreement not to mess up each other's rooms, so Kenyan couldn't destroy the poster while it was there. Now she's trying to convince him to take that away, because it's too shameful to "deal" with Sylris while a happier version of her is judging her actions. You try to guess what actions, based on their appearance.

"You're insufferable."

"And you're so pretty when smiling, dear <3"

"Take this down."

"No, it was expensive, and a rare moment."

"I wasn't smiling for your picture, Sylris."

"What makes it all better! It means your dog is serving his purpose."

"Don't call him a dog!"