20.12.24 , Friday

Are you preparing for JEE?

Yes , I'm preparing for jee 2025 and I have my first attempt in january

I've actually started preparing late so idk how my first attempt will be ,but I'm gonna try my best and give both attempts.

I'll also be giving BITSAT :))

(I'm answering my first proper "ask" aaaahhh)

Unloved

As I sit in my room with

books scattered in front of me

My blankets bundled up because I don't bother to fold them

i wonder

What is so inherently unlovable about me

I'm just 17

nobody stays forever ,I know that

but with the fast moving lives everyone from my generation around me is living

I fail

I fail to make my parents proud

I fail to make my friends be there for me whenever I actually need them

heck , I fail to even get a boyfriend

I don't have one

never had one

every boy I have ever talked to has at one point just given up

they do call me beautiful

they do say they like me

but like everything and everyone around me they don't want anything "more" from me

with nothing in my hands

I often believe not even my parents love me

but maybe that's an exaggeration yk

they do stay unlike everyone else who just walks away

But

They don't help either

They do love me I know

They do support me I know

But it's just a rarity for us to just sit and talk

without fights

without my self esteem down the drain

I can't remember the last time I sat with my dad and discussed the latest Bollywood movies

I can't remember the last time I gossiped with my mom about our relatives

it's so funny that even for a family of three lovi under the same roof

we have managed to distance ourselves

so

If even the people i live with don't stay with me

who will?

and As I lay on my bed with

books scattered in front of me

My blankets covering up my face because I fear someone will see the tears swelled up

i wonder

What is so inherently unlovable about me

and i drift off to sleep

hoping to find the answers in my dream

thankyouuuuu 🩷🩷🫂🫂

22.12.2024 , Sunday

my physics exam didn't go well at all , actually yesterday sucked , the teachers didn't let us leave after our exams and we had to wait a long time, there were other things as well, just a bad day

Well tomorrow is my English exam!! I'm usually very excited for english because it's a relatively easy subject and actually quite interesting

It's just very..very lengthy.. literally.. I'm usually writing until the last second and my hands are cramping

I hope I'm able to manage the time well :))

I have gone over the writing format and I have to read a few chapters

Here's all that I need to do

the rattrap - selma lagerlöf

The interview - Christopher Silvester and Umberto Eco

Indigo - Louis Fischer

Poets and pancakes - asokamittran

Memories of childhood - zitkala-sa , bama

Tiger king - kalki

Journey to the end of the earth - tishani doshi

Aunt Jennifer's tigers - Adrienne rich

whew , I hope tomorrow doesn't suck , I'm able to finish all the questions and they let me leave after the exam!!!!!

Wish me luck!! (pray for me y'all) 🩷🩷🐝

Day 3/271 days until finishing my A-level resit

Pretty chill day today, met up with some friends tonight and was totally fascinated by some flowers they had in their living room :D

Did some essay plans for the evaluation of the cognitive perspective

Edited a 15 mark essay for my tutor next week

FINALLY finished off my Observational Methods Research essay!

I’m looking at trying some more study resources/methods. I’m currently using Quizlet and Notion a lot but I’d love some recommendations of other interesting resources!

Snack of the day ~ left over mac and cheese

19.12.2024, Thursday

My physical education theory exam went super well , I mean i guess it's supposed to be easy but I'm extremely satisfied and happy about it 🩷

but now...the next exam...is physics

I fkn have beef with Newton

so I gotta lock in

I have been doing "study vc" with my friends and it's helping a lot , just knowing that someone is also up all night with me is so reassuring :))

here's all I have to revise before I sleep -

electrostatic

current electricity

moving charges

magnetism

electromagnetic induction

alternating current

emi waves

ray optics

wave optics

i know it's a lot but i have to do it if I want to have time to revise the derivations :")

pray for me y'all!!!!!! 🦊🦊

LESSGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO

getting harry straight one out of two is crazzzyyyy luckk!!

I WANT HARRY POTTER KINDERJOY

Rainy Night in Tokyo // valvey_film

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

FINALLY GOT EM AFTER A WEEK OF SEARCHING!!! 😭😭

I WANT HARRY POTTER KINDERJOY

jimin riding the struggle bus all over connecticut feat. jungkook sometimes helping and sometimes not helping