Higuchi: I Sleep With A Gun Under My Pillow. Gin: I Sleep With A Knife. Dazai: You Two Are Pathetic.

posted this on insta but i feel bold enough to post it here too

This is the first time I’ve made digital art that I’m actually somewhat proud of 💀

I know Soukoku is an overrated ship. But the angst we can create with Dazai and Chuuya is such a specific flavor fucked up but painfully poetic that it’s hard not to at least find them interesting.

Like what about the Soukoku where Chuuya sees Dazai again after several years of separation, and he’s the same.

Chuuya sees Dazai, and sure, on the surface he seems like a changed man. Happier. Better. A person who fights for good.

But Chuuya knows Dazai, and he knows that Dazai is only pretending. He knows Dazai is trying so hard to be this other person. To be what Odasaku wanted. He’s gone and tried to change everything about himself but his name, yet no matter how desperate he is he cannot escape who he once was. Who he was in the Port Mafia. Who Mori trained him to be.

And Dazai knows Chuuya knows, but it’s such an easy comfort. His old habits are down right addictive, after all. Every moment spent with Chuuya, Dazai risks falling into who he used to be.

Neither of them want that, but the idea of the ever looming possibility that everything Dazai worked for could be ruined by the Chuuya’s mere existence and the act of Dazai loving him is so very compelling to me.

Genuinely, it’s so easy to see Sigma being tired of such big behind the scenes roles, even if it’s for the Agency.

Especially because the Agency seems to already have their fill of administration and support members. (The structure of that place is kind of a mess but it works very effectively.)

It would be nice to see Sigma go through the journey of trying to put himself into a place like that, only to realize that’s not he wants, and it’s not where he fits.

Being a part of a family doesn’t mean you have to be a member of their group or organization. The best families are the ones who let you choose the path that is best for you.

So then he ends up at the cafe, and is able to build his own life and identity in that space for the first time ever.

I don't want Sigma to become a detective, purely because I don't think that's what he wants either.

He wants the love, trust and care of the Agency, he wants the same bond Dazai has with the others. He's craving a home, a family, and the Agency is the first place he's seen have that.

But he's also highly strung and nervous, he doesn't seem to like being in combative and dangerous situations. Which being a detective would place him in. He does however seem to genuinely enjoy interacting with people and providing services for people.

He loved the sky casino and whilst the sheer size of his customer base overwhelmed him, he genuinely cared about that place and making people happy.

I think, if he does join the Agency, he should join it on the administrative side. He'd get to show off his organizational skills and he'd be helping people whilst staying out of action. He has great memory so going through case files and doing the behind the scenes research to aid the detectives out on the field would suit him well. He could also attend meetings with Fukuzawa, who hates having to talk business and help with the Agency's connections.

Alternatively, if he doesn't join the Agency, I think it would be fun if he also got a job at the cafe.

Again, I think he just enjoys customer service type roles and the owner has already adopted one stray in Lucy, why not another? Sigma and Lucy would be such a fun combo, I'd love to see them interacting with the Agency whenever they're in the cafe.

Recently I’ve been going back through BSD to do some analysis and I was thinking about Atsushi as the tiger, and what the tiger symbolizes.

I think the tiger is a good allegory for Atsushi’s views on himself as a person. And hear me out:

At the start of the story, Atsushi fears the tiger, but he also seems to hold some spite towards it due to it being the cause of him getting kicked out of the orphanage.

But then we learn that Atsushi is the tiger, and Atsushi himself feels terrible about it. There is suddenly no separation between himself and the tiger in his mind. They are one and the same, and he is just as responsible for everything as the tiger is. He hates the tiger, he doesn’t trust it, and he doesn’t understand it.

And he is the tiger.

It’s kinda common knowledge that Atsushi hates himself, nor does he trust himself, and that is reflected in the fact that the tiger is shown to be an uncontrollable, bloodthirsty creature. It does nothing good for anyone; just as Atsushi thinks he himself does nothing good or useful for anyone.

I’d also like to mention the fact that during chapter/episode one (1), when Atsushi is revealed as the tiger, Dazai is the one to stop it with his ability, and I think that’s an excellent little nod to how it is through Dazai (and by extension the rest of the ADA) that Atsushi is able to begin to trust himself more, and have more value in himself as a person.

Of course later on, Atsushi does make peace with the tiger, and it’s such a powerful moment because it’s not just Atsushi reconciling with the tiger, it’s Atsushi reconciling with himself as well. And I think it shows his growth as a character just fantastically.

I’m open to hearing the thoughts of others as well of course :]

“Is it okay if I draw fanart of your fanfic?👉🏼👈🏼”

My brother in Christ we shall have a spring wedding

im a fucking sucker for the “character gets so badly injured that they can’t think clearly and start calling for help in a distressingly vulnerable way.” characters who start using nicknames for their friends they haven’t used since they were kids. characters who start begging for their brother they haven’t seen in years to be there. characters who would usually use their parents’ names or call them mother/father/etc crying out mama when they go down. u understand.

Currently thinking about how the death of Polites fractured the dynamic of the crew which led to quite literally the rest of the Odyssey in EPIC the musical. The entire crew relied on this man and NO, I am not exaggerating.

Polites served as the temperance of Ody; the diplomatic and optimistic council who was a liaison between the captain and his crew. Why? Well, Polites is never acknowledged to hold any power in the crew (we're talking EPIC canon here) but is clearly respected and valued by the captain. This combination is familiar; the crew is comfortable approaching Polites because he's their equal and Polites is comfortable approaching Odysseus with their problems because they're friends. That is his role.

Now I have my own issues with Eurylochus but I do think he's written well. And I also do not think he is fully in the wrong. HOT TAKE I KNOW, but hear me out: Eury was Ody's right hand. Odysseus is clever but he's also pretty humble (excluding the whole "I am the infamous Odysseus" but Bro had a right to crash out there). Odysseus does not surround himself with "yes-men", he surrounds himself with friends who are willing to challenge him. Case and point; Eurylochus and Polites.

Polites challenges his morals and instincts - Polites is always trying to ensure that Odysseus is doing what is best for himself. "You can relax my friend" is not something you tell your leader to do casually. It's what you tell your friend to do when they're working themselves too damn hard. "Greet the world with open arms" is not what you tell your commanding officer who you're trusting to get you home.

Eurylochus challenges his decisions. Always does, in every scene and NO that is not a flaw. He serves as a point of resistance so that Odysseus is forced to consider every option carefully. He makes sure Ody has considered the worst-case scenario and is fully prepared to back him up when that happens. Bro was ready to burn the Lotus island down if his friends didn't come back. Eury is the guy who's willing to strike first and make the difficult decisions, much like Ody is. He is a good second in command.

The point is: the two filled massively different roles in the crew. Eury is supposed to challenge Odysseus and question his decisions - that is his job; to make sure that his captain is making the best decisions for the crew. Polites is supposed to support Ody; he is a friend, a confident, and a source of trust and camaraderie.

What makes them such a well-oiled machine is that they all have specific roles and they are good at them. Ody makes the plans and decides what battles to fight, Eurylochus takes initiative and counterbalances Polites optimism, Polites offers ethical and moral support while counterbalancing Eury's cynicism. That is why the crew works so well.

Odysseus has someone to rely on and someone to challenge him. The crew has someone to confide in and a second in command to consider their needs. They have a captain who listens to both. Eurylochus and Polites have each other to balance out and a captain who values their opinions.

It works. It's balanced. It's a powerful type of leadership.

Then Polites dies, and so does that balance.

Eurylochus finds himself having to fill two roles. He has to question his captain and calm the crew. He has to place complete trust in Odysseus as Polites did, but he can't. His and Ody's relationship has always been based on challenging one another to ensure that they're considering every angle. He has spent his entire life being critical of Odysseus' plans because he knows that's what he's supposed to do. He doesn't have blind faith, he's a realist - optimism and trust were Polites forte.

Odysseus finds himself without that support and line of connection to Polites. He grows disconnected from the crew because of it and flounders when it comes to dealing with Eurylochus.

This is seen clearly in the song: Luck Runs Out

Eury was not in the wrong for pointing out how fucking crazy it is to casually ask the Wind God for some help. Sure let's go knock on a god's door and ask for loose change; HELLO!? There are so many ways it could've gone wrong and it has always been Eury's job to point such flaws out. It's what he's always done - probably what he's done for Ody throughout the war.

But Odysseus? He just lost his best friend and his mentor. His entire support system is crumbling, so being challenged by the one person who he needs to have his back pushes him into a dangerous space as a leader.

On the one hand, he cannot afford to have Eury question his every move, especially since Polites isn't there to challenge him for Odysseus. Especially now that he doesn't have Polites instilling trust in the crew - he can't afford Eury's challenges to eroding what trust remains in his disheartened crew.

On the other, pushing Eurylochus away and demanding staunch obedience from him is so out of character for their relationship that all trust between Captain and SOC is suddenly up in the air.

That is why Eurylochus opens the windbag. Not because he wanted "treasure", but because the captain who demanded he "be devout" is not the captain he's followed all this time. The captain who sits awake for four days, eyes following every crewmember with a glimmer of distrust is not the Odysseus Eurylochus knows.

Eury knows Odysseus with Polites. If Polites had been alive, he would've been able to quell the crew's distrust because he would have had full trust in their captain. Odysseus would've been able to trust his crew because he could trust Polites. He cannot trust Eurylochus to have that same blind faith, because Eury doesn't have it; and the crew knows it.

Everything's changed since Polites

It's not a throwaway line; it's what the crew whispers to Eurylochus. He's different. He's changed. Odysseus is not the same. Maybe it is treasure. Maybe he's lying to us. How do we know? How do you know?

And Eurylochus doesn't know. He isn't certain. Odysseus is his friend and his captain; that's a difficult power dynamic to balance.

So Eury opens the windbag, because he doesn't trust Odysseus. It's a different sort of mistrust though - not one of constructive criticism from a friend, but earnest dangerous mistrust of your superior.

Eurylochus leads the mutiny, because that was always his role as Ody's right hand; to question and stand against what he felt was wrong. To speak for the crew as another leader.

But Eurylochus never wanted to be captain. He never wanted to betray his friend. He felt he had to - Yes, he was willing to leave crewmates behind in Circe's lair because he has always been willing to make those hard calls.

Odysseus? He so rarely does what Eurylochus wants to do because they are not the same person. Eury doesn't want Ody to be him (Eury has flaws, but ambition is not one of them. He recognizes he isn't a good leader hence he immediately falls back on Ody's judgment after the holy cow bit) - he wants Ody to listen to him and consider his insights. So for Odysseus to sacrifice six of their crewmates without a word to his friend - without consulting anyone - without leaving space for his right-hand man to question him... that is when Eurylochus loses faith in Odysseus. Because that is not his captain. He doesn't know who it is. But his captain would never.

Hypocritical? Yes. But also rather insightful.

And Odysseus? He loses the last pillar of support he has in the crew, not because Eurylochus changes - not even because he changes. He loses it all because it is doomed to fall apart without Polites. It was all doomed to fall apart when they lost their counterbalance.

It is not Ody's mercy or ruthlessness that kills them. It is not Eury's distrust. Both of those existed far before it all went to shit. It was Polites dying. It was the fact that the three of them were so well suited for leadership as long as it was the three of them.

It had to be the three of them.

augh i love the humanity themes w bsd but ive been thinking recently about yosano's ability and mori's exploitation of it in war as insight into fyodor because GOD. to take death away from humanity is to deprive them of the human right to die. the soldiers yosano was working with losing their minds, moving her place as angel from something like worship to this seething hatred. because by refusing them death, she has taken their very humanity from them

and with fyodor, who CANT die. who is killed and replaces his killer over and over and over for CENTURIES, his humanity is long gone. like almost everyone in bsd, hes searching for companionship - an equal. but he wont find one, because his humanity died a very very long time ago and he has abandoned any genuine path to get it back. like verlaine, he believes he can only find an equal in someone as inhuman as he is, but in both cases theyre Wrong about the person theyre seeking it from.