It’s 1 Am And I’m Arguing With Myself About Why Jimmy Jr Is Transfemme (i’m Winning)

reminder that there is a timeline in which bob belcher is a famous, incredibly hot, himbo of a secret agent (code name duchess) with retrograde amnesia who is a stepdad to the kids for 2 months, doesn't know tinas name, speaks russian and kills 4 KGB agents in the restaurant, running away from the family so they don't get killed. he then immediately forgets them. just putting out the fact that the kids watch their dad kill 4 people in front of them and never see him again <3

guys brilliant au idea but i cant draw so if anyone who can draw sees this feel free to draw smth based off it

its vaguely like the fresh meat au except bob and linda get arrested. hear me out.

the family is still technically a cannibal family but the kids dont know. bob and linda put human meat in the burgers, all their food, they kill and slaughter people, but the kids have no idea this is happening. when tinas 11 (genes 9, louise is 7), bob and linda get arrested for killing people and eating them. the kids are then in and out of orphanages and the streets, and tina has to spend some time in a hospital because of mental illness, but eventually mickey and the other carnies take them in for good. the au takes place two years after the show does (louise is 11, gene is 13, tinas 15 in high school), and the kids are trying to lead normal lives in carniapolis.

individual characters

mickey - their main father figure, the kids live in his trailer, hes still a sort of sketchy guy but has a fairly stable job and loves the kids, a really good guy, not very different from the show but is more worried about the kids now, especially tina because she remembers everything

louise - big goof, kind of a hooligan, wears pajamas pretty much everywhere, still wears her hat, a lot less socialized, curses way too much, has a lot of flashbacks of her parents in her nightmares, sleeps really poorly, a lot more messy, starts play fights a lot more, still close with rudy when she comes back to middle school, clings to tina and misses her at school, all the kids are fluent/semi-fluent in a couple of languages but because she's been speaking spanish since she was seven, she speaks in mostly spanglish now, punk and 2000s emo fan, same sorta relationship with mickey that she had with linda, her parents kind of feels like ghosts that never even had the respect to haunt her

gene - a lot like louise he is also a little more punkish, only eats junk food, sisters have to force him to shower, still plays his little casio but its a lot more decorated and falling apart, kept one of lindas scarves and wears it everywhere he goes, snores loud as FUCK, even worse at reading rooms, met alex and courtney and are close with both of them, also knows spanish but is also fluent in russian because of a carnie named Georgi (doesnt exist but i made them exist), he picked it up so fast!! (ref to eugene mirman), listens to classic hiphop and jazz, close with mickey in the way he was close with bob, remembers his parents fairly well but feels more upset theyre gone than mad at what they did

tina - pretty similar to her original character, just more emotionally muted, like similar to the first seasons but maybe more angry, pretty blank and silent until shes around her siblings, then she gets more animated and seems a bit happier, remembers all of it the most, learned to be a really good fighter, incredibly strong but too thin, gives most of her food to louise and gene, very messy oversized clothes, sweaters and jewelry she made herself, cries in her sleep, when she goes back to school (she's the last to do so), all her old friends (jj, zeke, jocelyn, tammy, susmita, etc.) sit next to her silently and act like she was always there (shes so grateful they never treated her differently even after everything), knows a lot of languages, fluent in english and spanish very good at mandarin knows a little bit of italian and knows every russian curse word, listens to riot grrrl and old hippie rock mickey showed her, very close with all the carnies, especially a lady named Bernie (also does not exist in canon, i made her up), remembers everything, still loves her parents more than anything, just wants them back in her life

bob and linda - in prision, rotting like the people they killed, as much as i love them in canon, this version of them deserves to rot

it sucks when im limited by my age and all i can do is sit in my room and silently be trans instead of protesting. people are putting their safety on the line to protect me, and all i can do is like tumblr posts about it.

theres something that seriously bothers me about linda from phineas and ferb. i know her not believing candace was the joke, but something felt really weird about it??? candace would tell her insane shit and linda would just think she was lying i guess, or just imagining it. but if she was imagining it, wouldnt that be crazy alarming? if you saw your daughter EVERYDAY telling you that she saw her little brothers build a giant rollercoaster in the backyard or split her into two versions of herself or take her to literal space, youre telling me you wouldn't be worried for her? i would be!! and reasonably so!! lindas just like "my daughters a little crazy" YOUR DAUGHTER IS SEEING SHIT THAT ISNT THERE. (it is there but we're going off the basis that linda does not believe its there) candace literally sees a zebra talk to her and linda does nothing. sure phineas and ferb treat candace poorly but a) theyre around 10 years old and likely autistic and probably don't realize theyre hurting her and b) when they do realize they hurt her, they feel bad!! linda does NOT handle shit well im sorry

sorry hugo stans i cant fucking stand that bitch! also logan, sorry i really dont get the hype.... i am also not a louigan shipper. i am sorry mutuals.

the belcher kids are all very different people but i feel like they have two headcanons that i share for all of them: they all really appreciate ironic clothes and hats, and they all get teachers yelling at them to stop talking in class. gene talks really loudly in general, but so does courtney, so they end up having the loudest "whisper" conversations in the back of the class and their teachers always get mad, mostly about music and stuff. louise is normally pretty quiet when she sits near her friends but one time chloe sat in front of her and they just kept talking shit about each other incredibly loudly. a fight almost broke out. tina and susmita talk about ghosts, aliens, and cryptids in the back of class a lot, theyre not really being disruptive on purpose its just they really like talking about those sorts of things together and cant contain themselves if theyre sat near each other. its funny cause most teachers adore them for being respectful and quiet, but if they sit near each other its all over. its not really a problem with any of her other friends, in fact most teachers make her sit next to sam, but with susmita its like they cant stop talking. no one knows why.

I love Jason so much thank you for giving us Dipper cover of Espresso

people making gender bent bobs burgers stuff and saying things like “oh tina would be tim or troy or tobias or whatever other boy name” DANIEL. ITS DANIEL.

put three f/f ships you like in the tags. doesnt matter how obscure or embarrassing the media, go for it. and no, your m/m ship doesnt count as women

congrats to me for realizing im lesbian only after i dated a man. thank god thats done with.