NOT MY ART

Nothing in the world belongs to me

Not happiness

Not misery

Not numbess

Not love

Not the tide and sea

All I have is the emptiness that inhabits thee

I cant stand to be myself

Drowning ship in the vast darkness of thoughts

Rain splashing down gently on the habour and all

The tide shortens but my heart keeps beating

The fish swim away and the jellyfish glow curiously

The ship slowly gets dragged in

Wilting and shedding sorrow like centaurea cyanus

Will this black pit in the sky ever cases?

Will these penumbra shackles ever release?

Will the ship ever sail again through the sea?

Will someone rescue and restore its sinking reality

The moon, the stars, and the children of the sea all watch with pityfull eyes

For The ship they can no longer see

Forever Lost in the night

In the stary sky

In the rains eye

All on alone

Floating away from thee

Trapped to try and reach the top of a sapphire sea

The ships' livelihood now a mere memory

I always feel like I do something wrong for talking about how I'm feeling idk why

I find it sad..that there are so many people so many lifes and realities I'll never get to experince, so many people I won't be able to be freinds with, so many people who i want to be but am defiant off, I look around and see an ocean of stories and hobbies and names and peraonalities but just like the real one the whole ocean is unatainable, maybe its my fault for not being content with the people around me on but when I get a new hyper fixations on a person I start to realise all the people around me, the people laughing and talking to their freinds people watching as their freinds play games or paying for someone elses food, all the lives I'll never get to know..all the life I'm missing out on, perhaps I'm just trying to fill my ever lasting hole of lonliness or perhaps I'm trying to fill my heart with somthing ive pushed away, but ill always hate knowing theres a life out there..I'll never know.[Not my art]

I want to experience a million realities in one. I often wonder what my life would be like if i had made different actions if i had made different choices, different desires, and goals. I feel quite tethered to my universe sometimes, i mean.... I've just made these choices, and that's it, i can never go back, never un do never see what might have been? It feels funny that everything you do once you do it is just set in stone. My name is [......] but i dont quite like my name, so you can call me Ell,Victoria,Tori, or Jane. I've claimed lots of names as you can see, none of them being mine. But back to what i was saying, why must everything be how it is? Why must everything just....be? As much as my will to do anything has died, i still bere fading interests. I want there to be a reality where im a teacher, a poet, an author, a jazz artist, a painter, an illustrator why must I be a tired girl who cant acheive anything or do anything at all. If it's not become apparant, i have many dying interests. I think the only one im still passionate about is writing....and reading.. that's about it. Not even just passions and hobbies why cant there be a reality where i have longer hair, smaller eyes, a nicer body, more feminine features? Why are we tethered to one body one mind one reality? It seems like a rather silly question if you believe in past lives, but even those dont fufill what I mean. Even if i was all these things in another universe, im destined not to remember them. It doesn't matter much i guess. I dont feel in tune with any of those things anyway. I dont quite know what i want from the world because if i were to rembember all these other lifes I'd probably go crazy in worry about the next one but then again im already borderlining on crazy so whats one more reality with it?[Not my art]

I think I've realised I'm bad luck. Everyone I meet every person I interact with as soon as I come into their lives. It all seems to turn to shit. Every second everyday I'm tourmented with paranoia that gets worse with people and I've found that that it manifests itself and fucks up other people's life. I feel like everyone would be better off without me, and I honestly wish they'd see that too, I think I have attachment issues because as soon as I befriend or come close with someone, I instantly desire to leave them, somtimes for selfish intent and somtimes for altruism but none the less I always do. I wish I had the guts to cut people of cold because as soon as I enter somones life as nice as I try to be I fuck up everyone around me without trying. I don't think I want to do that again. I dont think anyone deserves that, and I dont think I deserve anyone else. No one seems to be able to see that eventually, I'll just end up dragging people down. I'm a very avid reality thinker I often think of every conceivable reality where maybe things could be different but I know everyones life would be better if I wasnt in it, I'd rather they pain staklingly get support then wallow in their sadness while I coddle them, I've given up on myself and so should they. Im the losing dog that people bet on, and unbeknownst to them, they shouldn't.[Not my art] [Oc writing read desc for context]

When I like or relate to a character enough, I'll often take their name and use it for myself. Im not quite sure why i do this if im being honest, I dont do it very often to but when i find a character, i really love. i can't help but want to be like them. i dont like my name at all. It has no elegance or interest in it or anything remarkably nice about it. "......" It's boring, but i suppose all names are after a while. It has 6 letters in it, which is a cold number, but it is even, and it has mostly warm letters, which are nice [I dont like cold numbers or odd numbers]. It means something to do with religion, which is ironic cause im probably going to end up in hell anyway. None of my close friends call me it anyway, I'm usually referred to ell although i wouldn't mind more people calling me tori or jane, which are all names I've taken from characters i like. Tori/victoria from Solitaire, Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone, my favourite musical, and the genderbent version of Edd from eddsworld Ell. [who I have since claimed as my own character]..it feels silly but when i find somthing or somone i can really relate to i desire to have some sense of similairty of closeness with them wich i find the easist to achive with name, albeit it has created this sort of affect where i feel i have no real name at all. Although theres only 3 I've really taken on I've been told that i have lots of actual names that my parenrs have aince forgotten with of course the addition of the various ways to say my name and the english version. But if im being honest, im not sure I'll ever have a name that will ever fit me, meaning or sound wise. I guess that it's my fate to be nameless and avoid any proper recognition, and so in addition to my void, i can now add a blank sheet signed "nameless."[Not my art]

I feel very insecure in my feminity. Ever since I've started going to "..." I've noticed that as feminine as i like to be, compared to the other girls, I look quite like a boy. They all have long hair and nice boobs with big butts and things like that. My hair used to be longer, but i started to pick it out because there was always oil and things stuck in it, which made me feel a little disgusting. Once in engineering, a kid looked straight at me for a full minute and went, "I honestly can't tell if it's a boy or a girl." It. As if i was an object. (People who use it/its pronouns are totally valid) It didn't bother me at first, but it started to later on. I dont have long hair or long flowy eyelashes.. I dont have a nice curvy body or anything that counts as "Feminine." To be fair i used to be a wannabe masc so i guess he wasnt that far off but now I like to be as elegant and girly as possible [although i never get the chance to] so i guess it just bothered me. I even got told i look like I'd be a tomboy, and when i said "i like Maxi Dresses," he went "oh," so that didn't help much. I dont know why it bothered me so much.. I want to be looked at and seen as a beautifully haunting person. Even if i can't be seen as beautiful, I wouldn't want to be seen as a tomboy. Not even just that, but all the girls in my school wear their shirts as if they have to cling on to them for dear life or something while im here in my baggy shirt and sweat pants. For as long as i can remember, I really never knew how i wanted to dress or look. That is, of course, until i figured out what an aesthetic was and had a slight identity crisis, but I'd quite like to be seen as feminine. I dont particularly want to feel or be seen as a boy.. if you dont want to be seen as one, it kinda sucks. I very rarely look back on when i used to be a wannabe masc but i do remember on how i was barely sure i wanted to be like that and I'm still not completely sure if i want to be like who i am now.[Not my art]

I've always really liked the rain. I don't know why so many people think of it as a sort of burden. It's quite corny, but I'd like to just sit in the rain and hear it hit the top of my umbrella as i read or listen to music or something. I like to come up with reasons as to why we have the rain [of course, I know the scientific reason but the fantasy ones are so much more fun] My favourite one is the rain comes from the weeping of a villain who's just found their town destroyed they expected to be the hero but along the way, they were broken till they got blindsided by their goal, without realizing they were the downfall of their once lovely town. I think the rain is quite romantic, to be honest. All the most meaningful moments im movies usually happen in the rain or witt a rain like atmosphere at least. I would rather enjoy the sound of it on Windows, too. It's soothing in a way.. Lots of people say they hate the rain and that's fine but who hasnt sat in a car on a long drive watching the trees cars and the world pass by them as the rain falls almost In slow motion tapping on the car and windows lightly.. it's corny, I know, but still. I like to put on soft music and listen to it and the rain. It's also just very calming when you're busy working or writing. Has anyone ever taken a good look at the rain? oh, to sit in a room and stare as the raindrops slide down your window. Sometimes, I imagine that the raindrops are in a sort of race, and I start rooting for one, but then my raindrop starts and is losing. I go onto another one like abt sleazy manager would. I know that's quite silly, but I quite like it, i guess. I'm fine with liking the rain, although lots of kids say it gives the main character syndrome, which makes me want to drop dead. I wish I could go out in the rain and sit quietly and read even if it's just for a split second. Most people would call me cringe as if just letting me enjoy what I like is so hard. They'll say it's pick-me behaviour when people want to dance in the rain wich I don't get why, I think Dancing in the Rain looks quite therapeutic- of course with a raincoat and a sweater on. people should try it rather than judging others for wanting to do it. Rain is lovely, and I will stand by that opinion until the day that I finally die. The villain would, too.[Not my art]

I think most of my life is being scared over simple human things, i truly dont know whats wrong with me but i despise the person i am, i hate the feelig that i get when a pit in stomcach resides and i have to live with the memory of a simple human error I committed,I dont mean to be rude I dont mean to be creepy I dont mean to hate people I don't mean any of it. If a time machine was a real concpt I'd simply use it to fix the itty bitty mistakes I made that no one would give a second thought to, if im not perfect and surpress everything I made to be well than I am an individual who does not deserve to live. I hate wallowing in the things I've done, constantly thinking of the choices I make and the things I end up doing, I am forever stuck in my mind and will rot away as my blackened hole grows.[Not my art]

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I am reham, his condition, and all the families of Gaza are very difficult, they do not have the necessities of life, no medicine, no food, no health, no education, nothing but death and destruction I appeal to everyone who sees my campaign to stand by my family, Whether by donating or sharing the story with your friends to raise an amount that will help my family get out of Gaza safely 💔🍉

I am a nurse at Nasser and Al-Khair Hospital in Khan Yunis I also used to work for Dentist K But at the present time, I have lost my job, which was a source of income for me and my family in the past, and now all I will have left is the donation link that I made in order to help my family, about thousands.But it takes timeI hope to achieve the goal of my campaign.

I also want to do charitable work and spread the first aid course to children and women because we really need that urgently at the present time because of this war and genocide that we are exposed to.I lost my brother because of this war, and I really miss him. The loss is painful.

I have been afflicted with a great emptiness and depression because of his distance from me. I hope you pray for him too, may God have mercy on him. 💔🥺🙏

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