pessimisticmusicbox

Latest Posts by pessimisticmusicbox

NOT MY ART

Hello all I hope your having a lovley evening day or night, im just posting these pictures here because I need help on a character. I was just wondering what one may describe the clothing the characters are wearing as or what aesthetic it may be. Ive tried clown and jester but it hasnt really helped so im seeking help here, any help would be very appreciated<33 if I had to choose the one most accurate to what im imagining I'd say 4 and 3.

Posted this on tiktok but wanted to share it here too. Pls pls pls interact rtc fandom 🙏🙏

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR AROMANTIC PEOPLE AND IF YOU THINK THEY ARE VALID

I want to see how many people actually are willing to say this and not just act like it

Please try donate

Emergency, read my story and help me ‼️

Please Share Or Replog Or Donate For My Family 💔🙏

I am reham, his condition, and all the families of Gaza are very difficult, they do not have the necessities of life, no medicine, no food, no health, no education, nothing but death and destruction I appeal to everyone who sees my campaign to stand by my family, Whether by donating or sharing the story with your friends to raise an amount that will help my family get out of Gaza safely 💔🍉

I am a nurse at Nasser and Al-Khair Hospital in Khan Yunis I also used to work for Dentist K But at the present time, I have lost my job, which was a source of income for me and my family in the past, and now all I will have left is the donation link that I made in order to help my family, about thousands.But it takes timeI hope to achieve the goal of my campaign.

I also want to do charitable work and spread the first aid course to children and women because we really need that urgently at the present time because of this war and genocide that we are exposed to.I lost my brother because of this war, and I really miss him. The loss is painful.

I have been afflicted with a great emptiness and depression because of his distance from me. I hope you pray for him too, may God have mercy on him. 💔🥺🙏

Donate 5$ enough the change my life

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

instagram account @/nutella_i_i .

https://gofund.me/a08653d7

https://gofund.me/a08653d7

Verified link 👇

https://www.tumblr.com/rehamyasirr/756536175917940736/i-am-so-grateful-for-your-participation-in-my?source=share

Verified link 👇 :

90-ghost

Verified by @palestinegenocide @queerstudiesnatural @90-ghost @el-shab-hussein @northgazaupdates @apollos-olives @riding-with-the-wild-hunt

I hate the idea that I've hurt somone, I can't stand thinking that I'm the reason somome has cried or felt alone and miserable, I dont ever seem to have reason for my actions I just don't think. I dont seem to ever think. I dont want people to worry about me or spend time thinking about me or even spend time on me in general and I feel as if im always doing somthing to hurt a person even by accident and that's somthing ill never be able to take back. "I'm not a mean dog.. I dont know why I bite.."[Not my art]

I think most of my life is being scared over simple human things, i truly dont know whats wrong with me but i despise the person i am, i hate the feelig that i get when a pit in stomcach resides and i have to live with the memory of a simple human error I committed,I dont mean to be rude I dont mean to be creepy I dont mean to hate people I don't mean any of it. If a time machine was a real concpt I'd simply use it to fix the itty bitty mistakes I made that no one would give a second thought to, if im not perfect and surpress everything I made to be well than I am an individual who does not deserve to live. I hate wallowing in the things I've done, constantly thinking of the choices I make and the things I end up doing, I am forever stuck in my mind and will rot away as my blackened hole grows.[Not my art]

I find it sad..that there are so many people so many lifes and realities I'll never get to experince, so many people I won't be able to be freinds with, so many people who i want to be but am defiant off, I look around and see an ocean of stories and hobbies and names and peraonalities but just like the real one the whole ocean is unatainable, maybe its my fault for not being content with the people around me on but when I get a new hyper fixations on a person I start to realise all the people around me, the people laughing and talking to their freinds people watching as their freinds play games or paying for someone elses food, all the lives I'll never get to know..all the life I'm missing out on, perhaps I'm just trying to fill my ever lasting hole of lonliness or perhaps I'm trying to fill my heart with somthing ive pushed away, but ill always hate knowing theres a life out there..I'll never know.[Not my art]

Wet socks are so uncomfortable😭

Every so often, I am reminded of my dysfunctional brain as it scrambles to remember thoughts that I feel that I do not have anymore and have lost in the deep sea of changing desires and misery and Like my sanity my brain is slowly decaying with every passing day as I have denied myself a rose coloured life and wallow in the tainted window of my own self reflection and hinder on every small detail of every small thing I did to mess up. Everything in the world is my fault. If I can't save everyone, then I dont deserve saving.[Not my art]

Every so often my fast beating heart, hole in my stomach and reason for my ever lasting disdain comes back and I feel as though the world is collapsing in on itself as there is nothing I can do to help, so all I can do is wallow in my selfishly horrid misery accompanied by the lasting memory of where the present was not nie and I had no reason to be flocked with the thoughts of how selfishly drowned I am in my own feelings[Not my art]

Nothing in the world belongs to me

Not happiness

Not misery

Not numbess

Not love

Not the tide and sea

All I have is the emptiness that inhabits thee

I cant stand to be myself

Drowning ship in the vast darkness of thoughts

Rain splashing down gently on the habour and all

The tide shortens but my heart keeps beating

The fish swim away and the jellyfish glow curiously

The ship slowly gets dragged in

Wilting and shedding sorrow like centaurea cyanus

Will this black pit in the sky ever cases?

Will these penumbra shackles ever release?

Will the ship ever sail again through the sea?

Will someone rescue and restore its sinking reality

The moon, the stars, and the children of the sea all watch with pityfull eyes

For The ship they can no longer see

Forever Lost in the night

In the stary sky

In the rains eye

All on alone

Floating away from thee

Trapped to try and reach the top of a sapphire sea

The ships' livelihood now a mere memory

“I don’t want people to be worried about me. There’s nothing to worry about. I don’t want people to try and understand why I’m the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that. And I don’t understand yet. I don’t want people to interfere. I don’t want people in my head, picking out this and that, permanently picking up the broken pieces of me.”

- Tori Spring, Solitaire (2014)

I always feel like I do something wrong for talking about how I'm feeling idk why

I often wish I wasn't inside my own body, not from hatred of my body or anything but hatred of myself as a whole, I hate having my thoughts and having my feelings I hate everything about my surroundings and reality. I often wish we weren't the main character In our own lives because I hate being the most important person in mine, I hate the sense that all kids where there thie feeling that the world resolves around them because I know it doesn't but its just somthing I can't shake. I dont like being in my body, my face, my mind, my home, my reality, my Universe, galaxy, I don't like being....in my shoes. I wish I was a narrator watching over everyone and everything I hate the feeling of being in my own thoughts and mind it makes me for so horribly self centered "This is my fault" "is he mad at me?' "I shouldn't have done that." Simple things, simple thoughts make me feel so caught up in my own world and reality. Why must I be forced to inhabit a person whom I don't want? I wish I could be anything else, anything other than here, anything other than me as a whole. I'm not completely sure what I'm asking to be honest, I dont know if I want to narrate over people's lives be able to switch from different people or just be god themselves but I do know I don't want to be..me I'd rather just be no one.

I dont think I'll ever be able to believe someone when they say their okay. I tet so paranoid, and i can never ever believe a word they say I feel like I need physical evidence, and if they've lied once, I'll never believe it again.

Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep forever. When anything happens, big or small, if I start dwelling on the past or the things I don't confront, if I start thinking of how defiant I am to liking myself, or how defiant I am of giving myself peace my solution is always to sleep. Being asleep is like a fever dream, and to me, it's a reset button to when the problems in one's life become to apparent. When you're asleep 9 times out of 10, you're not in your reality, but somewhere else, it's so stupidly pathetic, but I often wish I had no friends no family and no one who cared about me so I could just sleep an be somewhere else all day. I sometimes think no one understands how weird the concept of sleep and dreaming is like.. you just close your eyes, and your consciousness is just gone? Your body does all ghese things to repair itself, and you don't even know any of it? I think it's rather interesting and it's. A nice way to avoid your problems. I sometimes desire to never have to speak to anyone. I always plan to just sleep and ignore reality. Ignore my friends. My family ignores myself ignore "her" ignores everyone around me, and just..be gone." Because being gone is better than stewing in my feelings.

Every so often, I get slightly tiered if asking people if they are okay, I want to help people I do, but at some point, it becomes sort of draining if the other person never bothered to ask back. Sometimes, being caring can be rather lonely because when the people you know constantly give something wrong but never ask about you, then it can get rather isolated. Although I'm slightly contradicting myself as I can't accept help because I don't want to bother people with my problems, at the same time I at least want to be asked yk?[Not my art]

when is your birthday :)?

April the 18th :DD thank you for the question :DD

I think I'm more inclined to help my freinds and such than they are to help me. Even if it is paranoia that leads it I fel like I always ask if there okay when there off and try my best to help writing them essays and tips on how to help getting them to talk to me and coaching then through it but I can't remember the last time any of them matched that kind of care. I feel shitty for saying it, but after a while, you start to notice these things. I'm not very inclined to ask for help, and the few times I have done, I just apologised every single time, but even simply having someone acknowledge that you're not okay still feels quite nice. Amd whats worse is that im never okay Ive seemed to say this many times and yet no one cares to respond but for once in my life I want somone watching there tone, making sure they seem happy and going out of there way to not upset them and constantly asking if there okay to me. For once, I want to feel like they care for me as much as i care for them. Even just once.[Not my art]

Glass bottles [Tw Blood]

When I was little, i had these plastic glass bottles

The first thing I did was spit my blood inside

I watched it sloth around as the cork got stained with red

I liked looking at my blood it was like a part of myself I woefully shed

My own blood I had decided to hide away and store.

My own blood, I let rot along, soaking into the cork.

Days later, i was going to eat it but saw the blood dried and faded almost dead

It was on the sides and screw this horrible brown colour, almost the embodyment of dread

Yet i still cleaned it out and ate it

My desperation is unmet.[Not my art] [character poem]

I think I've realised I'm bad luck. Everyone I meet every person I interact with as soon as I come into their lives. It all seems to turn to shit. Every second everyday I'm tourmented with paranoia that gets worse with people and I've found that that it manifests itself and fucks up other people's life. I feel like everyone would be better off without me, and I honestly wish they'd see that too, I think I have attachment issues because as soon as I befriend or come close with someone, I instantly desire to leave them, somtimes for selfish intent and somtimes for altruism but none the less I always do. I wish I had the guts to cut people of cold because as soon as I enter somones life as nice as I try to be I fuck up everyone around me without trying. I don't think I want to do that again. I dont think anyone deserves that, and I dont think I deserve anyone else. No one seems to be able to see that eventually, I'll just end up dragging people down. I'm a very avid reality thinker I often think of every conceivable reality where maybe things could be different but I know everyones life would be better if I wasnt in it, I'd rather they pain staklingly get support then wallow in their sadness while I coddle them, I've given up on myself and so should they. Im the losing dog that people bet on, and unbeknownst to them, they shouldn't.[Not my art] [Oc writing read desc for context]

I've always really liked the rain. I don't know why so many people think of it as a sort of burden. It's quite corny, but I'd like to just sit in the rain and hear it hit the top of my umbrella as i read or listen to music or something. I like to come up with reasons as to why we have the rain [of course, I know the scientific reason but the fantasy ones are so much more fun] My favourite one is the rain comes from the weeping of a villain who's just found their town destroyed they expected to be the hero but along the way, they were broken till they got blindsided by their goal, without realizing they were the downfall of their once lovely town. I think the rain is quite romantic, to be honest. All the most meaningful moments im movies usually happen in the rain or witt a rain like atmosphere at least. I would rather enjoy the sound of it on Windows, too. It's soothing in a way.. Lots of people say they hate the rain and that's fine but who hasnt sat in a car on a long drive watching the trees cars and the world pass by them as the rain falls almost In slow motion tapping on the car and windows lightly.. it's corny, I know, but still. I like to put on soft music and listen to it and the rain. It's also just very calming when you're busy working or writing. Has anyone ever taken a good look at the rain? oh, to sit in a room and stare as the raindrops slide down your window. Sometimes, I imagine that the raindrops are in a sort of race, and I start rooting for one, but then my raindrop starts and is losing. I go onto another one like abt sleazy manager would. I know that's quite silly, but I quite like it, i guess. I'm fine with liking the rain, although lots of kids say it gives the main character syndrome, which makes me want to drop dead. I wish I could go out in the rain and sit quietly and read even if it's just for a split second. Most people would call me cringe as if just letting me enjoy what I like is so hard. They'll say it's pick-me behaviour when people want to dance in the rain wich I don't get why, I think Dancing in the Rain looks quite therapeutic- of course with a raincoat and a sweater on. people should try it rather than judging others for wanting to do it. Rain is lovely, and I will stand by that opinion until the day that I finally die. The villain would, too.[Not my art]

Cheese

When I like or relate to a character enough, I'll often take their name and use it for myself. Im not quite sure why i do this if im being honest, I dont do it very often to but when i find a character, i really love. i can't help but want to be like them. i dont like my name at all. It has no elegance or interest in it or anything remarkably nice about it. "......" It's boring, but i suppose all names are after a while. It has 6 letters in it, which is a cold number, but it is even, and it has mostly warm letters, which are nice [I dont like cold numbers or odd numbers]. It means something to do with religion, which is ironic cause im probably going to end up in hell anyway. None of my close friends call me it anyway, I'm usually referred to ell although i wouldn't mind more people calling me tori or jane, which are all names I've taken from characters i like. Tori/victoria from Solitaire, Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone, my favourite musical, and the genderbent version of Edd from eddsworld Ell. [who I have since claimed as my own character]..it feels silly but when i find somthing or somone i can really relate to i desire to have some sense of similairty of closeness with them wich i find the easist to achive with name, albeit it has created this sort of affect where i feel i have no real name at all. Although theres only 3 I've really taken on I've been told that i have lots of actual names that my parenrs have aince forgotten with of course the addition of the various ways to say my name and the english version. But if im being honest, im not sure I'll ever have a name that will ever fit me, meaning or sound wise. I guess that it's my fate to be nameless and avoid any proper recognition, and so in addition to my void, i can now add a blank sheet signed "nameless."[Not my art]

It's kind of psthetic, but the majority of my life is just living in a made-up world of things that will never happen. Every day all the time constantly all im ever doing is daydreaming no matter what I'm doing my head is up in the clouds somtimes about the past futue or possible outcomes but ny mind never seens to be in the present. Sometimes , I wonder how often my mind is somewhere else, and I'll abruptly stop what im thinking about and look back on how long my mind was elsewhere. Usually, i can't remember, so it's kind of pointless. It feels quite silly that simple things Ive made up in my head can result in such diffrent emotions, to the olunt i can often atart crying of giggling from glee like an idoit..if it hasnt become apparant i make alot of stuff in my head and then get sad about it. I dont really know why i do it.. maybe as an escape from reality kr as an escape from myself, but in my heads world, everything is always better..the people, the romance, the scenery, just reality in general. Day dreaming fills my empty head with a possibility of a different reality. It's calming in a way. I often start smiling and giggling in public about things no one else thinks about. Sometimes i daydream of things i hope will happen. Like falling of a building or fainting and going into a coma in the middle of class. Or being famous or something.... I often think that I ponder on life so much that I take away possibilities from god.[Not my art]

Winter is Nye:

Winter is coming.

"Winter is coming?"

..."Winter is coming!!"

Falling from the above camparible To the petals of lily valleys being scattered about.

Falling from the sky

Snow as white as the miser himself

comes down like the wallowing

of a tearful goodbye.

The sun shines no longer as

winter is Nye

Somewhere far away a person

Dances waiting for there love

A stream hums gently nearby

All alone in the pearly snow

The beauty something I will never get enough

The winter makes one's heart grow cold

Snow flakes cover Your tounge With frost

Flowers covered in snow to be lost

Dears and bears prance about

Trying to find shelter to rest

A snowflake falls upon you winters kiss.

Winter hath come a snowfall bliss

I really love my husband, wilbur. That's about it.[Were married on discord]

I feel very insecure in my feminity. Ever since I've started going to "..." I've noticed that as feminine as i like to be, compared to the other girls, I look quite like a boy. They all have long hair and nice boobs with big butts and things like that. My hair used to be longer, but i started to pick it out because there was always oil and things stuck in it, which made me feel a little disgusting. Once in engineering, a kid looked straight at me for a full minute and went, "I honestly can't tell if it's a boy or a girl." It. As if i was an object. (People who use it/its pronouns are totally valid) It didn't bother me at first, but it started to later on. I dont have long hair or long flowy eyelashes.. I dont have a nice curvy body or anything that counts as "Feminine." To be fair i used to be a wannabe masc so i guess he wasnt that far off but now I like to be as elegant and girly as possible [although i never get the chance to] so i guess it just bothered me. I even got told i look like I'd be a tomboy, and when i said "i like Maxi Dresses," he went "oh," so that didn't help much. I dont know why it bothered me so much.. I want to be looked at and seen as a beautifully haunting person. Even if i can't be seen as beautiful, I wouldn't want to be seen as a tomboy. Not even just that, but all the girls in my school wear their shirts as if they have to cling on to them for dear life or something while im here in my baggy shirt and sweat pants. For as long as i can remember, I really never knew how i wanted to dress or look. That is, of course, until i figured out what an aesthetic was and had a slight identity crisis, but I'd quite like to be seen as feminine. I dont particularly want to feel or be seen as a boy.. if you dont want to be seen as one, it kinda sucks. I very rarely look back on when i used to be a wannabe masc but i do remember on how i was barely sure i wanted to be like that and I'm still not completely sure if i want to be like who i am now.[Not my art]

I want to experience a million realities in one. I often wonder what my life would be like if i had made different actions if i had made different choices, different desires, and goals. I feel quite tethered to my universe sometimes, i mean.... I've just made these choices, and that's it, i can never go back, never un do never see what might have been? It feels funny that everything you do once you do it is just set in stone. My name is [......] but i dont quite like my name, so you can call me Ell,Victoria,Tori, or Jane. I've claimed lots of names as you can see, none of them being mine. But back to what i was saying, why must everything be how it is? Why must everything just....be? As much as my will to do anything has died, i still bere fading interests. I want there to be a reality where im a teacher, a poet, an author, a jazz artist, a painter, an illustrator why must I be a tired girl who cant acheive anything or do anything at all. If it's not become apparant, i have many dying interests. I think the only one im still passionate about is writing....and reading.. that's about it. Not even just passions and hobbies why cant there be a reality where i have longer hair, smaller eyes, a nicer body, more feminine features? Why are we tethered to one body one mind one reality? It seems like a rather silly question if you believe in past lives, but even those dont fufill what I mean. Even if i was all these things in another universe, im destined not to remember them. It doesn't matter much i guess. I dont feel in tune with any of those things anyway. I dont quite know what i want from the world because if i were to rembember all these other lifes I'd probably go crazy in worry about the next one but then again im already borderlining on crazy so whats one more reality with it?[Not my art]