Every So Often, I Get Slightly Tiered If Asking People If They Are Okay, I Want To Help People I Do,

Glass bottles [Tw Blood]

When I was little, i had these plastic glass bottles

The first thing I did was spit my blood inside

I watched it sloth around as the cork got stained with red

I liked looking at my blood it was like a part of myself I woefully shed

My own blood I had decided to hide away and store.

My own blood, I let rot along, soaking into the cork.

Days later, i was going to eat it but saw the blood dried and faded almost dead

It was on the sides and screw this horrible brown colour, almost the embodyment of dread

Yet i still cleaned it out and ate it

My desperation is unmet.[Not my art] [character poem]

I've always really liked the rain. I don't know why so many people think of it as a sort of burden. It's quite corny, but I'd like to just sit in the rain and hear it hit the top of my umbrella as i read or listen to music or something. I like to come up with reasons as to why we have the rain [of course, I know the scientific reason but the fantasy ones are so much more fun] My favourite one is the rain comes from the weeping of a villain who's just found their town destroyed they expected to be the hero but along the way, they were broken till they got blindsided by their goal, without realizing they were the downfall of their once lovely town. I think the rain is quite romantic, to be honest. All the most meaningful moments im movies usually happen in the rain or witt a rain like atmosphere at least. I would rather enjoy the sound of it on Windows, too. It's soothing in a way.. Lots of people say they hate the rain and that's fine but who hasnt sat in a car on a long drive watching the trees cars and the world pass by them as the rain falls almost In slow motion tapping on the car and windows lightly.. it's corny, I know, but still. I like to put on soft music and listen to it and the rain. It's also just very calming when you're busy working or writing. Has anyone ever taken a good look at the rain? oh, to sit in a room and stare as the raindrops slide down your window. Sometimes, I imagine that the raindrops are in a sort of race, and I start rooting for one, but then my raindrop starts and is losing. I go onto another one like abt sleazy manager would. I know that's quite silly, but I quite like it, i guess. I'm fine with liking the rain, although lots of kids say it gives the main character syndrome, which makes me want to drop dead. I wish I could go out in the rain and sit quietly and read even if it's just for a split second. Most people would call me cringe as if just letting me enjoy what I like is so hard. They'll say it's pick-me behaviour when people want to dance in the rain wich I don't get why, I think Dancing in the Rain looks quite therapeutic- of course with a raincoat and a sweater on. people should try it rather than judging others for wanting to do it. Rain is lovely, and I will stand by that opinion until the day that I finally die. The villain would, too.[Not my art]

When I like or relate to a character enough, I'll often take their name and use it for myself. Im not quite sure why i do this if im being honest, I dont do it very often to but when i find a character, i really love. i can't help but want to be like them. i dont like my name at all. It has no elegance or interest in it or anything remarkably nice about it. "......" It's boring, but i suppose all names are after a while. It has 6 letters in it, which is a cold number, but it is even, and it has mostly warm letters, which are nice [I dont like cold numbers or odd numbers]. It means something to do with religion, which is ironic cause im probably going to end up in hell anyway. None of my close friends call me it anyway, I'm usually referred to ell although i wouldn't mind more people calling me tori or jane, which are all names I've taken from characters i like. Tori/victoria from Solitaire, Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone, my favourite musical, and the genderbent version of Edd from eddsworld Ell. [who I have since claimed as my own character]..it feels silly but when i find somthing or somone i can really relate to i desire to have some sense of similairty of closeness with them wich i find the easist to achive with name, albeit it has created this sort of affect where i feel i have no real name at all. Although theres only 3 I've really taken on I've been told that i have lots of actual names that my parenrs have aince forgotten with of course the addition of the various ways to say my name and the english version. But if im being honest, im not sure I'll ever have a name that will ever fit me, meaning or sound wise. I guess that it's my fate to be nameless and avoid any proper recognition, and so in addition to my void, i can now add a blank sheet signed "nameless."[Not my art]

Every so often my fast beating heart, hole in my stomach and reason for my ever lasting disdain comes back and I feel as though the world is collapsing in on itself as there is nothing I can do to help, so all I can do is wallow in my selfishly horrid misery accompanied by the lasting memory of where the present was not nie and I had no reason to be flocked with the thoughts of how selfishly drowned I am in my own feelings[Not my art]

“I don’t want people to be worried about me. There’s nothing to worry about. I don’t want people to try and understand why I’m the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that. And I don’t understand yet. I don’t want people to interfere. I don’t want people in my head, picking out this and that, permanently picking up the broken pieces of me.”

- Tori Spring, Solitaire (2014)

I think I'm more inclined to help my freinds and such than they are to help me. Even if it is paranoia that leads it I fel like I always ask if there okay when there off and try my best to help writing them essays and tips on how to help getting them to talk to me and coaching then through it but I can't remember the last time any of them matched that kind of care. I feel shitty for saying it, but after a while, you start to notice these things. I'm not very inclined to ask for help, and the few times I have done, I just apologised every single time, but even simply having someone acknowledge that you're not okay still feels quite nice. Amd whats worse is that im never okay Ive seemed to say this many times and yet no one cares to respond but for once in my life I want somone watching there tone, making sure they seem happy and going out of there way to not upset them and constantly asking if there okay to me. For once, I want to feel like they care for me as much as i care for them. Even just once.[Not my art]

Posted this on tiktok but wanted to share it here too. Pls pls pls interact rtc fandom 🙏🙏

I really love my husband, wilbur. That's about it.[Were married on discord]

Every so often, I am reminded of my dysfunctional brain as it scrambles to remember thoughts that I feel that I do not have anymore and have lost in the deep sea of changing desires and misery and Like my sanity my brain is slowly decaying with every passing day as I have denied myself a rose coloured life and wallow in the tainted window of my own self reflection and hinder on every small detail of every small thing I did to mess up. Everything in the world is my fault. If I can't save everyone, then I dont deserve saving.[Not my art]

when is your birthday :)?

April the 18th :DD thank you for the question :DD